Guest guest Posted October 21, 2011 Report Share Posted October 21, 2011 My Nada sent me a nice text message after months of NC. What do I do? My husband thinks I should respond back nicely. I think that responding will only get her foot back in my door. The whole point of NC was to have her be pushed into therapy, which she is resisting, having fired 2 therapists in the last few months. What would you do? I haven't answered the text yet, but I'm sure some of you out there have experienced this and I'm curious to know what turned out best for you. Thanks, N Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 21, 2011 Report Share Posted October 21, 2011 I chose to not respond to my nada's phone calls and letters, but that's me. You get to decide how you want to manage your relationship with your nada; you get to set the rules of engagement. One option is that you could respond to her text simply with a reminder of what your boundary is. " Hello nada. Because you have not stayed in therapy, I am not ready to resume contact with you. After you have been in therapy for 6 months straight, we can discuss resuming contact. " This is about what YOU feel comfortable doing, now. Its OK to protect yourself from someone who chronically and repeatedly tears you down and tries to hurt you; it does not make you a bad person to just step away from someone who is abusive to you. You get to say, " Treat me with the same simple kindness and respect you'd show any other fellow human being, that's my bottom-line. If you want to discuss a difference of opinion with me, if you are angry at me, then we can discuss it like two rational, reasonable adults. Call me names, rage at me, verbally abuse me, attempt to use fear, obligation or guilt to manipulate me, physically assault or threaten me, make suicide threats, stalk and harass me.... and that's a deal-breaker. " Or whatever YOUR bottom-line, deal-breaker rules of engagement are. That' my take on it. -Annie > > > My Nada sent me a nice text message after months of NC. What do I do? My husband thinks I should respond back nicely. I think that responding will only get her foot back in my door. The whole point of NC was to have her be pushed into therapy, which she is resisting, having fired 2 therapists in the last few months. What would you do? I haven't answered the text yet, but I'm sure some of you out there have experienced this and I'm curious to know what turned out best for you. > > Thanks, > N > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 21, 2011 Report Share Posted October 21, 2011 Hoover alert! If you truely want to go NC, I'd look up Randi's definition of NC. I read it every once in a while. NC means no gifts, no texts, no birthday cards, no emails, no responses. Just don't respond As Annie said, if you don't choose NC, that's ok. Its different for everyone. NC is the best choice for me. And by the way, my parents no longer have my phone number. . so . . . that's also an option. HUGS and good luck, I know that scary feeling. I know it well. On Fri, Oct 21, 2011 at 9:14 AM, anuria67854 wrote: > ** > > > I chose to not respond to my nada's phone calls and letters, but that's me. > You get to decide how you want to manage your relationship with your nada; > you get to set the rules of engagement. > > One option is that you could respond to her text simply with a reminder of > what your boundary is. " Hello nada. Because you have not stayed in therapy, > I am not ready to resume contact with you. After you have been in therapy > for 6 months straight, we can discuss resuming contact. " > > This is about what YOU feel comfortable doing, now. Its OK to protect > yourself from someone who chronically and repeatedly tears you down and > tries to hurt you; it does not make you a bad person to just step away from > someone who is abusive to you. > > You get to say, " Treat me with the same simple kindness and respect you'd > show any other fellow human being, that's my bottom-line. If you want to > discuss a difference of opinion with me, if you are angry at me, then we can > discuss it like two rational, reasonable adults. Call me names, rage at me, > verbally abuse me, attempt to use fear, obligation or guilt to manipulate > me, physically assault or threaten me, make suicide threats, stalk and > harass me.... and that's a deal-breaker. " > > Or whatever YOUR bottom-line, deal-breaker rules of engagement are. > > That' my take on it. > > -Annie > > > > > > > > > My Nada sent me a nice text message after months of NC. What do I do? My > husband thinks I should respond back nicely. I think that responding will > only get her foot back in my door. The whole point of NC was to have her be > pushed into therapy, which she is resisting, having fired 2 therapists in > the last few months. What would you do? I haven't answered the text yet, but > I'm sure some of you out there have experienced this and I'm curious to know > what turned out best for you. > > > > Thanks, > > N > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 21, 2011 Report Share Posted October 21, 2011 > >The whole point of NC was to have her be pushed into therapy, which she is resisting... What I hear you saying is that your limit is that you do not want to talk with her until she is committed to therapy. If that's the case, there is no reason to respond. Lots of nadas pull out the sweet-as-sugar act when they're trying to get us to come back; after a while, they go back to their same old mean ways. The earlier poster's advice to look up " hoovering " is good. Your husband may mean well, but I don't think he knows what he's dealing with. It isn't rude not to respond when you've made it clear you will only communicate under certain conditions (in this case, that your mother is in therapy). Your nada's text sounds like a typical BPD maneuver, designed to make you want her back. BTW, if you are NC, how are you going to know if she's committed to treatment? Will she have her T contact you? SVA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 21, 2011 Report Share Posted October 21, 2011 N., If NC was your choice, I'd ignore the text message and pretend it never happened. If she hasn't gotten extensive therapy, there's almost no chance that she's changed for the better. Nadas are usually quite capable of acting nice for a short time if they figure that's the only way to suck you back in. They're very good at playing whatever part is called for to get what they want and what she wants is almost certainly for you to resume contact and be her victim again. At 10:23 AM 10/21/2011 N wrote: >My Nada sent me a nice text message after months of NC. What do >I do? My husband thinks I should respond back nicely. I think >that responding will only get her foot back in my door. The >whole point of NC was to have her be pushed into therapy, which >she is resisting, having fired 2 therapists in the last few >months. What would you do? I haven't answered the text yet, but >I'm sure some of you out there have experienced this and I'm >curious to know what turned out best for you. > >Thanks, >N -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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