I just spoke with my nada on the phone

[Guest guest]

My Sister called me to say that she was going to be taking our nada in for

another psychiatric appointment in a little while, to have nada's meds

evaluated, and Sister wanted to catch me up on nada's current status. Sister

said that nada's hallucinations are back and she tries to follow them around,

and ends up hurting herself to the point of needing stitches. Sister says

nada's skin is pretty frail now, like tissue paper and she is injured by bumps

that probably would not have left a bruise earlier in her life.

Nada is apparently still a stubborn person and does not want to use her walker,

so she ends up falling and hurting herself. Sister told me the nursing staff

has moved nada back into the Alzheimer's unit during the day so they can keep a

closer watch on her movements; maybe they can encourage nada to use her walker

more.

Sister asked me if I would speak with nada on the phone later when Sister was

driving nada to her appointment, and I said OK. Sister called me back about a

half-hour later.

The voice I heard was so different from the nada-voice I am used to hearing, and

even different from the time I visited her and Sister in person briefly a little

over a year ago.

Nada sounded so whispery and weak, like she wasn't getting enough air. She

asked me where I am; I said I'm at home working. Nada asked " In... (my state)? "

I said yes, I'm working at home in my US state. " Nada paused, then said, " Good

for you. " I couldn't make out her emotional state, but she sounded

preoccupied. She was; nada's paranoia and need for control had surfaced; nada

said she could not talk to me because she had to watch Sister's driving; Sister

was going way too fast, (according to nada.) Nada let out a few bleats of

" Watch Out! " and " Oh My God! " At least now nada is too frail and slow to

attempt to grab the steering wheel away from Sister (and me,) like she used to .

I reassured nada that Sister is an excellent driver, very safe, and nada would

be fine. I said I was sorry to hear that nada had had a couple of falls and to

take care of herself and use her walker more often. Nada said OK. Then nada

said she needed to go; I told her " I love you " and she said it back to me.

So.... wow. I feel good that I was able to talk to nada, and that nada was

being about as pleasant and positive as its possible for her to be. I felt

sorry for Sister, who seemed to be taking nada's paranoia, fearfulness and

controlling behaviors in stride. I think my Sister is a living saint.

So, I thought I'd share that with you guys. I just was NOT able to make myself

call nada on my own, but I was able to speak with her for my Sister's sake,

because Sister wanted me to. And I do feel pity for nada who seems to be fading

away rather rapidly now. At least nada's hallucinations are mostly happy ones,

according to Sister.

And so far, I don't feel like I'm going to have an attack of Meniere's

Disease-like symptoms this time (just a slight headache is developing and a

little ear-ringing, but not a lot) probably because I'm not boiling mad at

being " ambushed. " I chose to speak to nada, and I do feel pity for her frailty

and dependence and being so out of touch with reality. So, I guess there is

hope that my basic humanity and capacity to feel compassion for nada has not

totally been leached away.

-Annie