Guest guest Posted October 25, 2011 Report Share Posted October 25, 2011 Hi All, I was mulling over my endless struggles with weight and overeating yesterday, when I went back in my head to when I first started doing it. I was a tiny child, less than 5 years old. I remember trying to get attention and love from Nada. I went to her repeatedly for some affection, and I remember feeling so empty and unsatisfied with our interaction. I was " hungry " for some affection and nada just pushed me aside. That's when I decided that I must be hungry,so I went to the cookie tin which was kept in the low cupboard, easy for me to reach. I ate a handful of sugar cookies and felt better. I believe that was the beginning of a lifetime of struggles with food. Yesterday I asked myself, " Am I still eating nada's BPD? " Now that I'm an adult and feel unsatisfied with any part of my life, I have the ability to find solutions other than food. But in some situations, I still react like child.. Is anybody else out there " eating Nada's BPD? " AFB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 25, 2011 Report Share Posted October 25, 2011 Heck yes. My nada has always prided herself on being able to be smaller than anybody else, I take after my dad's family. And even though I'm 45 the more she harps at me for my weight, the more I choose creamy sauces and cookies. My drs. want me to drop 50 pounds but so far I haven't been able to. However, the way you put it might help me, I need to take control. ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Tuesday, October 25, 2011 8:41 AM Subject: Eating Nada's BPD  Hi All, I was mulling over my endless struggles with weight and overeating yesterday, when I went back in my head to when I first started doing it. I was a tiny child, less than 5 years old. I remember trying to get attention and love from Nada. I went to her repeatedly for some affection, and I remember feeling so empty and unsatisfied with our interaction. I was " hungry " for some affection and nada just pushed me aside. That's when I decided that I must be hungry,so I went to the cookie tin which was kept in the low cupboard, easy for me to reach. I ate a handful of sugar cookies and felt better. I believe that was the beginning of a lifetime of struggles with food. Yesterday I asked myself, " Am I still eating nada's BPD? " Now that I'm an adult and feel unsatisfied with any part of my life, I have the ability to find solutions other than food. But in some situations, I still react like child.. Is anybody else out there " eating Nada's BPD? " AFB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 25, 2011 Report Share Posted October 25, 2011 I think that attempting to cope with my nada's abnormal, extreme, unpredictable and hyper-controlling behaviors was and is still a real factor in my lifelong issues with food. As a small child I was deemed " too thin " . It was due to being nervous and anxious and fearing mealtime because nada was into forcing me to eat things I didn't want to eat, and I mean to the point of being screamed at and hit at the table. She finally stopped torturing me at mealtimes after she forced me to eat something with multiple textures that actually caused me to gag and I felt like I was choking, and spontaneously vomited right there at the table. Since nada hated messiness worse than anything she finally stopped physically forcing me to eat things I didn't want to eat, and substituted verbal shaming and humiliating me for being " sensitive " and for causing her more work (in preparing meals; but she would not teach me to cook or let me prepare my own food.) As a teen I was deemed " too fat " although I had finally gained a normal weight, but out of fear of becoming fat I began binging and purging. Nada herself admitted that when both Sister and I were little and we were upset and crying over something she'd " shove a cookie in your mouth to stop you crying " instead of just comforting us. When I finally moved out of my parents' home and lived alone to finish college and begin working in my chosen field, I became truly obese out of fear of intimacy. I've yo-yo'ed up and down ever since, mostly staying obese with alternating periods of achieving a normal weight briefly, then gaining it all back again, and more. So, yes, I can totally relate to the title of your thread. -Annie > > Hi All, > I was mulling over my endless struggles with weight and overeating yesterday, when I went back in my head to when I first started doing it. I was a tiny child, less than 5 years old. I remember trying to get attention and love from Nada. I went to her repeatedly for some affection, and I remember feeling so empty and unsatisfied with our interaction. I was " hungry " for some affection and nada just pushed me aside. That's when I decided that I must be hungry,so I went to the cookie tin which was kept in the low cupboard, easy for me to reach. I ate a handful of sugar cookies and felt better. I believe that was the beginning of a lifetime of struggles with food. > > Yesterday I asked myself, " Am I still eating nada's BPD? " Now that I'm an adult and feel unsatisfied with any part of my life, I have the ability to find solutions other than food. But in some situations, I still react like child.. Is anybody else out there " eating Nada's BPD? " > AFB > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 25, 2011 Report Share Posted October 25, 2011 This one really hit home with me. > > Hi All, > I was mulling over my endless struggles with weight and overeating yesterday, when I went back in my head to when I first started doing it. I was a tiny child, less than 5 years old. I remember trying to get attention and love from Nada. I went to her repeatedly for some affection, and I remember feeling so empty and unsatisfied with our interaction. I was " hungry " for some affection and nada just pushed me aside. That's when I decided that I must be hungry,so I went to the cookie tin which was kept in the low cupboard, easy for me to reach. I ate a handful of sugar cookies and felt better. I believe that was the beginning of a lifetime of struggles with food. > > Yesterday I asked myself, " Am I still eating nada's BPD? " Now that I'm an adult and feel unsatisfied with any part of my life, I have the ability to find solutions other than food. But in some situations, I still react like child.. Is anybody else out there " eating Nada's BPD? " > AFB > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 26, 2011 Report Share Posted October 26, 2011 hi AFB, yes, this has been a lifelong issue for me. I have to agree with you, that for me as well, food has equalled love and comfort for a very long time. my therapist asked me to think about times when i would eat compulsively in my youth. i remember that happening mostly when i would come home to an empty apt. even if my parents had been home, their company was my mother prattling on about her family or something that happened to her at work and my father in deep silence, watching tv or reading. there really was no engagement or affection. i remembered the other day an incident that demonstrated my mother's problem with showing affection (not that this incident directly involves food but...) -- we were at church and there was a mother and daughter sitting in front of us. The daughter had her head on her mother's shoulder. It looked so nice to me. I wished i could share her mother's shoulder with her. So I took the chance and put my head on my mother's shoulder. She shook it off and told me to stop copying them. Anyway, AFB, I know my need for food is connected for me to comfort. So I try to find other ways to comfort myself: holding yarn, essential oils make me happy... Many times, I still go for the food, but it's happening less these days, esp as I have less frequent contact with my mother. It's interesting how you said you still react like a child. I totally get that. And you'll notice the things that comfort me (other than food) are so basic: the feel of soft yarn; sweet, happy fragrances, things children like. Yeah, I hear you. Geneen Roth's books are excellent on this topic. It sounds like you're already doing some good work/digging in this area. Fiona > > Hi All, > I was mulling over my endless struggles with weight and overeating yesterday, when I went back in my head to when I first started doing it. I was a tiny child, less than 5 years old. I remember trying to get attention and love from Nada. I went to her repeatedly for some affection, and I remember feeling so empty and unsatisfied with our interaction. I was " hungry " for some affection and nada just pushed me aside. That's when I decided that I must be hungry,so I went to the cookie tin which was kept in the low cupboard, easy for me to reach. I ate a handful of sugar cookies and felt better. I believe that was the beginning of a lifetime of struggles with food. > > Yesterday I asked myself, " Am I still eating nada's BPD? " Now that I'm an adult and feel unsatisfied with any part of my life, I have the ability to find solutions other than food. But in some situations, I still react like child.. Is anybody else out there " eating Nada's BPD? " > AFB > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 26, 2011 Report Share Posted October 26, 2011 Fiona!!! That is so funny that you tried out the shoulder thing. I bet you weren't even surprised when she shook you off. I think its darling that you tried. And I love the " Don't copy them! " reaction. LORD! > ** > > > hi AFB, > > yes, this has been a lifelong issue for me. I have to agree with you, that > for me as well, food has equalled love and comfort for a very long time. > > my therapist asked me to think about times when i would eat compulsively in > my youth. i remember that happening mostly when i would come home to an > empty apt. > > even if my parents had been home, their company was my mother prattling on > about her family or something that happened to her at work and my father in > deep silence, watching tv or reading. there really was no engagement or > affection. > > i remembered the other day an incident that demonstrated my mother's > problem with showing affection (not that this incident directly involves > food but...) -- we were at church and there was a mother and daughter > sitting in front of us. The daughter had her head on her mother's shoulder. > It looked so nice to me. I wished i could share her mother's shoulder with > her. So I took the chance and put my head on my mother's shoulder. She shook > it off and told me to stop copying them. > > Anyway, AFB, I know my need for food is connected for me to comfort. So I > try to find other ways to comfort myself: holding yarn, essential oils make > me happy... Many times, I still go for the food, but it's happening less > these days, esp as I have less frequent contact with my mother. > > It's interesting how you said you still react like a child. I totally get > that. And you'll notice the things that comfort me (other than food) are so > basic: the feel of soft yarn; sweet, happy fragrances, things children like. > Yeah, I hear you. > > Geneen Roth's books are excellent on this topic. It sounds like you're > already doing some good work/digging in this area. > > Fiona > > > > > > > Hi All, > > I was mulling over my endless struggles with weight and overeating > yesterday, when I went back in my head to when I first started doing it. I > was a tiny child, less than 5 years old. I remember trying to get attention > and love from Nada. I went to her repeatedly for some affection, and I > remember feeling so empty and unsatisfied with our interaction. I was > " hungry " for some affection and nada just pushed me aside. That's when I > decided that I must be hungry,so I went to the cookie tin which was kept in > the low cupboard, easy for me to reach. I ate a handful of sugar cookies and > felt better. I believe that was the beginning of a lifetime of struggles > with food. > > > > Yesterday I asked myself, " Am I still eating nada's BPD? " Now that I'm an > adult and feel unsatisfied with any part of my life, I have the ability to > find solutions other than food. But in some situations, I still react like > child.. Is anybody else out there " eating Nada's BPD? " > > AFB > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 26, 2011 Report Share Posted October 26, 2011 Hi Girlscout, Fiona, echobabe, Annie and , Thanks for the validation. I haven't hard of Geneen Roth's books but I'll check them out. It just makes so much sense that the emotional emptiness of a BPD mother would result in a child overeating. My portions are more moderate now that I've had my little " epiphany. " While I don't think that awareness can do everything (there has to be some footwork too), it helps to remember that lots of times this feeling is NOT hunger, but I'm transferring the feeling to translate that way. I wish everybody healthy, happy eating, AFB > > > > Hi All, > > I was mulling over my endless struggles with weight and overeating yesterday, when I went back in my head to when I first started doing it. I was a tiny child, less than 5 years old. I remember trying to get attention and love from Nada. I went to her repeatedly for some affection, and I remember feeling so empty and unsatisfied with our interaction. I was " hungry " for some affection and nada just pushed me aside. That's when I decided that I must be hungry,so I went to the cookie tin which was kept in the low cupboard, easy for me to reach. I ate a handful of sugar cookies and felt better. I believe that was the beginning of a lifetime of struggles with food. > > > > Yesterday I asked myself, " Am I still eating nada's BPD? " Now that I'm an adult and feel unsatisfied with any part of my life, I have the ability to find solutions other than food. But in some situations, I still react like child.. Is anybody else out there " eating Nada's BPD? " > > AFB > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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