Nada moving to South America

[Guest guest]

So I should be rejoicing right?

I would say please excuse the sarcastic sounding post but none of you will

think a thing of it, you all understand!

Nada has been to south america a couple of times in the last 2 years and after

the first trip started spouting she was going to move there permanently to do

mission work. I was like yeah yeah good luck finding your support, you're nearly

60 years old. But somehow in the last year, she has managed to sucker in quite a

few people into her " ministry " and supposedly now has garnered enough money from

other people's pockets to take off on her " work of a lifetime " . She made a big

announcement to me on her birthday and tried to sound really sad she was leaving

but it was such a fake attempt to sound sad I wanted to vomit.

I am having my second child next spring. I have been LC with my mom for about

5-6 months, which has changed my life in ways I never imagined (in a good way!).

So why am I feeling so angry about all of this? I should be happy right? She is

leaving 2 weeks before Christmas. She kept waiting for me to burst into tears

and beg her not to go but I never did. All I said was " So I guess you won't be

meeting this baby? " to which she replied without emotion - " I have to be over

there before January and its really hard for me.....but we have Skype! " . Ummm,

whatya want me to do put a webcam in the delivery room? Are you effin nuts? she

acts like she's moving across town. And made the comment that she was quitting

her job end of November and would spend the 2 weeks before she flies out with

family. I was thinking " not with this family " but didn't say it.

I know most of you are going to say she is probably lying and fabricating her

move just to get attention but without going into a long story, I have good

reason to believe she is not. She has been quite successful with this plan to

live off of other people's donations so far.

I feel really shit on. I should expect for her to not give a shit about me, my

baby, my daughter or my life. But up until a year ago, when I had my wake up

call to how crazy she really was and started backing away from her, she acted

like she did want to be in my life. Now I am nothing. if I can't " need " her and

act like she is Queen of Sheba, I am useless to her. Pretty hard to swallow even

if I do know the truth about BPD.

She acts like it is her life's work to help this 3rd world country and only you

guys would understand me when I say she has no desire to truly help these people

- she is motivated to live there because they are destitute and worship the

ground she walks on and fill up her narcississtic tank of need.

She is building up for a huge finale before she leaves, I can sense it. She

already had a dramatic talk with one of my brothers where she pretty much said

she was going over there to die, like a martyr, and would never see us again.

Being pregnant is about as vulnerable as a woman can get in her life

emotionally. I am thankful for a mother in law who has been a mother to me. But

watching my mom walk away before the holidays and without giving a shit about

seeing her new grandchild is just a really hard blow.

I know I should be celebrating - so why can't I?

[Guest guest]

You can't celebrate because you know it is another manipulation. And because

a " real " mom would leave after your delivery, if at all.

Can you bow out? Fabricate pregancy complications that force you to hide in

a cave until after she is gone? Maybe some kind of highly contagious

disease? Half kidding, but At LEAST half serious here.

> **

>

>

> So I should be rejoicing right?

>

> I would say please excuse the sarcastic sounding post but none of you will

> think a thing of it, you all understand!

>

> Nada has been to south america a couple of times in the last 2 years and

> after the first trip started spouting she was going to move there

> permanently to do mission work. I was like yeah yeah good luck finding your

> support, you're nearly 60 years old. But somehow in the last year, she has

> managed to sucker in quite a few people into her " ministry " and supposedly

> now has garnered enough money from other people's pockets to take off on her

> " work of a lifetime " . She made a big announcement to me on her birthday and

> tried to sound really sad she was leaving but it was such a fake attempt to

> sound sad I wanted to vomit.

>

> I am having my second child next spring. I have been LC with my mom for

> about 5-6 months, which has changed my life in ways I never imagined (in a

> good way!).

>

> So why am I feeling so angry about all of this? I should be happy right?

> She is leaving 2 weeks before Christmas. She kept waiting for me to burst

> into tears and beg her not to go but I never did. All I said was " So I guess

> you won't be meeting this baby? " to which she replied without emotion - " I

> have to be over there before January and its really hard for me.....but we

> have Skype! " . Ummm, whatya want me to do put a webcam in the delivery room?

> Are you effin nuts? she acts like she's moving across town. And made the

> comment that she was quitting her job end of November and would spend the 2

> weeks before she flies out with family. I was thinking " not with this

> family " but didn't say it.

>

> I know most of you are going to say she is probably lying and fabricating

> her move just to get attention but without going into a long story, I have

> good reason to believe she is not. She has been quite successful with this

> plan to live off of other people's donations so far.

>

> I feel really shit on. I should expect for her to not give a shit about me,

> my baby, my daughter or my life. But up until a year ago, when I had my wake

> up call to how crazy she really was and started backing away from her, she

> acted like she did want to be in my life. Now I am nothing. if I can't

> " need " her and act like she is Queen of Sheba, I am useless to her. Pretty

> hard to swallow even if I do know the truth about BPD.

> She acts like it is her life's work to help this 3rd world country and only

> you guys would understand me when I say she has no desire to truly help

> these people - she is motivated to live there because they are destitute and

> worship the ground she walks on and fill up her narcississtic tank of need.

> She is building up for a huge finale before she leaves, I can sense it. She

> already had a dramatic talk with one of my brothers where she pretty much

> said she was going over there to die, like a martyr, and would never see us

> again.

>

> Being pregnant is about as vulnerable as a woman can get in her life

> emotionally. I am thankful for a mother in law who has been a mother to me.

> But watching my mom walk away before the holidays and without giving a shit

> about seeing her new grandchild is just a really hard blow.

>

> I know I should be celebrating - so why can't I?

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I think its because no matter how much we put up with somewhere deep down inside

we hope our nadas will change and show us the love they never did.   Look at

the bright side, at least  she won't be tracking down to the minute how long 

your MIL is with the baby vs her. 

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Thursday, October 27, 2011 6:08 AM

Subject: Nada moving to South America

 

So I should be rejoicing right?

I would say please excuse the sarcastic sounding post but none of you will think

a thing of it, you all understand!

Nada has been to south america a couple of times in the last 2 years and after

the first trip started spouting she was going to move there permanently to do

mission work. I was like yeah yeah good luck finding your support, you're nearly

60 years old. But somehow in the last year, she has managed to sucker in quite a

few people into her " ministry " and supposedly now has garnered enough money from

other people's pockets to take off on her " work of a lifetime " . She made a big

announcement to me on her birthday and tried to sound really sad she was leaving

but it was such a fake attempt to sound sad I wanted to vomit.

I am having my second child next spring. I have been LC with my mom for about

5-6 months, which has changed my life in ways I never imagined (in a good way!).

So why am I feeling so angry about all of this? I should be happy right? She is

leaving 2 weeks before Christmas. She kept waiting for me to burst into tears

and beg her not to go but I never did. All I said was " So I guess you won't be

meeting this baby? " to which she replied without emotion - " I have to be over

there before January and its really hard for me.....but we have Skype! " . Ummm,

whatya want me to do put a webcam in the delivery room? Are you effin nuts? she

acts like she's moving across town. And made the comment that she was quitting

her job end of November and would spend the 2 weeks before she flies out with

family. I was thinking " not with this family " but didn't say it.

I know most of you are going to say she is probably lying and fabricating her

move just to get attention but without going into a long story, I have good

reason to believe she is not. She has been quite successful with this plan to

live off of other people's donations so far.

I feel really shit on. I should expect for her to not give a shit about me, my

baby, my daughter or my life. But up until a year ago, when I had my wake up

call to how crazy she really was and started backing away from her, she acted

like she did want to be in my life. Now I am nothing. if I can't " need " her and

act like she is Queen of Sheba, I am useless to her. Pretty hard to swallow even

if I do know the truth about BPD.

She acts like it is her life's work to help this 3rd world country and only you

guys would understand me when I say she has no desire to truly help these people

- she is motivated to live there because they are destitute and worship the

ground she walks on and fill up her narcississtic tank of need.

She is building up for a huge finale before she leaves, I can sense it. She

already had a dramatic talk with one of my brothers where she pretty much said

she was going over there to die, like a martyr, and would never see us again.

Being pregnant is about as vulnerable as a woman can get in her life

emotionally. I am thankful for a mother in law who has been a mother to me. But

watching my mom walk away before the holidays and without giving a shit about

seeing her new grandchild is just a really hard blow.

I know I should be celebrating - so why can't I?

[Guest guest]

Big Sister,

I can think of a couple of possibilities for why you aren't

rejoicing. One is that you had some small amount of hope that

she'd change and act like a real mother when your child was

born. By leaving the country and moving so far away before you

give birth, she's totally destroyed that small hope. She's

rubbing her lack of care for you in your face. Of course that

makes you feel upset and angry.

Another possibility is that you know that this is all a play for

attention on her part and that even though it sounds like it

will get her out of your life, she'll somehow find a way to use

it to get what she wants from you. With my nada, even when she

does something that sounds good, there's often some bad

consequence for me to deal with. If your nada is manipulating

people into supporting her move, at some point they're likely to

have a falling out with her when they realize she isn't what

they thought she was. That could cause a lot of drama.

At 06:08 AM 10/27/2011 big_sister_03 wrote:

>So I should be rejoicing right?

>

> I would say please excuse the sarcastic sounding post but

> none of you will think a thing of it, you all understand!

>

>Nada has been to south america a couple of times in the last 2

>years and after the first trip started spouting she was going

>to move there permanently to do mission work. I was like yeah

>yeah good luck finding your support, you're nearly 60 years

>old. But somehow in the last year, she has managed to sucker in

>quite a few people into her " ministry " and supposedly now has

>garnered enough money from other people's pockets to take off

>on her " work of a lifetime " . She made a big announcement to me

>on her birthday and tried to sound really sad she was leaving

>but it was such a fake attempt to sound sad I wanted to vomit.

>

>I am having my second child next spring. I have been LC with my

>mom for about 5-6 months, which has changed my life in ways I

>never imagined (in a good way!).

>

>So why am I feeling so angry about all of this? I should be

>happy right? She is leaving 2 weeks before Christmas. She kept

>waiting for me to burst into tears and beg her not to go but I

>never did. All I said was " So I guess you won't be meeting this

>baby? " to which she replied without emotion - " I have to be

>over there before January and its really hard for me.....but we

>have Skype! " . Ummm, whatya want me to do put a webcam in the

>delivery room? Are you effin nuts? she acts like she's moving

>across town. And made the comment that she was quitting her job

>end of November and would spend the 2 weeks before she flies

>out with family. I was thinking " not with this family " but

>didn't say it.

>

>

>I know most of you are going to say she is probably lying and

>fabricating her move just to get attention but without going

>into a long story, I have good reason to believe she is not.

>She has been quite successful with this plan to live off of

>other people's donations so far.

>

>

>I feel really shit on. I should expect for her to not give a

>shit about me, my baby, my daughter or my life. But up until a

>year ago, when I had my wake up call to how crazy she really

>was and started backing away from her, she acted like she did

>want to be in my life. Now I am nothing. if I can't " need " her

>and act like she is Queen of Sheba, I am useless to her. Pretty

>hard to swallow even if I do know the truth about BPD.

>She acts like it is her life's work to help this 3rd world

>country and only you guys would understand me when I say she

>has no desire to truly help these people - she is motivated to

>live there because they are destitute and worship the ground

>she walks on and fill up her narcississtic tank of need.

>She is building up for a huge finale before she leaves, I can

>sense it. She already had a dramatic talk with one of my

>brothers where she pretty much said she was going over there

>to die, like a martyr, and would never see us again.

>

>

>Being pregnant is about as vulnerable as a woman can get in her

>life emotionally. I am thankful for a mother in law who has

>been a mother to me. But watching my mom walk away before the

>holidays and without giving a shit about seeing her new

>grandchild is just a really hard blow.

>

>I know I should be celebrating - so why can't I?

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

(((((big sister)))))

I'm so sorry you're feeling bereft, and I agree with your analysis RE why your

nada is moving away: she needs massive amounts of narcissistic feed and has

figured out a rather dramatic and unique way to get it. (On the other hand

this could all be a huge fabrication designed to manipulate you into begging her

to stay... or it could turn out to be a very short visit to South America. Be

prepared to receive a letter or phone call begging you for plane fare to return

home, within a year or so.)

Our npd/bpd parents feel entitled to just do any self-serving, negative thing to

us that they feel like doing, and entitled to say any negative, critical,

hateful thing to us that they feel like saying, and then expect there to be NO

consequences: no hurt feelings, no pain. They treat us, their children as

though we are dolls or robot toys that lack human feelings. And they expect us

to treat them well in return.

A relationship with a borderline pd/narcissistic pd parent is mostly a one-way

relationship; the bpd/npds do virtually all the receiving and their kids do

virtually all the giving.

Or, its sort of like trying to have an adult relationship with a very spoiled 2

year old that is the size of an adult. But behaviors that are cute or at least

tolerable in a real toddler (because real toddlers are at least able to love you

back, and capable of growing out of their intensely narcissistic phase)... are

simply intolerable in an adult. At least, that's the way I personally feel

about it. I have so little tolerance now for babyish adults (Waif and Hermit

bpds) and adults who are bullies (Queen and Witch bpds.)

I hope you will be able to take comfort in the blessings you do have: a good,

kind, mentally healthy mother-in-law, and husband, and child, and the new little

on on the way.

Best wishes to you.

-Annie

>

> So I should be rejoicing right?

>

> I would say please excuse the sarcastic sounding post but none of you will

think a thing of it, you all understand!

>

> Nada has been to south america a couple of times in the last 2 years and after

the first trip started spouting she was going to move there permanently to do

mission work. I was like yeah yeah good luck finding your support, you're nearly

60 years old. But somehow in the last year, she has managed to sucker in quite a

few people into her " ministry " and supposedly now has garnered enough money from

other people's pockets to take off on her " work of a lifetime " . She made a big

announcement to me on her birthday and tried to sound really sad she was leaving

but it was such a fake attempt to sound sad I wanted to vomit.

>

> I am having my second child next spring. I have been LC with my mom for about

5-6 months, which has changed my life in ways I never imagined (in a good way!).

>

> So why am I feeling so angry about all of this? I should be happy right? She

is leaving 2 weeks before Christmas. She kept waiting for me to burst into tears

and beg her not to go but I never did. All I said was " So I guess you won't be

meeting this baby? " to which she replied without emotion - " I have to be over

there before January and its really hard for me.....but we have Skype! " . Ummm,

whatya want me to do put a webcam in the delivery room? Are you effin nuts? she

acts like she's moving across town. And made the comment that she was quitting

her job end of November and would spend the 2 weeks before she flies out with

family. I was thinking " not with this family " but didn't say it.

>

>

> I know most of you are going to say she is probably lying and fabricating her

move just to get attention but without going into a long story, I have good

reason to believe she is not. She has been quite successful with this plan to

live off of other people's donations so far.

>

>

> I feel really shit on. I should expect for her to not give a shit about me, my

baby, my daughter or my life. But up until a year ago, when I had my wake up

call to how crazy she really was and started backing away from her, she acted

like she did want to be in my life. Now I am nothing. if I can't " need " her and

act like she is Queen of Sheba, I am useless to her. Pretty hard to swallow even

if I do know the truth about BPD.

> She acts like it is her life's work to help this 3rd world country and only

you guys would understand me when I say she has no desire to truly help these

people - she is motivated to live there because they are destitute and worship

the ground she walks on and fill up her narcississtic tank of need.

> She is building up for a huge finale before she leaves, I can sense it. She

already had a dramatic talk with one of my brothers where she pretty much said

she was going over there to die, like a martyr, and would never see us again.

>

>

> Being pregnant is about as vulnerable as a woman can get in her life

emotionally. I am thankful for a mother in law who has been a mother to me. But

watching my mom walk away before the holidays and without giving a shit about

seeing her new grandchild is just a really hard blow.

>

> I know I should be celebrating - so why can't I?

>

[Guest guest]

I do not mean to be condescending or dismissive, but I wonder if you're seeing

this situation through a cloud of hormones. Yes, pregnancy is a very

vulnerable, emotional time. It makes even the most dysfunctional " mother " feel

important to you. (At one point while I was pregnant I had a total meltdown

over a bag of English Muffins because they were white flour, not whole wheat. I

kid you not, I thought I'd lost my mind, and my husband just tiptoed away

because I was so angry and upset,and there was absolutely nothing he could do -

and he did NOT want to point out that English Muffins weren't worth this much

agita. It wasn't worth putting his life on the line for a bag of muffins.)

I think that having a Nada who makes herself the center of the universe AND

scams people (my Nada does this, too) is more of a drain than a benefit to you.

And I think that having her gone to another hemisphere is going to be a huge

relief (until she wears out her welcome down there and comes back.)

I have to admit, my first reaction was, " cool, will she take my mom with her? "

I UNDERSTAND that you're feeling abandoned. I think that once the pregnancy is

over, you may feel that (expected and logical) sense of relief because you won't

be having to deal with your mother and a new baby at the same time. That's all

I can suggest - take a day at a time, look after yourself, and breathe deep,

knowing that the Nada craziness will be out of your life for a while.

>

> So I should be rejoicing right?

>

> I would say please excuse the sarcastic sounding post but none of you will

think a thing of it, you all understand!

>

> Nada has been to south america a couple of times in the last 2 years and after

the first trip started spouting she was going to move there permanently to do

mission work. I was like yeah yeah good luck finding your support, you're nearly

60 years old. But somehow in the last year, she has managed to sucker in quite a

few people into her " ministry " and supposedly now has garnered enough money from

other people's pockets to take off on her " work of a lifetime " . She made a big

announcement to me on her birthday and tried to sound really sad she was leaving

but it was such a fake attempt to sound sad I wanted to vomit.

>

> I am having my second child next spring. I have been LC with my mom for about

5-6 months, which has changed my life in ways I never imagined (in a good way!).

>

> So why am I feeling so angry about all of this? I should be happy right? She

is leaving 2 weeks before Christmas. She kept waiting for me to burst into tears

and beg her not to go but I never did. All I said was " So I guess you won't be

meeting this baby? " to which she replied without emotion - " I have to be over

there before January and its really hard for me.....but we have Skype! " . Ummm,

whatya want me to do put a webcam in the delivery room? Are you effin nuts? she

acts like she's moving across town. And made the comment that she was quitting

her job end of November and would spend the 2 weeks before she flies out with

family. I was thinking " not with this family " but didn't say it.

>

>

> I know most of you are going to say she is probably lying and fabricating her

move just to get attention but without going into a long story, I have good

reason to believe she is not. She has been quite successful with this plan to

live off of other people's donations so far.

>

>

> I feel really shit on. I should expect for her to not give a shit about me, my

baby, my daughter or my life. But up until a year ago, when I had my wake up

call to how crazy she really was and started backing away from her, she acted

like she did want to be in my life. Now I am nothing. if I can't " need " her and

act like she is Queen of Sheba, I am useless to her. Pretty hard to swallow even

if I do know the truth about BPD.

> She acts like it is her life's work to help this 3rd world country and only

you guys would understand me when I say she has no desire to truly help these

people - she is motivated to live there because they are destitute and worship

the ground she walks on and fill up her narcississtic tank of need.

> She is building up for a huge finale before she leaves, I can sense it. She

already had a dramatic talk with one of my brothers where she pretty much said

she was going over there to die, like a martyr, and would never see us again.

>

>

> Being pregnant is about as vulnerable as a woman can get in her life

emotionally. I am thankful for a mother in law who has been a mother to me. But

watching my mom walk away before the holidays and without giving a shit about

seeing her new grandchild is just a really hard blow.

>

> I know I should be celebrating - so why can't I?

>

[Guest guest]

" I feel really shit on. I should expect for her to not give a shit about me, my

baby, my daughter or my life. But up until a year ago, when I had my wake up

call to how crazy she really was and started backing away from her, she acted

like she did want to be in my life. Now I am nothing. if I can't " need " her and

act like she is Queen of Sheba, I am useless to her. Pretty hard to swallow even

if I do know the truth about BPD. "

What I sense here is you are still mourning the loss of the mom you thought you

had. You have only known about her BP you said for about a year. This is a lot

to digest in one year. And when we are pregnant and about to have our babies we

instinctively want our moms - the ones we remember before all of this. I think

it is normal that you are feeling sad and abandoned. You are abandoned, as we

all are, and you are now dealing with it through the lense of becoming a mom

again. Who you thought was your mom would never leave now and you miss her and

how that feels. It sucks.I am sorry you are going through this.

But I read you have a MIL who acts like a mom. Embrace that and your family. You

can't change your mom and her BP. Wish her well and mean it. She won't know what

to think because you won't be begging her to stay and telling her you can't live

without her. You can and will do very well.

It is what it is and you will do fine and thrive. Congratulations on your

growning family. Your kids are lucky they have you.

> >

> > So I should be rejoicing right?

> >

> > I would say please excuse the sarcastic sounding post but none of you will

think a thing of it, you all understand!

> >

> > Nada has been to south america a couple of times in the last 2 years and

after the first trip started spouting she was going to move there permanently to

do mission work. I was like yeah yeah good luck finding your support, you're

nearly 60 years old. But somehow in the last year, she has managed to sucker in

quite a few people into her " ministry " and supposedly now has garnered enough

money from other people's pockets to take off on her " work of a lifetime " . She

made a big announcement to me on her birthday and tried to sound really sad she

was leaving but it was such a fake attempt to sound sad I wanted to vomit.

> >

> > I am having my second child next spring. I have been LC with my mom for

about 5-6 months, which has changed my life in ways I never imagined (in a good

way!).

> >

> > So why am I feeling so angry about all of this? I should be happy right? She

is leaving 2 weeks before Christmas. She kept waiting for me to burst into tears

and beg her not to go but I never did. All I said was " So I guess you won't be

meeting this baby? " to which she replied without emotion - " I have to be over

there before January and its really hard for me.....but we have Skype! " . Ummm,

whatya want me to do put a webcam in the delivery room? Are you effin nuts? she

acts like she's moving across town. And made the comment that she was quitting

her job end of November and would spend the 2 weeks before she flies out with

family. I was thinking " not with this family " but didn't say it.

> >

> >

> > I know most of you are going to say she is probably lying and fabricating

her move just to get attention but without going into a long story, I have good

reason to believe she is not. She has been quite successful with this plan to

live off of other people's donations so far.

> >

> >

> > I feel really shit on. I should expect for her to not give a shit about me,

my baby, my daughter or my life. But up until a year ago, when I had my wake up

call to how crazy she really was and started backing away from her, she acted

like she did want to be in my life. Now I am nothing. if I can't " need " her and

act like she is Queen of Sheba, I am useless to her. Pretty hard to swallow even

if I do know the truth about BPD.

> > She acts like it is her life's work to help this 3rd world country and only

you guys would understand me when I say she has no desire to truly help these

people - she is motivated to live there because they are destitute and worship

the ground she walks on and fill up her narcississtic tank of need.

> > She is building up for a huge finale before she leaves, I can sense it. She

already had a dramatic talk with one of my brothers where she pretty much said

she was going over there to die, like a martyr, and would never see us again.

> >

> >

> > Being pregnant is about as vulnerable as a woman can get in her life

emotionally. I am thankful for a mother in law who has been a mother to me. But

watching my mom walk away before the holidays and without giving a shit about

seeing her new grandchild is just a really hard blow.

> >

> > I know I should be celebrating - so why can't I?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I'm actually experiencing something similar. My nada is moving across the

country this weekend, away from all of my family.

While it's a relief that my dad doesn't have to change locks all the time to

keep her from breaking in and stealing/breaking/damaging our house and things.

We won't have to lock the mailbox anymore and I won't have to worry about her

just showing up at my dorm randomly.

I imagine you feel similarly that you won't have to deal with your nada's crap

or the stress of having her around during your pregnancy.

But I completely understand the unhappiness and confusion. Personally, I feel

abandoned and angry. I know my nada doesn't give a flying french fry about me or

anything I do, but it hurts that she can just pick up and leave and didn't even

think to tell me until the week before. First, she abandoned me to fend for

myself when she more kids and sunk into post-partum depression leaving me and my

brother to care for ourselves. Next, she abandoned me in elementary school when

I became really depressed from the move and had difficulty fitting in. She

abandoned me again in high school when she jumped the tracks for good and

ignored my needs and growth, using me simply as a tool against my dad and she

abandoned me again in college by cutting off all financial support suddenly, and

now as a young woman, she's cut all ties with me as if I'm not her child at all.

So, I'm sorry for your pain and confusion and I'm sorry for mine as well. May we

both have the strength and wisdom to know that we're better off without them in

our lives and that there are far more loving and wonderful people who genuinely

care for us.

--Clefairy

>

> So I should be rejoicing right?

>

> I would say please excuse the sarcastic sounding post but none of you will

think a thing of it, you all understand!

>

> Nada has been to south america a couple of times in the last 2 years and after

the first trip started spouting she was going to move there permanently to do

mission work. I was like yeah yeah good luck finding your support, you're nearly

60 years old. But somehow in the last year, she has managed to sucker in quite a

few people into her " ministry " and supposedly now has garnered enough money from

other people's pockets to take off on her " work of a lifetime " . She made a big

announcement to me on her birthday and tried to sound really sad she was leaving

but it was such a fake attempt to sound sad I wanted to vomit.

>

> I am having my second child next spring. I have been LC with my mom for about

5-6 months, which has changed my life in ways I never imagined (in a good way!).

>

> So why am I feeling so angry about all of this? I should be happy right? She

is leaving 2 weeks before Christmas. She kept waiting for me to burst into tears

and beg her not to go but I never did. All I said was " So I guess you won't be

meeting this baby? " to which she replied without emotion - " I have to be over

there before January and its really hard for me.....but we have Skype! " . Ummm,

whatya want me to do put a webcam in the delivery room? Are you effin nuts? she

acts like she's moving across town. And made the comment that she was quitting

her job end of November and would spend the 2 weeks before she flies out with

family. I was thinking " not with this family " but didn't say it.

>

>

> I know most of you are going to say she is probably lying and fabricating her

move just to get attention but without going into a long story, I have good

reason to believe she is not. She has been quite successful with this plan to

live off of other people's donations so far.

>

>

> I feel really shit on. I should expect for her to not give a shit about me, my

baby, my daughter or my life. But up until a year ago, when I had my wake up

call to how crazy she really was and started backing away from her, she acted

like she did want to be in my life. Now I am nothing. if I can't " need " her and

act like she is Queen of Sheba, I am useless to her. Pretty hard to swallow even

if I do know the truth about BPD.

> She acts like it is her life's work to help this 3rd world country and only

you guys would understand me when I say she has no desire to truly help these

people - she is motivated to live there because they are destitute and worship

the ground she walks on and fill up her narcississtic tank of need.

> She is building up for a huge finale before she leaves, I can sense it. She

already had a dramatic talk with one of my brothers where she pretty much said

she was going over there to die, like a martyr, and would never see us again.

>

>

> Being pregnant is about as vulnerable as a woman can get in her life

emotionally. I am thankful for a mother in law who has been a mother to me. But

watching my mom walk away before the holidays and without giving a shit about

seeing her new grandchild is just a really hard blow.

>

> I know I should be celebrating - so why can't I?

>

[Guest guest]

First of all, congrats on your 2nd baby coming soon!

I think you nailed it when you said that once you put your boundaries up and

nada no longer felt you needed her, that was that. Black and white. Her way or

the highway. I find that with people who are used to being in power or in

control. My father was like that. Once i made it clear I no longer needed his

constant advice, he cut me off. It was very hurtful.

Your nada almost sounds giddy at being able to get back at you for daring to

individualize from her.

I am so, so glad your mother in law is a good one. That is HUGE.

And I think as much as we ALL wish our nadas would buy a one-way ticket to South

America, there is still that part of us that wants our moms to love us and

cherish us and finally connect with us. I think that's normal.

>

> I think its because no matter how much we put up with somewhere deep down

inside we hope our nadas will change and show us the love they never did.  

Look at the bright side, at least  she won't be tracking down to the minute how

long  your MIL is with the baby vs her. 

>

>

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Sent: Thursday, October 27, 2011 6:08 AM

> Subject: Nada moving to South America

>

>

>

>  

>

> So I should be rejoicing right?

>

> I would say please excuse the sarcastic sounding post but none of you will

think a thing of it, you all understand!

>

> Nada has been to south america a couple of times in the last 2 years and after

the first trip started spouting she was going to move there permanently to do

mission work. I was like yeah yeah good luck finding your support, you're nearly

60 years old. But somehow in the last year, she has managed to sucker in quite a

few people into her " ministry " and supposedly now has garnered enough money from

other people's pockets to take off on her " work of a lifetime " . She made a big

announcement to me on her birthday and tried to sound really sad she was leaving

but it was such a fake attempt to sound sad I wanted to vomit.

>

> I am having my second child next spring. I have been LC with my mom for about

5-6 months, which has changed my life in ways I never imagined (in a good way!).

>

> So why am I feeling so angry about all of this? I should be happy right? She

is leaving 2 weeks before Christmas. She kept waiting for me to burst into tears

and beg her not to go but I never did. All I said was " So I guess you won't be

meeting this baby? " to which she replied without emotion - " I have to be over

there before January and its really hard for me.....but we have Skype! " . Ummm,

whatya want me to do put a webcam in the delivery room? Are you effin nuts? she

acts like she's moving across town. And made the comment that she was quitting

her job end of November and would spend the 2 weeks before she flies out with

family. I was thinking " not with this family " but didn't say it.

>

> I know most of you are going to say she is probably lying and fabricating her

move just to get attention but without going into a long story, I have good

reason to believe she is not. She has been quite successful with this plan to

live off of other people's donations so far.

>

> I feel really shit on. I should expect for her to not give a shit about me, my

baby, my daughter or my life. But up until a year ago, when I had my wake up

call to how crazy she really was and started backing away from her, she acted

like she did want to be in my life. Now I am nothing. if I can't " need " her and

act like she is Queen of Sheba, I am useless to her. Pretty hard to swallow even

if I do know the truth about BPD.

> She acts like it is her life's work to help this 3rd world country and only

you guys would understand me when I say she has no desire to truly help these

people - she is motivated to live there because they are destitute and worship

the ground she walks on and fill up her narcississtic tank of need.

> She is building up for a huge finale before she leaves, I can sense it. She

already had a dramatic talk with one of my brothers where she pretty much said

she was going over there to die, like a martyr, and would never see us again.

>

> Being pregnant is about as vulnerable as a woman can get in her life

emotionally. I am thankful for a mother in law who has been a mother to me. But

watching my mom walk away before the holidays and without giving a shit about

seeing her new grandchild is just a really hard blow.

>

> I know I should be celebrating - so why can't I?

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you for everyone's responses and perspectives! I really appreciate it.

I have just been kind of mad at myself for letting this get to me and couldn't

understand why it was just no big deal considering all the drama she has caused

in my life.

, I think you were pretty right on what you said. It is a lot to digest in

one year, I never thought about it like that before. And I'm pretty sure you're

right that I'm still grieving that my mom will never " snap out of it " and go

" back to normal " . I do long very much to have a mom right now.

It is important to embrace those that have an selfless love for me. I am

thankful I have those people in my life.

Thanks again everyone for your support.

> > >

> > > So I should be rejoicing right?

> > >

> > > I would say please excuse the sarcastic sounding post but none of you

will think a thing of it, you all understand!

> > >

> > > Nada has been to south america a couple of times in the last 2 years and

after the first trip started spouting she was going to move there permanently to

do mission work. I was like yeah yeah good luck finding your support, you're

nearly 60 years old. But somehow in the last year, she has managed to sucker in

quite a few people into her " ministry " and supposedly now has garnered enough

money from other people's pockets to take off on her " work of a lifetime " . She

made a big announcement to me on her birthday and tried to sound really sad she

was leaving but it was such a fake attempt to sound sad I wanted to vomit.

> > >

> > > I am having my second child next spring. I have been LC with my mom for

about 5-6 months, which has changed my life in ways I never imagined (in a good

way!).

> > >

> > > So why am I feeling so angry about all of this? I should be happy right?

She is leaving 2 weeks before Christmas. She kept waiting for me to burst into

tears and beg her not to go but I never did. All I said was " So I guess you

won't be meeting this baby? " to which she replied without emotion - " I have to

be over there before January and its really hard for me.....but we have Skype! " .

Ummm, whatya want me to do put a webcam in the delivery room? Are you effin

nuts? she acts like she's moving across town. And made the comment that she was

quitting her job end of November and would spend the 2 weeks before she flies

out with family. I was thinking " not with this family " but didn't say it.

> > >

> > >

> > > I know most of you are going to say she is probably lying and fabricating

her move just to get attention but without going into a long story, I have good

reason to believe she is not. She has been quite successful with this plan to

live off of other people's donations so far.

> > >

> > >

> > > I feel really shit on. I should expect for her to not give a shit about

me, my baby, my daughter or my life. But up until a year ago, when I had my wake

up call to how crazy she really was and started backing away from her, she acted

like she did want to be in my life. Now I am nothing. if I can't " need " her and

act like she is Queen of Sheba, I am useless to her. Pretty hard to swallow even

if I do know the truth about BPD.

> > > She acts like it is her life's work to help this 3rd world country and

only you guys would understand me when I say she has no desire to truly help

these people - she is motivated to live there because they are destitute and

worship the ground she walks on and fill up her narcississtic tank of need.

> > > She is building up for a huge finale before she leaves, I can sense it.

She already had a dramatic talk with one of my brothers where she pretty much

said she was going over there to die, like a martyr, and would never see us

again.

> > >

> > >

> > > Being pregnant is about as vulnerable as a woman can get in her life

emotionally. I am thankful for a mother in law who has been a mother to me. But

watching my mom walk away before the holidays and without giving a shit about

seeing her new grandchild is just a really hard blow.

> > >

> > > I know I should be celebrating - so why can't I?

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

You are welcome, and never forget that you are loved by your family and cared

about by the collective group here who understand your loss and your amazing

inner strength. You are your own strong and loving mother, and your family will

give back to you and that whole circle of love is what will sustain you.

Congratulations on your growing family.

> > > >

> > > > So I should be rejoicing right?

> > > >

> > > > I would say please excuse the sarcastic sounding post but none of you

will think a thing of it, you all understand!

> > > >

> > > > Nada has been to south america a couple of times in the last 2 years and

after the first trip started spouting she was going to move there permanently to

do mission work. I was like yeah yeah good luck finding your support, you're

nearly 60 years old. But somehow in the last year, she has managed to sucker in

quite a few people into her " ministry " and supposedly now has garnered enough

money from other people's pockets to take off on her " work of a lifetime " . She

made a big announcement to me on her birthday and tried to sound really sad she

was leaving but it was such a fake attempt to sound sad I wanted to vomit.

> > > >

> > > > I am having my second child next spring. I have been LC with my mom for

about 5-6 months, which has changed my life in ways I never imagined (in a good

way!).

> > > >

> > > > So why am I feeling so angry about all of this? I should be happy right?

She is leaving 2 weeks before Christmas. She kept waiting for me to burst into

tears and beg her not to go but I never did. All I said was " So I guess you

won't be meeting this baby? " to which she replied without emotion - " I have to

be over there before January and its really hard for me.....but we have Skype! " .

Ummm, whatya want me to do put a webcam in the delivery room? Are you effin

nuts? she acts like she's moving across town. And made the comment that she was

quitting her job end of November and would spend the 2 weeks before she flies

out with family. I was thinking " not with this family " but didn't say it.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I know most of you are going to say she is probably lying and

fabricating her move just to get attention but without going into a long story,

I have good reason to believe she is not. She has been quite successful with

this plan to live off of other people's donations so far.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I feel really shit on. I should expect for her to not give a shit about

me, my baby, my daughter or my life. But up until a year ago, when I had my wake

up call to how crazy she really was and started backing away from her, she acted

like she did want to be in my life. Now I am nothing. if I can't " need " her and

act like she is Queen of Sheba, I am useless to her. Pretty hard to swallow even

if I do know the truth about BPD.

> > > > She acts like it is her life's work to help this 3rd world country and

only you guys would understand me when I say she has no desire to truly help

these people - she is motivated to live there because they are destitute and

worship the ground she walks on and fill up her narcississtic tank of need.

> > > > She is building up for a huge finale before she leaves, I can sense it.

She already had a dramatic talk with one of my brothers where she pretty much

said she was going over there to die, like a martyr, and would never see us

again.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Being pregnant is about as vulnerable as a woman can get in her life

emotionally. I am thankful for a mother in law who has been a mother to me. But

watching my mom walk away before the holidays and without giving a shit about

seeing her new grandchild is just a really hard blow.

> > > >

> > > > I know I should be celebrating - so why can't I?

> > > >

> > >

> >

>