encouraging a friend AND wondering if others have stories to share

[Guest guest]

I've a friend I've encouraged to join this list, who is recently facing full-on

the fact that she never had a " real " mom. She did the mothering for herself and

her mom, and lived in the illusion that her hard work would eventually " make

everything right. "

My own story is similar, but for the fact that I've lived too far away to make

regular trips to see nada and my dad, and I felt my own guilt at not being able

to do anything for nada. I think that guilt kept me from breaking off contact

until recently.

For my friend this is all fresh. She is really in need of support as she

navigates really unfamiliar ground. What kind of help can she expect here?

Perhaps it will help her if several of us can share what this list has done for

us and how we have used it to help us.

I myself, don't get to post here too often. Mostly I read and follow up on news

from the media that some of our members share occasionally. I read individual

stories and empathize. I also share my own story when I finally figure

something out. And occasionally, I share from my own mental health journey,

hoping it will help someone else. Very rarely now, because I have so little

contact with my nada, I will share here when a conversation from her comes my

way, in order to process it and heal from it.

I have written about one or two of those conversations and created short

creative non-fiction from them. I wonder if there are others here who have done

(or are interested in) such writing and have wondered about taking their work to

an editor? I envision a set of short stories that together give laypeople a

direct experience of what it can be like to be in conversation with a Borderline

or narcissistic parent? It might be both entertaining and illustrative, for

young adults. Could those of you with a similar interest let me know? It might

be a good project for this list.

Best,

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I hope you will encourage your friend to introduce herself here so we can greet

her, and share with her that we understand her pain because we have experienced

similar bpd traits and behaviors from our own parents, and received similar

damage.

When your friend introduces herself, we can reassure her that she isn't the only

one, her parent's mental illness is not her fault, and she did not and does not

deserve to be abused.

We can share with her what works for us to help us heal from the emotional

damage caused by parental abuse, and share encouragement as a new member begins

to explore various ways that he or she can find her own, individual path to

healing. We can help a fellow abuse victim realize that the guilt, fear and

obligation (aka " responsibility " ) she or he may be feeling RE keeping her bpd

parents happy, is misplaced and inappropriate.

We can share different ways we've found to manage having a more normalized

relationship with a mentally ill, personality-disordered parent: Low or LImited

contact with boundaries and consequences firmly in place, or when necessary,

going total No Contact either temporarily or permanently.

This Group is set up to be interactive and personal, not simply chapters in a

book for reading; the idea is to exchange ideas and experiences with each other,

share validation and emotional support with each other in a dialogue. (But its

OK to just vent, too, if and when you need to. This is a great place to vent.)

So, I hope you will encourage your friend to join. Of course she can just read

threads if that is what she feels comfortable doing, and never post; there are

nearly 10 years worth of threads at this Group she can read, if she wants to.

And I hope you will encourage your friend to read the good books that are

already available regarding bpd, such as Randi's books, and " Understanding The

Borderline Mother " , and " Surviving a Borderline Parent " , and the other books in

the WTO reading list about overcoming co-dependency and setting up healthy

boundaries.

From time to time, a member will suggest the idea of a KO book project; if you

look through the past threads you can find the members who have wanted to get a

book project started and perhaps join their project.

I think a book is a good idea, and I encourage others to go for it it even if I

can't participate myself. I find just posting and responding to posts works for

me.

-Annie

>

> I've a friend I've encouraged to join this list, who is recently facing

full-on the fact that she never had a " real " mom. She did the mothering for

herself and her mom, and lived in the illusion that her hard work would

eventually " make everything right. "

>

> My own story is similar, but for the fact that I've lived too far away to make

regular trips to see nada and my dad, and I felt my own guilt at not being able

to do anything for nada. I think that guilt kept me from breaking off contact

until recently.

>

> For my friend this is all fresh. She is really in need of support as she

navigates really unfamiliar ground. What kind of help can she expect here?

Perhaps it will help her if several of us can share what this list has done for

us and how we have used it to help us.

>

> I myself, don't get to post here too often. Mostly I read and follow up on

news from the media that some of our members share occasionally. I read

individual stories and empathize. I also share my own story when I finally

figure something out. And occasionally, I share from my own mental health

journey, hoping it will help someone else. Very rarely now, because I have so

little contact with my nada, I will share here when a conversation from her

comes my way, in order to process it and heal from it.

>

> I have written about one or two of those conversations and created short

creative non-fiction from them. I wonder if there are others here who have done

(or are interested in) such writing and have wondered about taking their work to

an editor? I envision a set of short stories that together give laypeople a

direct experience of what it can be like to be in conversation with a Borderline

or narcissistic parent? It might be both entertaining and illustrative, for

young adults. Could those of you with a similar interest let me know? It might

be a good project for this list.

>

> Best,

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi,

Please tell her she has nothing to lose and probably quite a bit to gain by

giving the group a try. I can tell already that it is going to help me.

Validation alone is worth so much.

Amy

> >

> > I've a friend I've encouraged to join this list, who is recently facing

full-on the fact that she never had a " real " mom. She did the mothering for

herself and her mom, and lived in the illusion that her hard work would

eventually " make everything right. "

> >

> > My own story is similar, but for the fact that I've lived too far away to

make regular trips to see nada and my dad, and I felt my own guilt at not being

able to do anything for nada. I think that guilt kept me from breaking off

contact until recently.

> >

> > For my friend this is all fresh. She is really in need of support as she

navigates really unfamiliar ground. What kind of help can she expect here?

Perhaps it will help her if several of us can share what this list has done for

us and how we have used it to help us.

> >

> > I myself, don't get to post here too often. Mostly I read and follow up on

news from the media that some of our members share occasionally. I read

individual stories and empathize. I also share my own story when I finally

figure something out. And occasionally, I share from my own mental health

journey, hoping it will help someone else. Very rarely now, because I have so

little contact with my nada, I will share here when a conversation from her

comes my way, in order to process it and heal from it.

> >

> > I have written about one or two of those conversations and created short

creative non-fiction from them. I wonder if there are others here who have done

(or are interested in) such writing and have wondered about taking their work to

an editor? I envision a set of short stories that together give laypeople a

direct experience of what it can be like to be in conversation with a Borderline

or narcissistic parent? It might be both entertaining and illustrative, for

young adults. Could those of you with a similar interest let me know? It might

be a good project for this list.

> >

> > Best,

> >

> >