Vulnerability was Re: Sorry I haven't been around much

[Guest guest]

Although I have recognized my fear of vulnerability for a long time (a decade or

more), I have only recently had the courage to put myself out there. I credit

the acceptance and support I have received here over the past year as the

biggest help in this area.

I think identifying my mother as a borderline has been a big help too--by

FINALLY diagnosing her role in all the family dysfunction, it freed me up from

blaming it all on myself. Knowing I am not a horrible person, and am a person

worthy of love and care, makes me feel I can hold out my hand and ask for help.

> >

> > Contacting you guys here and then my meditation leader in itself was a new

step for me---as a KO, I do not usually reach out. I normally hide when I am ill

(i.e., never show a vulnerability).

>

[Guest guest]

Hi, I am recognising vulnerability too. Its taken me more than 20 years to

figure that I am victimised. Understanding Boderline cases has helped me

acknowledge scenarios and conversations that impact negatively with my mother in

objective light. Its a help. But it continues to get tedious and its very

exhausting...You are not horrible as depicted to you and the world.Very few

people will understand that. I am glad this site is available.

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Wednesday, November 2, 2011 9:42 PM

Subject: Vulnerability was Re: Sorry I haven't been around

much

 

Although I have recognized my fear of vulnerability for a long time (a decade or

more), I have only recently had the courage to put myself out there. I credit

the acceptance and support I have received here over the past year as the

biggest help in this area.

I think identifying my mother as a borderline has been a big help too--by

FINALLY diagnosing her role in all the family dysfunction, it freed me up from

blaming it all on myself. Knowing I am not a horrible person, and am a person

worthy of love and care, makes me feel I can hold out my hand and ask for help.

> >

> > Contacting you guys here and then my meditation leader in itself was a new

step for me---as a KO, I do not usually reach out. I normally hide when I am ill

(i.e., never show a vulnerability).

>

[Guest guest]

I agree, vulnerability is a real bug in my soup too. . .as a matter of

fact, I'd rather *eat *bugs than be perceived as vulnerable. I have come

to realize that some of my own roadblocks actually began as safety

measures. My really messy room, which became cripplingly out of control,

began as a means of protecting myself from stealth attacks, and as a way to

avoid having to go places with my Nada when she was in one of her moods, -

having to stay home and clean up my room was a blessed relief, not a

punishment! My horrible handwriting also began as a means of self

protection too, (although it hurt me academically,) as did being very,

very quiet, squirleing away money and handtools, and learning every

survival skill and gardening technique I could find information on.

I too find it difficult to trust people, I am not always sure of my

own ability to keep myself safe around emotional predators, which goes

back to the issues of the fear of self betreyal, and forced collusion -

against - self, that so many KOs struggle with. I agree, dealing with the

residual issues and debris of the BPDs in our lives is tedious and

exhausting. I am deeply, deeply grateful for this site, and all of the

wonderful, compassionate souls who post here. My Best to all, Sunspot

> **

>

>

> Hi, I am recognising vulnerability too. Its taken me more than 20 years to

> figure that I am victimised. Understanding Boderline cases has helped me

> acknowledge scenarios and conversations that impact negatively with my

> mother in objective light. Its a help. But it continues to get tedious and

> its very exhausting...You are not horrible as depicted to you and the

> world.Very few people will understand that. I am glad this site is

> available.

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Sent: Wednesday, November 2, 2011 9:42 PM

> Subject: Vulnerability was Re: Sorry I haven't been

> around much

>

>

>

> Although I have recognized my fear of vulnerability for a long time (a

> decade or more), I have only recently had the courage to put myself out

> there. I credit the acceptance and support I have received here over the

> past year as the biggest help in this area.

>

> I think identifying my mother as a borderline has been a big help too--by

> FINALLY diagnosing her role in all the family dysfunction, it freed me up

> from blaming it all on myself. Knowing I am not a horrible person, and am a

> person worthy of love and care, makes me feel I can hold out my hand and

> ask for help.

>

>

> > >

> > > Contacting you guys here and then my meditation leader in itself was a

> new step for me---as a KO, I do not usually reach out. I normally hide when

> I am ill (i.e., never show a vulnerability).

> >

>

>