Another 'AHA' today - UTBM review

[Guest guest]

OMG can describe the epiphany I had today. You all know I've been hovering on

this black depression--processing--whatever it is thing.

I have had trouble fitting my mother into UTBM--she has shades of every type in

her, but I could not see a dominant one. This troubled me greatly.

Then yesterday I read about the Huntsman (from UTBM). THIS IS MY FADA--complete

and utterly---it could have been written directly from observing him alone. With

this new realization in mind, I read the Hermit introduction again, combined

with the Hermit's interaction with her adult children and OMGOMGOMG--there she

is! Even to the point " the Hermit tends to produce Waif-like daughters. "

I can see where she adopted waif tendencies in order to acquire mates--her first

husband was a King and he left her. The second my dad/Huntsman. She has since my

childhood acquired some Queen attitudes, which have given her more of a social

life. She turns INTO the Witch when throwing a tantrum/comfrontted/not getting

her way.

Not only that, but my response to her since ending NC all those years ago was to

be ultra-supportive of her--in effect acting as HER STAFF. I thought this role I

was playing was a better place than just being the stepped on daughter--but now

I realize I was being the Queen's handmaiden--not good.

I admit, I was scared to read UTBM--some of the reviews on Amazon are kind of

frightening. Not only that, the first section I read (Waif) was brutal to read

because I see so many of those tendencies in me--I had to take a break an lick

my wounds after reading that part. DON'T avoid reading this--it has changed my

whole outlook on ME, while explaining all those confusing parts about my mother

and our relationship.

[Guest guest]

Good on you Echo! Reading the UTBM is very hard psychological work. I too

found parts of it validating but so painful too. My nada is a Waif and Hermit

mainly with a hidden Witch / Queen part that she uses judiciously. I think all

nadas use these modes and have favorite ones. And if you ever needed assurance

that you aren't BPD just that you could own up to your own waify parts says

that. I can't imagine my mother in a million million years ever admitting or

seeing any waif in herself. Me, I've got a big dose of hermit...I find it very

hard to be in the world. My nada made sure I wouldn't have the foundation

skills that I would need and I've been playing catchup ever since.

I hope your depression lifts and you feel better soon - sounds like you are

doing lots of hard work.

Eliza

>

> OMG can describe the epiphany I had today. You all know I've been hovering on

this black depression--processing--whatever it is thing.

>

> I have had trouble fitting my mother into UTBM--she has shades of every type

in her, but I could not see a dominant one. This troubled me greatly.

>

> Then yesterday I read about the Huntsman (from UTBM). THIS IS MY

FADA--complete and utterly---it could have been written directly from observing

him alone. With this new realization in mind, I read the Hermit introduction

again, combined with the Hermit's interaction with her adult children and

OMGOMGOMG--there she is! Even to the point " the Hermit tends to produce

Waif-like daughters. "

>

> I can see where she adopted waif tendencies in order to acquire mates--her

first husband was a King and he left her. The second my dad/Huntsman. She has

since my childhood acquired some Queen attitudes, which have given her more of a

social life. She turns INTO the Witch when throwing a tantrum/comfrontted/not

getting her way.

>

> Not only that, but my response to her since ending NC all those years ago was

to be ultra-supportive of her--in effect acting as HER STAFF. I thought this

role I was playing was a better place than just being the stepped on

daughter--but now I realize I was being the Queen's handmaiden--not good.

>

> I admit, I was scared to read UTBM--some of the reviews on Amazon are kind of

frightening. Not only that, the first section I read (Waif) was brutal to read

because I see so many of those tendencies in me--I had to take a break an lick

my wounds after reading that part. DON'T avoid reading this--it has changed my

whole outlook on ME, while explaining all those confusing parts about my mother

and our relationship.

>