Guest guest Posted November 4, 2011 Report Share Posted November 4, 2011 Just when I think nada is behaving nicely and actually coming around she starts with the snide remarks about my so. I just ignored them but really, can't she just give it up? And I have to take her shopping all day tomorrow, seriously if she starts I might just leave her where we are or cut it short and take her home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 5, 2011 Report Share Posted November 5, 2011 My parents would constantly do that as well, . They would say horrible things about my husband in front of me. My nada was like yours, it seems to me. She would relax me and befriend me, and then she would swoop in with an attack against my husband. I finally had to write them a letter telling them that if they continued, if I heard one more thing against my husband, they would not see me anymore. They stopped doing it. I kind of hoped they would do it again, so I would have an excuse to drop them! I know they still did it behind my back, and that my mother still talks about my husband to my brother, probably, but as long as I don't have to hear it, whatever. Hope your shopping trip was a peaceful one. (Although leaving her in the mall might be what it takes to get her attention that you've had it!!) Fiona > > Just when I think nada is behaving nicely and actually coming around she starts with the snide remarks about my so. I just ignored them but really, can't she just give it up? And I have to take her shopping all day tomorrow, seriously if she starts I might just leave her where we are or cut it short and take her home. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 5, 2011 Report Share Posted November 5, 2011 Sister and I discovered that just requesting our nada to please not do or say something that we found intolerable, didn't work. Repeated requests, even pleading, didn't work. It took a show of real force to make my nada stop disrespecting my Sister in front of Sister's child. Sister's heartfelt, repeated requests to stop undermining her parental authority with her own child went unheard: ( " If you disagree with a parenting choice I've made, we can discuss it in private. Please don't undermine me in front of my child. " ) Sister finally had enough. Nada had yet again said something ugly and disrespectful about Sister's parenting decisions, when Sister was driving the three of them back home from some outing or other. Sister pulled over to the side of the highway and told nada she could walk the rest of the way home. That penetrated; nada finally stopped saying ugly, disrespectful things to Sister RE Sister's parenting decisions in front of her grandson. (And for the record, my Sister was an excellent mother; she made a point of not being physically or emotionally brutal to her child; she didn't want to treat him the way we were treated. My nephew is now a young career man, husband and father himself; I've enjoyed his company at every age.) I myself finally had it with another of nada's mean habits directed at me (nada kept mentioning a physical flaw I have and can't do anything about) and after decades of having my requests ignored, I used sarcasm on nada; that penetrated as well. My nada was (and still is, despite the Alzheimer's she now has on top of her personality disorders) a very domineering individual, very much the Queen bpd most of the time (with the Witch alternating sporadically) and felt entitled to treat Sister and me as though we were rather incompetent, inferior handmaidens. She had no respect for us as fellow adults; reasonable requests to PLEASE stop doing xyz fell on deaf ears. Her behaviors literally *forced* both Sister and me to play hard ball with nada. Its just interesting how deeply entrenched my nada's sense of entitlement to domineer and even bully her loved ones was, and still is to some degree. -Annie > > > > Just when I think nada is behaving nicely and actually coming around she starts with the snide remarks about my so. I just ignored them but really, can't she just give it up? And I have to take her shopping all day tomorrow, seriously if she starts I might just leave her where we are or cut it short and take her home. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 6, 2011 Report Share Posted November 6, 2011 Wow, did your sister actually put her out on the road and leave her to walk home??? Not that I'm judging, I can totally imagine it needing to go that far. > > > > > > Just when I think nada is behaving nicely and actually coming around she starts with the snide remarks about my so. I just ignored them but really, can't she just give it up? And I have to take her shopping all day tomorrow, seriously if she starts I might just leave her where we are or cut it short and take her home. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 6, 2011 Report Share Posted November 6, 2011 " Wow, did your sister actually put her out on the road and leave her to walk home??? " I know, right?! We're like little boys in awe of Mickey Mantle's batting average. Go, Sister!! She found what it took to make the woman stop! > > > > > > > > Just when I think nada is behaving nicely and actually coming around she starts with the snide remarks about my so. I just ignored them but really, can't she just give it up? And I have to take her shopping all day tomorrow, seriously if she starts I might just leave her where we are or cut it short and take her home. > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 6, 2011 Report Share Posted November 6, 2011 Lol! No, Sister didn't have to go that far; just pulling the car off the road and threatening to force nada out of the car did the trick. Sister told me she was quite prepared to follow through with the threat and apparently nada believed it. My Sister is tiny and a sweet, kind, patient person but can be quite formidable when she finally gets pushed past her limits, particularly where her child was concerned. Then Sister turned into a roaring mother bear, and God help whoever or whatever was threatening her baby. (In many ways, my Sister is the spitting image of our paternal grandmother, a very small woman with a core of steel.) But still, having to go to even that extreme to get a point across, or me having to use real, biting sarcasm like a missile to get my point across, is just so damned frustrating. Why couldn't our nada just care even a little about our feelings, why did she feel such a need to completely dominate/control us and hone in on our tender spots and hurt us whenever the chance came her way? I guess that is the definition of a Queen and a Witch bpd. She behaved that way because she is severely mentally ill. -Annie > > > > > > > > Just when I think nada is behaving nicely and actually coming around she starts with the snide remarks about my so. I just ignored them but really, can't she just give it up? And I have to take her shopping all day tomorrow, seriously if she starts I might just leave her where we are or cut it short and take her home. > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 6, 2011 Report Share Posted November 6, 2011 I just kept shutting her down with " I am not discussin this with you " . But it made me laugh and remember in 1986 I was living and studying in London, England which was an absolute dream for me. She came to visit at Easter and Hyde Park was a mess, we had had a lot of snow and they're not used to it. She kept making these snide remarks about how awful it was, how dirty (and she's from Utica NY) etc. ..I got so fed up I just left her in Hyde Park and took the underground home. She has absolutely no sense of direction and probably didn't even know my address to catch a cab. I waited a couple of hours and went back and she was sitting on the bench and behaved nicely the rest of the time she was there. ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Sunday, November 6, 2011 12:42 PM Subject: Re: does it ever change  Lol! No, Sister didn't have to go that far; just pulling the car off the road and threatening to force nada out of the car did the trick. Sister told me she was quite prepared to follow through with the threat and apparently nada believed it. My Sister is tiny and a sweet, kind, patient person but can be quite formidable when she finally gets pushed past her limits, particularly where her child was concerned. Then Sister turned into a roaring mother bear, and God help whoever or whatever was threatening her baby. (In many ways, my Sister is the spitting image of our paternal grandmother, a very small woman with a core of steel.) But still, having to go to even that extreme to get a point across, or me having to use real, biting sarcasm like a missile to get my point across, is just so damned frustrating. Why couldn't our nada just care even a little about our feelings, why did she feel such a need to completely dominate/control us and hone in on our tender spots and hurt us whenever the chance came her way? I guess that is the definition of a Queen and a Witch bpd. She behaved that way because she is severely mentally ill. -Annie > > > > > > > > Just when I think nada is behaving nicely and actually coming around she starts with the snide remarks about my so. I just ignored them but really, can't she just give it up? And I have to take her shopping all day tomorrow, seriously if she starts I might just leave her where we are or cut it short and take her home. > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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