Guest guest Posted November 10, 2011 Report Share Posted November 10, 2011 > > > > So I wonder why so many people feel the need to make excuses when told about a nada moment? Over the years I've had many people do this from family members to friends. It's like they can't accept the hurtful story and be mad on my behalf, they say " Well maybe she really meant... " or " She's been under a lot of stress lately... " or " Oh she's worried about such and such and didn't realize what she was saying... " and the like. And they say these things as if it is to be supportive, as if I should somehow feel aok about it now. Is it supportive and I'm just taking it wrong? It doesn't feel supportive to me - it feels like they just somehow need to make it okay because clearly a mother wouldn't be so self-centered or hurtful. > > > > Thoughts? > > > > Eliza > > > It definitely makes me feel invalidated if someone acts as if it is no big deal. My stepdad has always done that. I am also very careful about who I say anything to, but a big part of that for me is I am just now breaking out of protection of Nada mode. My FOO spent our lives keeping the real nada secret, making excuses for her hermit behavior and covering. So it still would feel strange for me to say things about her to anyone other than my sister or significant other. If I did finally get the guts to and got the feedback you are describing, it would be very irritating. But I think people who did not grow up with a Nada, who had a " normal " mother, simply can't relate to the land of Oz. So, they try to put it into terms that make sense from their perspective. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 10, 2011 Report Share Posted November 10, 2011 Thank you all so much for your support! It's true sometimes only a fellow KO can really get it. It's funny I've been getting the message in many places here and in others that I really need to change who I share what with. I had *thought* that I was being careful, but careful is a relative term. It's like when having the one person in the world you should be able to trust you can't, your radar gets all wonky or maybe just installed wrong. Hugs to all, Eliza Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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