Guest guest Posted November 11, 2011 Report Share Posted November 11, 2011 I'm coming out of lurkdom to give you all a big thank you and tell you how you have helped me, as well as people beyond the confines of this Yahoo group. I joined almost 4 years ago, when I needed to know how my borderline queen mother would react to the imminent death of her husband, my father. Many of you replied and I have your responses to this day. Since then, I haven't posted much, probably only once or twice, but I have continued to read. Initially, it was to find out as much as I could about this bizarre person called my mother. I remember Girlscout describing how her mom dressed at one point, with overalls, bright orange hair, and a giant bow atop her head. Since then, anytime I see a woman oddly dressed, I think, " Hmm, a screw loose there? Borderline, perhaps? " instead of brushing it off as eccentricity. Annie's stories of childhood have stuck with me, too, as well as what everyone else has posted about their growing up, even though I don't remember all your names. Your descriptions of living with a waif, a queen, a witch, a hermit sometimes, have all been read and remembered. Even though I haven't posted responses, I have bawled at the enormities. The use of religion as a means of control has come up on occasion. My mother used that one. We were part of a quasi-cult, started by Bill Gothard, who was big in the Seventies, as a godly, counter-cultural guru. My parents swallowed every word, and raised me and my brother in his system, according to his teachings. He has an organization called the Institute in Basic Life Principles, and the homeschool arm is the Advanced Training Institute, or ATI. (The Duggars, of 19 Kids and Counting, are part of this group.) We were hauled out of school when I was in sixth grade, to be homeschooled, and isolated from friends and cousins until I went to college. My mom's borderline tendencies didn't show up until I was 21 and out of college, and she wanted to continue to run my life. I let her, because that's what I thought God wanted me to do, according to Bill Gothard's teachings. Long story short, I literrally ran away from home at 29, and began the process of deprogramming, and then the process here of learning about BPD. (I was finally brave enough to let the world know my story, and it was posted recently on a website exposing the damage caused by Gothard and his organization. http://www.recoveringgrace.org/2011/10/once-a-child-always-a-child/ ) I was also recently added to a Facebook group for those of us adults who were raised in ATI, and survived. Being in ATI is similar to being raised in a cult, with no " normal " to go back to once escaping the system. People compare notes about their experiences, just like we do here, and discover that they weren't alone in what they went through, that other people are as damaged as they are, if not worse. As I read these stories, the topic of parents comes up frequently. Descriptions of rages; wacked-out, ever-changing standards; beatings; emotional abuse; treating full-grown adults as children; hyper-criticism and judgmentalism; parental control of dress; spiritual abuse (being whacked over the head with Bible verses); emotional incest; beratings--sound familiar? My peers were/are questioning why why why their parents behave the way they do. Why they continue to behave that way, and have no clue why their kids won't talk to them. Why they refuse to recognize that their kids are hurt in the first place. Because of reading your stories, these vignettes screamed BPD to me. After commiserating, I'm able to bring up the subject and suggest they look into BPD and see if it describes their parents. Sometimes after a minor description of parental behavior that makes me suspect BPD, I'll ask specific questions about other characteristics, and every single time, my peer will say, " Yes! My mom/dad does that. How did you know?! " It's all thanks to you all sharing your stories and heartache that I'm able to steer them to the real reason behind their parent's abuse. Today, someone mentioned her mother going into an " amnesiac fugue " when in a rage; sounded just like what your mother did, Annie. Just two nights ago, the FB page blew up with one man's stories of horrific sexual abuse by his mother. He didn't even recognize it as such; it was just his " normal " . Now that the lid has been blown off that subject, other people are coming forward with their stories of sexual abuse, instead of just hinting about it. Once again, along with these abuses comes the parallel story of a borderline and/or narcissist parent, with a wimpy spouse. And just like on this Yahoo group, each abuse survivor thinks that his/her story wasn't so bad, but everyone else's is. And that they were the only one who was treated that way. One of the women on the FB page has a blog about her MIL. http://mymillie.wordpress.com/ It's hilarious (usually), but I sense a borderline waif in her MIL. I wanted to tell the DIL about borderline waifs, but it's been hard to find websites that have much detail in regards to the everyday behaviors of borderlines. The DSM-IV list is so clinical that a newbie would look at it and say, " No, that's not my parent " unless the parent was rather low-functioning. Do any of you know of any webpages that you like, which describe BPDs like UTBM does? Once again, thank you all for sharing your lives and stories. It's a terrible club to be in, but with the support here, we are all healing, even those of us who don't post. And then we pass the love and healing on to others who have been where we've come from. Much love to all, Joy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2011 Report Share Posted November 12, 2011 Thank you so much for sharing this with us. > > I'm coming out of lurkdom to give you all a big thank you and tell you how you have helped me, as well as people beyond the confines of this Yahoo group. I joined almost 4 years ago, when I needed to know how my borderline queen mother would react to the imminent death of her husband, my father. Many of you replied and I have your responses to this day. > > Since then, I haven't posted much, probably only once or twice, but I have continued to read. Initially, it was to find out as much as I could about this bizarre person called my mother. I remember Girlscout describing how her mom dressed at one point, with overalls, bright orange hair, and a giant bow atop her head. Since then, anytime I see a woman oddly dressed, I think, " Hmm, a screw loose there? Borderline, perhaps? " instead of brushing it off as eccentricity. Annie's stories of childhood have stuck with me, too, as well as what everyone else has posted about their growing up, even though I don't remember all your names. Your descriptions of living with a waif, a queen, a witch, a hermit sometimes, have all been read and remembered. Even though I haven't posted responses, I have bawled at the enormities. > > The use of religion as a means of control has come up on occasion. My mother used that one. We were part of a quasi-cult, started by Bill Gothard, who was big in the Seventies, as a godly, counter-cultural guru. My parents swallowed every word, and raised me and my brother in his system, according to his teachings. He has an organization called the Institute in Basic Life Principles, and the homeschool arm is the Advanced Training Institute, or ATI. (The Duggars, of 19 Kids and Counting, are part of this group.) We were hauled out of school when I was in sixth grade, to be homeschooled, and isolated from friends and cousins until I went to college. My mom's borderline tendencies didn't show up until I was 21 and out of college, and she wanted to continue to run my life. I let her, because that's what I thought God wanted me to do, according to Bill Gothard's teachings. Long story short, I literrally ran away from home at 29, and began the > process of deprogramming, and then the process here of learning about BPD. (I was finally brave enough to let the world know my story, and it was posted recently on a website exposing the damage caused by Gothard and his organization. http://www.recoveringgrace.org/2011/10/once-a-child-always-a-child/ ) > > I was also recently added to a Facebook group for those of us adults who were raised in ATI, and survived. Being in ATI is similar to being raised in a cult, with no " normal " to go back to once escaping the system. People compare notes about their experiences, just like we do here, and discover that they weren't alone in what they went through, that other people are as damaged as they are, if not worse. > > As I read these stories, the topic of parents comes up frequently. Descriptions of rages; wacked-out, ever-changing standards; beatings; emotional abuse; treating full-grown adults as children; hyper-criticism and judgmentalism; parental control of dress; spiritual abuse (being whacked over the head with Bible verses); emotional incest; beratings--sound familiar? My peers were/are questioning why why why their parents behave the way they do. Why they continue to behave that way, and have no clue why their kids won't talk to them. Why they refuse to recognize that their kids are hurt in the first place. > > Because of reading your stories, these vignettes screamed BPD to me. After commiserating, I'm able to bring up the subject and suggest they look into BPD and see if it describes their parents. Sometimes after a minor description of parental behavior that makes me suspect BPD, I'll ask specific questions about other characteristics, and every single time, my peer will say, " Yes! My mom/dad does that. How did you know?! " It's all thanks to you all sharing your stories and heartache that I'm able to steer them to the real reason behind their parent's abuse. Today, someone mentioned her mother going into an " amnesiac fugue " when in a rage; sounded just like what your mother did, Annie. > > Just two nights ago, the FB page blew up with one man's stories of horrific sexual abuse by his mother. He didn't even recognize it as such; it was just his " normal " . Now that the lid has been blown off that subject, other people are coming forward with their stories of sexual abuse, instead of just hinting about it. Once again, along with these abuses comes the parallel story of a borderline and/or narcissist parent, with a wimpy spouse. And just like on this Yahoo group, each abuse survivor thinks that his/her story wasn't so bad, but everyone else's is. And that they were the only one who was treated that way. > > One of the women on the FB page has a blog about her MIL. http://mymillie.wordpress.com/ It's hilarious (usually), but I sense a borderline waif in her MIL. I wanted to tell the DIL about borderline waifs, but it's been hard to find websites that have much detail in regards to the everyday behaviors of borderlines. The DSM-IV list is so clinical that a newbie would look at it and say, " No, that's not my parent " unless the parent was rather low-functioning. Do any of you know of any webpages that you like, which describe BPDs like UTBM does? > > Once again, thank you all for sharing your lives and stories. It's a terrible club to be in, but with the support here, we are all healing, even those of us who don't post. And then we pass the love and healing on to others who have been where we've come from. > > Much love to all, > Joy > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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