What should I do?

[Guest guest]

My crazy nada has decided to use my pets (2 cats that live with her) as a way to

now get at me. For 2 days now since she returned home from hospital she has

called me to tell me that they won't come in. Both of my cats are like my babies

(not able to have kids of my own) and the only reason I left them with her is

because when I moved back to the area I could not find anywhere I could afford

that allowed pets.

She claims to love them but since drawing a HUGE boundary around my involvement

with her, she has left them out for over 10 hours with no food in the freezing

weather. She claims they won't come in for her but I know that she is doing

this deliberately by leaving them out. These are not cats who are used to being

left outside. They are urban pets who enjoy a sojourn outside but need to go in

for food and rest. I went up ther today to try and get them in and when I

pointed out that she should not have left them out that long - she flipped and

said I was (once again) upsetting her and would be responsible for " putting her

back in the hospital. " AARRGHGHGHGH. There is no reasoning at all.I even asked

her to just listen but she told me I was shouting at her and she wouldn't listen

to my logic.

I have no funds to move and I cannot afford to find a new place - would need a

deposit cheque.

My friend suggests I appeal to my building manager to allow me to bring them

here (even though it is definitely no pets).

I am open to suggestions because I fear what her neglect will result in. She is

a dangerous nada.

Thanks Koko

[Guest guest]

Maybe buy one of those " igloo " dog houses, small size, put in a couple of warm

blankets, and put it up off the ground in a sheltered place in nada's backyard

so the cats can get in it and stay warm when nada won't let them come indoors;

maybe attach a cat-door to the front so a dog bigger than them could not get in

Visit your cats every three or 4 days to feed them and give them water, as

though your nada is not feeding or watering them at all.

I suppose you could try just sneaking your cats in to your place; but if they

are loud cats or if they get out somehow, you'd be found out. Or someone might

see you with kitty litter.

And I guess you would be risking getting evicted from your apartment if you were

found out.

Last resort: find another home or homes for your cats. I hate to think of your

nada being cruel to them.

-Annie

>

> My crazy nada has decided to use my pets (2 cats that live with her) as a way

to now get at me. For 2 days now since she returned home from hospital she has

called me to tell me that they won't come in. Both of my cats are like my babies

(not able to have kids of my own) and the only reason I left them with her is

because when I moved back to the area I could not find anywhere I could afford

that allowed pets.

>

> She claims to love them but since drawing a HUGE boundary around my

involvement with her, she has left them out for over 10 hours with no food in

the freezing weather. She claims they won't come in for her but I know that she

is doing this deliberately by leaving them out. These are not cats who are used

to being left outside. They are urban pets who enjoy a sojourn outside but need

to go in for food and rest. I went up ther today to try and get them in and when

I pointed out that she should not have left them out that long - she flipped and

said I was (once again) upsetting her and would be responsible for " putting her

back in the hospital. " AARRGHGHGHGH. There is no reasoning at all.I even asked

her to just listen but she told me I was shouting at her and she wouldn't listen

to my logic.

>

> I have no funds to move and I cannot afford to find a new place - would need a

deposit cheque.

>

> My friend suggests I appeal to my building manager to allow me to bring them

here (even though it is definitely no pets).

>

> I am open to suggestions because I fear what her neglect will result in. She

is a dangerous nada.

>

> Thanks Koko

>

[Guest guest]

Sometimes life forces us into difficult choices, but please do whatever you can

to get your pets away from your nada. Nadas (in general) are infamous for

heartbreaking behavior in this area. There are a number of rescue and no-kill

groups, small independent groups that have sprung up in most cities separate

from the main city funded animal shelters. You might find a lot of support from

them - you can ask your local shelter for some names and there's always Google.

There's also sneaking your cats into your home temporarily until you find

another arrangement even though I know it's risky. I also like Annie's idea of

building a shelter so they can make it outdoors through the winter too. Good

luck to you and them.

Eliza

>

> My crazy nada has decided to use my pets (2 cats that live with her) as a way

to now get at me. For 2 days now since she returned home from hospital she has

called me to tell me that they won't come in. Both of my cats are like my babies

(not able to have kids of my own) and the only reason I left them with her is

because when I moved back to the area I could not find anywhere I could afford

that allowed pets.

>

> She claims to love them but since drawing a HUGE boundary around my

involvement with her, she has left them out for over 10 hours with no food in

the freezing weather. She claims they won't come in for her but I know that she

is doing this deliberately by leaving them out. These are not cats who are used

to being left outside. They are urban pets who enjoy a sojourn outside but need

to go in for food and rest. I went up ther today to try and get them in and when

I pointed out that she should not have left them out that long - she flipped and

said I was (once again) upsetting her and would be responsible for " putting her

back in the hospital. " AARRGHGHGHGH. There is no reasoning at all.I even asked

her to just listen but she told me I was shouting at her and she wouldn't listen

to my logic.

>

> I have no funds to move and I cannot afford to find a new place - would need a

deposit cheque.

>

> My friend suggests I appeal to my building manager to allow me to bring them

here (even though it is definitely no pets).

>

> I am open to suggestions because I fear what her neglect will result in. She

is a dangerous nada.

>

> Thanks Koko

>

[Guest guest]

Oh my gosh, that's awful, Koko.

Is there a friend with whom they could stay? It does sound like she's abusing

them, or at very least, neglecting your cats out of spite.

You may need to consider -- I know this is extreme -- adopting them out to

someone or a family who will give them the love and care they are used to.

Maybe to someone that would be open to you coming to visit once in a while.

I'm so sorry for this situation; you must feel so helpless for them.

Hugs,

Fiona

>

> My crazy nada has decided to use my pets (2 cats that live with her) as a way

to now get at me. For 2 days now since she returned home from hospital she has

called me to tell me that they won't come in. Both of my cats are like my babies

(not able to have kids of my own) and the only reason I left them with her is

because when I moved back to the area I could not find anywhere I could afford

that allowed pets.

>

> She claims to love them but since drawing a HUGE boundary around my

involvement with her, she has left them out for over 10 hours with no food in

the freezing weather. She claims they won't come in for her but I know that she

is doing this deliberately by leaving them out. These are not cats who are used

to being left outside. They are urban pets who enjoy a sojourn outside but need

to go in for food and rest. I went up ther today to try and get them in and when

I pointed out that she should not have left them out that long - she flipped and

said I was (once again) upsetting her and would be responsible for " putting her

back in the hospital. " AARRGHGHGHGH. There is no reasoning at all.I even asked

her to just listen but she told me I was shouting at her and she wouldn't listen

to my logic.

>

> I have no funds to move and I cannot afford to find a new place - would need a

deposit cheque.

>

> My friend suggests I appeal to my building manager to allow me to bring them

here (even though it is definitely no pets).

>

> I am open to suggestions because I fear what her neglect will result in. She

is a dangerous nada.

>

> Thanks Koko

>

[Guest guest]

You are married now. I suggest if you'd like it to stay that way, you listen to

your wife.

Respectfully,

Sveta

[Guest guest]

Thank you Eliza and Anie for your ideas.

> >

> > My crazy nada has decided to use my pets (2 cats that live with her) as a

way to now get at me. For 2 days now since she returned home from hospital she

has called me to tell me that they won't come in. Both of my cats are like my

babies (not able to have kids of my own) and the only reason I left them with

her is because when I moved back to the area I could not find anywhere I could

afford that allowed pets.

> >

> > She claims to love them but since drawing a HUGE boundary around my

involvement with her, she has left them out for over 10 hours with no food in

the freezing weather. She claims they won't come in for her but I know that she

is doing this deliberately by leaving them out. These are not cats who are used

to being left outside. They are urban pets who enjoy a sojourn outside but need

to go in for food and rest. I went up ther today to try and get them in and when

I pointed out that she should not have left them out that long - she flipped and

said I was (once again) upsetting her and would be responsible for " putting her

back in the hospital. " AARRGHGHGHGH. There is no reasoning at all.I even asked

her to just listen but she told me I was shouting at her and she wouldn't listen

to my logic.

> >

> > I have no funds to move and I cannot afford to find a new place - would need

a deposit cheque.

> >

> > My friend suggests I appeal to my building manager to allow me to bring them

here (even though it is definitely no pets).

> >

> > I am open to suggestions because I fear what her neglect will result in.

She is a dangerous nada.

> >

> > Thanks Koko

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I think Annie is right on! Great advice!! I am in this exact situation as my

boyfriend's BP step-mom is trying this for his 30th in a few weeks. Because of

her behavior, we've recently gone LC and he told her there will be no party,

although this was hard for him to say and now we are getting the guilt, etc.

Instead of the party, we are focusing on him and what he wants to do for his

B-Day and we're taking a weekend trip out of town with close friends.

Start making your own memories now with your family/wife, and try to put the

past to rest.

I would caution you that taking this bait to get that " feeling of normalcy " and

goodness will be a big mistake. Listen to your wife. She has a different

perspective and does not see things through the FOG nadas can infuse upon their

children.

Good luck and hugs to you,

Kel

>

> Can anyone offer any insight? My mom (person with BPD) wants to throw me a

30th birthday party. Growing up she always threw great birthday parties for me.

The last great one where all my friends were invited to my backyard for a good

time, was when I turned 20. I figure 30 is a special event. My mom is keen on

doing this but my wife is not. She does not want to interact with her, because

of the mean things she does, especially saying bad things about my in-laws. My

wife also thinks that I am leaving myself open to expectations from my mom for

throwing the party. In other words, I will be the villain in the future for not

doing something else she wants when she went ahead and threw this great party

for me.

>

> I don't know what to do. I have briefly skimmed the book, " Stop walking on

Eggshells " . The part that sticks out to me is that I have a right to be happy

and not feel obligated to something and ultimately be unhappy for the BPD's

sake. That's what I am confused about. I have to admit that growing up in my

family was vert difficult because of my mom's BPD. I feel like these parties

were the few moments where things seemed good to me. Parties are really

important to my mom, so she did them well. I got to benefit by feeling normal

and happy. I am really tempted to have this 30th bday party thrown by mom to

get tat feeling again, However, my wife's warning is ringing in my ears. Also,

my wife would not attend the party if I go through with it. (Part of the

justification being that she and I will actually spend my actual birthday

together.) Am i just trying to get my own childish selfish needs satisfied by

having my mom act " normally " and have me be the center of attention? Or am i

opening myself up to a world of trouble?

>

[Guest guest]

This is so odd! How is it that posts and responses to posts from 2009 are

showing up as current?

How does this happen?

I hope this can be fixed!

-Annie

> >

> > Can anyone offer any insight? My mom (person with BPD) wants to throw me a

30th birthday party. Growing up she always threw great birthday parties for me.

The last great one where all my friends were invited to my backyard for a good

time, was when I turned 20. I figure 30 is a special event. My mom is keen on

doing this but my wife is not. She does not want to interact with her, because

of the mean things she does, especially saying bad things about my in-laws. My

wife also thinks that I am leaving myself open to expectations from my mom for

throwing the party. In other words, I will be the villain in the future for not

doing something else she wants when she went ahead and threw this great party

for me.

> >

> > I don't know what to do. I have briefly skimmed the book, " Stop walking on

Eggshells " . The part that sticks out to me is that I have a right to be happy

and not feel obligated to something and ultimately be unhappy for the BPD's

sake. That's what I am confused about. I have to admit that growing up in my

family was vert difficult because of my mom's BPD. I feel like these parties

were the few moments where things seemed good to me. Parties are really

important to my mom, so she did them well. I got to benefit by feeling normal

and happy. I am really tempted to have this 30th bday party thrown by mom to

get tat feeling again, However, my wife's warning is ringing in my ears. Also,

my wife would not attend the party if I go through with it. (Part of the

justification being that she and I will actually spend my actual birthday

together.) Am i just trying to get my own childish selfish needs satisfied by

having my mom act " normally " and have me be the center of attention? Or am i

opening myself up to a world of trouble?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I really feel your pain. I recommend listening to your life. I spent a couple

of years letting the guilt from my FOO control me, more than I ever realized. I

felt obligated to take trips there, stay at my nada's house against my better

judgement, answer phone calls, respond to mean emails, etc. It created a lot

of unnecessary tension in my marriage. And as someone just said our spouses

that grew up in non BPD households have a much easier time seeing the

dysfunction and damage that it does to our lives.

It's so hard to feel like you are stealing the few things in life that actually

make your nada happy. However, it's not your fault and it's not your

responsibility to do anything to make her happy....especially when it's at your

own expense. Your family now you and your wife. This new family has to be your

number one priority. It's SOOOO hard to make that your number one priority, but

try to think of it this way. If you make your mother happy at your wife's

expense you may be damaging the relationship in your life that is your chance at

having a happy, healthy future.

As I said this has been a huge struggle for me. I don't know that my husband

will ever understand fully why it is so hard, but show your wife early on that

she is your number one priority. Healthy families don't make you choose, but

having a BP nada means that you have to make a conscious choice to make

difficult decisions for your new family's benefit.

Good luck!

> >

> > Can anyone offer any insight? My mom (person with BPD) wants to throw me a

30th birthday party. Growing up she always threw great birthday parties for me.

The last great one where all my friends were invited to my backyard for a good

time, was when I turned 20. I figure 30 is a special event. My mom is keen on

doing this but my wife is not. She does not want to interact with her, because

of the mean things she does, especially saying bad things about my in-laws. My

wife also thinks that I am leaving myself open to expectations from my mom for

throwing the party. In other words, I will be the villain in the future for not

doing something else she wants when she went ahead and threw this great party

for me.

> >

> > I don't know what to do. I have briefly skimmed the book, " Stop walking on

Eggshells " . The part that sticks out to me is that I have a right to be happy

and not feel obligated to something and ultimately be unhappy for the BPD's

sake. That's what I am confused about. I have to admit that growing up in my

family was vert difficult because of my mom's BPD. I feel like these parties

were the few moments where things seemed good to me. Parties are really

important to my mom, so she did them well. I got to benefit by feeling normal

and happy. I am really tempted to have this 30th bday party thrown by mom to

get tat feeling again, However, my wife's warning is ringing in my ears. Also,

my wife would not attend the party if I go through with it. (Part of the

justification being that she and I will actually spend my actual birthday

together.) Am i just trying to get my own childish selfish needs satisfied by

having my mom act " normally " and have me be the center of attention? Or am i

opening myself up to a world of trouble?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Do not trust a pet to a nada. Period. I did once, and when the pet disappeared,

mysteriously, I got explanations that I can only see as lies to cover up

euthanasia. Before that disappearance, nada continually split the cat as bad:

everything it did was wrong somehow. I don't doubt the animal was shrieked at

and possibly even physically abused.

You need to find a home for your pets--either with you, a friend, list them on

Craig's list or contact the humane society. As heart wrenching as this is for

you, you need to do the best for them, and the best is nowhere near nada.

>

> My crazy nada has decided to use my pets (2 cats that live with her) as a way

to now get at me. For 2 days now since she returned home from hospital she has

called me to tell me that they won't come in. Both of my cats are like my babies

(not able to have kids of my own) and the only reason I left them with her is

because when I moved back to the area I could not find anywhere I could afford

that allowed pets.

>

> She claims to love them but since drawing a HUGE boundary around my

involvement with her, she has left them out for over 10 hours with no food in

the freezing weather. She claims they won't come in for her but I know that she

is doing this deliberately by leaving them out. These are not cats who are used

to being left outside. They are urban pets who enjoy a sojourn outside but need

to go in for food and rest. I went up ther today to try and get them in and when

I pointed out that she should not have left them out that long - she flipped and

said I was (once again) upsetting her and would be responsible for " putting her

back in the hospital. " AARRGHGHGHGH. There is no reasoning at all.I even asked

her to just listen but she told me I was shouting at her and she wouldn't listen

to my logic.

>

> I have no funds to move and I cannot afford to find a new place - would need a

deposit cheque.

>

> My friend suggests I appeal to my building manager to allow me to bring them

here (even though it is definitely no pets).

>

> I am open to suggestions because I fear what her neglect will result in. She

is a dangerous nada.

>

> Thanks Koko

>

[Guest guest]

I didn't realize this was old! I must be having this problem as well- this post

came up as new post on my screen....

> > >

> > > Can anyone offer any insight? My mom (person with BPD) wants to throw me

a 30th birthday party. Growing up she always threw great birthday parties for

me. The last great one where all my friends were invited to my backyard for a

good time, was when I turned 20. I figure 30 is a special event. My mom is

keen on doing this but my wife is not. She does not want to interact with her,

because of the mean things she does, especially saying bad things about my

in-laws. My wife also thinks that I am leaving myself open to expectations from

my mom for throwing the party. In other words, I will be the villain in the

future for not doing something else she wants when she went ahead and threw this

great party for me.

> > >

> > > I don't know what to do. I have briefly skimmed the book, " Stop walking

on Eggshells " . The part that sticks out to me is that I have a right to be

happy and not feel obligated to something and ultimately be unhappy for the

BPD's sake. That's what I am confused about. I have to admit that growing up

in my family was vert difficult because of my mom's BPD. I feel like these

parties were the few moments where things seemed good to me. Parties are really

important to my mom, so she did them well. I got to benefit by feeling normal

and happy. I am really tempted to have this 30th bday party thrown by mom to

get tat feeling again, However, my wife's warning is ringing in my ears. Also,

my wife would not attend the party if I go through with it. (Part of the

justification being that she and I will actually spend my actual birthday

together.) Am i just trying to get my own childish selfish needs satisfied by

having my mom act " normally " and have me be the center of attention? Or am i

opening myself up to a world of trouble?

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Oops!

Any time a new thread is given the same subject as an older one, Yahoo clumps

them together.

I had the list set to view by topic (rather than individual messages) and did

not catch that the first message was so old! Sorry guys--especially koko!--for

the confusion.

Carry on...

Sva

[Guest guest]

Koko,

I have been in a similar position, kind of. I was unable to leave my dog,

even for babysitting, even for an hour with nada. I had watched her do

things to my dad's pets when he was gone - for example, " the horse would

escape. " I was there, she opened the gate and stood and watched it run

away. Zero effort to stop it and 100 percent culpability But to hear her

tell it , man she made that horse sound wiley!

Then, I asked my dad to babysit, but asked him not to leave pup alone with

nada. well, that went over well.

To be honest, realizing that I couldn't trust them with a fucking puppy

made me realize I JUST COULDN " T TRUST THEM.

Now to be more practical, can you get a second job? Iron shirts? Clean

toilets? Wrap Christmas gifts? Anything to earn that deposit. It's a time

limited deal. Its retail season, a great time to take in a little more

work. Can you ask an animal group to help you with the deposit? Organize a

fundraiser?

Anything anything anything?

I would do all that. Because god help a pet in my nada's care. They end up

like me.Used and abused, but at least semi grateful to have escaped with

their lives.

I am glad you love your pets, you will get through this rough spot. Being

able to love an animal is a huge gift that will help you all your life. It

has me.

> **

>

>

> Do not trust a pet to a nada. Period. I did once, and when the pet

> disappeared, mysteriously, I got explanations that I can only see as lies

> to cover up euthanasia. Before that disappearance, nada continually split

> the cat as bad: everything it did was wrong somehow. I don't doubt the

> animal was shrieked at and possibly even physically abused.

>

> You need to find a home for your pets--either with you, a friend, list

> them on Craig's list or contact the humane society. As heart wrenching as

> this is for you, you need to do the best for them, and the best is nowhere

> near nada.

>

>

>

> >

> > My crazy nada has decided to use my pets (2 cats that live with her) as

> a way to now get at me. For 2 days now since she returned home from

> hospital she has called me to tell me that they won't come in. Both of my

> cats are like my babies (not able to have kids of my own) and the only

> reason I left them with her is because when I moved back to the area I

> could not find anywhere I could afford that allowed pets.

> >

> > She claims to love them but since drawing a HUGE boundary around my

> involvement with her, she has left them out for over 10 hours with no food

> in the freezing weather. She claims they won't come in for her but I know

> that she is doing this deliberately by leaving them out. These are not cats

> who are used to being left outside. They are urban pets who enjoy a sojourn

> outside but need to go in for food and rest. I went up ther today to try

> and get them in and when I pointed out that she should not have left them

> out that long - she flipped and said I was (once again) upsetting her and

> would be responsible for " putting her back in the hospital. " AARRGHGHGHGH.

> There is no reasoning at all.I even asked her to just listen but she told

> me I was shouting at her and she wouldn't listen to my logic.

> >

> > I have no funds to move and I cannot afford to find a new place - would

> need a deposit cheque.

> >

> > My friend suggests I appeal to my building manager to allow me to bring

> them here (even though it is definitely no pets).

> >

> > I am open to suggestions because I fear what her neglect will result in.

> She is a dangerous nada.

> >

> > Thanks Koko

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Well I am with you!!! I am going to look at a place on Friday that could be a

possible escape route for me and my boys. If not - I am willing to bring them

here to my apartment to keep them safe. Will keep you all posted. I will fight

for their safety - they are all I have.

Thank you

Re: Re: What should I do?

Koko,

I have been in a similar position, kind of. I was unable to leave my dog,

even for babysitting, even for an hour with nada. I had watched her do

things to my dad's pets when he was gone - for example, " the horse would

escape. " I was there, she opened the gate and stood and watched it run

away. Zero effort to stop it and 100 percent culpability But to hear her

tell it , man she made that horse sound wiley!

Then, I asked my dad to babysit, but asked him not to leave pup alone with

nada. well, that went over well.

To be honest, realizing that I couldn't trust them with a fucking puppy

made me realize I JUST COULDN " T TRUST THEM.

Now to be more practical, can you get a second job? Iron shirts? Clean

toilets? Wrap Christmas gifts? Anything to earn that deposit. It's a time

limited deal. Its retail season, a great time to take in a little more

work. Can you ask an animal group to help you with the deposit? Organize a

fundraiser?

Anything anything anything?

I would do all that. Because god help a pet in my nada's care. They end up

like me.Used and abused, but at least semi grateful to have escaped with

their lives.

I am glad you love your pets, you will get through this rough spot. Being

able to love an animal is a huge gift that will help you all your life. It

has me.

> **

>

>

> Do not trust a pet to a nada. Period. I did once, and when the pet

> disappeared, mysteriously, I got explanations that I can only see as lies

> to cover up euthanasia. Before that disappearance, nada continually split

> the cat as bad: everything it did was wrong somehow. I don't doubt the

> animal was shrieked at and possibly even physically abused.

>

> You need to find a home for your pets--either with you, a friend, list

> them on Craig's list or contact the humane society. As heart wrenching as

> this is for you, you need to do the best for them, and the best is nowhere

> near nada.

>

>

>

> >

> > My crazy nada has decided to use my pets (2 cats that live with her) as

> a way to now get at me. For 2 days now since she returned home from

> hospital she has called me to tell me that they won't come in. Both of my

> cats are like my babies (not able to have kids of my own) and the only

> reason I left them with her is because when I moved back to the area I

> could not find anywhere I could afford that allowed pets.

> >

> > She claims to love them but since drawing a HUGE boundary around my

> involvement with her, she has left them out for over 10 hours with no food

> in the freezing weather. She claims they won't come in for her but I know

> that she is doing this deliberately by leaving them out. These are not cats

> who are used to being left outside. They are urban pets who enjoy a sojourn

> outside but need to go in for food and rest. I went up ther today to try

> and get them in and when I pointed out that she should not have left them

> out that long - she flipped and said I was (once again) upsetting her and

> would be responsible for " putting her back in the hospital. " AARRGHGHGHGH.

> There is no reasoning at all.I even asked her to just listen but she told

> me I was shouting at her and she wouldn't listen to my logic.

> >

> > I have no funds to move and I cannot afford to find a new place - would

> need a deposit cheque.

> >

> > My friend suggests I appeal to my building manager to allow me to bring

> them here (even though it is definitely no pets).

> >

> > I am open to suggestions because I fear what her neglect will result in.

> She is a dangerous nada.

> >

> > Thanks Koko

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I've noticed on web view that it resurrects old posts of the same title along

with the new posts when you look at the thread. So Koko's problem with the cats

is current but there's an older thread linked to it...guess it is just because

the titles are the same. I guess that's Yahoo trying to be " helpful " ?

Eliza

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> > > Can anyone offer any insight? My mom (person with BPD) wants to throw me

a 30th birthday party. Growing up she always threw great birthday parties for

me. The last great one where all my friends were invited to my backyard for a

good time, was when I turned 20. I figure 30 is a special event. My mom is

keen on doing this but my wife is not. She does not want to interact with her,

because of the mean things she does, especially saying bad things about my

in-laws. My wife also thinks that I am leaving myself open to expectations from

my mom for throwing the party. In other words, I will be the villain in the

future for not doing something else she wants when she went ahead and threw this

great party for me.

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> > > I don't know what to do. I have briefly skimmed the book, " Stop walking

on Eggshells " . The part that sticks out to me is that I have a right to be

happy and not feel obligated to something and ultimately be unhappy for the

BPD's sake. That's what I am confused about. I have to admit that growing up

in my family was vert difficult because of my mom's BPD. I feel like these

parties were the few moments where things seemed good to me. Parties are really

important to my mom, so she did them well. I got to benefit by feeling normal

and happy. I am really tempted to have this 30th bday party thrown by mom to

get tat feeling again, However, my wife's warning is ringing in my ears. Also,

my wife would not attend the party if I go through with it. (Part of the

justification being that she and I will actually spend my actual birthday

together.) Am i just trying to get my own childish selfish needs satisfied by

having my mom act " normally " and have me be the center of attention? Or am i

opening myself up to a world of trouble?

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