REB...Re: Re: Update from Jackie in Oregon

[Guest guest]

Thanks Reb,.....things have worked out about the house issues and as it turned out it wasn't a bad thing that we didn't move. We still want to eventually, but now isn't the time.

As far as my son goes, if you read what I wrote to Sharon that will explain whats going on there. Its up to him to contact me when he's ready to include me back into his life. I told him so in a letter I wrote him, so hopefully with time he will miss his momma and call.

I'm happy for you that you and your sister reconciled, and you were there for her when she needed you. I guess there are times where we all have to have some space to sort things out, and decide what the best course of action if any should be. Plus time for healing of any hurt words to be forgiven. I just hope my son will come around before the holidays if for nothing else but so his girls can join in with the rest of us. Now that my daughter has her baby, its as important to her as it is to me to have memories made for him, and to get to know his cousins. So maybe we can all put our differences away for awhile and have a good time in spite of how we feel. I can only hope. :-)

Thanks again, and you were a help by what you shared! :-) {{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Hugs and Love, Jackie

May the peace of God be with you...the love of Jesus enfold you...and the Spirit of Christ fill you.

Subject: Re: Update from Jackie in OregonTo: MSersLife Date: Wednesday, November 3, 2010, 5:12 AM

I'm sorry to hear things have been rough for you, Jackie! Both with the house, and with the family issues.

I know this is of absolutely no comfort whatsoever right now, but I had a big fallout with one of my sisters some years ago (10 years, maybe?). I didn't say I wanted nothing to do with her, but I did say I needed some space, and cancelled family Christmas that year. I thought that what would happen, eventually, was that we would just grow apart even more, to a point where we had limited, polite contact, but nothing else. It did hurt me, a lot, even though I was the one taking that step, because despite it all I still loved her. Even though I couldn't see much of a future for our relationship as adult siblings.

BUT today she is the one of my siblings I have the most contact with (I am not in any conflict with any of the others, it's just that we live very much apart and all have busy lives). We e-mail back and forth, and talk several times a week, on the phone or videochatting on the computer.

And I am proud and happy to have been a part of her process to get the child she wanted so much. She is single, and decided a few years ago that her longing for a child was stronger and more important than her wish for a husband, and started looking into different possibilities, like adoption and artificial insemination etc. And the option she decided on was a fertility clinic in Copenhagen, Denmark (she'd have to go abroad, because single women can't have artifical insemination, or IVF or anything like that, in Sweden, but as most of our neighboring countries allows it, and Finland is much closer to where she lives, it was not a given where she'd go). And she asked me if I would accompany her when that was possible with my schedule (we live close to the Swedish-Danish border, and very close to Copenhagen). Which I did. Whenever I could. Not every time she went, but almost. It was a

long journey, including many inseminations that didn't "take", one ectopic pregnancy (the baby to be was growing outside of the uterus and had to be removed in the end of the first trimester), and finally IVF (that was successful). I was actually the one deciding that they should implant two eggs (they wanted to do 2, she had said 1 first, so as not to risk getting twins, but became very uncertain when they explained how much lower her chances for it resulting in a baby in the end was with just 1, and so asked me to make the decision, and I decided to go with what the doctor said).

Her daughter, Pixie, who was the result of that long journey, is the one of all my nieces and nephews I feel the strongest bond to, and I actually think that being part responsible (even if it is an itty-bitty part) for bringing her into this world, is the reason for that.

And where do I want to go with this long, un-comforting, ramble? Only to this: Even a family fall-out that feels very final, can change into something else with time. It may not look like it right now. And it may hurt like hell. But it may not be final. And, also, when someone hurts us, the reason could be they are hurting (in retrospect, I can see that my sister was such a pain at the time, because she was grieving not having that child she had been longing for).

Hang in there! If you can, try and find out what is hurting him right now. Because it's quite possible it's nothing to do with you. If that is not an option, just wait it out, you may learn over time. And give the relationship time. It may very well heal and blossom.

love

/Reb

>> Hi everyone, sorry I haven't been here to support you all while you are going thru your struggles. In all honestly I too have been having some prpblems, and I've slipped into another one of my depressions. :-( It seems like I just get over one and then something happens that throws me back into another one. This time a few things happened this last week that has me flaring, and fighting another cold. > First I found the most beautiful Manufactured home that I wanted so bad and my hubby Steve wasn't as enthused about it as I was. My spirits fell pretty low, because I've been wanting to move closer in for awhile now, and he's held out saying we couldn't afford it. So after a couple days of me feeling down about it, he realized how important this was to me and recanted and said "he wanted to buy that home for me" YAY!!! I was so excited, and made the appt

for the realtor to come assess our home to see how much equity we could pull out of it so we could have enough to put down on the other home. Well, she was a no show, and when I called her she said she was sick, and she thought we should rent out our house, which I knew Steve would NEVER want to do that. So then I was bummed again, and told her I would get a second opinion, and called another realtor I know. She said we should be able to get what we want with enough equity, BUT........before she said> that, Steve had decided if we had to do any upgrades to the house it wouldn't be worth it to move and not be able to enjoy whatever upgrades we made, and I agreed, but after thinking about it for awhile, I felt myself going back into that sad state, because I really wanted that other home, and we do have the money to buy it. But now that he and I guess I felt at the time the same, he sees no reason to move until he retires in 3 years!!! I get so mad

at myself when I go back and forth on a decision I was so sure of in the beginning, and then I doubt myself and think maybe we shouldn't do whatever it was we agreed upon just a few days before. This is one of those times when the MS and the other illnesses really get me down. Literally, and emotionally. IF I was abled bodied I would have been stronger to push for the selling and moving, because I could fix this place up to look show worthy and priced to sell. I did it 10 times before so I know how to do> it. But now I just don't have the energy, or the physical strength to do anything and have to depend on others, and Steve doesn't have the energy either. Soooo that brings me to another area that has taken the wind out of my sails, and my heart breaks as I write this. My son has decided he doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore for something he thought I said about him, and he won't even talk to me about it. He has my 2

granddaughters, and s birthday is tomorrow, and we were going to celebrate hers and Steves at Thanksgiving and I doubt if we will all be together now. We don't have a very big immediate family, so not having everyone here will make it less then what we usually have. I bought the girls and baby boy Christian new dressy outfits, and I wanted everyone to be together so I could have a family portrait taken, and now I don't know if that will happen. Family has been a really big thing to me, and for a few years theres been> one thing or another that keeps disrupting ours from everyone getting along. That in itself causes much grief in me, and so then I retreat inside myself to try and ward off any flares, but they seem to slip out anyhow. > So please forgive me for those of you who are going thru your family issues, I pray for you, but I'm afraid I can't be very encouraging to you right now. > Hopefully things will get better for

all of us. > > > > > > > > Hugs and Love, Jackie > May the peace of God be with you...> the love of Jesus enfold you...> and the Spirit of Christ fill you.> > > >