Mother-Smother!!

[Guest guest]

I hope this gets posted as I could really use advice and support. I'm in the

process of distancing myself from my mother yet again. This is the 1st time

I've been the one to do it since my divorce (my ex-husband took great pleasure

in doing it before). My Mom is a Queen with Witch tendencies, when confronted,

disagreed with or whenever she decided to lash out.

It's so hard to sum her up in a few sentences, especially now since she's got me

so rattled, it's hard to think clearly. She has this sick envy of me and anyone

in my life that in her mind takes me away from her. any interests and passions I

have that she doesn't have she feels entitled to have at my expense. Everything

is at my expense! everything she does that appears generous comes with strings

attached-- gifts,money, family vacations,anything. She tries to get between me

and my kids, tried to steel boyfriends from me when I was a teenager--making me

and my Dad jealous gave her a sick thrill. when I cross her, which I have

pretty much avoided since I was a teenager, her seething, evil side comes out.

It's terrifying! When I was a kid, she would put her face right up against

mine, her eyes wide, and say the most awful things about me-- that I was dirty

and disgusting and pathetic, that I might appear pretty and clean on the outside

but she knew how disgusting and dirty I really was inside... she'd say it loud,

but very slowly, emphasizing the ugliest words... I just remember being frozen.

when I feel her starting to get angry, I freeze just like I did as a kid. my

mind goes blank... this is where email is awesome!!

so this time around...I've been feeling her rage building for the past 2 years--

when my ex-husband and I separated. my divorce made her crazy...? I had to stop

answering her calls and emails because they always made me more frantic and I

couldn't handle her demands. I spoke to one of my brothers daily, which made

her furious too. she started giving me some $$ every month (at my brother's

request), since I had none at the time, but she would stop randomly or forget it

when we met up...

so she's still furious that I didn't answer all her calls during my divorce.

and she's heard that I have some new friends. and I'm not depressed and am

moving forward with my life... so her jealous rage is about to boil over!!

We've had 1 CRAZY phone conversation, where I confronted her and stayed very

very calm--this made her totally crazy!! that was followed by the usual emails

from her--I finally responded 2 days ago via email-- again very calm and

straight forward. it's been 2 days since I sent it and I'm panicked!! I never

before realized how deathly afraid of her I am!!

it really helps to write this all out--although I'm very panicky doing it-- but

I could really use any advice or maybe tell me I'm doing the right thing, that

I'm not an evil person for not allowing her to absorb and obliterate me. I

guess I still feel she has the power to do just that. crazy!

thank you and sorry this is so long!

[Guest guest]

>

> it really helps to write this all out--although I'm very panicky doing it--

but I could really use any advice or maybe tell me I'm doing the right thing,

that I'm not an evil person for not allowing her to absorb and obliterate me. I

guess I still feel she has the power to do just that. crazy!

>

Think of it this way when is it EVER right for one person to absorb and

obliterate another person? You are showing great courage and taking care of

you and that's a wonderful thing. There are many on this board who have Witch

type nadas who can give you more advice than me. Mine is mostly Waif, but the

only good thing about her rare Witch episodes is that then I finally feel free

to fight for myself. Your own nada's open aggression leaves no doubt that she

is harmful to you.

Eliza