or the analogy of tennis?

[Guest guest]

Thanks for putting up with me as I consider ways of looking at my present

situation with my nada. I guess I am in limited contact with her, and I engage

in conversation just long enough to find out that mom is still in her warp.

Occasionally I ask myself what I can do to change the game. But right now I have

no answers except to step away when it is clear I am the target.

If I decide I'm actually playing baseball with nada, I still struggle with

fitting the metaphor to the situation. For I see that first I need to be clear

on whether she is pitching or batting. If she is batting, it would be simple

enough. But she always acts as if she were pitching! If only there were a real

referee! My problem is I have been trying to wear that hat while fighting with

nada. As soon as I fight with nada, she uses that to validate treating me as if

I am a teenager… even though more than 30 years have passed…

Where I hang up the phone it is my way of walking off the field. Question is,

why would I keep coming back? I am tired of it being the same old game, whatever

the game is. Really, it is more of a punching game, with me being the bozo bop

up bag. Now, why would I keep coming back for that?

I had to laugh yesterday, when my brother made this analogy " You think you are

playing tennis. And then the other person brings out a shotgun. They shoot the

gun instead of using a racket. You say, stop shooting. They say, I am NOT

shooting, what kind of awful person are you for accusing me of complete

craziness? You say, look at the hole in my racket, from your big bullets. The

other person says, those are not my fault, you held up your racket didn't you?

You must have hit the ball wrong. You hit too hard! You say again, this is

damage from a big bullet. You are the only one on the court with me. Where else

could the bullet have come from? henThe other person falters, gets ready for

their comeback, but you have had enough. You see your racket, broken, you are

pretty sure the gun will come out next time, too, cause the other person is not

going to admit they are holding a gun, unless you go over to their side of the

court and take a photo of them. But then you would be at close range. So you

decide it is time to end the game. As you walk away, you may be shot. You are

grateful when the other person simply says, damn you, you never play the game to

the end! You are always walking out on me when I am trying so hard to play with

you! "

Ah, the crazy making game. Too bad the problem person thinks I am bad for

ending the game she so eagerly wants to play! I am trying to put a Higher Power

in charge. In the meantime, I will read about the DEAR approach, and use it with

my 12 year old for practice.

Best,

[Guest guest]

I see your brother has picked up on your nada's rather openly naked hatred for

you and her desire to destroy you with his " gun vs tennis racket " analogy. I

think he's come the closest of all, even closer than my " gladiatorial combat "

analogy, because at least all the gladiators were " playing the same game. " Your

nada is playing a different game than you are: she is out for your blood, has

arrived on the tennis court with a freaking gun, and you've arrived with a

tennis racket. Yes, I think that analogy is the best one yet. I like the way

your brother thinks.

-Annie

>

> Thanks for putting up with me as I consider ways of looking at my present

situation with my nada. I guess I am in limited contact with her, and I engage

in conversation just long enough to find out that mom is still in her warp.

Occasionally I ask myself what I can do to change the game. But right now I have

no answers except to step away when it is clear I am the target.

>

> If I decide I'm actually playing baseball with nada, I still struggle with

fitting the metaphor to the situation. For I see that first I need to be clear

on whether she is pitching or batting. If she is batting, it would be simple

enough. But she always acts as if she were pitching! If only there were a real

referee! My problem is I have been trying to wear that hat while fighting with

nada. As soon as I fight with nada, she uses that to validate treating me as if

I am a teenager… even though more than 30 years have passed…

>

> Where I hang up the phone it is my way of walking off the field. Question is,

why would I keep coming back? I am tired of it being the same old game, whatever

the game is. Really, it is more of a punching game, with me being the bozo bop

up bag. Now, why would I keep coming back for that?

>

> I had to laugh yesterday, when my brother made this analogy " You think you are

playing tennis. And then the other person brings out a shotgun. They shoot the

gun instead of using a racket. You say, stop shooting. They say, I am NOT

shooting, what kind of awful person are you for accusing me of complete

craziness? You say, look at the hole in my racket, from your big bullets. The

other person says, those are not my fault, you held up your racket didn't you?

You must have hit the ball wrong. You hit too hard! You say again, this is

damage from a big bullet. You are the only one on the court with me. Where else

could the bullet have come from? henThe other person falters, gets ready for

their comeback, but you have had enough. You see your racket, broken, you are

pretty sure the gun will come out next time, too, cause the other person is not

going to admit they are holding a gun, unless you go over to their side of the

court and take a photo of them. But then you would be at close range. So you

decide it is time to end the game. As you walk away, you may be shot. You are

grateful when the other person simply says, damn you, you never play the game to

the end! You are always walking out on me when I am trying so hard to play with

you! "

>

> Ah, the crazy making game. Too bad the problem person thinks I am bad for

ending the game she so eagerly wants to play! I am trying to put a Higher Power

in charge. In the meantime, I will read about the DEAR approach, and use it with

my 12 year old for practice.

>

> Best,

>

>

>

>

>