What was your initial response to discovering BPD?

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone,

I'm new to the group, and have just started reading the book 'Stop walking on

eggshells' as recommended by my counsellor. I was wondering what you're initial

response to discovering BPD existed, as i have just found out recently about it.

I started meeting up with my counsellor, as I am concerned that the

relationship I had with my (99% sure BP) Mum, is still affecting relationships I

have with other people. I have a lovely fiance, and we are planning to get

married next summer, although i have underlying fears that I may resent him in

the future, as i find it really hard not to push people away. Sometimes I find

the idea of being so close to someone unnerving and the possibility of not

having personal space suffocating.

Mum died when I was late teens and although it is over 5 years since her death I

still feel very protective over her and responsible for her 'recovery'. I used

to feel like I understood her more than other family members that lived

elsewhere, and defended her when i felt she was misunderstood. I was aware that

Mum had had a horrific childhood, and her behaviour was directly related to her

deep inner pain.

Now that I have had some years to grieve her physical absence, I find I am

mourning the pain she experienced in her life. I feel angry and protective over

her - how dare someone treat her like that! And yet I feel terrified when I

remember her 'border-lion' behaviour, which would start with hours of verbal

abuse, then move onto emotional abuse where she would violently harm herself by

beating, setting herself on fire, or lying down on a main road, all the while

blaming me or other family members for her pain - 'This is what you're doing to

me! You're killing me!!' she'd cry.

While reading the 'Stop walking on Eggshells " book, I found I recognised the

behaviours in my Mum, and even just reading about them caused me to tremble,

have cold sweats, brought on a migrane, and made me feel physically sick. As I

child, i quickly learned to 'zone out' as much as possible and put myself into a

kind of trance so i couldn't feel the pain.

Now I find it really hard not to 'run away' or zone out, from the reality of my

own childhood. I am determined to face my past, but I am shocked by how painful

and physical my responses have been to memories I have suppressed for so long. I

wish the memories did not have such a hold on me and i would like to get to a

point where i am not terrified of offending other people.

Florence

[Guest guest]

Hi Florence,

I am new here also, so I don't feel comfortable offering a lot of advice. I

just want to say welcome and I understand what you are going through. It is

amazing the power some of those memories can have over us. I have found that

out in counseling, also. It is only through counseling, reading and journaling

that I have learned how repressed a lot of my feelings were. It was very scary

(still is) when I start to feel them coming forth. Definitely a physical

response. You will gradually feel more comfortable as you realize that they

cannot hurt you. Getting those feelings out in the open is the absolute best

thing you can do. I have no regrets, as hard as it has been at times. Like

you, my relationships have suffered from my difficulty with trusting others and

letting them get close. Worrying about offending people and thinking I did not

have a right to express my opinion, it wasn't as valuable as others' opinions.

Recognizing that you do that and wanting to change it are huge steps. You are

moving in the right direction. Everyone has to move at their own pace. For me,

I had to take breaks sometimes from thinking about it, felt saturated with it

sometimes. Other times, I just needed to read all I could and write it out or

talk about it with someone I could trust. I wish you all the best and I hope

that you benefit from the wisdom and encouragement of people on here as much as

I have.

Lyn

>

> Hi everyone,

>

> I'm new to the group, and have just started reading the book 'Stop walking on

eggshells' as recommended by my counsellor. I was wondering what you're initial

response to discovering BPD existed, as i have just found out recently about it.

>

> I started meeting up with my counsellor, as I am concerned that the

relationship I had with my (99% sure BP) Mum, is still affecting relationships I

have with other people. I have a lovely fiance, and we are planning to get

married next summer, although i have underlying fears that I may resent him in

the future, as i find it really hard not to push people away. Sometimes I find

the idea of being so close to someone unnerving and the possibility of not

having personal space suffocating.

>

> Mum died when I was late teens and although it is over 5 years since her death

I still feel very protective over her and responsible for her 'recovery'. I used

to feel like I understood her more than other family members that lived

elsewhere, and defended her when i felt she was misunderstood. I was aware that

Mum had had a horrific childhood, and her behaviour was directly related to her

deep inner pain.

>

> Now that I have had some years to grieve her physical absence, I find I am

mourning the pain she experienced in her life. I feel angry and protective over

her - how dare someone treat her like that! And yet I feel terrified when I

remember her 'border-lion' behaviour, which would start with hours of verbal

abuse, then move onto emotional abuse where she would violently harm herself by

beating, setting herself on fire, or lying down on a main road, all the while

blaming me or other family members for her pain - 'This is what you're doing to

me! You're killing me!!' she'd cry.

>

> While reading the 'Stop walking on Eggshells " book, I found I recognised the

behaviours in my Mum, and even just reading about them caused me to tremble,

have cold sweats, brought on a migrane, and made me feel physically sick. As I

child, i quickly learned to 'zone out' as much as possible and put myself into a

kind of trance so i couldn't feel the pain.

>

> Now I find it really hard not to 'run away' or zone out, from the reality of

my own childhood. I am determined to face my past, but I am shocked by how

painful and physical my responses have been to memories I have suppressed for so

long. I wish the memories did not have such a hold on me and i would like to get

to a point where i am not terrified of offending other people.

>

>

> Florence

>

[Guest guest]

I chuckled at the title of the book when I stumbled across it at the library and

it was a oh this actually makes sense response. Finally I had an answer I had

been denied for so long. (nada's therapist hid it I think even from my dad)

proflaf

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Tuesday, November 22, 2011 5:52 PM

Subject: Re: What was your initial response to discovering

BPD?

Â

Hi Florence,

I am new here also, so I don't feel comfortable offering a lot of advice. I

just want to say welcome and I understand what you are going through. It is

amazing the power some of those memories can have over us. I have found that

out in counseling, also. It is only through counseling, reading and journaling

that I have learned how repressed a lot of my feelings were. It was very scary

(still is) when I start to feel them coming forth. Definitely a physical

response. You will gradually feel more comfortable as you realize that they

cannot hurt you. Getting those feelings out in the open is the absolute best

thing you can do. I have no regrets, as hard as it has been at times. Like

you, my relationships have suffered from my difficulty with trusting others and

letting them get close. Worrying about offending people and thinking I did not

have a right to express my opinion, it wasn't as valuable as others' opinions.

Recognizing that you do that and

wanting to change it are huge steps. You are moving in the right direction.

Everyone has to move at their own pace. For me, I had to take breaks sometimes

from thinking about it, felt saturated with it sometimes. Other times, I just

needed to read all I could and write it out or talk about it with someone I

could trust. I wish you all the best and I hope that you benefit from the

wisdom and encouragement of people on here as much as I have.

Lyn

>

> Hi everyone,

>

> I'm new to the group, and have just started reading the book 'Stop walking on

eggshells' as recommended by my counsellor. I was wondering what you're initial

response to discovering BPD existed, as i have just found out recently about it.

>

> I started meeting up with my counsellor, as I am concerned that the

relationship I had with my (99% sure BP) Mum, is still affecting relationships I

have with other people. I have a lovely fiance, and we are planning to get

married next summer, although i have underlying fears that I may resent him in

the future, as i find it really hard not to push people away. Sometimes I find

the idea of being so close to someone unnerving and the possibility of not

having personal space suffocating.

>

> Mum died when I was late teens and although it is over 5 years since her death

I still feel very protective over her and responsible for her 'recovery'. I used

to feel like I understood her more than other family members that lived

elsewhere, and defended her when i felt she was misunderstood. I was aware that

Mum had had a horrific childhood, and her behaviour was directly related to her

deep inner pain.

>

> Now that I have had some years to grieve her physical absence, I find I am

mourning the pain she experienced in her life. I feel angry and protective over

her - how dare someone treat her like that! And yet I feel terrified when I

remember her 'border-lion' behaviour, which would start with hours of verbal

abuse, then move onto emotional abuse where she would violently harm herself by

beating, setting herself on fire, or lying down on a main road, all the while

blaming me or other family members for her pain - 'This is what you're doing to

me! You're killing me!!' she'd cry.

>

> While reading the 'Stop walking on Eggshells " book, I found I recognised the

behaviours in my Mum, and even just reading about them caused me to tremble,

have cold sweats, brought on a migrane, and made me feel physically sick. As I

child, i quickly learned to 'zone out' as much as possible and put myself into a

kind of trance so i couldn't feel the pain.

>

> Now I find it really hard not to 'run away' or zone out, from the reality of

my own childhood. I am determined to face my past, but I am shocked by how

painful and physical my responses have been to memories I have suppressed for so

long. I wish the memories did not have such a hold on me and i would like to get

to a point where i am not terrified of offending other people.

>

>

> Florence

>

[Guest guest]

" As I child, i quickly learned to 'zone out' as much as possible and put myself

into a kind of trance so i couldn't feel the pain. "

Me, too, Florence. I still do it at times!

btw, welcome to the group; lots of support here for you.

My initial response to discovering bpd was relief. Relief that I wasn't alone,

that I wasn't imagining feeling abused, invalidated, and used.

When you said, " although i have underlying fears that I may resent my fiance in

the future, as i find it really hard not to push people away. Sometimes I find

the idea of being so close to someone unnerving and the possibility of not

having personal space suffocating. " -- my jaw dropped. THAT'S ME. I don't like

people **needing** to be so close to me! btw, you're very good at articulating

yourself. Just saying. I think that's a huge insight to have before your

marriage and definitely worth unlayering with your counselor. Maybe ask your

counselor if premarital counseling would be a good idea.

My parents were suffocating people who refused to let go of me. I also used to

find it hard to push people away, up until a few years ago, after I'd been

seeing a therapist for a while. I'm learning to say what i mean and to use

boundaries and keep them.

So, when I got married, I would bristle if my husband asked me too many

questions about something. He was just being interested in his new wife's

interests, I interpreted it as him controlling me. We're married quite a while

now and he knows when to turn it off! ha aha!

Again, welcome!

Fiona

>

> Hi everyone,

>

> I'm new to the group, and have just started reading the book 'Stop walking on

eggshells' as recommended by my counsellor. I was wondering what you're initial

response to discovering BPD existed, as i have just found out recently about it.

>

> I started meeting up with my counsellor, as I am concerned that the

relationship I had with my (99% sure BP) Mum, is still affecting relationships I

have with other people. I have a lovely fiance, and we are planning to get

married next summer, although i have underlying fears that I may resent him in

the future, as i find it really hard not to push people away. Sometimes I find

the idea of being so close to someone unnerving and the possibility of not

having personal space suffocating.

>

> Mum died when I was late teens and although it is over 5 years since her death

I still feel very protective over her and responsible for her 'recovery'. I used

to feel like I understood her more than other family members that lived

elsewhere, and defended her when i felt she was misunderstood. I was aware that

Mum had had a horrific childhood, and her behaviour was directly related to her

deep inner pain.

>

> Now that I have had some years to grieve her physical absence, I find I am

mourning the pain she experienced in her life. I feel angry and protective over

her - how dare someone treat her like that! And yet I feel terrified when I

remember her 'border-lion' behaviour, which would start with hours of verbal

abuse, then move onto emotional abuse where she would violently harm herself by

beating, setting herself on fire, or lying down on a main road, all the while

blaming me or other family members for her pain - 'This is what you're doing to

me! You're killing me!!' she'd cry.

>

> While reading the 'Stop walking on Eggshells " book, I found I recognised the

behaviours in my Mum, and even just reading about them caused me to tremble,

have cold sweats, brought on a migrane, and made me feel physically sick. As I

child, i quickly learned to 'zone out' as much as possible and put myself into a

kind of trance so i couldn't feel the pain.

>

> Now I find it really hard not to 'run away' or zone out, from the reality of

my own childhood. I am determined to face my past, but I am shocked by how

painful and physical my responses have been to memories I have suppressed for so

long. I wish the memories did not have such a hold on me and i would like to get

to a point where i am not terrified of offending other people.

>

>

> Florence

>