Anyone else?

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone! It has been awhile since I have posted since I went " no-contact "

with my nada about a year ago. Yet even after going nc, problems still arise. My

nada likes to self medicate. She will use just about anything with her favorites

being alcohol and opiates. Cocaine used to be a big one when I was in my teens

and early twenties, it probably still would be if her dealer didn't " quit " and

she knew how to get it. She always had lapses of being clean and sober but would

always go back to self medicating. After my daughter was born I became very

protective of her and knew I did not want her to experience the hellish things

that nada had put me through so I created many boundaries and nada obliged for a

little while and shortly after my daughters first birthday nada went back to

self medicating. After totaling her car and being arrested and convicted of a

DUI, I drew the line. I gave nada the ultimatum that she had to get help with

her drinking and drug abuse and we also needed to go to some kind of family

counseling together if she wanted to have a relationship with me or my family.

Nada refused and I have been NC ever since. I get nasty letters every now and

then but I just don't respond. My biggest problem is that nada likes to make

threats. Most of the time they are just empty threats but they are still

frightening. I know I can't give in to her threats but don't know how else to

deal with them besides ignoring them. We have considered a restraining order but

are afraid to go through the court process and fueling her rage even more. The

scariest threat so far was that if I keep my child from her she said she would

have her taken away from me. Not exactly sure what she means by having her

" taken " away from me. I have had nightmares of my daughter being kidnapped by

her and we are also worried that maybe she might make a false CPS claim and put

my family through hell while things get sorted out. So even though I have gone

NC, nada is still terrorizing me. My kids are my everything and I feel like I

have done everything I can to protect them from nada but she is still a threat.

We have moved and she doesn't know where we live although I am always afraid she

will find out and just show up one day. We have changed our phone numbers and

emails. The only way nada gets in contact with me now is that she sends letters

to my mother in laws house. Has anyone else been through anything like this? I

could really use advice? Are there any other legal means of protecting ourselves

outside of a restraining order?

Thank you for taking the time to read my horror story and any advice is

welcomed.

[Guest guest]

Hi Shann,

I'm so sorry you are experiencing this kind of harassment and threatening

behavior from your nada. ( " nada " = bpd/personality-disordered mom = " not a

mom " ) Its both infuriating and heartbreaking when one's parent is this

seriously disturbed.

Yes, other members here have posted similar experiences from time to time; it

would seem that its not uncommon for the more extremely disordered parents with

bpd or narcissistic pd or even antisocial pd *and/or* who are substance abusers

to become hostile and threatening toward their adult children, particularly when

their adult children set up boundaries in order to protect their own minor

children's safety.

You are being a good parent to protect your child from someone who abuses drugs

and alcohol to the point of driving drunk; such an individual is too disordered

and dangerous to be around children.

My suggestion is to consult with a lawyer, concerning what your options are

legally. Me personally, I'm afraid a restraining order is probably your best

bet, but there may be other options that a lawyer can advise you about.

At the anti-stalking websites, they recommend that you begin carefully

documenting all incidents of harassment and stalking. Save copies of all

hostile, harassing, threatening letters, e-mails, and phone messages as

evidence. Note in a blog or diary all incidents of physical stalking,

surveilling, trespassing, etc. Ask your mother in law if she will agree to be a

witness for you should it come to the point of needing her testimony. The

anti-stalking websites also recommend that you send one (and only one!) formal

written letter by certified/registered mail, very briefly stating that you want

no further contact of any kind and will consider any further attempts at contact

to be harassment. It helps if this letter is on the stationery of a lawyer.

Sometimes that is all it takes to stop the negative, threatening behaviors.

If you feel that your nada might retaliate or escalate her attacking behaviors

by reporting you to CPS, that can be upsetting and aggravating but it will not

cause any real harm to you, since you are a good, non-abusive mom. You will be

investigated but it will be clear to CPS that nothing is wrong; and making false

reports of child abuse to CPS will reflect badly on your nada, actually.

My suggestion is that if you consult with a lawyer and/or the police and ask

their advice, it will be a preemptive strike in case your nada should choose to

go that route: the police will already be aware that your nada has mental

problems, has been convicted of a DUI, and is now stalking and harassing you and

your child, so if she makes a (false) child abuse report to CPS, she will be

taken less seriously, if not automatically dismissed.

Please do not feel any guilt for acting to protect yourself and your child from

your mother; you did not cause your mother to be this way, and you can't cure

her. All you can do is be a good mom yourself and protect you and your family

from her abuse.

Best of luck to you and your family, Shann. Its just a heartbreak and a tragedy

when a parent is so mentally ill that he or she becomes a danger to her own

relatives as well as to herself.

-Annie

>

> Hi everyone! It has been awhile since I have posted since I went " no-contact "

with my nada about a year ago. Yet even after going nc, problems still arise. My

nada likes to self medicate. She will use just about anything with her favorites

being alcohol and opiates. Cocaine used to be a big one when I was in my teens

and early twenties, it probably still would be if her dealer didn't " quit " and

she knew how to get it. She always had lapses of being clean and sober but would

always go back to self medicating. After my daughter was born I became very

protective of her and knew I did not want her to experience the hellish things

that nada had put me through so I created many boundaries and nada obliged for a

little while and shortly after my daughters first birthday nada went back to

self medicating. After totaling her car and being arrested and convicted of a

DUI, I drew the line. I gave nada the ultimatum that she had to get help with

her drinking and drug abuse and we also needed to go to some kind of family

counseling together if she wanted to have a relationship with me or my family.

Nada refused and I have been NC ever since. I get nasty letters every now and

then but I just don't respond. My biggest problem is that nada likes to make

threats. Most of the time they are just empty threats but they are still

frightening. I know I can't give in to her threats but don't know how else to

deal with them besides ignoring them. We have considered a restraining order but

are afraid to go through the court process and fueling her rage even more. The

scariest threat so far was that if I keep my child from her she said she would

have her taken away from me. Not exactly sure what she means by having her

" taken " away from me. I have had nightmares of my daughter being kidnapped by

her and we are also worried that maybe she might make a false CPS claim and put

my family through hell while things get sorted out. So even though I have gone

NC, nada is still terrorizing me. My kids are my everything and I feel like I

have done everything I can to protect them from nada but she is still a threat.

We have moved and she doesn't know where we live although I am always afraid she

will find out and just show up one day. We have changed our phone numbers and

emails. The only way nada gets in contact with me now is that she sends letters

to my mother in laws house. Has anyone else been through anything like this? I

could really use advice? Are there any other legal means of protecting ourselves

outside of a restraining order?

>

> Thank you for taking the time to read my horror story and any advice is

welcomed.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Annie,

Thank you so much for the advice and encouragement!

I haven't responded to nada in almost a year but when I did it was always by

hand written letters or email and I have saved all of them. Also, and

thankfully, my father and his side of my family are all very close to me so I

have a handful of people that would act as witnesses for me. My in-laws and I

have a great relationship as well so I do have these things going for me.

The formal letter on a lawyers stationary is a great idea. My husband and I have

been thinking about contacting an attorney regarding this just to see what we

can do to protect ourselves more outside of having to face her in court if we

were to file a restraining order.

I haven't had any threats very recently but there are always periods of calm

right before a big storm. It truly is in nada's case a matter of " when " instead

of " if " . With the holidays here I know it's coming. She is always the worst

around the holidays so I am just trying to prepare for when it does happen.

Thank you again, this group and the responses mean so much to me.

Happy Thanksgiving

~Shann

> >

> > Hi everyone! It has been awhile since I have posted since I went

" no-contact " with my nada about a year ago. Yet even after going nc, problems

still arise. My nada likes to self medicate. She will use just about anything

with her favorites being alcohol and opiates. Cocaine used to be a big one when

I was in my teens and early twenties, it probably still would be if her dealer

didn't " quit " and she knew how to get it. She always had lapses of being clean

and sober but would always go back to self medicating. After my daughter was

born I became very protective of her and knew I did not want her to experience

the hellish things that nada had put me through so I created many boundaries and

nada obliged for a little while and shortly after my daughters first birthday

nada went back to self medicating. After totaling her car and being arrested and

convicted of a DUI, I drew the line. I gave nada the ultimatum that she had to

get help with her drinking and drug abuse and we also needed to go to some kind

of family counseling together if she wanted to have a relationship with me or my

family. Nada refused and I have been NC ever since. I get nasty letters every

now and then but I just don't respond. My biggest problem is that nada likes to

make threats. Most of the time they are just empty threats but they are still

frightening. I know I can't give in to her threats but don't know how else to

deal with them besides ignoring them. We have considered a restraining order but

are afraid to go through the court process and fueling her rage even more. The

scariest threat so far was that if I keep my child from her she said she would

have her taken away from me. Not exactly sure what she means by having her

" taken " away from me. I have had nightmares of my daughter being kidnapped by

her and we are also worried that maybe she might make a false CPS claim and put

my family through hell while things get sorted out. So even though I have gone

NC, nada is still terrorizing me. My kids are my everything and I feel like I

have done everything I can to protect them from nada but she is still a threat.

We have moved and she doesn't know where we live although I am always afraid she

will find out and just show up one day. We have changed our phone numbers and

emails. The only way nada gets in contact with me now is that she sends letters

to my mother in laws house. Has anyone else been through anything like this? I

could really use advice? Are there any other legal means of protecting ourselves

outside of a restraining order?

> >

> > Thank you for taking the time to read my horror story and any advice is

welcomed.

> >

>