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REALLY?!?! You want to do this NOW?

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Hey KO family, I have once again forgotten to NEVER trust my nada to be there

for me at all, however I can be forgiven for this lapse. I have already forgiven

myself, but I have got to get this out there so I can reflect back upon it

later. this is the lesson I learned today...to never forget that it is when you

are at your most vulnerable that the nada will strike and that these people will

never be there for you ever when you truly need them! This is what happened and

why I was so vulnerable.

My husband went into the hospital on October 31st with serious indigestion and

pain. We thought they were going to tell us that he had gallstones and would

have to have the stones or the gallbladder removed. By early afternoon, we knew

he had some type of cancer. Everyday his prognosis was worse. By the time he was

in the hospital a week and a half, we knew that he was terminal, that even if

chemo helped that it would only, maybe buy him a year, maybe less. It was around

this time that my nada asked if I wanted her to come out to be with us and help

me with our son, her only biological grandchild. I said yes, that I was sure

that our son would appreciate any and all help that grandma could provide, she

has always loved my son and would do anything for him at all. Two days later,

when my in-laws arrived, she called me. I assumed that she was calling to tell

me her flight information or to tell me that she and her husband were driving

out here and when I could expect them or when one of my friends could come pick

them up from the airport. Instead she mentions that she is almost to Atlanta,

where I (again) mistakenly assume that she has a layover in Atlanta and will

soon be arriving here in Colorado. However, it is not to me she is headed, it is

to Orlando to help her husband close on a property he is selling there. She has

developed a complete amnesia to having ever told me she should come out. I am

disappointed, but not terribly surprised. I let it go and move on. I remind

myself not to take it personally and that she lost her husband almost four years

ago this month and that maybe this is her sick brain trying to protect itself

from dredging all that pain up from those memories. I am always making excuses

for her. Why stop now.

By the time we reached the end of his second week in the hospital we knew that a

year was overestimating things, that pretty much 100% of his liver was now

cancer cells and that he was entering liver failure. My husband died late

Saturday afternoon, November 19th. We just had his memorial yesterday afternoon.

He was just 50 years old. The father of a twelve year old boy. We were together

over 22 years.

I waited to bring out nada til the day before the memorial. I thought she could

be there for her grandson, who loves her dearly. My best friend since grade

school arrived the day after my husband passed and she helped nada book her

flight and get everything set up. We tried to keep it as short a visit as

possible attempting to convince her that all the flights returning were too

expensive unless she went home on Thanksgiving day. she balked at this idea and

the best I could get her to settle for was returning on Saturday. It was her

money, and she wanted a longer visit. I relented, what a mistake.

Today after returning from Thanksgiving dinner with many of my husbands

relatives, my nada mentions how bad she feels that she didn't get to talk to my

husband. I assumed that she meant, before he passed. What she really meant was

she was angry with me that I had told her that she couldn't talk to my husband

anymore. This was not entirely untrue. She had started talking to my husband

about some problems he and I were having at the time and was communicating with

him behind my back under the guise of " helping " our marriage! When I found out,

I put a stop to it. I didn't completely understand what was wrong with my nada,

this was pre-knowledge of BPD, but I knew that any and all information given to

nada is future ammunition and that is how I convinced my husband to quit talking

to her. It was fine if I was around and/or aware of conversations between them,

but otherwise it was not allowed.

When I realized that she was taking me to task about how I " made her feel " about

" HER relationship with my husband " I was like the subject line says REALLY?!?!

You want to do this NOW? I BEGGED HER TO DROP IT. Pleaded was she really picking

this time to berate me for how bad I made her feel about her not having a

relationship with my husband! This was the right time for me to get a lecture

from her about this? Where she proceeded to tell me off about how I lectured her

after her husband died about money. (okay, I did that) She was threatening to

not use the life insurance money to pay off her mortgage. That and she went out

and bought two more purebred dogs to the tune of about $2K give or take. She

kept saying that her brother would not let her loose her house even if she blew

thru all of her money, when what he really said was that he would help guide her

in the wisest way to use the money that she had gotten. She has been waiting a

long time to get her revenge about that one. I spent a few more minutes arguing

with her and telling her to just drop it and quit talking and finally I left the

house and drove down the street to talk to a friend of mine. I spent the next

two hours in my car talking on my cell to my BFF, my sister-in-law and another

friend that just happened to call during that time. Now I'm off to see if I can

book her ass outta her on a flight tomorrow instead of Saturday.

Carla

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Posted
Posted

((((Carla)))) that is truly awful. I am so sorry for the loss of your husband.

You shouldn't have to deal with ANY nada crap at a time like this. Given the

insane amounts airlines charge for changing a ticket I'd propose an alternate

solution if you can't get the flight changed. Kick her out and make her stay in

a hotel till it's time for her to leave - it sounds like that's what she

deserves. You deserve peace and kind people around you while you grieve.

Today I get blasted with a very small version of how unempathetic and projective

my nada could be. Reading what you are dealing with it just brings it home that

whether the issue is really big or really small, they just can't be counted on

to be there. And that's not our fault.

Take care,

Eliza

>

> Hey KO family, I have once again forgotten to NEVER trust my nada to be there

for me at all, however I can be forgiven for this lapse. I have already forgiven

myself, but I have got to get this out there so I can reflect back upon it

later. this is the lesson I learned today...to never forget that it is when you

are at your most vulnerable that the nada will strike and that these people will

never be there for you ever when you truly need them! This is what happened and

why I was so vulnerable.

>

> My husband went into the hospital on October 31st with serious indigestion and

pain. We thought they were going to tell us that he had gallstones and would

have to have the stones or the gallbladder removed. By early afternoon, we knew

he had some type of cancer. Everyday his prognosis was worse. By the time he was

in the hospital a week and a half, we knew that he was terminal, that even if

chemo helped that it would only, maybe buy him a year, maybe less. It was around

this time that my nada asked if I wanted her to come out to be with us and help

me with our son, her only biological grandchild. I said yes, that I was sure

that our son would appreciate any and all help that grandma could provide, she

has always loved my son and would do anything for him at all. Two days later,

when my in-laws arrived, she called me. I assumed that she was calling to tell

me her flight information or to tell me that she and her husband were driving

out here and when I could expect them or when one of my friends could come pick

them up from the airport. Instead she mentions that she is almost to Atlanta,

where I (again) mistakenly assume that she has a layover in Atlanta and will

soon be arriving here in Colorado. However, it is not to me she is headed, it is

to Orlando to help her husband close on a property he is selling there. She has

developed a complete amnesia to having ever told me she should come out. I am

disappointed, but not terribly surprised. I let it go and move on. I remind

myself not to take it personally and that she lost her husband almost four years

ago this month and that maybe this is her sick brain trying to protect itself

from dredging all that pain up from those memories. I am always making excuses

for her. Why stop now.

>

> By the time we reached the end of his second week in the hospital we knew that

a year was overestimating things, that pretty much 100% of his liver was now

cancer cells and that he was entering liver failure. My husband died late

Saturday afternoon, November 19th. We just had his memorial yesterday afternoon.

He was just 50 years old. The father of a twelve year old boy. We were together

over 22 years.

>

> I waited to bring out nada til the day before the memorial. I thought she

could be there for her grandson, who loves her dearly. My best friend since

grade school arrived the day after my husband passed and she helped nada book

her flight and get everything set up. We tried to keep it as short a visit as

possible attempting to convince her that all the flights returning were too

expensive unless she went home on Thanksgiving day. she balked at this idea and

the best I could get her to settle for was returning on Saturday. It was her

money, and she wanted a longer visit. I relented, what a mistake.

>

> Today after returning from Thanksgiving dinner with many of my husbands

relatives, my nada mentions how bad she feels that she didn't get to talk to my

husband. I assumed that she meant, before he passed. What she really meant was

she was angry with me that I had told her that she couldn't talk to my husband

anymore. This was not entirely untrue. She had started talking to my husband

about some problems he and I were having at the time and was communicating with

him behind my back under the guise of " helping " our marriage! When I found out,

I put a stop to it. I didn't completely understand what was wrong with my nada,

this was pre-knowledge of BPD, but I knew that any and all information given to

nada is future ammunition and that is how I convinced my husband to quit talking

to her. It was fine if I was around and/or aware of conversations between them,

but otherwise it was not allowed.

>

> When I realized that she was taking me to task about how I " made her feel "

about " HER relationship with my husband " I was like the subject line says

REALLY?!?! You want to do this NOW? I BEGGED HER TO DROP IT. Pleaded was she

really picking this time to berate me for how bad I made her feel about her not

having a relationship with my husband! This was the right time for me to get a

lecture from her about this? Where she proceeded to tell me off about how I

lectured her after her husband died about money. (okay, I did that) She was

threatening to not use the life insurance money to pay off her mortgage. That

and she went out and bought two more purebred dogs to the tune of about $2K give

or take. She kept saying that her brother would not let her loose her house even

if she blew thru all of her money, when what he really said was that he would

help guide her in the wisest way to use the money that she had gotten. She has

been waiting a long time to get her revenge about that one. I spent a few more

minutes arguing with her and telling her to just drop it and quit talking and

finally I left the house and drove down the street to talk to a friend of mine.

I spent the next two hours in my car talking on my cell to my BFF, my

sister-in-law and another friend that just happened to call during that time.

Now I'm off to see if I can book her ass outta her on a flight tomorrow instead

of Saturday.

>

> Carla

>

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Posted
Posted

I'm so sorry on lossing your husband. If you can't find a flight, I'd stick

her on a train or drop her at the bus terminal. You need to take care of

yourself and your son

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Friday, November 25, 2011 4:00 AM

Subject: Re: REALLY?!?! You want to do this NOW?

Â

((((Carla)))) that is truly awful. I am so sorry for the loss of your husband.

You shouldn't have to deal with ANY nada crap at a time like this. Given the

insane amounts airlines charge for changing a ticket I'd propose an alternate

solution if you can't get the flight changed. Kick her out and make her stay in

a hotel till it's time for her to leave - it sounds like that's what she

deserves. You deserve peace and kind people around you while you grieve.

Today I get blasted with a very small version of how unempathetic and projective

my nada could be. Reading what you are dealing with it just brings it home that

whether the issue is really big or really small, they just can't be counted on

to be there. And that's not our fault.

Take care,

Eliza

>

> Hey KO family, I have once again forgotten to NEVER trust my nada to be there

for me at all, however I can be forgiven for this lapse. I have already forgiven

myself, but I have got to get this out there so I can reflect back upon it

later. this is the lesson I learned today...to never forget that it is when you

are at your most vulnerable that the nada will strike and that these people will

never be there for you ever when you truly need them! This is what happened and

why I was so vulnerable.

>

> My husband went into the hospital on October 31st with serious indigestion and

pain. We thought they were going to tell us that he had gallstones and would

have to have the stones or the gallbladder removed. By early afternoon, we knew

he had some type of cancer. Everyday his prognosis was worse. By the time he was

in the hospital a week and a half, we knew that he was terminal, that even if

chemo helped that it would only, maybe buy him a year, maybe less. It was around

this time that my nada asked if I wanted her to come out to be with us and help

me with our son, her only biological grandchild. I said yes, that I was sure

that our son would appreciate any and all help that grandma could provide, she

has always loved my son and would do anything for him at all. Two days later,

when my in-laws arrived, she called me. I assumed that she was calling to tell

me her flight information or to tell me that she and her husband were driving

out here and when I

could expect them or when one of my friends could come pick them up from the

airport. Instead she mentions that she is almost to Atlanta, where I (again)

mistakenly assume that she has a layover in Atlanta and will soon be arriving

here in Colorado. However, it is not to me she is headed, it is to Orlando to

help her husband close on a property he is selling there. She has developed a

complete amnesia to having ever told me she should come out. I am disappointed,

but not terribly surprised. I let it go and move on. I remind myself not to take

it personally and that she lost her husband almost four years ago this month and

that maybe this is her sick brain trying to protect itself from dredging all

that pain up from those memories. I am always making excuses for her. Why stop

now.

>

> By the time we reached the end of his second week in the hospital we knew that

a year was overestimating things, that pretty much 100% of his liver was now

cancer cells and that he was entering liver failure. My husband died late

Saturday afternoon, November 19th. We just had his memorial yesterday afternoon.

He was just 50 years old. The father of a twelve year old boy. We were together

over 22 years.

>

> I waited to bring out nada til the day before the memorial. I thought she

could be there for her grandson, who loves her dearly. My best friend since

grade school arrived the day after my husband passed and she helped nada book

her flight and get everything set up. We tried to keep it as short a visit as

possible attempting to convince her that all the flights returning were too

expensive unless she went home on Thanksgiving day. she balked at this idea and

the best I could get her to settle for was returning on Saturday. It was her

money, and she wanted a longer visit. I relented, what a mistake.

>

> Today after returning from Thanksgiving dinner with many of my husbands

relatives, my nada mentions how bad she feels that she didn't get to talk to my

husband. I assumed that she meant, before he passed. What she really meant was

she was angry with me that I had told her that she couldn't talk to my husband

anymore. This was not entirely untrue. She had started talking to my husband

about some problems he and I were having at the time and was communicating with

him behind my back under the guise of " helping " our marriage! When I found out,

I put a stop to it. I didn't completely understand what was wrong with my nada,

this was pre-knowledge of BPD, but I knew that any and all information given to

nada is future ammunition and that is how I convinced my husband to quit talking

to her. It was fine if I was around and/or aware of conversations between them,

but otherwise it was not allowed.

>

> When I realized that she was taking me to task about how I " made her feel "

about " HER relationship with my husband " I was like the subject line says

REALLY?!?! You want to do this NOW? I BEGGED HER TO DROP IT. Pleaded was she

really picking this time to berate me for how bad I made her feel about her not

having a relationship with my husband! This was the right time for me to get a

lecture from her about this? Where she proceeded to tell me off about how I

lectured her after her husband died about money. (okay, I did that) She was

threatening to not use the life insurance money to pay off her mortgage. That

and she went out and bought two more purebred dogs to the tune of about $2K give

or take. She kept saying that her brother would not let her loose her house even

if she blew thru all of her money, when what he really said was that he would

help guide her in the wisest way to use the money that she had gotten. She has

been waiting a long time to get

her revenge about that one. I spent a few more minutes arguing with her and

telling her to just drop it and quit talking and finally I left the house and

drove down the street to talk to a friend of mine. I spent the next two hours in

my car talking on my cell to my BFF, my sister-in-law and another friend that

just happened to call during that time. Now I'm off to see if I can book her ass

outta her on a flight tomorrow instead of Saturday.

>

> Carla

>

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Posted
Posted

I found out there is a fare, with the same airline for no change in fee (God

Bless Southwest airlines!) It leaves today at 1:50. I intend to let nada know

that she has a choice. She either leaves me alone and enjoys a last day with her

grandson, or she leaves period.

Carla

> >

> > Hey KO family, I have once again forgotten to NEVER trust my nada to be

there for me at all, however I can be forgiven for this lapse. I have already

forgiven myself, but I have got to get this out there so I can reflect back upon

it later. this is the lesson I learned today...to never forget that it is when

you are at your most vulnerable that the nada will strike and that these people

will never be there for you ever when you truly need them! This is what happened

and why I was so vulnerable.

> >

> > My husband went into the hospital on October 31st with serious indigestion

and pain. We thought they were going to tell us that he had gallstones and would

have to have the stones or the gallbladder removed. By early afternoon, we knew

he had some type of cancer. Everyday his prognosis was worse. By the time he was

in the hospital a week and a half, we knew that he was terminal, that even if

chemo helped that it would only, maybe buy him a year, maybe less. It was around

this time that my nada asked if I wanted her to come out to be with us and help

me with our son, her only biological grandchild. I said yes, that I was sure

that our son would appreciate any and all help that grandma could provide, she

has always loved my son and would do anything for him at all. Two days later,

when my in-laws arrived, she called me. I assumed that she was calling to tell

me her flight information or to tell me that she and her husband were driving

out here and when I

> could expect them or when one of my friends could come pick them up from the

airport. Instead she mentions that she is almost to Atlanta, where I (again)

mistakenly assume that she has a layover in Atlanta and will soon be arriving

here in Colorado. However, it is not to me she is headed, it is to Orlando to

help her husband close on a property he is selling there. She has developed a

complete amnesia to having ever told me she should come out. I am disappointed,

but not terribly surprised. I let it go and move on. I remind myself not to take

it personally and that she lost her husband almost four years ago this month and

that maybe this is her sick brain trying to protect itself from dredging all

that pain up from those memories. I am always making excuses for her. Why stop

now.

> >

> > By the time we reached the end of his second week in the hospital we knew

that a year was overestimating things, that pretty much 100% of his liver was

now cancer cells and that he was entering liver failure. My husband died late

Saturday afternoon, November 19th. We just had his memorial yesterday afternoon.

He was just 50 years old. The father of a twelve year old boy. We were together

over 22 years.

> >

> > I waited to bring out nada til the day before the memorial. I thought she

could be there for her grandson, who loves her dearly. My best friend since

grade school arrived the day after my husband passed and she helped nada book

her flight and get everything set up. We tried to keep it as short a visit as

possible attempting to convince her that all the flights returning were too

expensive unless she went home on Thanksgiving day. she balked at this idea and

the best I could get her to settle for was returning on Saturday. It was her

money, and she wanted a longer visit. I relented, what a mistake.

> >

> > Today after returning from Thanksgiving dinner with many of my husbands

relatives, my nada mentions how bad she feels that she didn't get to talk to my

husband. I assumed that she meant, before he passed. What she really meant was

she was angry with me that I had told her that she couldn't talk to my husband

anymore. This was not entirely untrue. She had started talking to my husband

about some problems he and I were having at the time and was communicating with

him behind my back under the guise of " helping " our marriage! When I found out,

I put a stop to it. I didn't completely understand what was wrong with my nada,

this was pre-knowledge of BPD, but I knew that any and all information given to

nada is future ammunition and that is how I convinced my husband to quit talking

to her. It was fine if I was around and/or aware of conversations between them,

but otherwise it was not allowed.

> >

> > When I realized that she was taking me to task about how I " made her feel "

about " HER relationship with my husband " I was like the subject line says

REALLY?!?! You want to do this NOW? I BEGGED HER TO DROP IT. Pleaded was she

really picking this time to berate me for how bad I made her feel about her not

having a relationship with my husband! This was the right time for me to get a

lecture from her about this? Where she proceeded to tell me off about how I

lectured her after her husband died about money. (okay, I did that) She was

threatening to not use the life insurance money to pay off her mortgage. That

and she went out and bought two more purebred dogs to the tune of about $2K give

or take. She kept saying that her brother would not let her loose her house even

if she blew thru all of her money, when what he really said was that he would

help guide her in the wisest way to use the money that she had gotten. She has

been waiting a long time to get

> her revenge about that one. I spent a few more minutes arguing with her and

telling her to just drop it and quit talking and finally I left the house and

drove down the street to talk to a friend of mine. I spent the next two hours in

my car talking on my cell to my BFF, my sister-in-law and another friend that

just happened to call during that time. Now I'm off to see if I can book her ass

outta her on a flight tomorrow instead of Saturday.

> >

> > Carla

> >

>

>

>

>

>

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Posted
Posted

((hugs)) I ditto everyone else's advice.

So sorry for the loss of your husband--and yes, take care of yourself and

your son above all else.

(and I love Southwest Airlines too!)

I wish you all strength you might need.

> **

>

>

> I found out there is a fare, with the same airline for no change in fee

> (God Bless Southwest airlines!) It leaves today at 1:50. I intend to let

> nada know that she has a choice. She either leaves me alone and enjoys a

> last day with her grandson, or she leaves period.

>

> Carla

>

>

> > >

> > > Hey KO family, I have once again forgotten to NEVER trust my nada to

> be there for me at all, however I can be forgiven for this lapse. I have

> already forgiven myself, but I have got to get this out there so I can

> reflect back upon it later. this is the lesson I learned today...to never

> forget that it is when you are at your most vulnerable that the nada will

> strike and that these people will never be there for you ever when you

> truly need them! This is what happened and why I was so vulnerable.

> > >

> > > My husband went into the hospital on October 31st with serious

> indigestion and pain. We thought they were going to tell us that he had

> gallstones and would have to have the stones or the gallbladder removed. By

> early afternoon, we knew he had some type of cancer. Everyday his prognosis

> was worse. By the time he was in the hospital a week and a half, we knew

> that he was terminal, that even if chemo helped that it would only, maybe

> buy him a year, maybe less. It was around this time that my nada asked if I

> wanted her to come out to be with us and help me with our son, her only

> biological grandchild. I said yes, that I was sure that our son would

> appreciate any and all help that grandma could provide, she has always

> loved my son and would do anything for him at all. Two days later, when my

> in-laws arrived, she called me. I assumed that she was calling to tell me

> her flight information or to tell me that she and her husband were driving

> out here and when I

> > could expect them or when one of my friends could come pick them up from

> the airport. Instead she mentions that she is almost to Atlanta, where I

> (again) mistakenly assume that she has a layover in Atlanta and will soon

> be arriving here in Colorado. However, it is not to me she is headed, it is

> to Orlando to help her husband close on a property he is selling there. She

> has developed a complete amnesia to having ever told me she should come

> out. I am disappointed, but not terribly surprised. I let it go and move

> on. I remind myself not to take it personally and that she lost her husband

> almost four years ago this month and that maybe this is her sick brain

> trying to protect itself from dredging all that pain up from those

> memories. I am always making excuses for her. Why stop now.

> > >

> > > By the time we reached the end of his second week in the hospital we

> knew that a year was overestimating things, that pretty much 100% of his

> liver was now cancer cells and that he was entering liver failure. My

> husband died late Saturday afternoon, November 19th. We just had his

> memorial yesterday afternoon. He was just 50 years old. The father of a

> twelve year old boy. We were together over 22 years.

> > >

> > > I waited to bring out nada til the day before the memorial. I thought

> she could be there for her grandson, who loves her dearly. My best friend

> since grade school arrived the day after my husband passed and she helped

> nada book her flight and get everything set up. We tried to keep it as

> short a visit as possible attempting to convince her that all the flights

> returning were too expensive unless she went home on Thanksgiving day. she

> balked at this idea and the best I could get her to settle for was

> returning on Saturday. It was her money, and she wanted a longer visit. I

> relented, what a mistake.

> > >

> > > Today after returning from Thanksgiving dinner with many of my

> husbands relatives, my nada mentions how bad she feels that she didn't get

> to talk to my husband. I assumed that she meant, before he passed. What she

> really meant was she was angry with me that I had told her that she

> couldn't talk to my husband anymore. This was not entirely untrue. She had

> started talking to my husband about some problems he and I were having at

> the time and was communicating with him behind my back under the guise of

> " helping " our marriage! When I found out, I put a stop to it. I didn't

> completely understand what was wrong with my nada, this was pre-knowledge

> of BPD, but I knew that any and all information given to nada is future

> ammunition and that is how I convinced my husband to quit talking to her.

> It was fine if I was around and/or aware of conversations between them, but

> otherwise it was not allowed.

> > >

> > > When I realized that she was taking me to task about how I " made her

> feel " about " HER relationship with my husband " I was like the subject line

> says REALLY?!?! You want to do this NOW? I BEGGED HER TO DROP IT. Pleaded

> was she really picking this time to berate me for how bad I made her feel

> about her not having a relationship with my husband! This was the right

> time for me to get a lecture from her about this? Where she proceeded to

> tell me off about how I lectured her after her husband died about money.

> (okay, I did that) She was threatening to not use the life insurance money

> to pay off her mortgage. That and she went out and bought two more purebred

> dogs to the tune of about $2K give or take. She kept saying that her

> brother would not let her loose her house even if she blew thru all of her

> money, when what he really said was that he would help guide her in the

> wisest way to use the money that she had gotten. She has been waiting a

> long time to get

> > her revenge about that one. I spent a few more minutes arguing with her

> and telling her to just drop it and quit talking and finally I left the

> house and drove down the street to talk to a friend of mine. I spent the

> next two hours in my car talking on my cell to my BFF, my sister-in-law and

> another friend that just happened to call during that time. Now I'm off to

> see if I can book her ass outta her on a flight tomorrow instead of

> Saturday.

> > >

> > > Carla

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

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Posted

I am SO SORRY Carla

And a big hug to your son

On Fri, Nov 25, 2011 at 8:11 AM, Holly Lipschultz <

hollymichellebyers@...> wrote:

> ((hugs)) I ditto everyone else's advice.

> So sorry for the loss of your husband--and yes, take care of yourself and

> your son above all else.

>

> (and I love Southwest Airlines too!)

>

> I wish you all strength you might need.

>

>

>

> > **

> >

> >

> > I found out there is a fare, with the same airline for no change in fee

> > (God Bless Southwest airlines!) It leaves today at 1:50. I intend to let

> > nada know that she has a choice. She either leaves me alone and enjoys a

> > last day with her grandson, or she leaves period.

> >

> > Carla

> >

> >

> > > >

> > > > Hey KO family, I have once again forgotten to NEVER trust my nada to

> > be there for me at all, however I can be forgiven for this lapse. I have

> > already forgiven myself, but I have got to get this out there so I can

> > reflect back upon it later. this is the lesson I learned today...to never

> > forget that it is when you are at your most vulnerable that the nada will

> > strike and that these people will never be there for you ever when you

> > truly need them! This is what happened and why I was so vulnerable.

> > > >

> > > > My husband went into the hospital on October 31st with serious

> > indigestion and pain. We thought they were going to tell us that he had

> > gallstones and would have to have the stones or the gallbladder removed.

> By

> > early afternoon, we knew he had some type of cancer. Everyday his

> prognosis

> > was worse. By the time he was in the hospital a week and a half, we knew

> > that he was terminal, that even if chemo helped that it would only, maybe

> > buy him a year, maybe less. It was around this time that my nada asked

> if I

> > wanted her to come out to be with us and help me with our son, her only

> > biological grandchild. I said yes, that I was sure that our son would

> > appreciate any and all help that grandma could provide, she has always

> > loved my son and would do anything for him at all. Two days later, when

> my

> > in-laws arrived, she called me. I assumed that she was calling to tell me

> > her flight information or to tell me that she and her husband were

> driving

> > out here and when I

> > > could expect them or when one of my friends could come pick them up

> from

> > the airport. Instead she mentions that she is almost to Atlanta, where I

> > (again) mistakenly assume that she has a layover in Atlanta and will soon

> > be arriving here in Colorado. However, it is not to me she is headed, it

> is

> > to Orlando to help her husband close on a property he is selling there.

> She

> > has developed a complete amnesia to having ever told me she should come

> > out. I am disappointed, but not terribly surprised. I let it go and move

> > on. I remind myself not to take it personally and that she lost her

> husband

> > almost four years ago this month and that maybe this is her sick brain

> > trying to protect itself from dredging all that pain up from those

> > memories. I am always making excuses for her. Why stop now.

> > > >

> > > > By the time we reached the end of his second week in the hospital we

> > knew that a year was overestimating things, that pretty much 100% of his

> > liver was now cancer cells and that he was entering liver failure. My

> > husband died late Saturday afternoon, November 19th. We just had his

> > memorial yesterday afternoon. He was just 50 years old. The father of a

> > twelve year old boy. We were together over 22 years.

> > > >

> > > > I waited to bring out nada til the day before the memorial. I thought

> > she could be there for her grandson, who loves her dearly. My best friend

> > since grade school arrived the day after my husband passed and she helped

> > nada book her flight and get everything set up. We tried to keep it as

> > short a visit as possible attempting to convince her that all the flights

> > returning were too expensive unless she went home on Thanksgiving day.

> she

> > balked at this idea and the best I could get her to settle for was

> > returning on Saturday. It was her money, and she wanted a longer visit. I

> > relented, what a mistake.

> > > >

> > > > Today after returning from Thanksgiving dinner with many of my

> > husbands relatives, my nada mentions how bad she feels that she didn't

> get

> > to talk to my husband. I assumed that she meant, before he passed. What

> she

> > really meant was she was angry with me that I had told her that she

> > couldn't talk to my husband anymore. This was not entirely untrue. She

> had

> > started talking to my husband about some problems he and I were having at

> > the time and was communicating with him behind my back under the guise of

> > " helping " our marriage! When I found out, I put a stop to it. I didn't

> > completely understand what was wrong with my nada, this was pre-knowledge

> > of BPD, but I knew that any and all information given to nada is future

> > ammunition and that is how I convinced my husband to quit talking to her.

> > It was fine if I was around and/or aware of conversations between them,

> but

> > otherwise it was not allowed.

> > > >

> > > > When I realized that she was taking me to task about how I " made her

> > feel " about " HER relationship with my husband " I was like the subject

> line

> > says REALLY?!?! You want to do this NOW? I BEGGED HER TO DROP IT. Pleaded

> > was she really picking this time to berate me for how bad I made her feel

> > about her not having a relationship with my husband! This was the right

> > time for me to get a lecture from her about this? Where she proceeded to

> > tell me off about how I lectured her after her husband died about money.

> > (okay, I did that) She was threatening to not use the life insurance

> money

> > to pay off her mortgage. That and she went out and bought two more

> purebred

> > dogs to the tune of about $2K give or take. She kept saying that her

> > brother would not let her loose her house even if she blew thru all of

> her

> > money, when what he really said was that he would help guide her in the

> > wisest way to use the money that she had gotten. She has been waiting a

> > long time to get

> > > her revenge about that one. I spent a few more minutes arguing with her

> > and telling her to just drop it and quit talking and finally I left the

> > house and drove down the street to talk to a friend of mine. I spent the

> > next two hours in my car talking on my cell to my BFF, my sister-in-law

> and

> > another friend that just happened to call during that time. Now I'm off

> to

> > see if I can book her ass outta her on a flight tomorrow instead of

> > Saturday.

> > > >

> > > > Carla

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

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Posted
Posted

(((((((Carla))))))

I am so deeply sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers for respite

and rest are with you and your family. At such a terrible time, we all want

our Mothers, not our Nadas. This is so hard.

While totally reprehensible, your Nadas behavior is classic " Nada. " In

their universe, it really is " all about them. " No matter what is happening

in anyone elses life, BPDs perceive it as an opportunity for retaliation

for past " injustices " they feel they have suffered, and opportunities to

bring ugly " truths " (even if they have to invent it) to light, in order to

bring the focus back onto them selves. Nothing you can say, do, think or

feel will engender compassionate, or even decent behavior from her.

Protect yourself and your son, and know that you have lots and lots of

people here, holding you in light and love, and know what is true. I,

too, wish you strength, and peace, Sunspot

On Fri, Nov 25, 2011 at 10:11 AM, Holly Lipschultz <

hollymichellebyers@...> wrote:

> ((hugs)) I ditto everyone else's advice.

> So sorry for the loss of your husband--and yes, take care of yourself and

> your son above all else.

>

> (and I love Southwest Airlines too!)

>

> I wish you all strength you might need.

>

>

>

> > **

> >

> >

> > I found out there is a fare, with the same airline for no change in fee

> > (God Bless Southwest airlines!) It leaves today at 1:50. I intend to let

> > nada know that she has a choice. She either leaves me alone and enjoys a

> > last day with her grandson, or she leaves period.

> >

> > Carla

> >

> >

> > > >

> > > > Hey KO family, I have once again forgotten to NEVER trust my nada to

> > be there for me at all, however I can be forgiven for this lapse. I have

> > already forgiven myself, but I have got to get this out there so I can

> > reflect back upon it later. this is the lesson I learned today...to never

> > forget that it is when you are at your most vulnerable that the nada will

> > strike and that these people will never be there for you ever when you

> > truly need them! This is what happened and why I was so vulnerable.

> > > >

> > > > My husband went into the hospital on October 31st with serious

> > indigestion and pain. We thought they were going to tell us that he had

> > gallstones and would have to have the stones or the gallbladder removed.

> By

> > early afternoon, we knew he had some type of cancer. Everyday his

> prognosis

> > was worse. By the time he was in the hospital a week and a half, we knew

> > that he was terminal, that even if chemo helped that it would only, maybe

> > buy him a year, maybe less. It was around this time that my nada asked

> if I

> > wanted her to come out to be with us and help me with our son, her only

> > biological grandchild. I said yes, that I was sure that our son would

> > appreciate any and all help that grandma could provide, she has always

> > loved my son and would do anything for him at all. Two days later, when

> my

> > in-laws arrived, she called me. I assumed that she was calling to tell me

> > her flight information or to tell me that she and her husband were

> driving

> > out here and when I

> > > could expect them or when one of my friends could come pick them up

> from

> > the airport. Instead she mentions that she is almost to Atlanta, where I

> > (again) mistakenly assume that she has a layover in Atlanta and will soon

> > be arriving here in Colorado. However, it is not to me she is headed, it

> is

> > to Orlando to help her husband close on a property he is selling there.

> She

> > has developed a complete amnesia to having ever told me she should come

> > out. I am disappointed, but not terribly surprised. I let it go and move

> > on. I remind myself not to take it personally and that she lost her

> husband

> > almost four years ago this month and that maybe this is her sick brain

> > trying to protect itself from dredging all that pain up from those

> > memories. I am always making excuses for her. Why stop now.

> > > >

> > > > By the time we reached the end of his second week in the hospital we

> > knew that a year was overestimating things, that pretty much 100% of his

> > liver was now cancer cells and that he was entering liver failure. My

> > husband died late Saturday afternoon, November 19th. We just had his

> > memorial yesterday afternoon. He was just 50 years old. The father of a

> > twelve year old boy. We were together over 22 years.

> > > >

> > > > I waited to bring out nada til the day before the memorial. I thought

> > she could be there for her grandson, who loves her dearly. My best friend

> > since grade school arrived the day after my husband passed and she helped

> > nada book her flight and get everything set up. We tried to keep it as

> > short a visit as possible attempting to convince her that all the flights

> > returning were too expensive unless she went home on Thanksgiving day.

> she

> > balked at this idea and the best I could get her to settle for was

> > returning on Saturday. It was her money, and she wanted a longer visit. I

> > relented, what a mistake.

> > > >

> > > > Today after returning from Thanksgiving dinner with many of my

> > husbands relatives, my nada mentions how bad she feels that she didn't

> get

> > to talk to my husband. I assumed that she meant, before he passed. What

> she

> > really meant was she was angry with me that I had told her that she

> > couldn't talk to my husband anymore. This was not entirely untrue. She

> had

> > started talking to my husband about some problems he and I were having at

> > the time and was communicating with him behind my back under the guise of

> > " helping " our marriage! When I found out, I put a stop to it. I didn't

> > completely understand what was wrong with my nada, this was pre-knowledge

> > of BPD, but I knew that any and all information given to nada is future

> > ammunition and that is how I convinced my husband to quit talking to her.

> > It was fine if I was around and/or aware of conversations between them,

> but

> > otherwise it was not allowed.

> > > >

> > > > When I realized that she was taking me to task about how I " made her

> > feel " about " HER relationship with my husband " I was like the subject

> line

> > says REALLY?!?! You want to do this NOW? I BEGGED HER TO DROP IT. Pleaded

> > was she really picking this time to berate me for how bad I made her feel

> > about her not having a relationship with my husband! This was the right

> > time for me to get a lecture from her about this? Where she proceeded to

> > tell me off about how I lectured her after her husband died about money.

> > (okay, I did that) She was threatening to not use the life insurance

> money

> > to pay off her mortgage. That and she went out and bought two more

> purebred

> > dogs to the tune of about $2K give or take. She kept saying that her

> > brother would not let her loose her house even if she blew thru all of

> her

> > money, when what he really said was that he would help guide her in the

> > wisest way to use the money that she had gotten. She has been waiting a

> > long time to get

> > > her revenge about that one. I spent a few more minutes arguing with her

> > and telling her to just drop it and quit talking and finally I left the

> > house and drove down the street to talk to a friend of mine. I spent the

> > next two hours in my car talking on my cell to my BFF, my sister-in-law

> and

> > another friend that just happened to call during that time. Now I'm off

> to

> > see if I can book her ass outta her on a flight tomorrow instead of

> > Saturday.

> > > >

> > > > Carla

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

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Posted
Posted

Carla, (((hugs)))

Words cannot express how sad I felt reading your story. The past few weeks have

been a nightmare culminating with such a horrible loss. I am so sorry for you

and your son.

The fact you even give you nada a choice at this point means you have a very

compassionate soul. I'm sorry, but your nada is a complete bitch for her

inappropriateness.

> > > >

> > > > Hey KO family, I have once again forgotten to NEVER trust my nada to

> > be there for me at all, however I can be forgiven for this lapse. I have

> > already forgiven myself, but I have got to get this out there so I can

> > reflect back upon it later. this is the lesson I learned today...to never

> > forget that it is when you are at your most vulnerable that the nada will

> > strike and that these people will never be there for you ever when you

> > truly need them! This is what happened and why I was so vulnerable.

> > > >

> > > > My husband went into the hospital on October 31st with serious

> > indigestion and pain. We thought they were going to tell us that he had

> > gallstones and would have to have the stones or the gallbladder removed. By

> > early afternoon, we knew he had some type of cancer. Everyday his prognosis

> > was worse. By the time he was in the hospital a week and a half, we knew

> > that he was terminal, that even if chemo helped that it would only, maybe

> > buy him a year, maybe less. It was around this time that my nada asked if I

> > wanted her to come out to be with us and help me with our son, her only

> > biological grandchild. I said yes, that I was sure that our son would

> > appreciate any and all help that grandma could provide, she has always

> > loved my son and would do anything for him at all. Two days later, when my

> > in-laws arrived, she called me. I assumed that she was calling to tell me

> > her flight information or to tell me that she and her husband were driving

> > out here and when I

> > > could expect them or when one of my friends could come pick them up from

> > the airport. Instead she mentions that she is almost to Atlanta, where I

> > (again) mistakenly assume that she has a layover in Atlanta and will soon

> > be arriving here in Colorado. However, it is not to me she is headed, it is

> > to Orlando to help her husband close on a property he is selling there. She

> > has developed a complete amnesia to having ever told me she should come

> > out. I am disappointed, but not terribly surprised. I let it go and move

> > on. I remind myself not to take it personally and that she lost her husband

> > almost four years ago this month and that maybe this is her sick brain

> > trying to protect itself from dredging all that pain up from those

> > memories. I am always making excuses for her. Why stop now.

> > > >

> > > > By the time we reached the end of his second week in the hospital we

> > knew that a year was overestimating things, that pretty much 100% of his

> > liver was now cancer cells and that he was entering liver failure. My

> > husband died late Saturday afternoon, November 19th. We just had his

> > memorial yesterday afternoon. He was just 50 years old. The father of a

> > twelve year old boy. We were together over 22 years.

> > > >

> > > > I waited to bring out nada til the day before the memorial. I thought

> > she could be there for her grandson, who loves her dearly. My best friend

> > since grade school arrived the day after my husband passed and she helped

> > nada book her flight and get everything set up. We tried to keep it as

> > short a visit as possible attempting to convince her that all the flights

> > returning were too expensive unless she went home on Thanksgiving day. she

> > balked at this idea and the best I could get her to settle for was

> > returning on Saturday. It was her money, and she wanted a longer visit. I

> > relented, what a mistake.

> > > >

> > > > Today after returning from Thanksgiving dinner with many of my

> > husbands relatives, my nada mentions how bad she feels that she didn't get

> > to talk to my husband. I assumed that she meant, before he passed. What she

> > really meant was she was angry with me that I had told her that she

> > couldn't talk to my husband anymore. This was not entirely untrue. She had

> > started talking to my husband about some problems he and I were having at

> > the time and was communicating with him behind my back under the guise of

> > " helping " our marriage! When I found out, I put a stop to it. I didn't

> > completely understand what was wrong with my nada, this was pre-knowledge

> > of BPD, but I knew that any and all information given to nada is future

> > ammunition and that is how I convinced my husband to quit talking to her.

> > It was fine if I was around and/or aware of conversations between them, but

> > otherwise it was not allowed.

> > > >

> > > > When I realized that she was taking me to task about how I " made her

> > feel " about " HER relationship with my husband " I was like the subject line

> > says REALLY?!?! You want to do this NOW? I BEGGED HER TO DROP IT. Pleaded

> > was she really picking this time to berate me for how bad I made her feel

> > about her not having a relationship with my husband! This was the right

> > time for me to get a lecture from her about this? Where she proceeded to

> > tell me off about how I lectured her after her husband died about money.

> > (okay, I did that) She was threatening to not use the life insurance money

> > to pay off her mortgage. That and she went out and bought two more purebred

> > dogs to the tune of about $2K give or take. She kept saying that her

> > brother would not let her loose her house even if she blew thru all of her

> > money, when what he really said was that he would help guide her in the

> > wisest way to use the money that she had gotten. She has been waiting a

> > long time to get

> > > her revenge about that one. I spent a few more minutes arguing with her

> > and telling her to just drop it and quit talking and finally I left the

> > house and drove down the street to talk to a friend of mine. I spent the

> > next two hours in my car talking on my cell to my BFF, my sister-in-law and

> > another friend that just happened to call during that time. Now I'm off to

> > see if I can book her ass outta her on a flight tomorrow instead of

> > Saturday.

> > > >

> > > > Carla

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

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Posted
Posted

Carla, I am so, so sorry to hear about your husband. It happened so quickly;

you must still be in shock.

As for nada: honestly, I can see my mother doing all of that crap. After all,

it's all about them. The depth of their narcissism is limitless, no matter what

the circumstances. It just added to your grief. And it's understandable that

you reached out to her; anyone would have done the same in the midst of so much

pain and confusion.

Again, my deepest sympathies. We're here for you.

>

> Hey KO family, I have once again forgotten to NEVER trust my nada to be there

for me at all, however I can be forgiven for this lapse. I have already forgiven

myself, but I have got to get this out there so I can reflect back upon it

later. this is the lesson I learned today...to never forget that it is when you

are at your most vulnerable that the nada will strike and that these people will

never be there for you ever when you truly need them! This is what happened and

why I was so vulnerable.

>

> My husband went into the hospital on October 31st with serious indigestion and

pain. We thought they were going to tell us that he had gallstones and would

have to have the stones or the gallbladder removed. By early afternoon, we knew

he had some type of cancer. Everyday his prognosis was worse. By the time he was

in the hospital a week and a half, we knew that he was terminal, that even if

chemo helped that it would only, maybe buy him a year, maybe less. It was around

this time that my nada asked if I wanted her to come out to be with us and help

me with our son, her only biological grandchild. I said yes, that I was sure

that our son would appreciate any and all help that grandma could provide, she

has always loved my son and would do anything for him at all. Two days later,

when my in-laws arrived, she called me. I assumed that she was calling to tell

me her flight information or to tell me that she and her husband were driving

out here and when I could expect them or when one of my friends could come pick

them up from the airport. Instead she mentions that she is almost to Atlanta,

where I (again) mistakenly assume that she has a layover in Atlanta and will

soon be arriving here in Colorado. However, it is not to me she is headed, it is

to Orlando to help her husband close on a property he is selling there. She has

developed a complete amnesia to having ever told me she should come out. I am

disappointed, but not terribly surprised. I let it go and move on. I remind

myself not to take it personally and that she lost her husband almost four years

ago this month and that maybe this is her sick brain trying to protect itself

from dredging all that pain up from those memories. I am always making excuses

for her. Why stop now.

>

> By the time we reached the end of his second week in the hospital we knew that

a year was overestimating things, that pretty much 100% of his liver was now

cancer cells and that he was entering liver failure. My husband died late

Saturday afternoon, November 19th. We just had his memorial yesterday afternoon.

He was just 50 years old. The father of a twelve year old boy. We were together

over 22 years.

>

> I waited to bring out nada til the day before the memorial. I thought she

could be there for her grandson, who loves her dearly. My best friend since

grade school arrived the day after my husband passed and she helped nada book

her flight and get everything set up. We tried to keep it as short a visit as

possible attempting to convince her that all the flights returning were too

expensive unless she went home on Thanksgiving day. she balked at this idea and

the best I could get her to settle for was returning on Saturday. It was her

money, and she wanted a longer visit. I relented, what a mistake.

>

> Today after returning from Thanksgiving dinner with many of my husbands

relatives, my nada mentions how bad she feels that she didn't get to talk to my

husband. I assumed that she meant, before he passed. What she really meant was

she was angry with me that I had told her that she couldn't talk to my husband

anymore. This was not entirely untrue. She had started talking to my husband

about some problems he and I were having at the time and was communicating with

him behind my back under the guise of " helping " our marriage! When I found out,

I put a stop to it. I didn't completely understand what was wrong with my nada,

this was pre-knowledge of BPD, but I knew that any and all information given to

nada is future ammunition and that is how I convinced my husband to quit talking

to her. It was fine if I was around and/or aware of conversations between them,

but otherwise it was not allowed.

>

> When I realized that she was taking me to task about how I " made her feel "

about " HER relationship with my husband " I was like the subject line says

REALLY?!?! You want to do this NOW? I BEGGED HER TO DROP IT. Pleaded was she

really picking this time to berate me for how bad I made her feel about her not

having a relationship with my husband! This was the right time for me to get a

lecture from her about this? Where she proceeded to tell me off about how I

lectured her after her husband died about money. (okay, I did that) She was

threatening to not use the life insurance money to pay off her mortgage. That

and she went out and bought two more purebred dogs to the tune of about $2K give

or take. She kept saying that her brother would not let her loose her house even

if she blew thru all of her money, when what he really said was that he would

help guide her in the wisest way to use the money that she had gotten. She has

been waiting a long time to get her revenge about that one. I spent a few more

minutes arguing with her and telling her to just drop it and quit talking and

finally I left the house and drove down the street to talk to a friend of mine.

I spent the next two hours in my car talking on my cell to my BFF, my

sister-in-law and another friend that just happened to call during that time.

Now I'm off to see if I can book her ass outta her on a flight tomorrow instead

of Saturday.

>

> Carla

>

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Share on other sites
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Posted
Posted

Carla, I am so, so sorry to hear about your husband. It happened so quickly;

you must still be in shock.

As for nada: honestly, I can see my mother doing all of that crap. After all,

it's all about them. The depth of their narcissism is limitless, no matter what

the circumstances. It just added to your grief. And it's understandable that

you reached out to her; anyone would have done the same in the midst of so much

pain and confusion.

Again, my deepest sympathies. We're here for you.

>

> Hey KO family, I have once again forgotten to NEVER trust my nada to be there

for me at all, however I can be forgiven for this lapse. I have already forgiven

myself, but I have got to get this out there so I can reflect back upon it

later. this is the lesson I learned today...to never forget that it is when you

are at your most vulnerable that the nada will strike and that these people will

never be there for you ever when you truly need them! This is what happened and

why I was so vulnerable.

>

> My husband went into the hospital on October 31st with serious indigestion and

pain. We thought they were going to tell us that he had gallstones and would

have to have the stones or the gallbladder removed. By early afternoon, we knew

he had some type of cancer. Everyday his prognosis was worse. By the time he was

in the hospital a week and a half, we knew that he was terminal, that even if

chemo helped that it would only, maybe buy him a year, maybe less. It was around

this time that my nada asked if I wanted her to come out to be with us and help

me with our son, her only biological grandchild. I said yes, that I was sure

that our son would appreciate any and all help that grandma could provide, she

has always loved my son and would do anything for him at all. Two days later,

when my in-laws arrived, she called me. I assumed that she was calling to tell

me her flight information or to tell me that she and her husband were driving

out here and when I could expect them or when one of my friends could come pick

them up from the airport. Instead she mentions that she is almost to Atlanta,

where I (again) mistakenly assume that she has a layover in Atlanta and will

soon be arriving here in Colorado. However, it is not to me she is headed, it is

to Orlando to help her husband close on a property he is selling there. She has

developed a complete amnesia to having ever told me she should come out. I am

disappointed, but not terribly surprised. I let it go and move on. I remind

myself not to take it personally and that she lost her husband almost four years

ago this month and that maybe this is her sick brain trying to protect itself

from dredging all that pain up from those memories. I am always making excuses

for her. Why stop now.

>

> By the time we reached the end of his second week in the hospital we knew that

a year was overestimating things, that pretty much 100% of his liver was now

cancer cells and that he was entering liver failure. My husband died late

Saturday afternoon, November 19th. We just had his memorial yesterday afternoon.

He was just 50 years old. The father of a twelve year old boy. We were together

over 22 years.

>

> I waited to bring out nada til the day before the memorial. I thought she

could be there for her grandson, who loves her dearly. My best friend since

grade school arrived the day after my husband passed and she helped nada book

her flight and get everything set up. We tried to keep it as short a visit as

possible attempting to convince her that all the flights returning were too

expensive unless she went home on Thanksgiving day. she balked at this idea and

the best I could get her to settle for was returning on Saturday. It was her

money, and she wanted a longer visit. I relented, what a mistake.

>

> Today after returning from Thanksgiving dinner with many of my husbands

relatives, my nada mentions how bad she feels that she didn't get to talk to my

husband. I assumed that she meant, before he passed. What she really meant was

she was angry with me that I had told her that she couldn't talk to my husband

anymore. This was not entirely untrue. She had started talking to my husband

about some problems he and I were having at the time and was communicating with

him behind my back under the guise of " helping " our marriage! When I found out,

I put a stop to it. I didn't completely understand what was wrong with my nada,

this was pre-knowledge of BPD, but I knew that any and all information given to

nada is future ammunition and that is how I convinced my husband to quit talking

to her. It was fine if I was around and/or aware of conversations between them,

but otherwise it was not allowed.

>

> When I realized that she was taking me to task about how I " made her feel "

about " HER relationship with my husband " I was like the subject line says

REALLY?!?! You want to do this NOW? I BEGGED HER TO DROP IT. Pleaded was she

really picking this time to berate me for how bad I made her feel about her not

having a relationship with my husband! This was the right time for me to get a

lecture from her about this? Where she proceeded to tell me off about how I

lectured her after her husband died about money. (okay, I did that) She was

threatening to not use the life insurance money to pay off her mortgage. That

and she went out and bought two more purebred dogs to the tune of about $2K give

or take. She kept saying that her brother would not let her loose her house even

if she blew thru all of her money, when what he really said was that he would

help guide her in the wisest way to use the money that she had gotten. She has

been waiting a long time to get her revenge about that one. I spent a few more

minutes arguing with her and telling her to just drop it and quit talking and

finally I left the house and drove down the street to talk to a friend of mine.

I spent the next two hours in my car talking on my cell to my BFF, my

sister-in-law and another friend that just happened to call during that time.

Now I'm off to see if I can book her ass outta her on a flight tomorrow instead

of Saturday.

>

> Carla

>

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Share on other sites
Guest guest

Guest guest

Posted
Posted

Good for you, Carla.

> > >

> > > Hey KO family, I have once again forgotten to NEVER trust my nada to be

there for me at all, however I can be forgiven for this lapse. I have already

forgiven myself, but I have got to get this out there so I can reflect back upon

it later. this is the lesson I learned today...to never forget that it is when

you are at your most vulnerable that the nada will strike and that these people

will never be there for you ever when you truly need them! This is what happened

and why I was so vulnerable.

> > >

> > > My husband went into the hospital on October 31st with serious indigestion

and pain. We thought they were going to tell us that he had gallstones and would

have to have the stones or the gallbladder removed. By early afternoon, we knew

he had some type of cancer. Everyday his prognosis was worse. By the time he was

in the hospital a week and a half, we knew that he was terminal, that even if

chemo helped that it would only, maybe buy him a year, maybe less. It was around

this time that my nada asked if I wanted her to come out to be with us and help

me with our son, her only biological grandchild. I said yes, that I was sure

that our son would appreciate any and all help that grandma could provide, she

has always loved my son and would do anything for him at all. Two days later,

when my in-laws arrived, she called me. I assumed that she was calling to tell

me her flight information or to tell me that she and her husband were driving

out here and when I

> > could expect them or when one of my friends could come pick them up from

the airport. Instead she mentions that she is almost to Atlanta, where I (again)

mistakenly assume that she has a layover in Atlanta and will soon be arriving

here in Colorado. However, it is not to me she is headed, it is to Orlando to

help her husband close on a property he is selling there. She has developed a

complete amnesia to having ever told me she should come out. I am disappointed,

but not terribly surprised. I let it go and move on. I remind myself not to take

it personally and that she lost her husband almost four years ago this month and

that maybe this is her sick brain trying to protect itself from dredging all

that pain up from those memories. I am always making excuses for her. Why stop

now.

> > >

> > > By the time we reached the end of his second week in the hospital we knew

that a year was overestimating things, that pretty much 100% of his liver was

now cancer cells and that he was entering liver failure. My husband died late

Saturday afternoon, November 19th. We just had his memorial yesterday afternoon.

He was just 50 years old. The father of a twelve year old boy. We were together

over 22 years.

> > >

> > > I waited to bring out nada til the day before the memorial. I thought she

could be there for her grandson, who loves her dearly. My best friend since

grade school arrived the day after my husband passed and she helped nada book

her flight and get everything set up. We tried to keep it as short a visit as

possible attempting to convince her that all the flights returning were too

expensive unless she went home on Thanksgiving day. she balked at this idea and

the best I could get her to settle for was returning on Saturday. It was her

money, and she wanted a longer visit. I relented, what a mistake.

> > >

> > > Today after returning from Thanksgiving dinner with many of my husbands

relatives, my nada mentions how bad she feels that she didn't get to talk to my

husband. I assumed that she meant, before he passed. What she really meant was

she was angry with me that I had told her that she couldn't talk to my husband

anymore. This was not entirely untrue. She had started talking to my husband

about some problems he and I were having at the time and was communicating with

him behind my back under the guise of " helping " our marriage! When I found out,

I put a stop to it. I didn't completely understand what was wrong with my nada,

this was pre-knowledge of BPD, but I knew that any and all information given to

nada is future ammunition and that is how I convinced my husband to quit talking

to her. It was fine if I was around and/or aware of conversations between them,

but otherwise it was not allowed.

> > >

> > > When I realized that she was taking me to task about how I " made her feel "

about " HER relationship with my husband " I was like the subject line says

REALLY?!?! You want to do this NOW? I BEGGED HER TO DROP IT. Pleaded was she

really picking this time to berate me for how bad I made her feel about her not

having a relationship with my husband! This was the right time for me to get a

lecture from her about this? Where she proceeded to tell me off about how I

lectured her after her husband died about money. (okay, I did that) She was

threatening to not use the life insurance money to pay off her mortgage. That

and she went out and bought two more purebred dogs to the tune of about $2K give

or take. She kept saying that her brother would not let her loose her house even

if she blew thru all of her money, when what he really said was that he would

help guide her in the wisest way to use the money that she had gotten. She has

been waiting a long time to get

> > her revenge about that one. I spent a few more minutes arguing with her and

telling her to just drop it and quit talking and finally I left the house and

drove down the street to talk to a friend of mine. I spent the next two hours in

my car talking on my cell to my BFF, my sister-in-law and another friend that

just happened to call during that time. Now I'm off to see if I can book her ass

outta her on a flight tomorrow instead of Saturday.

> > >

> > > Carla

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

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Share on other sites
Guest guest

Guest guest

Posted
Posted

Carla, please know a lot of hearts go out to you about losing your husband. I'm

so sorry to hear of your loss.

AFB

> >

> > Hey KO family, I have once again forgotten to NEVER trust my nada to be

there for me at all, however I can be forgiven for this lapse. I have already

forgiven myself, but I have got to get this out there so I can reflect back upon

it later. this is the lesson I learned today...to never forget that it is when

you are at your most vulnerable that the nada will strike and that these people

will never be there for you ever when you truly need them! This is what happened

and why I was so vulnerable.

> >

> > My husband went into the hospital on October 31st with serious indigestion

and pain. We thought they were going to tell us that he had gallstones and would

have to have the stones or the gallbladder removed. By early afternoon, we knew

he had some type of cancer. Everyday his prognosis was worse. By the time he was

in the hospital a week and a half, we knew that he was terminal, that even if

chemo helped that it would only, maybe buy him a year, maybe less. It was around

this time that my nada asked if I wanted her to come out to be with us and help

me with our son, her only biological grandchild. I said yes, that I was sure

that our son would appreciate any and all help that grandma could provide, she

has always loved my son and would do anything for him at all. Two days later,

when my in-laws arrived, she called me. I assumed that she was calling to tell

me her flight information or to tell me that she and her husband were driving

out here and when I could expect them or when one of my friends could come pick

them up from the airport. Instead she mentions that she is almost to Atlanta,

where I (again) mistakenly assume that she has a layover in Atlanta and will

soon be arriving here in Colorado. However, it is not to me she is headed, it is

to Orlando to help her husband close on a property he is selling there. She has

developed a complete amnesia to having ever told me she should come out. I am

disappointed, but not terribly surprised. I let it go and move on. I remind

myself not to take it personally and that she lost her husband almost four years

ago this month and that maybe this is her sick brain trying to protect itself

from dredging all that pain up from those memories. I am always making excuses

for her. Why stop now.

> >

> > By the time we reached the end of his second week in the hospital we knew

that a year was overestimating things, that pretty much 100% of his liver was

now cancer cells and that he was entering liver failure. My husband died late

Saturday afternoon, November 19th. We just had his memorial yesterday afternoon.

He was just 50 years old. The father of a twelve year old boy. We were together

over 22 years.

> >

> > I waited to bring out nada til the day before the memorial. I thought she

could be there for her grandson, who loves her dearly. My best friend since

grade school arrived the day after my husband passed and she helped nada book

her flight and get everything set up. We tried to keep it as short a visit as

possible attempting to convince her that all the flights returning were too

expensive unless she went home on Thanksgiving day. she balked at this idea and

the best I could get her to settle for was returning on Saturday. It was her

money, and she wanted a longer visit. I relented, what a mistake.

> >

> > Today after returning from Thanksgiving dinner with many of my husbands

relatives, my nada mentions how bad she feels that she didn't get to talk to my

husband. I assumed that she meant, before he passed. What she really meant was

she was angry with me that I had told her that she couldn't talk to my husband

anymore. This was not entirely untrue. She had started talking to my husband

about some problems he and I were having at the time and was communicating with

him behind my back under the guise of " helping " our marriage! When I found out,

I put a stop to it. I didn't completely understand what was wrong with my nada,

this was pre-knowledge of BPD, but I knew that any and all information given to

nada is future ammunition and that is how I convinced my husband to quit talking

to her. It was fine if I was around and/or aware of conversations between them,

but otherwise it was not allowed.

> >

> > When I realized that she was taking me to task about how I " made her feel "

about " HER relationship with my husband " I was like the subject line says

REALLY?!?! You want to do this NOW? I BEGGED HER TO DROP IT. Pleaded was she

really picking this time to berate me for how bad I made her feel about her not

having a relationship with my husband! This was the right time for me to get a

lecture from her about this? Where she proceeded to tell me off about how I

lectured her after her husband died about money. (okay, I did that) She was

threatening to not use the life insurance money to pay off her mortgage. That

and she went out and bought two more purebred dogs to the tune of about $2K give

or take. She kept saying that her brother would not let her loose her house even

if she blew thru all of her money, when what he really said was that he would

help guide her in the wisest way to use the money that she had gotten. She has

been waiting a long time to get her revenge about that one. I spent a few more

minutes arguing with her and telling her to just drop it and quit talking and

finally I left the house and drove down the street to talk to a friend of mine.

I spent the next two hours in my car talking on my cell to my BFF, my

sister-in-law and another friend that just happened to call during that time.

Now I'm off to see if I can book her ass outta her on a flight tomorrow instead

of Saturday.

> >

> > Carla

> >

>

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest guest

Guest guest

Posted
Posted

Carla, please know a lot of hearts go out to you about losing your husband. I'm

so sorry to hear of your loss.

AFB

> >

> > Hey KO family, I have once again forgotten to NEVER trust my nada to be

there for me at all, however I can be forgiven for this lapse. I have already

forgiven myself, but I have got to get this out there so I can reflect back upon

it later. this is the lesson I learned today...to never forget that it is when

you are at your most vulnerable that the nada will strike and that these people

will never be there for you ever when you truly need them! This is what happened

and why I was so vulnerable.

> >

> > My husband went into the hospital on October 31st with serious indigestion

and pain. We thought they were going to tell us that he had gallstones and would

have to have the stones or the gallbladder removed. By early afternoon, we knew

he had some type of cancer. Everyday his prognosis was worse. By the time he was

in the hospital a week and a half, we knew that he was terminal, that even if

chemo helped that it would only, maybe buy him a year, maybe less. It was around

this time that my nada asked if I wanted her to come out to be with us and help

me with our son, her only biological grandchild. I said yes, that I was sure

that our son would appreciate any and all help that grandma could provide, she

has always loved my son and would do anything for him at all. Two days later,

when my in-laws arrived, she called me. I assumed that she was calling to tell

me her flight information or to tell me that she and her husband were driving

out here and when I could expect them or when one of my friends could come pick

them up from the airport. Instead she mentions that she is almost to Atlanta,

where I (again) mistakenly assume that she has a layover in Atlanta and will

soon be arriving here in Colorado. However, it is not to me she is headed, it is

to Orlando to help her husband close on a property he is selling there. She has

developed a complete amnesia to having ever told me she should come out. I am

disappointed, but not terribly surprised. I let it go and move on. I remind

myself not to take it personally and that she lost her husband almost four years

ago this month and that maybe this is her sick brain trying to protect itself

from dredging all that pain up from those memories. I am always making excuses

for her. Why stop now.

> >

> > By the time we reached the end of his second week in the hospital we knew

that a year was overestimating things, that pretty much 100% of his liver was

now cancer cells and that he was entering liver failure. My husband died late

Saturday afternoon, November 19th. We just had his memorial yesterday afternoon.

He was just 50 years old. The father of a twelve year old boy. We were together

over 22 years.

> >

> > I waited to bring out nada til the day before the memorial. I thought she

could be there for her grandson, who loves her dearly. My best friend since

grade school arrived the day after my husband passed and she helped nada book

her flight and get everything set up. We tried to keep it as short a visit as

possible attempting to convince her that all the flights returning were too

expensive unless she went home on Thanksgiving day. she balked at this idea and

the best I could get her to settle for was returning on Saturday. It was her

money, and she wanted a longer visit. I relented, what a mistake.

> >

> > Today after returning from Thanksgiving dinner with many of my husbands

relatives, my nada mentions how bad she feels that she didn't get to talk to my

husband. I assumed that she meant, before he passed. What she really meant was

she was angry with me that I had told her that she couldn't talk to my husband

anymore. This was not entirely untrue. She had started talking to my husband

about some problems he and I were having at the time and was communicating with

him behind my back under the guise of " helping " our marriage! When I found out,

I put a stop to it. I didn't completely understand what was wrong with my nada,

this was pre-knowledge of BPD, but I knew that any and all information given to

nada is future ammunition and that is how I convinced my husband to quit talking

to her. It was fine if I was around and/or aware of conversations between them,

but otherwise it was not allowed.

> >

> > When I realized that she was taking me to task about how I " made her feel "

about " HER relationship with my husband " I was like the subject line says

REALLY?!?! You want to do this NOW? I BEGGED HER TO DROP IT. Pleaded was she

really picking this time to berate me for how bad I made her feel about her not

having a relationship with my husband! This was the right time for me to get a

lecture from her about this? Where she proceeded to tell me off about how I

lectured her after her husband died about money. (okay, I did that) She was

threatening to not use the life insurance money to pay off her mortgage. That

and she went out and bought two more purebred dogs to the tune of about $2K give

or take. She kept saying that her brother would not let her loose her house even

if she blew thru all of her money, when what he really said was that he would

help guide her in the wisest way to use the money that she had gotten. She has

been waiting a long time to get her revenge about that one. I spent a few more

minutes arguing with her and telling her to just drop it and quit talking and

finally I left the house and drove down the street to talk to a friend of mine.

I spent the next two hours in my car talking on my cell to my BFF, my

sister-in-law and another friend that just happened to call during that time.

Now I'm off to see if I can book her ass outta her on a flight tomorrow instead

of Saturday.

> >

> > Carla

> >

>

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest guest

Guest guest

Posted
Posted

Carla, please know a lot of hearts go out to you about losing your husband. I'm

so sorry to hear of your loss.

AFB

> >

> > Hey KO family, I have once again forgotten to NEVER trust my nada to be

there for me at all, however I can be forgiven for this lapse. I have already

forgiven myself, but I have got to get this out there so I can reflect back upon

it later. this is the lesson I learned today...to never forget that it is when

you are at your most vulnerable that the nada will strike and that these people

will never be there for you ever when you truly need them! This is what happened

and why I was so vulnerable.

> >

> > My husband went into the hospital on October 31st with serious indigestion

and pain. We thought they were going to tell us that he had gallstones and would

have to have the stones or the gallbladder removed. By early afternoon, we knew

he had some type of cancer. Everyday his prognosis was worse. By the time he was

in the hospital a week and a half, we knew that he was terminal, that even if

chemo helped that it would only, maybe buy him a year, maybe less. It was around

this time that my nada asked if I wanted her to come out to be with us and help

me with our son, her only biological grandchild. I said yes, that I was sure

that our son would appreciate any and all help that grandma could provide, she

has always loved my son and would do anything for him at all. Two days later,

when my in-laws arrived, she called me. I assumed that she was calling to tell

me her flight information or to tell me that she and her husband were driving

out here and when I could expect them or when one of my friends could come pick

them up from the airport. Instead she mentions that she is almost to Atlanta,

where I (again) mistakenly assume that she has a layover in Atlanta and will

soon be arriving here in Colorado. However, it is not to me she is headed, it is

to Orlando to help her husband close on a property he is selling there. She has

developed a complete amnesia to having ever told me she should come out. I am

disappointed, but not terribly surprised. I let it go and move on. I remind

myself not to take it personally and that she lost her husband almost four years

ago this month and that maybe this is her sick brain trying to protect itself

from dredging all that pain up from those memories. I am always making excuses

for her. Why stop now.

> >

> > By the time we reached the end of his second week in the hospital we knew

that a year was overestimating things, that pretty much 100% of his liver was

now cancer cells and that he was entering liver failure. My husband died late

Saturday afternoon, November 19th. We just had his memorial yesterday afternoon.

He was just 50 years old. The father of a twelve year old boy. We were together

over 22 years.

> >

> > I waited to bring out nada til the day before the memorial. I thought she

could be there for her grandson, who loves her dearly. My best friend since

grade school arrived the day after my husband passed and she helped nada book

her flight and get everything set up. We tried to keep it as short a visit as

possible attempting to convince her that all the flights returning were too

expensive unless she went home on Thanksgiving day. she balked at this idea and

the best I could get her to settle for was returning on Saturday. It was her

money, and she wanted a longer visit. I relented, what a mistake.

> >

> > Today after returning from Thanksgiving dinner with many of my husbands

relatives, my nada mentions how bad she feels that she didn't get to talk to my

husband. I assumed that she meant, before he passed. What she really meant was

she was angry with me that I had told her that she couldn't talk to my husband

anymore. This was not entirely untrue. She had started talking to my husband

about some problems he and I were having at the time and was communicating with

him behind my back under the guise of " helping " our marriage! When I found out,

I put a stop to it. I didn't completely understand what was wrong with my nada,

this was pre-knowledge of BPD, but I knew that any and all information given to

nada is future ammunition and that is how I convinced my husband to quit talking

to her. It was fine if I was around and/or aware of conversations between them,

but otherwise it was not allowed.

> >

> > When I realized that she was taking me to task about how I " made her feel "

about " HER relationship with my husband " I was like the subject line says

REALLY?!?! You want to do this NOW? I BEGGED HER TO DROP IT. Pleaded was she

really picking this time to berate me for how bad I made her feel about her not

having a relationship with my husband! This was the right time for me to get a

lecture from her about this? Where she proceeded to tell me off about how I

lectured her after her husband died about money. (okay, I did that) She was

threatening to not use the life insurance money to pay off her mortgage. That

and she went out and bought two more purebred dogs to the tune of about $2K give

or take. She kept saying that her brother would not let her loose her house even

if she blew thru all of her money, when what he really said was that he would

help guide her in the wisest way to use the money that she had gotten. She has

been waiting a long time to get her revenge about that one. I spent a few more

minutes arguing with her and telling her to just drop it and quit talking and

finally I left the house and drove down the street to talk to a friend of mine.

I spent the next two hours in my car talking on my cell to my BFF, my

sister-in-law and another friend that just happened to call during that time.

Now I'm off to see if I can book her ass outta her on a flight tomorrow instead

of Saturday.

> >

> > Carla

> >

>

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest guest

Guest guest

Posted
Posted

That is very proactive and assertive of you; I'm cheering for you for standing

up for yourself. You don't need nada drama and nada bulls**t on top of your

heartache. My thoughts are with you and your son.

-Annie

>

> I found out there is a fare, with the same airline for no change in fee (God

Bless Southwest airlines!) It leaves today at 1:50. I intend to let nada know

that she has a choice. She either leaves me alone and enjoys a last day with her

grandson, or she leaves period.

>

> Carla

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Share on other sites
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Posted
Posted

Dear Carla,

I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. I'm sorry your Nada has

made a very difficult time in your life even more difficult. A Mom should be

loving and compassionate and there for you. Take care of your self and let your

wonderful friends help you and your sweet son.

Sincerely,

Louise (TTH)

>

> Hey KO family, I have once again forgotten to NEVER trust my nada to be there

for me at all, however I can be forgiven for this lapse. I have already forgiven

myself, but I have got to get this out there so I can reflect back upon it

later. this is the lesson I learned today...to never forget that it is when you

are at your most vulnerable that the nada will strike and that these people will

never be there for you ever when you truly need them! This is what happened and

why I was so vulnerable.

>

> My husband went into the hospital on October 31st with serious indigestion and

pain. We thought they were going to tell us that he had gallstones and would

have to have the stones or the gallbladder removed. By early afternoon, we knew

he had some type of cancer. Everyday his prognosis was worse. By the time he was

in the hospital a week and a half, we knew that he was terminal, that even if

chemo helped that it would only, maybe buy him a year, maybe less. It was around

this time that my nada asked if I wanted her to come out to be with us and help

me with our son, her only biological grandchild. I said yes, that I was sure

that our son would appreciate any and all help that grandma could provide, she

has always loved my son and would do anything for him at all. Two days later,

when my in-laws arrived, she called me. I assumed that she was calling to tell

me her flight information or to tell me that she and her husband were driving

out here and when I could expect them or when one of my friends could come pick

them up from the airport. Instead she mentions that she is almost to Atlanta,

where I (again) mistakenly assume that she has a layover in Atlanta and will

soon be arriving here in Colorado. However, it is not to me she is headed, it is

to Orlando to help her husband close on a property he is selling there. She has

developed a complete amnesia to having ever told me she should come out. I am

disappointed, but not terribly surprised. I let it go and move on. I remind

myself not to take it personally and that she lost her husband almost four years

ago this month and that maybe this is her sick brain trying to protect itself

from dredging all that pain up from those memories. I am always making excuses

for her. Why stop now.

>

> By the time we reached the end of his second week in the hospital we knew that

a year was overestimating things, that pretty much 100% of his liver was now

cancer cells and that he was entering liver failure. My husband died late

Saturday afternoon, November 19th. We just had his memorial yesterday afternoon.

He was just 50 years old. The father of a twelve year old boy. We were together

over 22 years.

>

> I waited to bring out nada til the day before the memorial. I thought she

could be there for her grandson, who loves her dearly. My best friend since

grade school arrived the day after my husband passed and she helped nada book

her flight and get everything set up. We tried to keep it as short a visit as

possible attempting to convince her that all the flights returning were too

expensive unless she went home on Thanksgiving day. she balked at this idea and

the best I could get her to settle for was returning on Saturday. It was her

money, and she wanted a longer visit. I relented, what a mistake.

>

> Today after returning from Thanksgiving dinner with many of my husbands

relatives, my nada mentions how bad she feels that she didn't get to talk to my

husband. I assumed that she meant, before he passed. What she really meant was

she was angry with me that I had told her that she couldn't talk to my husband

anymore. This was not entirely untrue. She had started talking to my husband

about some problems he and I were having at the time and was communicating with

him behind my back under the guise of " helping " our marriage! When I found out,

I put a stop to it. I didn't completely understand what was wrong with my nada,

this was pre-knowledge of BPD, but I knew that any and all information given to

nada is future ammunition and that is how I convinced my husband to quit talking

to her. It was fine if I was around and/or aware of conversations between them,

but otherwise it was not allowed.

>

> When I realized that she was taking me to task about how I " made her feel "

about " HER relationship with my husband " I was like the subject line says

REALLY?!?! You want to do this NOW? I BEGGED HER TO DROP IT. Pleaded was she

really picking this time to berate me for how bad I made her feel about her not

having a relationship with my husband! This was the right time for me to get a

lecture from her about this? Where she proceeded to tell me off about how I

lectured her after her husband died about money. (okay, I did that) She was

threatening to not use the life insurance money to pay off her mortgage. That

and she went out and bought two more purebred dogs to the tune of about $2K give

or take. She kept saying that her brother would not let her loose her house even

if she blew thru all of her money, when what he really said was that he would

help guide her in the wisest way to use the money that she had gotten. She has

been waiting a long time to get her revenge about that one. I spent a few more

minutes arguing with her and telling her to just drop it and quit talking and

finally I left the house and drove down the street to talk to a friend of mine.

I spent the next two hours in my car talking on my cell to my BFF, my

sister-in-law and another friend that just happened to call during that time.

Now I'm off to see if I can book her ass outta her on a flight tomorrow instead

of Saturday.

>

> Carla

>

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