F.I.T. (Anybody teaching this)

[Guest guest]

EASTERN TENNESSEE COMMUNITY COLLEGE PARAMEDIC PROGRAM:

F.I.T. Performance Guide

1. Locate a feline (this is commonly known as a cat

<http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Cat> ). Domestic felines are the most agile,

and are most coveted for their spinal flexibility. *This procedure will not

work on Manx cats, unless a prosthetic tail is used*

2. Locate your hand <http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Hand> . This is

generally attached to your arm <http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Arm> , an

appendage on your body <http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Body> . You will

probably want to use your dominant hand. For ambidextrous persons: stop

showing off and just pick one hand and stick with it.

3. Find the oral orifice (mouth <http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Mouth> ) of

the feline. It will generally be located on their head

<http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Head> and will be the source of the loud

yowling you will probably be hearing at this point.

4. Insert your hand into the cat's mouth. You may feel an intense pain at

this point. This is from the teeth of the feline puncturing your skin. Do

not worry. Blood is a common occurrence when practicing FIT for the first

time, you will become calloused shortly.

5. Extend your hand further into the feline's body, along the spinal cord.

You should feel it's spine along the top of your hand; if you cannot feel

it's spine, you have probably got the wrong creature. If this is the case,

disengage your hand immediately and go back to step one. You may want to

seek professional help in not only locating a REAL cat, but you also

probably have some sort of mental

<http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Mental_disorder> disorder. Sorry.

6. Slide your hand along the cat's spine until you feel the anus (yes that

means butthole <http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Butthole> go ahead chuckle a

little bit, the vibration of laughter

<http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Laughter> actually makes the procedure easier

for you and the cat). (If you are unsure whether you have actually located

the anus <http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Anus> of the cat, just poke your

<http://uncyclopedia.org/index.php?title=Index_finger & action=edit> index

finger out the hole. Wiggle it around a little bit. The cat likes the

sensation and may even un-clamp it's teeth from your skin! You should see

your finger wiggling out the anus from the outside.)

7. Once you have located the anus, you should be able to find the tail

quickly. In felines of normal anatomical structure, it will be located

directly above the anus.

8. When you have found the tail, grasp it firmly (it will feel like a

large carrot <http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Carrot> ), and give it a solid

yank. This will " anchor " the spine and prepare the feline for the intense

pains of the inversion itself.

9. Now, slowly begin pulling the tail of the feline towards its mouth. It

may help provide extra stability if you use your other hand to hold the

cat's head in place.

10. When the tail has been pulled all the way to the opening of the mouth,

the actual inversion begins! Don't rush this procedure!! Enjoy it!!

11. Keeping hold of the tail with your dominant hand, move your other hand

to the exterior rump of the cat.

12. While pulling the tail with one hand, push the rump gently with the

other hand. The feline should start to turn inside out and will look red,

frothy, and refreshing... like beer <http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Beer> ....

except red <http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Red> .

13. Slowly work the whole cat in this way, until you hear a faint pop,

generally accompanied by a splatter of blood

<http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Blood> . This is the sound of the cat's head

being inverted.

14. You are now finished with the actual process of Feline Inversion!!

15. Marvel at the disturbing wonder you have created! Feel free to poke

around a bit, play, just have fun <http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Fun> !!!

[Guest guest]

THIS IS SICK!

F.I.T. (Anybody teaching this)

EASTERN TENNESSEE COMMUNITY COLLEGE PARAMEDIC PROGRAM:

F.I.T. Performance Guide

1. Locate a feline (this is commonly known as a cat

<http://uncyclopedia <http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Cat> .org/wiki/Cat>

). Domestic felines are the most agile,

and are most coveted for their spinal flexibility. *This procedure will

not

work on Manx cats, unless a prosthetic tail is used*

2. Locate your hand <http://uncyclopedia

<http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Hand> .org/wiki/Hand> . This is

generally attached to your arm <http://uncyclopedia

<http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Arm> .org/wiki/Arm> , an

appendage on your body <http://uncyclopedia

<http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Body> .org/wiki/Body> . You will

probably want to use your dominant hand. For ambidextrous persons: stop

showing off and just pick one hand and stick with it.

3. Find the oral orifice (mouth <http://uncyclopedia

<http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Mouth> .org/wiki/Mouth> ) of

the feline. It will generally be located on their head

<http://uncyclopedia <http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Head> .org/wiki/Head>

and will be the source of the loud

yowling you will probably be hearing at this point.

4. Insert your hand into the cat's mouth. You may feel an intense pain

at

this point. This is from the teeth of the feline puncturing your skin.

Do

not worry. Blood is a common occurrence when practicing FIT for the

first

time, you will become calloused shortly.

5. Extend your hand further into the feline's body, along the spinal

cord.

You should feel it's spine along the top of your hand; if you cannot

feel

it's spine, you have probably got the wrong creature. If this is the

case,

disengage your hand immediately and go back to step one. You may want to

seek professional help in not only locating a REAL cat, but you also

probably have some sort of mental

<http://uncyclopedia <http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Mental_disorder>

..org/wiki/Mental_disorder> disorder. Sorry.

6. Slide your hand along the cat's spine until you feel the anus (yes

that

means butthole <http://uncyclopedia

<http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Butthole> .org/wiki/Butthole> go ahead

chuckle a

little bit, the vibration of laughter

<http://uncyclopedia <http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Laughter>

..org/wiki/Laughter> actually makes the procedure easier

for you and the cat). (If you are unsure whether you have actually

located

the anus <http://uncyclopedia <http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Anus>

..org/wiki/Anus> of the cat, just poke your

<http://uncyclopedia

<http://uncyclopedia.org/index.php?title=Index_finger & action=edit>

..org/index.php?title=Index_finger & action=edit> index

finger out the hole. Wiggle it around a little bit. The cat likes the

sensation and may even un-clamp it's teeth from your skin! You should

see

your finger wiggling out the anus from the outside.)

7. Once you have located the anus, you should be able to find the tail

quickly. In felines of normal anatomical structure, it will be located

directly above the anus.

8. When you have found the tail, grasp it firmly (it will feel like a

large carrot <http://uncyclopedia <http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Carrot>

..org/wiki/Carrot> ), and give it a solid

yank. This will " anchor " the spine and prepare the feline for the

intense

pains of the inversion itself.

9. Now, slowly begin pulling the tail of the feline towards its mouth.

It

may help provide extra stability if you use your other hand to hold the

cat's head in place.

10. When the tail has been pulled all the way to the opening of the

mouth,

the actual inversion begins! Don't rush this procedure!! Enjoy it!!

11. Keeping hold of the tail with your dominant hand, move your other

hand

to the exterior rump of the cat.

12. While pulling the tail with one hand, push the rump gently with the

other hand. The feline should start to turn inside out and will look

red,

frothy, and refreshing... like beer <http://uncyclopedia

<http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Beer> .org/wiki/Beer> ....

except red <http://uncyclopedia <http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Red>

..org/wiki/Red> .

13. Slowly work the whole cat in this way, until you hear a faint pop,

generally accompanied by a splatter of blood

<http://uncyclopedia <http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Blood>

..org/wiki/Blood> . This is the sound of the cat's head

being inverted.

14. You are now finished with the actual process of Feline Inversion!!

15. Marvel at the disturbing wonder you have created! Feel free to poke

around a bit, play, just have fun <http://uncyclopedia

<http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Fun> .org/wiki/Fun> !!!

[Guest guest]

No---This is funny! and it wasnt meant for all of us.

>

> THIS IS SICK!

> F.I.T. (Anybody teaching this)

>

> EASTERN TENNESSEE COMMUNITY COLLEGE PARAMEDIC PROGRAM:

>

> F.I.T. Performance Guide

>

> 1. Locate a feline (this is commonly known as a cat

> <http://uncyclopedia <http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Cat> .org/wiki/Cat>

> ). Domestic felines are the most agile,

> and are most coveted for their spinal flexibility. *This procedure will

> not

> work on Manx cats, unless a prosthetic tail is used*

>

> 2. Locate your hand <http://uncyclopedia

> <http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Hand> .org/wiki/Hand> . This is

> generally attached to your arm <http://uncyclopedia

> <http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Arm> .org/wiki/Arm> , an

> appendage on your body <http://uncyclopedia

> <http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Body> .org/wiki/Body> . You will

> probably want to use your dominant hand. For ambidextrous persons: stop

> showing off and just pick one hand and stick with it.

>

> 3. Find the oral orifice (mouth <http://uncyclopedia

> <http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Mouth> .org/wiki/Mouth> ) of

> the feline. It will generally be located on their head

> <http://uncyclopedia <http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Head> .org/wiki/Head>

> and will be the source of the loud

> yowling you will probably be hearing at this point.

>

> 4. Insert your hand into the cat's mouth. You may feel an intense pain

> at

> this point. This is from the teeth of the feline puncturing your skin.

> Do

> not worry. Blood is a common occurrence when practicing FIT for the

> first

> time, you will become calloused shortly.

>

> 5. Extend your hand further into the feline's body, along the spinal

> cord.

> You should feel it's spine along the top of your hand; if you cannot

> feel

> it's spine, you have probably got the wrong creature. If this is the

> case,

> disengage your hand immediately and go back to step one. You may want to

> seek professional help in not only locating a REAL cat, but you also

> probably have some sort of mental

> <http://uncyclopedia <http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Mental_disorder>

> .org/wiki/Mental_disorder> disorder. Sorry.

>

> 6. Slide your hand along the cat's spine until you feel the anus (yes

> that

> means butthole <http://uncyclopedia

> <http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Butthole> .org/wiki/Butthole> go ahead

> chuckle a

> little bit, the vibration of laughter

> <http://uncyclopedia <http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Laughter>

> .org/wiki/Laughter> actually makes the procedure easier

> for you and the cat). (If you are unsure whether you have actually

> located

> the anus <http://uncyclopedia <http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Anus>

> .org/wiki/Anus> of the cat, just poke your

> <http://uncyclopedia

> <http://uncyclopedia.org/index.php?title=Index_finger & action=edit>

> .org/index.php?title=Index_finger & action=edit> index

> finger out the hole. Wiggle it around a little bit. The cat likes the

> sensation and may even un-clamp it's teeth from your skin! You should

> see

> your finger wiggling out the anus from the outside.)

>

> 7. Once you have located the anus, you should be able to find the tail

> quickly. In felines of normal anatomical structure, it will be located

> directly above the anus.

>

> 8. When you have found the tail, grasp it firmly (it will feel like a

> large carrot <http://uncyclopedia <http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Carrot>

> .org/wiki/Carrot> ), and give it a solid

> yank. This will " anchor " the spine and prepare the feline for the

> intense

> pains of the inversion itself.

>

> 9. Now, slowly begin pulling the tail of the feline towards its mouth.

> It

> may help provide extra stability if you use your other hand to hold the

> cat's head in place.

>

> 10. When the tail has been pulled all the way to the opening of the

> mouth,

> the actual inversion begins! Don't rush this procedure!! Enjoy it!!

>

> 11. Keeping hold of the tail with your dominant hand, move your other

> hand

> to the exterior rump of the cat.

>

> 12. While pulling the tail with one hand, push the rump gently with the

> other hand. The feline should start to turn inside out and will look

> red,

> frothy, and refreshing... like beer <http://uncyclopedia

> <http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Beer> .org/wiki/Beer> ....

> except red <http://uncyclopedia <http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Red>

> .org/wiki/Red> .

>

> 13. Slowly work the whole cat in this way, until you hear a faint pop,

> generally accompanied by a splatter of blood

> <http://uncyclopedia <http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Blood>

> .org/wiki/Blood> . This is the sound of the cat's head

> being inverted.

>

> 14. You are now finished with the actual process of Feline Inversion!!

>

> 15. Marvel at the disturbing wonder you have created! Feel free to poke

> around a bit, play, just have fun <http://uncyclopedia

> <http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Fun> .org/wiki/Fun> !!!

>

>