Re: New member reaching out!

[Guest guest]

I am new to this group as well, but felt like you have peeped into my own life

before writing this. I am 44 yrs old, but have been school the last 4 yrs

trying to complete my degree in education. I have dealt with this behavior from

my own mom all of these years so I commend you for reaching out now & getting

help. I always thought it was something I did or said & her constant threats of

suicide, outbursts, emotional & verbal abuse was all because I should or should

not have done something. After seeking a therapist earlier this year, it has

been determined she most likely is BPD, but has never been officially diagnosed

because she thinks there is nothing wrong with her - it is the rest of us living

on this planet that has the problem. My sister, too, disappeared from our lives

12 yrs ago because she could not take it any longer & like you, I was forbidden

to have any relationship with her. You & I could probably write a book, but I

like you, am searching for some help or guidance. I had my doors blown off today

when she called demanding my grandmother's wedding ring back (a gift I had

received in Feb as the oldest granddaugher) because I had been disrespectful. I

hung the phone up on her a couple of months ago because she was screaming,

calling me names, saying terrible things about my husband & children. I said

when you can talk to me without being nasty or negative, then call me back. I

am sad to let go of a treasured heirloom from a grandmother I adore, but there

is no joy in wearing a ring that only reminds you of how bad you hate your

mother. You are not alone. I wish sometimes we were along because that means

other daughters are abused by their mothers & I would never wish this on anyone.

I have been living a nightmare most of my life, especially the last 10 yrs.

>

> Hello everyone!

> I'm a new member, reaching out to other people for the first time regarding

BPD. Up until now I thought I was alone and that I was the only person out there

living with a mother like mine, but in counseling I've started going through the

Walking On Eggshells Workbook and ran across the bpdcentral website. It's

incredible to see how many other people are living with the exact same problems

that I am!

>

> I'm a 19 year old college student, studying nursing at University. My

mom (according to my sister) was diagnosed with BPD and bipolar disorder years

ago, but she has never actually admitted that to me or told me there's anything

wrong with her, so I'm not sure what the story is with that. I've just been

putting the pieces together the last couple years and talking to my sister and a

counselor about it, and eventually came to the conclusion that she is definitely

a BP.

>

> My mom has systematically shut out every single family member or loved one

that I've ever known, so that the only people left in our lives is each other.

My dad was killed in an accident when I was 10 and my sister took off when she

turned 18 just a few months later. She left because of our mom; she just

couldn't take it anymore. Naturally, my mom disowned her and forbid me to have

anything to do with her. I hadn't seen or spoken to my sister in 8 years until

last year when she got in touch with me again. Having my sister back in my life

is great, but my mom nearly committed suicide when she found out. I have to hide

the whole relationship with my mom and it's beginning to take a toll on me. I

don't know if anyone else feels this way, but I feel like I have to lead two

completely different lives: my normal life, the way I want to be, and the life I

live in front of my BP mother. I'm definitely walking on eggshells with her,

extremely careful of everything I do or say around her and what I tell her about

my life. It seems as though everything has to be surrounded around HER feelings

and what SHE wants for me and if it's not her way 100% of the time, she

threatens me with suicide or with leaving me like she has everyone else in our

lives. It's like I have no choice. And being a young college student who's just

getting my life started, this is getting extremely difficult and it's hindering

me quite a bit from doing all the things I want to do right now. Life decisions

aside, dealing with my mom's day-to-day drama and BPD issues has become nearly a

full time job and REALLY distracts me from my school work. My GPA has dropped

drastically in the last 2 years since my problems with her have gotten worse and

if I try to choose school or ANYTHING else over being with her, she accuses me

of not caring about her and being selfish. I just don't know what to do anymore.

>

> So that's just a little bit about my situation (there's MUCH more to say but

I'll spare you all for now) and I guess i'm just wondering if there's anyone

else out there dealing with this; anyone close to my age that can really relate

to what I'm going through having a BP mother while trying to get through

college.

>

> Thanks and good luck to you all!! Looking forward to talking to everyone more

>

[Guest guest]

Welcome ne! I'm sorry for your situation, but I'm glad we all have each

other.

" I don't know if anyone else feels this way, but I feel like I have to lead two

completely different lives: my normal life, the way I want to be, and the life I

live in front of my BP mother. I'm definitely walking on eggshells with her,

extremely careful of everything I do or say around her and what I tell her about

my life. "

Yes, ne, totally. In fact, I share as little as possible with my mother.

She either really doesn't care if it doesn't have to do with her, OR she will

call me every day to " check in " about something I shared. it's suffocating.

Do you live with your mother? That right there must be very constraining.

I'm so sorry your mother is putting you in the position of choosing between her

and your future. I really hope you can perhaps see a counselor to give you good

coping skills with her.

You need distance from her, as painful as that will be for you (the guilt, etc).

She is mentally ill and is not thinking of your future.

We're here for you; stay strong. btw, good for you for reading up on bpd

(Surviving the Borderline Mother, Stop Walking on Eggshells). Boundaries is also

a good book by Cloud/Townsend.

Fiona

>

> Hello everyone!

> I'm a new member, reaching out to other people for the first time regarding

BPD. Up until now I thought I was alone and that I was the only person out there

living with a mother like mine, but in counseling I've started going through the

Walking On Eggshells Workbook and ran across the bpdcentral website. It's

incredible to see how many other people are living with the exact same problems

that I am!

>

> I'm a 19 year old college student, studying nursing at University. My

mom (according to my sister) was diagnosed with BPD and bipolar disorder years

ago, but she has never actually admitted that to me or told me there's anything

wrong with her, so I'm not sure what the story is with that. I've just been

putting the pieces together the last couple years and talking to my sister and a

counselor about it, and eventually came to the conclusion that she is definitely

a BP.

>

> My mom has systematically shut out every single family member or loved one

that I've ever known, so that the only people left in our lives is each other.

My dad was killed in an accident when I was 10 and my sister took off when she

turned 18 just a few months later. She left because of our mom; she just

couldn't take it anymore. Naturally, my mom disowned her and forbid me to have

anything to do with her. I hadn't seen or spoken to my sister in 8 years until

last year when she got in touch with me again. Having my sister back in my life

is great, but my mom nearly committed suicide when she found out. I have to hide

the whole relationship with my mom and it's beginning to take a toll on me. I

don't know if anyone else feels this way, but I feel like I have to lead two

completely different lives: my normal life, the way I want to be, and the life I

live in front of my BP mother. I'm definitely walking on eggshells with her,

extremely careful of everything I do or say around her and what I tell her about

my life. It seems as though everything has to be surrounded around HER feelings

and what SHE wants for me and if it's not her way 100% of the time, she

threatens me with suicide or with leaving me like she has everyone else in our

lives. It's like I have no choice. And being a young college student who's just

getting my life started, this is getting extremely difficult and it's hindering

me quite a bit from doing all the things I want to do right now. Life decisions

aside, dealing with my mom's day-to-day drama and BPD issues has become nearly a

full time job and REALLY distracts me from my school work. My GPA has dropped

drastically in the last 2 years since my problems with her have gotten worse and

if I try to choose school or ANYTHING else over being with her, she accuses me

of not caring about her and being selfish. I just don't know what to do anymore.

>

> So that's just a little bit about my situation (there's MUCH more to say but

I'll spare you all for now) and I guess i'm just wondering if there's anyone

else out there dealing with this; anyone close to my age that can really relate

to what I'm going through having a BP mother while trying to get through

college.

>

> Thanks and good luck to you all!! Looking forward to talking to everyone more

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ne,

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. You are really not alone, I

remember when I first joined this amazing group and I thought I was the only

person in the world who had a mother like mine, how very wrong I was. I was sad

that other people like yourself suffered too, but also glad that I had found a

" safe place " to talk to other people whos mothers suffer from BPD.

I am here whenever you fancy talking - I have noticed there is a chat room here

now too - its been a long time since Ive been on this site and I am so glad that

I am back - I hope to talk sometime.

Hugs

Claire xx

> >

> > Hello everyone!

> > I'm a new member, reaching out to other people for the first time regarding

BPD. Up until now I thought I was alone and that I was the only person out there

living with a mother like mine, but in counseling I've started going through the

Walking On Eggshells Workbook and ran across the bpdcentral website. It's

incredible to see how many other people are living with the exact same problems

that I am!

> >

> > I'm a 19 year old college student, studying nursing at University.

My mom (according to my sister) was diagnosed with BPD and bipolar disorder

years ago, but she has never actually admitted that to me or told me there's

anything wrong with her, so I'm not sure what the story is with that. I've just

been putting the pieces together the last couple years and talking to my sister

and a counselor about it, and eventually came to the conclusion that she is

definitely a BP.

> >

> > My mom has systematically shut out every single family member or loved one

that I've ever known, so that the only people left in our lives is each other.

My dad was killed in an accident when I was 10 and my sister took off when she

turned 18 just a few months later. She left because of our mom; she just

couldn't take it anymore. Naturally, my mom disowned her and forbid me to have

anything to do with her. I hadn't seen or spoken to my sister in 8 years until

last year when she got in touch with me again. Having my sister back in my life

is great, but my mom nearly committed suicide when she found out. I have to hide

the whole relationship with my mom and it's beginning to take a toll on me. I

don't know if anyone else feels this way, but I feel like I have to lead two

completely different lives: my normal life, the way I want to be, and the life I

live in front of my BP mother. I'm definitely walking on eggshells with her,

extremely careful of everything I do or say around her and what I tell her about

my life. It seems as though everything has to be surrounded around HER feelings

and what SHE wants for me and if it's not her way 100% of the time, she

threatens me with suicide or with leaving me like she has everyone else in our

lives. It's like I have no choice. And being a young college student who's just

getting my life started, this is getting extremely difficult and it's hindering

me quite a bit from doing all the things I want to do right now. Life decisions

aside, dealing with my mom's day-to-day drama and BPD issues has become nearly a

full time job and REALLY distracts me from my school work. My GPA has dropped

drastically in the last 2 years since my problems with her have gotten worse and

if I try to choose school or ANYTHING else over being with her, she accuses me

of not caring about her and being selfish. I just don't know what to do anymore.

> >

> > So that's just a little bit about my situation (there's MUCH more to say but

I'll spare you all for now) and I guess i'm just wondering if there's anyone

else out there dealing with this; anyone close to my age that can really relate

to what I'm going through having a BP mother while trying to get through

college.

> >

> > Thanks and good luck to you all!! Looking forward to talking to everyone

more

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ne,

Welcome. How wonderful, that at such a young age, you are learning about your

Mom's (Nada--Not a mother)BPD. You have a jump start to healing and learning

how to set healthy boundaries. That you know that there is nothing wrong with

you.

What you described, I have experienced too as have others here. You are in the

right place for support.

There is so much to read and learn as you make sense our of her disorder and you

move on to live a healthy, productive life. How great you have your sister that

you can share this with. I too have a sister. We are in our 40's and we are

just starting to be able to talk about things.

I'm so glad you are here--

Louise (TTH)

>

> Hello everyone!

> I'm a new member, reaching out to other people for the first time regarding

BPD. Up until now I thought I was alone and that I was the only person out there

living with a mother like mine, but in counseling I've started going through the

Walking On Eggshells Workbook and ran across the bpdcentral website. It's

incredible to see how many other people are living with the exact same problems

that I am!

>

> I'm a 19 year old college student, studying nursing at University. My

mom (according to my sister) was diagnosed with BPD and bipolar disorder years

ago, but she has never actually admitted that to me or told me there's anything

wrong with her, so I'm not sure what the story is with that. I've just been

putting the pieces together the last couple years and talking to my sister and a

counselor about it, and eventually came to the conclusion that she is definitely

a BP.

>

> My mom has systematically shut out every single family member or loved one

that I've ever known, so that the only people left in our lives is each other.

My dad was killed in an accident when I was 10 and my sister took off when she

turned 18 just a few months later. She left because of our mom; she just

couldn't take it anymore. Naturally, my mom disowned her and forbid me to have

anything to do with her. I hadn't seen or spoken to my sister in 8 years until

last year when she got in touch with me again. Having my sister back in my life

is great, but my mom nearly committed suicide when she found out. I have to hide

the whole relationship with my mom and it's beginning to take a toll on me. I

don't know if anyone else feels this way, but I feel like I have to lead two

completely different lives: my normal life, the way I want to be, and the life I

live in front of my BP mother. I'm definitely walking on eggshells with her,

extremely careful of everything I do or say around her and what I tell her about

my life. It seems as though everything has to be surrounded around HER feelings

and what SHE wants for me and if it's not her way 100% of the time, she

threatens me with suicide or with leaving me like she has everyone else in our

lives. It's like I have no choice. And being a young college student who's just

getting my life started, this is getting extremely difficult and it's hindering

me quite a bit from doing all the things I want to do right now. Life decisions

aside, dealing with my mom's day-to-day drama and BPD issues has become nearly a

full time job and REALLY distracts me from my school work. My GPA has dropped

drastically in the last 2 years since my problems with her have gotten worse and

if I try to choose school or ANYTHING else over being with her, she accuses me

of not caring about her and being selfish. I just don't know what to do anymore.

>

> So that's just a little bit about my situation (there's MUCH more to say but

I'll spare you all for now) and I guess i'm just wondering if there's anyone

else out there dealing with this; anyone close to my age that can really relate

to what I'm going through having a BP mother while trying to get through

college.

>

> Thanks and good luck to you all!! Looking forward to talking to everyone more

>

[Guest guest]

Sorry that you're dealing with so much at a young age, although I " m 45 and still

nada gets me into tears (like last night). I never realized having to hide

relationships was a part of bpd, but I always left out details because nada was

so jealous. Your sister is going to be around a lot longer than your nada, you

have to cherish that relationship. Having a bpd mother at any age is hard-it

affects everything and how you react. You have to chose you-concentrate on

school. nada's are afraid of abandonment, she'll never cut you out because

that's her biggest fear. If you go no contact and just concentrate on you I

guarantee she'll come back around. I've learned the hard way. Lean on

friends and don't let her ruin your life. I wish I had known about bpd 20

years ago

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Wednesday, November 30, 2011 7:59 AM

Subject: Re: New member reaching out!

Â

Hi ne,

Welcome. How wonderful, that at such a young age, you are learning about your

Mom's (Nada--Not a mother)BPD. You have a jump start to healing and learning

how to set healthy boundaries. That you know that there is nothing wrong with

you.

What you described, I have experienced too as have others here. You are in the

right place for support.

There is so much to read and learn as you make sense our of her disorder and you

move on to live a healthy, productive life. How great you have your sister that

you can share this with. I too have a sister. We are in our 40's and we are

just starting to be able to talk about things.

I'm so glad you are here--

Louise (TTH)

>

> Hello everyone!

> I'm a new member, reaching out to other people for the first time regarding

BPD. Up until now I thought I was alone and that I was the only person out there

living with a mother like mine, but in counseling I've started going through the

Walking On Eggshells Workbook and ran across the bpdcentral website. It's

incredible to see how many other people are living with the exact same problems

that I am!

>

> I'm a 19 year old college student, studying nursing at University. My

mom (according to my sister) was diagnosed with BPD and bipolar disorder years

ago, but she has never actually admitted that to me or told me there's anything

wrong with her, so I'm not sure what the story is with that. I've just been

putting the pieces together the last couple years and talking to my sister and a

counselor about it, and eventually came to the conclusion that she is definitely

a BP.

>

> My mom has systematically shut out every single family member or loved one

that I've ever known, so that the only people left in our lives is each other.

My dad was killed in an accident when I was 10 and my sister took off when she

turned 18 just a few months later. She left because of our mom; she just

couldn't take it anymore. Naturally, my mom disowned her and forbid me to have

anything to do with her. I hadn't seen or spoken to my sister in 8 years until

last year when she got in touch with me again. Having my sister back in my life

is great, but my mom nearly committed suicide when she found out. I have to hide

the whole relationship with my mom and it's beginning to take a toll on me. I

don't know if anyone else feels this way, but I feel like I have to lead two

completely different lives: my normal life, the way I want to be, and the life I

live in front of my BP mother. I'm definitely walking on eggshells with her,

extremely careful of

everything I do or say around her and what I tell her about my life. It seems

as though everything has to be surrounded around HER feelings and what SHE wants

for me and if it's not her way 100% of the time, she threatens me with suicide

or with leaving me like she has everyone else in our lives. It's like I have no

choice. And being a young college student who's just getting my life started,

this is getting extremely difficult and it's hindering me quite a bit from doing

all the things I want to do right now. Life decisions aside, dealing with my

mom's day-to-day drama and BPD issues has become nearly a full time job and

REALLY distracts me from my school work. My GPA has dropped drastically in the

last 2 years since my problems with her have gotten worse and if I try to choose

school or ANYTHING else over being with her, she accuses me of not caring about

her and being selfish. I just don't know what to do anymore.

>

> So that's just a little bit about my situation (there's MUCH more to say but

I'll spare you all for now) and I guess i'm just wondering if there's anyone

else out there dealing with this; anyone close to my age that can really relate

to what I'm going through having a BP mother while trying to get through

college.

>

> Thanks and good luck to you all!! Looking forward to talking to everyone more

>

[Guest guest]

Welcome! How wonderful that you are finding all this out now, while you have

your whole life still in front of you. I'm just sad you have to have BPD

craziness in your life to make the team here :-(

>

> Hello everyone!

> I'm a new member, reaching out to other people for the first time regarding

BPD. Up until now I thought I was alone and that I was the only person out there

living with a mother like mine, but in counseling I've started going through the

Walking On Eggshells Workbook and ran across the bpdcentral website. It's

incredible to see how many other people are living with the exact same problems

that I am!

>

> I'm a 19 year old college student, studying nursing at University. My

mom (according to my sister) was diagnosed with BPD and bipolar disorder years

ago, but she has never actually admitted that to me or told me there's anything

wrong with her, so I'm not sure what the story is with that. I've just been

putting the pieces together the last couple years and talking to my sister and a

counselor about it, and eventually came to the conclusion that she is definitely

a BP.

>

> My mom has systematically shut out every single family member or loved one

that I've ever known, so that the only people left in our lives is each other.

My dad was killed in an accident when I was 10 and my sister took off when she

turned 18 just a few months later. She left because of our mom; she just

couldn't take it anymore. Naturally, my mom disowned her and forbid me to have

anything to do with her. I hadn't seen or spoken to my sister in 8 years until

last year when she got in touch with me again. Having my sister back in my life

is great, but my mom nearly committed suicide when she found out. I have to hide

the whole relationship with my mom and it's beginning to take a toll on me. I

don't know if anyone else feels this way, but I feel like I have to lead two

completely different lives: my normal life, the way I want to be, and the life I

live in front of my BP mother. I'm definitely walking on eggshells with her,

extremely careful of everything I do or say around her and what I tell her about

my life. It seems as though everything has to be surrounded around HER feelings

and what SHE wants for me and if it's not her way 100% of the time, she

threatens me with suicide or with leaving me like she has everyone else in our

lives. It's like I have no choice. And being a young college student who's just

getting my life started, this is getting extremely difficult and it's hindering

me quite a bit from doing all the things I want to do right now. Life decisions

aside, dealing with my mom's day-to-day drama and BPD issues has become nearly a

full time job and REALLY distracts me from my school work. My GPA has dropped

drastically in the last 2 years since my problems with her have gotten worse and

if I try to choose school or ANYTHING else over being with her, she accuses me

of not caring about her and being selfish. I just don't know what to do anymore.

>

> So that's just a little bit about my situation (there's MUCH more to say but

I'll spare you all for now) and I guess i'm just wondering if there's anyone

else out there dealing with this; anyone close to my age that can really relate

to what I'm going through having a BP mother while trying to get through

college.

>

> Thanks and good luck to you all!! Looking forward to talking to everyone more

>