I am getting a divorce :o(

June 12, 2011

Hi Everyone,

I haven't been around a lot. Not sure if anyone has noticed. I have been

soooo busy with school and with other things.

My husband filed for divorce on May 24th. At first, I was really devastated

about it because I am stuck here in this God forsaken state with no family. My

friends have been wonderful, though. With that said, we have three children who

are 13, 10 and 9, so we have come to an agreement that we will be as amicable as

possible for the sake of the children. I am going to be giving up so much. My

husband makes over 100k a year and I make....well, not that much. I am on SSD

because I have a physical disability (mild), but thats not enough to live on.

If I go to work and make more than $1000 a month, I lose my disability. He is

willing to pay me alimonry, but there is no child support, I guess (still

working with my atty) because we will have joint custody. Also, in 23 months,

my husband will be getting a large sum of money from the sale of his company and

he is willing to give me 400k of that. I want it in writing!

I guess I am telling all of you this for a two-fold reason. One is that we have

not told our children. Partially because this is going to be a several month

process and we don't want to ruin their summer. We are living in the same

house, getting along fine, and living as normal while our attorneys are drawing

up papers. We have agreed to work out a compromise (hopefully) on every issue

so this won't go to mediation or court. So far, so good.

I've never been through this, so what goes through my mind are things like, " Is

this going to be too confusing because we are living as if everything is 'okay'

in this house? " I worry they will be blindsided. At the same time, I don't

want to over burden them or make them feel like they can say or do something to

change things and then feel responsible if they can't.

I always felt I was never included on the important things and then was told

inappropriate things when I was little -- things I should have been guarded

against, I wasn't and things I should have known were hidden from me...making me

suspicious and anxiety ridden.

Also, we are trying to make this process as easy as possible for the kids. I am

not deluded in thinking this won't affect them. I know it will. We are going

to sit down and tell them together, probably a month before the actual

'separation' takes place which would probably be around October/November.

I start seeing a therapist (can't see mine because she's too expensive) on

Wednesday that specializes in working with women going through the divorce -

primary women who have been stay at home moms. I have also joined a support

group for women going through divorce and am still seeing my life coach. I have

a lot of support from friends as well and some support from my sister.

I'm scared. I won't lie and say I won't. I mean, my income will drastically

change...at least for 23 months...and being " single " just is not something I've

ever wanted. My husband is an excellent father. He is involved and loves our

children as much as I do. That will never change. We will always be part of

one another's life. I have done a lot of the 'what ifs' in my mind -- what if

he finds some woman who doesn't care about my children. What if, what if, what

if.

The new therapist already told me I'd drive myself crazy with the 'what ifs' so

just concentrate on the facts. Wow, that's good advice, but very hard.

So if you got this far, thank you. I'm okay. Not great, not horrible. It is

what it is, you know? I am not the one who wants this, but I also know he won't

go to counseling and basically doesn't love me anymore. I wasn't completely

blindsided. I knew it was coming. Just wished it had been once I finished

school.

I have some other concerns around custody because my son who is 13 is disabled

and is average size for a 13 year old and yet cannot walk. Lifting him is a

challenge for me and bathing him is out of the question. My husband is having

to do all of that. The thought of not being able to see my kids every day is

also scary to me, but they have cell phones, are older, and I trust my husband

will do everything to protect them. Still, my life is getting ready to be in an

entirely different phase and I am pretty much scared to death.

Anyone else been through this before?

June 12, 2011

Oh lord yes I have - but without the kids.

It is the scariest, most stressful thing you can experience. Death is easier

I am sure. i lost about 35 lbs during my divorce (and I was at a healthy wt

starting out).

But, it was the catalyst that changed my life, brought me NC, brought me the

ability to be the real me and not pretend for someone else.

Are you SURE you are ok living with him?

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I haven't been around a lot. Not sure if anyone has noticed. I have been

> soooo busy with school and with other things.

>

> My husband filed for divorce on May 24th. At first, I was really devastated

> about it because I am stuck here in this God forsaken state with no family.

> My friends have been wonderful, though. With that said, we have three

> children who are 13, 10 and 9, so we have come to an agreement that we will

> be as amicable as possible for the sake of the children. I am going to be

> giving up so much. My husband makes over 100k a year and I make....well, not

> that much. I am on SSD because I have a physical disability (mild), but

> thats not enough to live on. If I go to work and make more than $1000 a

> month, I lose my disability. He is willing to pay me alimonry, but there is

> no child support, I guess (still working with my atty) because we will have

> joint custody. Also, in 23 months, my husband will be getting a large sum of

> money from the sale of his company and he is willing to give me 400k of

> that. I want it in writing!

>

> I guess I am telling all of you this for a two-fold reason. One is that we

> have not told our children. Partially because this is going to be a several

> month process and we don't want to ruin their summer. We are living in the

> same house, getting along fine, and living as normal while our attorneys are

> drawing up papers. We have agreed to work out a compromise (hopefully) on

> every issue so this won't go to mediation or court. So far, so good.

>

> I've never been through this, so what goes through my mind are things like,

> " Is this going to be too confusing because we are living as if everything is

> 'okay' in this house? " I worry they will be blindsided. At the same time, I

> don't want to over burden them or make them feel like they can say or do

> something to change things and then feel responsible if they can't.

>

> I always felt I was never included on the important things and then was

> told inappropriate things when I was little -- things I should have been

> guarded against, I wasn't and things I should have known were hidden from

> me...making me suspicious and anxiety ridden.

>

> Also, we are trying to make this process as easy as possible for the kids.

> I am not deluded in thinking this won't affect them. I know it will. We are

> going to sit down and tell them together, probably a month before the actual

> 'separation' takes place which would probably be around October/November.

>

> I start seeing a therapist (can't see mine because she's too expensive) on

> Wednesday that specializes in working with women going through the divorce -

> primary women who have been stay at home moms. I have also joined a support

> group for women going through divorce and am still seeing my life coach. I

> have a lot of support from friends as well and some support from my sister.

>

> I'm scared. I won't lie and say I won't. I mean, my income will drastically

> change...at least for 23 months...and being " single " just is not something

> I've ever wanted. My husband is an excellent father. He is involved and

> loves our children as much as I do. That will never change. We will always

> be part of one another's life. I have done a lot of the 'what ifs' in my

> mind -- what if he finds some woman who doesn't care about my children. What

> if, what if, what if.

>

> The new therapist already told me I'd drive myself crazy with the 'what

> ifs' so just concentrate on the facts. Wow, that's good advice, but very

> hard.

>

> So if you got this far, thank you. I'm okay. Not great, not horrible. It is

> what it is, you know? I am not the one who wants this, but I also know he

> won't go to counseling and basically doesn't love me anymore. I wasn't

> completely blindsided. I knew it was coming. Just wished it had been once I

> finished school.

>

> I have some other concerns around custody because my son who is 13 is

> disabled and is average size for a 13 year old and yet cannot walk. Lifting

> him is a challenge for me and bathing him is out of the question. My husband

> is having to do all of that. The thought of not being able to see my kids

> every day is also scary to me, but they have cell phones, are older, and I

> trust my husband will do everything to protect them. Still, my life is

> getting ready to be in an entirely different phase and I am pretty much

> scared to death.

>

> Anyone else been through this before?

>

June 12, 2011

Well, not my first choice, but basically I have no choice. I don't have the

finances to move out.

Re: I am getting a divorce (

Oh lord yes I have - but without the kids.

It is the scariest, most stressful thing you can experience. Death is easier

am sure. i lost about 35 lbs during my divorce (and I was at a healthy wt

tarting out).

But, it was the catalyst that changed my life, brought me NC, brought me the

bility to be the real me and not pretend for someone else.

Are you SURE you are ok living with him?

>

Hi Everyone,

I haven't been around a lot. Not sure if anyone has noticed. I have been

soooo busy with school and with other things.

My husband filed for divorce on May 24th. At first, I was really devastated

about it because I am stuck here in this God forsaken state with no family.

My friends have been wonderful, though. With that said, we have three

children who are 13, 10 and 9, so we have come to an agreement that we will

be as amicable as possible for the sake of the children. I am going to be

giving up so much. My husband makes over 100k a year and I make....well, not

that much. I am on SSD because I have a physical disability (mild), but

thats not enough to live on. If I go to work and make more than $1000 a

month, I lose my disability. He is willing to pay me alimonry, but there is

no child support, I guess (still working with my atty) because we will have

joint custody. Also, in 23 months, my husband will be getting a large sum of

money from the sale of his company and he is willing to give me 400k of

that. I want it in writing!

I guess I am telling all of you this for a two-fold reason. One is that we

have not told our children. Partially because this is going to be a several

month process and we don't want to ruin their summer. We are living in the

same house, getting along fine, and living as normal while our attorneys are

drawing up papers. We have agreed to work out a compromise (hopefully) on

every issue so this won't go to mediation or court. So far, so good.

I've never been through this, so what goes through my mind are things like,

" Is this going to be too confusing because we are living as if everything is

'okay' in this house? " I worry they will be blindsided. At the same time, I

don't want to over burden them or make them feel like they can say or do

something to change things and then feel responsible if they can't.

I always felt I was never included on the important things and then was

told inappropriate things when I was little -- things I should have been

guarded against, I wasn't and things I should have known were hidden from

me...making me suspicious and anxiety ridden.

Also, we are trying to make this process as easy as possible for the kids.

I am not deluded in thinking this won't affect them. I know it will. We are

going to sit down and tell them together, probably a month before the actual

'separation' takes place which would probably be around October/November.

I start seeing a therapist (can't see mine because she's too expensive) on

Wednesday that specializes in working with women going through the divorce -

primary women who have been stay at home moms. I have also joined a support

group for women going through divorce and am still seeing my life coach. I

have a lot of support from friends as well and some support from my sister.

I'm scared. I won't lie and say I won't. I mean, my income will drastically

change...at least for 23 months...and being " single " just is not something

I've ever wanted. My husband is an excellent father. He is involved and

loves our children as much as I do. That will never change. We will always

be part of one another's life. I have done a lot of the 'what ifs' in my

mind -- what if he finds some woman who doesn't care about my children. What

if, what if, what if.

The new therapist already told me I'd drive myself crazy with the 'what

ifs' so just concentrate on the facts. Wow, that's good advice, but very

hard.

So if you got this far, thank you. I'm okay. Not great, not horrible. It is

what it is, you know? I am not the one who wants this, but I also know he

won't go to counseling and basically doesn't love me anymore. I wasn't

completely blindsided. I knew it was coming. Just wished it had been once I

finished school.

I have some other concerns around custody because my son who is 13 is

disabled and is average size for a 13 year old and yet cannot walk. Lifting

him is a challenge for me and bathing him is out of the question. My husband

is having to do all of that. The thought of not being able to see my kids

every day is also scary to me, but they have cell phones, are older, and I

trust my husband will do everything to protect them. Still, my life is

getting ready to be in an entirely different phase and I am pretty much

scared to death.

Anyone else been through this before?

June 12, 2011

((((()))))

I haven't been through this, but I'm giving you a hug of support and

encouragement. Be gentle with yourself, dear.

-Annie