what have been your biggest challenges, once you realized...

[Guest guest]

I am working on a short essay/article on the theme of " challenges "

I would really appreciate hearing what your biggest challenges have been, once

you realized you had a borderline personality disordered mother.

What have you done in order to (or what do you plan to do) deal with these

challenges?

Thanks for helping to inspire me.

Best,

[Guest guest]

I'd say my biggest challenge is and always has been to not let myself get sucked

back in by nada again, when she utilizes her seemingly contrite, sobbing,

pathetic, sweet behaviors and tries to guilt me into resuming contact with her.

It has been a cycle I've endured since toddlerhood: sweet/mean, sweet/mean, or

" Jekyll and Hyde " over and over and over again. So, knowing something

intellectually and following through on an emotional level are two different

animals.

Overcoming " betrayal bonding " or " trauma bonding " that started in babyhood is

like trying to swim up a waterfall, but, hey; salmon can do it.

I think I can too.

-Annie

>

>

> I am working on a short essay/article on the theme of " challenges "

>

> I would really appreciate hearing what your biggest challenges have been, once

you realized you had a borderline personality disordered mother.

>

> What have you done in order to (or what do you plan to do) deal with these

challenges?

>

> Thanks for helping to inspire me.

>

> Best,

>

>

[Guest guest]

For me, it was realizing that I wasn't the " bad person " in the relationship. 

From the time my dad married my stepmom, I felt like I was the one who wasn't

doing enough, the one who was being bad.  I had been in therapy for several

months before I realized that while I did my part, it wasn't totally my

responsiblity.  I pray a lot about the situation, and just take one day at a

time.  I also realized that feelings also follow dips in my hormones.  The

whole situation bothers me more when my hormone levels change significantly. 

That's something I really can't do much about.

Janet

 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own

understanding.

 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

 Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.

 It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.

Proverbs 3:5-8

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Monday, June 13, 2011 1:42 PM

Subject: what have been your biggest challenges, once you

realized...

 

I am working on a short essay/article on the theme of " challenges "

I would really appreciate hearing what your biggest challenges have been, once

you realized you had a borderline personality disordered mother.

What have you done in order to (or what do you plan to do) deal with these

challenges?

Thanks for helping to inspire me.

Best,

[Guest guest]

Challenge: Saying good-bye. Allowing a grief period. A LONG grief period.

Strategy: Allowing myself to be as angry as I wanted to be, for as long as I

needed to be. It's taken years, but it's finally dissapating a bit. And I can

feel myself getting closer to acceptance.

Blessings,

Karla

>

>

> I am working on a short essay/article on the theme of " challenges "

>

> I would really appreciate hearing what your biggest challenges have been, once

you realized you had a borderline personality disordered mother.

>

> What have you done in order to (or what do you plan to do) deal with these

challenges?

>

> Thanks for helping to inspire me.

>

> Best,

>

>

[Guest guest]

Seperating myself from my family - on a lot of levels. I'm at a bare minimum of

contact. I'm also learning that I am not my family - especially that I am not

my mother. Finding out who I am. Grieving. Sigh.

>

>

> I am working on a short essay/article on the theme of " challenges "

>

> I would really appreciate hearing what your biggest challenges have been, once

you realized you had a borderline personality disordered mother.

>

> What have you done in order to (or what do you plan to do) deal with these

challenges?

>

> Thanks for helping to inspire me.

>

> Best,

>

>

[Guest guest]

Accepting I will never get my childhood, teenage years, 20s, back. Accepting my

brain as been wired to the craziness and fear. Accepting that it's OK to be

angry about it, but not let it consume me. I still struggle with this, but the

last 5 years I have been giving myself some of the things I missed out on

then-riding lessons, the time to draw and paint, learning the skill of making my

own clothes and my current hobby-smashing around on a dirt bike.

>

>

> I am working on a short essay/article on the theme of " challenges "

>

> I would really appreciate hearing what your biggest challenges have been, once

you realized you had a borderline personality disordered mother.

>

> What have you done in order to (or what do you plan to do) deal with these

challenges?

>

> Thanks for helping to inspire me.

>

> Best,

>

>

[Guest guest]

Dealing with the radioactive fallout of the poor, poor choices I made in my

teens and 20's that *looked* like the right ones at the time, because my

dysfunctional family reinforced those instead of me knowing me and finding out

what was right for ME.

I'm 43 now and it looks like some of the disasters that started way back then

can and will never be fixed. My life will be forever poorer for it.

Losing my faith in a good God or that good things can or ever will be in store

again.

--LL.

[Guest guest]

on the subject of being " wired to the craziness and fear " . i have realized

that being raised in a toxic, unpredictable environment can cause some of us

to have a hairtrigger fight or flight response that serves us well as

children, but is maladaptive when dealing with " normal " people and

situations. for example, i have panic attacks even though I haven't lived

with my nada for 20 years. instead of being wired for joy, i was wired for

stress.

i have realized that from a very early age i used food (the only drug

available) to calm myself down. this is no longer serving my needs. i

recently discovered EBT (emotional brain training) which is supposed to

teach one how to assess one's stress level, and teach some tools other than

numbing, distancing, merging, and all the external ways we try to cope that

aren't healthy.

i am feeling hopeful about learning some new skills. we'll see what

happens. anyone else tried this?

On Thu, Jun 16, 2011 at 8:44 PM, greengoldfish77

wrote:

> **

>

>

> Accepting I will never get my childhood, teenage years, 20s, back.

> Accepting my brain as been wired to the craziness and fear. Accepting that

> it's OK to be angry about it, but not let it consume me. I still struggle

> with this, but the last 5 years I have been giving myself some of the things

> I missed out on then-riding lessons, the time to draw and paint, learning

> the skill of making my own clothes and my current hobby-smashing around on a

> dirt bike.

>

>

> >

> >

> > I am working on a short essay/article on the theme of " challenges "

> >

> > I would really appreciate hearing what your biggest challenges have been,

> once you realized you had a borderline personality disordered mother.

> >

> > What have you done in order to (or what do you plan to do) deal with

> these challenges?

> >

> > Thanks for helping to inspire me.

> >

> > Best,

> >

> >