Guest guest Posted June 14, 2011 Report Share Posted June 14, 2011 It's been a hell-of-a-few-years.... after a lifetime of craziness from my 9:9 BPD Nada, 3 years of of therapy (thank you Gods of accidental salvation), finishing my Dr. of Ed. (Augusut 2011) and 'Life' I've finally learned to say " NO!!!!!!!! " NO to my Narc. ex. NO to my current soon-to-be-ex for being passive and aggressive topped with lots of projected guilt. NO to my Nada for continually pushing buttons and expecting me to react. NO to my University for screwing around with my data thus causing my Grad to be delayed. and, finally, yesterday... A DOUBLE DOG NO to my bio-dad (who guilted my 1/2 sister into delivering the following message which he gave her during their early Father's Day lunch Friday: " Please tell her I won't be long for this world... I'll be dead any day now and I really need to see her... I'll come down to see her... all she has to do is call me. " ) NONONONO! He abandoned me when I was 3. I " ve seen him 2 times in my life. He is NOT my Father nor will I absolve him of his guilt. I will NOT carry this burden that he created for himself 40+ years ago. I told her as much. Then I told her I was sorry HER Father's Day with him (as has happened to her her whole life) was tainted by his sobbing about ME. She understands. And now the YES's... YES to laughter, freedom and joy. YES to exploring new aspects of myself - free of external input or validation or correction or manipulation. YES to taking up invitations from old friends and rejoicing in the sanctity of that connection. YES to me and mine and those I CHOOSE to invite into my heart. I will never EVER allow somebody IN, or allow somebody to VOTE, or allow somebody to TAKE UP SPACE in my being because THEY DEMAND IT. I am precious. I hold the key to ME. Amen. Lynnette Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 14, 2011 Report Share Posted June 14, 2011 Your hard-won empowerment rocks, Lynnette! Totally. A big virtual high five to you and your very bright and pd-free future, and may it be filled with kind, lovely, mentally healthy people who actually can accept your love and love you back in healthy ways. Your success is an inspiration to me! -Annie > > It's been a hell-of-a-few-years.... after a lifetime of craziness from my 9:9 BPD Nada, 3 years of of therapy (thank you Gods of accidental salvation), finishing my Dr. of Ed. (Augusut 2011) and 'Life' I've finally learned to say " NO!!!!!!!! " > > NO to my Narc. ex. > > NO to my current soon-to-be-ex for being passive and aggressive topped with lots of projected guilt. > > NO to my Nada for continually pushing buttons and expecting me to react. > > NO to my University for screwing around with my data thus causing my Grad to be delayed. > > and, finally, yesterday... > > A DOUBLE DOG NO to my bio-dad (who guilted my 1/2 sister into delivering the following message which he gave her during their early Father's Day lunch Friday: " Please tell her I won't be long for this world... I'll be dead any day now and I really need to see her... I'll come down to see her... all she has to do is call me. " ) NONONONO! He abandoned me when I was 3. I " ve seen him 2 times in my life. He is NOT my Father nor will I absolve him of his guilt. I will NOT carry this burden that he created for himself 40+ years ago. I told her as much. Then I told her I was sorry HER Father's Day with him (as has happened to her her whole life) was tainted by his sobbing about ME. She understands. > > And now the YES's... > > YES to laughter, freedom and joy. YES to exploring new aspects of myself - free of external input or validation or correction or manipulation. YES to taking up invitations from old friends and rejoicing in the sanctity of that connection. YES to me and mine and those I CHOOSE to invite into my heart. > > I will never EVER allow somebody IN, or allow somebody to VOTE, or allow somebody to TAKE UP SPACE in my being because THEY DEMAND IT. I am precious. I hold the key to ME. > > Amen. > > Lynnette > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 14, 2011 Report Share Posted June 14, 2011 that is really beautiful, thanks for writing it. I love the part where you say that you won't lighten the burden that your bio dad 'created for himself'. those words resonated with me sooooooooooo much. my mother still wants to lighten the burden she carries for not protecting me as a child from the pedophiles around us yet at the same time she resents the hell out of me for blowing the whistle on her and telling my truth. It's exasperating, and it's wonderful that you have a clear vision about just what is and isn't up to you to fix. This is an incredibly powerful post, thanks again for sharing it. > > It's been a hell-of-a-few-years.... after a lifetime of craziness from my 9:9 BPD Nada, 3 years of of therapy (thank you Gods of accidental salvation), finishing my Dr. of Ed. (Augusut 2011) and 'Life' I've finally learned to say " NO!!!!!!!! " > > NO to my Narc. ex. > > NO to my current soon-to-be-ex for being passive and aggressive topped with lots of projected guilt. > > NO to my Nada for continually pushing buttons and expecting me to react. > > NO to my University for screwing around with my data thus causing my Grad to be delayed. > > and, finally, yesterday... > > A DOUBLE DOG NO to my bio-dad (who guilted my 1/2 sister into delivering the following message which he gave her during their early Father's Day lunch Friday: " Please tell her I won't be long for this world... I'll be dead any day now and I really need to see her... I'll come down to see her... all she has to do is call me. " ) NONONONO! He abandoned me when I was 3. I " ve seen him 2 times in my life. He is NOT my Father nor will I absolve him of his guilt. I will NOT carry this burden that he created for himself 40+ years ago. I told her as much. Then I told her I was sorry HER Father's Day with him (as has happened to her her whole life) was tainted by his sobbing about ME. She understands. > > And now the YES's... > > YES to laughter, freedom and joy. YES to exploring new aspects of myself - free of external input or validation or correction or manipulation. YES to taking up invitations from old friends and rejoicing in the sanctity of that connection. YES to me and mine and those I CHOOSE to invite into my heart. > > I will never EVER allow somebody IN, or allow somebody to VOTE, or allow somebody to TAKE UP SPACE in my being because THEY DEMAND IT. I am precious. I hold the key to ME. > > Amen. > > Lynnette > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 14, 2011 Report Share Posted June 14, 2011 Great job, Lynnette! I am so happy for you! > > It's been a hell-of-a-few-years.... after a lifetime of craziness from my 9:9 BPD Nada, 3 years of of therapy (thank you Gods of accidental salvation), finishing my Dr. of Ed. (Augusut 2011) and 'Life' I've finally learned to say " NO!!!!!!!! " > > NO to my Narc. ex. > > NO to my current soon-to-be-ex for being passive and aggressive topped with lots of projected guilt. > > NO to my Nada for continually pushing buttons and expecting me to react. > > NO to my University for screwing around with my data thus causing my Grad to be delayed. > > and, finally, yesterday... > > A DOUBLE DOG NO to my bio-dad (who guilted my 1/2 sister into delivering the following message which he gave her during their early Father's Day lunch Friday: " Please tell her I won't be long for this world... I'll be dead any day now and I really need to see her... I'll come down to see her... all she has to do is call me. " ) NONONONO! He abandoned me when I was 3. I " ve seen him 2 times in my life. He is NOT my Father nor will I absolve him of his guilt. I will NOT carry this burden that he created for himself 40+ years ago. I told her as much. Then I told her I was sorry HER Father's Day with him (as has happened to her her whole life) was tainted by his sobbing about ME. She understands. > > And now the YES's... > > YES to laughter, freedom and joy. YES to exploring new aspects of myself - free of external input or validation or correction or manipulation. YES to taking up invitations from old friends and rejoicing in the sanctity of that connection. YES to me and mine and those I CHOOSE to invite into my heart. > > I will never EVER allow somebody IN, or allow somebody to VOTE, or allow somebody to TAKE UP SPACE in my being because THEY DEMAND IT. I am precious. I hold the key to ME. > > Amen. > > Lynnette > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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