thank you's to the wto board

[Guest guest]

I think I have been here a few years off and on, under a few different email

account names...I tend to be gone for long enough for them to get deleted by

yahoo for non-use

but I find something here I have never found anywhere else (including many 12

step groups and many therapists),~I was inspired by another post to write this

thank you for:

-not telling me to 'get over it'

-not telling me it's 'in the past'

-not accusing me of 'blaming'

-not telling me to 'be grateful' for bad parenting

-a space where parents are not deified automatically for having reproduced. my

parents had a shotgun wedding and my mother was on different methods of birth

control with all four of her children.

-allowing me a space where I never have to fear being told I should be a 'better

daughter'

-being a place where hearing things like 'ungrateful child' etc is just laughed

at or met with an eyeroll

-allowing me to tell the facts of my history rather than having to regurgitate

the enforced mythology of 'they did the best they could'

-being a place where no contact with abusive people is encouraged and their

behavior is not excused because of a genetic bond

-being a place where children are not presumed to 'owe' parents because the

parents themselves chose to be parents...it doesn't logically follow that the

children chose to be children (that can be a religious or spiritual belief, but

the parent's decisions are concrete fact)

-understanding that just as physical wounds to the body leave scars and

amputations, emotional wounds to the psyche and spirit have the same, though

invisible effect

-giving me a place to talk about the wounds, heal from them, and decide how to

deal with the perpetrators.

[Guest guest]

llel, what a wonderful list! This describes so perfectly why I'm still part

of this group

>

>

> I think I have been here a few years off and on, under a few different

> email account names...I tend to be gone for long enough for them to get

> deleted by yahoo for non-use

>

> but I find something here I have never found anywhere else (including many

> 12 step groups and many therapists),~I was inspired by another post to write

> this

>

> thank you for:

> -not telling me to 'get over it'

> -not telling me it's 'in the past'

> -not accusing me of 'blaming'

> -not telling me to 'be grateful' for bad parenting

> -a space where parents are not deified automatically for having reproduced.

> my parents had a shotgun wedding and my mother was on different methods of

> birth control with all four of her children.

> -allowing me a space where I never have to fear being told I should be a

> 'better daughter'

> -being a place where hearing things like 'ungrateful child' etc is just

> laughed at or met with an eyeroll

> -allowing me to tell the facts of my history rather than having to

> regurgitate the enforced mythology of 'they did the best they could'

> -being a place where no contact with abusive people is encouraged and their

> behavior is not excused because of a genetic bond

> -being a place where children are not presumed to 'owe' parents because the

> parents themselves chose to be parents...it doesn't logically follow that

> the children chose to be children (that can be a religious or spiritual

> belief, but the parent's decisions are concrete fact)

> -understanding that just as physical wounds to the body leave scars and

> amputations, emotional wounds to the psyche and spirit have the same, though

> invisible effect

> -giving me a place to talk about the wounds, heal from them, and decide how

> to deal with the perpetrators.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Ilel

I haven't posted here in over a year, but I maintain my membership to the group.

I needed to back away from other KO's for a bit so I could get my own

perspective on things. I felt like checking in today and reading and loved your

post.

I participated in a NAMI group for family members of those with mental illnesses

that met every week for over three months. I loved what one of the others groups

members said...

" I am so grateful to have a place to go where I can say...my husband had a manic

episode today and trashed the house...and it doesn't stop the conversation dead

in it's tracks! "

We spend so much of our lives as a KO, pretending that everything is all right

that a safe place to say the darkest things in your heart and head is valuable

beyond measure.

Carla

>

> I think I have been here a few years off and on, under a few different email

account names...I tend to be gone for long enough for them to get deleted by

yahoo for non-use

>

> but I find something here I have never found anywhere else (including many 12

step groups and many therapists),~I was inspired by another post to write this

>

> thank you for:

> -not telling me to 'get over it'

> -not telling me it's 'in the past'

> -not accusing me of 'blaming'

> -not telling me to 'be grateful' for bad parenting

> -a space where parents are not deified automatically for having reproduced. my

parents had a shotgun wedding and my mother was on different methods of birth

control with all four of her children.

> -allowing me a space where I never have to fear being told I should be a

'better daughter'

> -being a place where hearing things like 'ungrateful child' etc is just

laughed at or met with an eyeroll

> -allowing me to tell the facts of my history rather than having to regurgitate

the enforced mythology of 'they did the best they could'

> -being a place where no contact with abusive people is encouraged and their

behavior is not excused because of a genetic bond

> -being a place where children are not presumed to 'owe' parents because the

parents themselves chose to be parents...it doesn't logically follow that the

children chose to be children (that can be a religious or spiritual belief, but

the parent's decisions are concrete fact)

> -understanding that just as physical wounds to the body leave scars and

amputations, emotional wounds to the psyche and spirit have the same, though

invisible effect

> -giving me a place to talk about the wounds, heal from them, and decide how to

deal with the perpetrators.

>

[Guest guest]

yeah, this is a pretty great place! No one on the outside can empathize unless

they've walked in our shoes--and then only if their eyes have been opened and

reject their family mythology.

My DH still razzes me that I used to tell him how open minded my parents were,

and how we were such a 'communicative & loving family.' (That was what nada's

tagline to outsiders).

>

> I think I have been here a few years off and on, under a few different email

account names...I tend to be gone for long enough for them to get deleted by

yahoo for non-use

>

> but I find something here I have never found anywhere else (including many 12

step groups and many therapists),~I was inspired by another post to write this

>

> thank you for:

> -not telling me to 'get over it'

> -not telling me it's 'in the past'

> -not accusing me of 'blaming'

> -not telling me to 'be grateful' for bad parenting

> -a space where parents are not deified automatically for having reproduced. my

parents had a shotgun wedding and my mother was on different methods of birth

control with all four of her children.

> -allowing me a space where I never have to fear being told I should be a

'better daughter'

> -being a place where hearing things like 'ungrateful child' etc is just

laughed at or met with an eyeroll

> -allowing me to tell the facts of my history rather than having to regurgitate

the enforced mythology of 'they did the best they could'

> -being a place where no contact with abusive people is encouraged and their

behavior is not excused because of a genetic bond

> -being a place where children are not presumed to 'owe' parents because the

parents themselves chose to be parents...it doesn't logically follow that the

children chose to be children (that can be a religious or spiritual belief, but

the parent's decisions are concrete fact)

> -understanding that just as physical wounds to the body leave scars and

amputations, emotional wounds to the psyche and spirit have the same, though

invisible effect

> -giving me a place to talk about the wounds, heal from them, and decide how to

deal with the perpetrators.

>

[Guest guest]

echo, that's exactly what I " sold " to my DH when we were dating. Or I'd

excuse it as, " fada's getting so much better! " and he'd say something to the

effect of how he can't imagine how he could be worse.

At least now I stopped " drinking the koolaid " so to speak.

>

>

> yeah, this is a pretty great place! No one on the outside can empathize

> unless they've walked in our shoes--and then only if their eyes have been

> opened and reject their family mythology.

>

> My DH still razzes me that I used to tell him how open minded my parents

> were, and how we were such a 'communicative & loving family.' (That was what

> nada's tagline to outsiders).

>

>

> >

> > I think I have been here a few years off and on, under a few different

> email account names...I tend to be gone for long enough for them to get

> deleted by yahoo for non-use

> >

> > but I find something here I have never found anywhere else (including

> many 12 step groups and many therapists),~I was inspired by another post to

> write this

> >

> > thank you for:

> > -not telling me to 'get over it'

> > -not telling me it's 'in the past'

> > -not accusing me of 'blaming'

> > -not telling me to 'be grateful' for bad parenting

> > -a space where parents are not deified automatically for having

> reproduced. my parents had a shotgun wedding and my mother was on different

> methods of birth control with all four of her children.

> > -allowing me a space where I never have to fear being told I should be a

> 'better daughter'

> > -being a place where hearing things like 'ungrateful child' etc is just

> laughed at or met with an eyeroll

> > -allowing me to tell the facts of my history rather than having to

> regurgitate the enforced mythology of 'they did the best they could'

> > -being a place where no contact with abusive people is encouraged and

> their behavior is not excused because of a genetic bond

> > -being a place where children are not presumed to 'owe' parents because

> the parents themselves chose to be parents...it doesn't logically follow

> that the children chose to be children (that can be a religious or spiritual

> belief, but the parent's decisions are concrete fact)

> > -understanding that just as physical wounds to the body leave scars and

> amputations, emotional wounds to the psyche and spirit have the same, though

> invisible effect

> > -giving me a place to talk about the wounds, heal from them, and decide

> how to deal with the perpetrators.

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Me, too! I agree. This is a validating board.

>

> I think I have been here a few years off and on, under a few different email

account names...I tend to be gone for long enough for them to get deleted by

yahoo for non-use

>

> but I find something here I have never found anywhere else (including many 12

step groups and many therapists),~I was inspired by another post to write this

>

> thank you for:

> -not telling me to 'get over it'

> -not telling me it's 'in the past'

> -not accusing me of 'blaming'

> -not telling me to 'be grateful' for bad parenting

> -a space where parents are not deified automatically for having reproduced. my

parents had a shotgun wedding and my mother was on different methods of birth

control with all four of her children.

> -allowing me a space where I never have to fear being told I should be a

'better daughter'

> -being a place where hearing things like 'ungrateful child' etc is just

laughed at or met with an eyeroll

> -allowing me to tell the facts of my history rather than having to regurgitate

the enforced mythology of 'they did the best they could'

> -being a place where no contact with abusive people is encouraged and their

behavior is not excused because of a genetic bond

> -being a place where children are not presumed to 'owe' parents because the

parents themselves chose to be parents...it doesn't logically follow that the

children chose to be children (that can be a religious or spiritual belief, but

the parent's decisions are concrete fact)

> -understanding that just as physical wounds to the body leave scars and

amputations, emotional wounds to the psyche and spirit have the same, though

invisible effect

> -giving me a place to talk about the wounds, heal from them, and decide how to

deal with the perpetrators.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi All,

Just reading through some older subjects and wanted to re-post this one.

Excellent list and exactly how I feel. Thanks!

-Coal Miner's Daughter

>

> I think I have been here a few years off and on, under a few different email

account names...I tend to be gone for long enough for them to get deleted by

yahoo for non-use

>

> but I find something here I have never found anywhere else (including many 12

step groups and many therapists),~I was inspired by another post to write this

>

> thank you for:

> -not telling me to 'get over it'

> -not telling me it's 'in the past'

> -not accusing me of 'blaming'

> -not telling me to 'be grateful' for bad parenting

> -a space where parents are not deified automatically for having reproduced. my

parents had a shotgun wedding and my mother was on different methods of birth

control with all four of her children.

> -allowing me a space where I never have to fear being told I should be a

'better daughter'

> -being a place where hearing things like 'ungrateful child' etc is just

laughed at or met with an eyeroll

> -allowing me to tell the facts of my history rather than having to regurgitate

the enforced mythology of 'they did the best they could'

> -being a place where no contact with abusive people is encouraged and their

behavior is not excused because of a genetic bond

> -being a place where children are not presumed to 'owe' parents because the

parents themselves chose to be parents...it doesn't logically follow that the

children chose to be children (that can be a religious or spiritual belief, but

the parent's decisions are concrete fact)

> -understanding that just as physical wounds to the body leave scars and

amputations, emotional wounds to the psyche and spirit have the same, though

invisible effect

> -giving me a place to talk about the wounds, heal from them, and decide how to

deal with the perpetrators.

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks!

I wholeheartedly Agree! Got teary-eyed, actually!

-Terri

> >

> > I think I have been here a few years off and on, under a few different email

account names...I tend to be gone for long enough for them to get deleted by

yahoo for non-use

> >

> > but I find something here I have never found anywhere else (including many

12 step groups and many therapists),~I was inspired by another post to write

this

> >

> > thank you for:

> > -not telling me to 'get over it'

> > -not telling me it's 'in the past'

> > -not accusing me of 'blaming'

> > -not telling me to 'be grateful' for bad parenting

> > -a space where parents are not deified automatically for having reproduced.

my parents had a shotgun wedding and my mother was on different methods of birth

control with all four of her children.

> > -allowing me a space where I never have to fear being told I should be a

'better daughter'

> > -being a place where hearing things like 'ungrateful child' etc is just

laughed at or met with an eyeroll

> > -allowing me to tell the facts of my history rather than having to

regurgitate the enforced mythology of 'they did the best they could'

> > -being a place where no contact with abusive people is encouraged and their

behavior is not excused because of a genetic bond

> > -being a place where children are not presumed to 'owe' parents because the

parents themselves chose to be parents...it doesn't logically follow that the

children chose to be children (that can be a religious or spiritual belief, but

the parent's decisions are concrete fact)

> > -understanding that just as physical wounds to the body leave scars and

amputations, emotional wounds to the psyche and spirit have the same, though

invisible effect

> > -giving me a place to talk about the wounds, heal from them, and decide how

to deal with the perpetrators.

> >

>