Re: Let's Be Honest - feeling attacked by FB non-friend

[Guest guest]

I agree: that FB woman's need to say ugly, mean things about someone that she

did not know, whom you cared for and who had recently died, is creepy. Her

obsessive need to then stir up drama and in-fighting in the care-giver's group

you both belonged to does sound very BPD-ish to me. I'm glad that you and the

rest of your care-givers' group decided to make a new group without her.

The personality-disordered... they turn up everywhere, it seems.

I'm sorry you had to experience that. I hope its all over now.

-Annie

>

> In another message, Deborah said this:

>

> " A favorite tactic is the " truth bomb,' in which BPD attempts to devastate

and

> control the other person with some previously unknown (and sometimes absurd)

> " truth " about them-self; In example, telling their child that the child is

> the product of " coerced sex, " was conceived in an " alien encounter, " or was

> involved in some horrendous childhood incident, which they,(the listener)

> has suppressed, and the BPD hoped they would *never* have to bring up, but

> must now, in the service of truth and mental health. Except that it is all a

> lie. In other words, in thier world, they will tell the truth, even if they

> have to lie to do it.

> They represent themselves as being privy to secret, personal information

> about others, and knows what everyone around her is really really thinks. "

>

> Well, this happened to me this week in the most hurtful way imaginable. I

don't know if the woman who did it has BPD or not, but clearly she is a

malignant, toxic woman who is no longer part of my life. Here's what happened:

>

> My daughter's ex-fiance was killed in another state, far from us, last week.

We don't have any details other than he was hit on the head in some kind of

attack related to a bar fight, and died on the way to the hospital. This has

been devastating news to all of us. He was her ex not because she did not deeply

love the man, but rather because he was possessed by inner demons that he

quieted with alcohol, and after three years of happiness he spiraled into severe

alcoholism, went to jail for DUI and probation violation for the second time,

and she called it off.

> She felt, rightly so, that she couldn't tie her life to him, because he might

sober up for years, only to start drinking again after a couple of kids and a

mortgage. So although it broke her heart, she ended it.

> He was a man who once took his jacket off on a cold night and gave it to a

homeless vet begging on a street corner. Who nursed their cat when she almost

died from fever. Who taught hundreds of children music lessons for less than his

talents were worth just to teach them the joy of playing. But he was sick.

>

> After we told a few people by telephone, we both posted that he had passed

away on our Facebook walls, without any details of course, and asked that

friends send up a prayer that he had found his peace and was happy now.

>

> But in a private FB message that I have with 17 women I met on a caregiving

site and have made friends with over the past few years, I told them that he had

been killed - I said murdered, because essentially when you're hit over the head

you're murdered. I used the nickname we called him - two names with the second

being his middle name. I told them we had no details yet, and that the family

hadn't gotten any more information from the police, because they too live in

this state.

>

> One of these women is not someone I am close with. She is only on there

because of some of the other women and I have never liked her. She has said

mean, nasty things to the others time and time again. She's criticized them in

many ways, started arguments and even told them what they should and shouldn't

post on their own walls. After one had surgery recently she saw a picture of her

in the hospital and told her she needed to change her hairstyle and " a little

makeup wouldn't hurt. " Mean to that degree.

>

> So I get a private FB message from her saying this:

> Touchy subject here, but seems he was suicide by cop. Let's be honest.

Everybody is holding tight now (this was referring to the other ladies

commiserating and providing emotional support for me) but why not tell the

truth?

>

> I replied: I have no idea what you are talking about.

> And then I told the others, because I was at that moment prepared to drop out

of the group. I basically said, if this is the kind of friendship I'm going to

get here, I don't need it and I'm going to withdraw for a while because it's

made me hurt and angry and also disgusted that someone would do this.

>

> But then the woman went off on me - and then them - with this incredibly

vicious attack about how she had googled him and he was a bad person and we

could all see " the links " yada yada.

> Then she proceeded to blame me. It was my fault because it was ' " private. "

> Yes, it's okay to attack someone in private, so long as you don't get caught.

Then she started insisting I should " put the truth on my wall. "

> Um, what truth? The one you made up? The one you fictionalized?

>

> This actually culminated in the other women starting a new private message

without her. She unfriended all of us. But first she private messaged a number

of the others trying to get them to " investigate and find out what really

happened " to DD's ex. I kid you not.

> And her HUSBAND posted in the original group message that she had googled the

wrong name - she was apparently so desperate for dirt that she used the

nickname, although we still couldn't find anything that she saw except some 17

year old kid in another place that had that name that was in some trouble (DD's

ex was 44) - and he blamed the entire thing on ME too!

>

> I'm still stunned that someone would do this. One, that she would be so

desperate for dirt she'd immediately start googling looking for something. Two,

that she would think she found something and then be so nasty. Three, that she

would feel it okay to accuse me of lying when I had already said we had no more

information at this time - and she knows what my career is, so surely she knows

if I could find anything out I would have already done it.

>

> It's been a truly upsetting week. Upsetting for the death, and coming to terms

with that. Plus feeling violated and attacked by someone I don't even really

know. Heck, she's not MY friend and never was. But when I read Deborah's words,

I thought, AHA! I wonder if the woman is BPD? She may well have some other

personality disorder, but I don't know - she has certainly been at the center of

some other arguments, both on the FB group and the caregiving group.

>

> Sorry this got to be so long, but I had to get it out somewhere, and this is a

very safe place. I figure maybe writing it out will help get it out of the loop

in my head.

>

> Em

>

[Guest guest]

Annie,

It's all over except the part where she's brought some of my inner child issues

to the surface, if you know what I mean. She was quite triggering.

I was fully prepared to stop participating in the group, but the others jumped

to my defense with vehemence. It seems she had done a lot of things I didn't

even know about; at one point they told me she said she no longer needed us as

we were of " no use to her anymore " , and she'd told another to " stop whining and

sniveling " over a relative's incurable illness.

I am forcing myself to stay " out there " right now, because my natural

inclination is to pull into my shell and withdraw, and that's not the right

thing to do, because just about all the people I'm close to are decent and

loving.

But events like this tend to make me not trust anybody. I seriously need to read

Safe People, and will be ordering it from Amazon.

Em

> I agree: that FB woman's need to say ugly, mean things about someone that she

did not know, whom you cared for and who had recently died, is creepy. Her

obsessive need to then stir up drama and in-fighting in the care-giver's group

you both belonged to does sound very BPD-ish to me. I'm glad that you and the

rest of your care-givers' group decided to make a new group without her.

>

> The personality-disordered... they turn up everywhere, it seems.

>

> I'm sorry you had to experience that. I hope its all over now.

>

> -Annie

[Guest guest]

<<HUGS>>

What a VIPER! God only knows how many vulnerable, hurting people she has tried

her toxic tactics on. So sorry you had to bump into her--that kind probably

trolls self-care groups looking to isolate and hurt people.

>

> In another message, Deborah said this:

>

> " A favorite tactic is the " truth bomb,' in which BPD attempts to devastate

and

> control the other person with some previously unknown (and sometimes absurd)

> " truth " about them-self; In example, telling their child that the child is

> the product of " coerced sex, " was conceived in an " alien encounter, " or was

> involved in some horrendous childhood incident, which they,(the listener)

> has suppressed, and the BPD hoped they would *never* have to bring up, but

> must now, in the service of truth and mental health. Except that it is all a

> lie. In other words, in thier world, they will tell the truth, even if they

> have to lie to do it.

> They represent themselves as being privy to secret, personal information

> about others, and knows what everyone around her is really really thinks. "

>

> Well, this happened to me this week in the most hurtful way imaginable. I

don't know if the woman who did it has BPD or not, but clearly she is a

malignant, toxic woman who is no longer part of my life. Here's what happened:

>

> My daughter's ex-fiance was killed in another state, far from us, last week.

We don't have any details other than he was hit on the head in some kind of

attack related to a bar fight, and died on the way to the hospital. This has

been devastating news to all of us. He was her ex not because she did not deeply

love the man, but rather because he was possessed by inner demons that he

quieted with alcohol, and after three years of happiness he spiraled into severe

alcoholism, went to jail for DUI and probation violation for the second time,

and she called it off.

> She felt, rightly so, that she couldn't tie her life to him, because he might

sober up for years, only to start drinking again after a couple of kids and a

mortgage. So although it broke her heart, she ended it.

> He was a man who once took his jacket off on a cold night and gave it to a

homeless vet begging on a street corner. Who nursed their cat when she almost

died from fever. Who taught hundreds of children music lessons for less than his

talents were worth just to teach them the joy of playing. But he was sick.

>

> After we told a few people by telephone, we both posted that he had passed

away on our Facebook walls, without any details of course, and asked that

friends send up a prayer that he had found his peace and was happy now.

>

> But in a private FB message that I have with 17 women I met on a caregiving

site and have made friends with over the past few years, I told them that he had

been killed - I said murdered, because essentially when you're hit over the head

you're murdered. I used the nickname we called him - two names with the second

being his middle name. I told them we had no details yet, and that the family

hadn't gotten any more information from the police, because they too live in

this state.

>

> One of these women is not someone I am close with. She is only on there

because of some of the other women and I have never liked her. She has said

mean, nasty things to the others time and time again. She's criticized them in

many ways, started arguments and even told them what they should and shouldn't

post on their own walls. After one had surgery recently she saw a picture of her

in the hospital and told her she needed to change her hairstyle and " a little

makeup wouldn't hurt. " Mean to that degree.

>

> So I get a private FB message from her saying this:

> Touchy subject here, but seems he was suicide by cop. Let's be honest.

Everybody is holding tight now (this was referring to the other ladies

commiserating and providing emotional support for me) but why not tell the

truth?

>

> I replied: I have no idea what you are talking about.

> And then I told the others, because I was at that moment prepared to drop out

of the group. I basically said, if this is the kind of friendship I'm going to

get here, I don't need it and I'm going to withdraw for a while because it's

made me hurt and angry and also disgusted that someone would do this.

>

> But then the woman went off on me - and then them - with this incredibly

vicious attack about how she had googled him and he was a bad person and we

could all see " the links " yada yada.

> Then she proceeded to blame me. It was my fault because it was ' " private. "

> Yes, it's okay to attack someone in private, so long as you don't get caught.

Then she started insisting I should " put the truth on my wall. "

> Um, what truth? The one you made up? The one you fictionalized?

>

> This actually culminated in the other women starting a new private message

without her. She unfriended all of us. But first she private messaged a number

of the others trying to get them to " investigate and find out what really

happened " to DD's ex. I kid you not.

> And her HUSBAND posted in the original group message that she had googled the

wrong name - she was apparently so desperate for dirt that she used the

nickname, although we still couldn't find anything that she saw except some 17

year old kid in another place that had that name that was in some trouble (DD's

ex was 44) - and he blamed the entire thing on ME too!

>

> I'm still stunned that someone would do this. One, that she would be so

desperate for dirt she'd immediately start googling looking for something. Two,

that she would think she found something and then be so nasty. Three, that she

would feel it okay to accuse me of lying when I had already said we had no more

information at this time - and she knows what my career is, so surely she knows

if I could find anything out I would have already done it.

>

> It's been a truly upsetting week. Upsetting for the death, and coming to terms

with that. Plus feeling violated and attacked by someone I don't even really

know. Heck, she's not MY friend and never was. But when I read Deborah's words,

I thought, AHA! I wonder if the woman is BPD? She may well have some other

personality disorder, but I don't know - she has certainly been at the center of

some other arguments, both on the FB group and the caregiving group.

>

> Sorry this got to be so long, but I had to get it out somewhere, and this is a

very safe place. I figure maybe writing it out will help get it out of the loop

in my head.

>

> Em

>

[Guest guest]

Dear , I wish these people had some kind of " mark of Cain " or warning

sign to alert the rest of us of their proximity.

My husband likes the idea of an air-raid type of siren, that goes off

prior to their attacks. My son says he thinks that the shrieking violin

sound from the shower scene in Hitchcock's film, " Psycho, " would be his

preferred warning sound, one of my friends, who is attracted to the

borderlines' flamboyance and intensity wants the loudspeaker, neutral voiced

airport information alert system that says pleasently, " borderline in the

vicinty, please step away from the borderline. " I think that BPDs

them-selves hear the music from " Jaws " in their heads just before they

strike.

BPDs are masters at lulling people around them into a false sense of

security, and then verbally eviscerating them. " What a lovely dress! It

really brings out the color of your beautiful eyes, isn't it amazing what

you can find in the sale bins at thrifty mart ! " They are attracted to

venues where they can " snack " on other peoples emotions. The BPD is vicious

simply because they can be, not because they have to be... they look for a

vulnerable persons most tender wound, and then poke a stick in it. They are

emotional cannibals.

I felt like standing up and cheering when you wrote that the rest of your

group supported you. It felt *so good *to know that* *you were sup*ported

and v*alidated in that way !

This womans behavior is brutal and inconcievably cruel. The dynamic

wherein non BPDs are so often and so deeply wounded, involves the

perversity of the BPDs attack. We, non BPDs, believe that if we or someone

else are being attacked, yelled at, or chastised, it's probably because we

have, wittingly or unwittingly, done something to offend our attacker. The

BPDs bank on the perveived impression of others, that the person being

" outed " deserves it! Self-rightous assassination attacks on another

persons character, judgement, lifestyle and personal beliefs are their

weapon of choice. They fantasize about how to best maim and wound those

around them, simply because they can. They hope not only to cause us to

loose face with those whom we value, but to loose faith in our own

judgement.

I think I want an automatic electric fence to go along with that alarm

siren...and a bazooka...

All the Best, Sunspot

Deb

> **

>

>

> In another message, Deborah said this:

>

> " A favorite tactic is the " truth bomb,' in which BPD attempts to devastate

> and

> control the other person with some previously unknown (and sometimes

> absurd)

> " truth " about them-self; In example, telling their child that the child is

> the product of " coerced sex, " was conceived in an " alien encounter, " or was

> involved in some horrendous childhood incident, which they,(the listener)

> has suppressed, and the BPD hoped they would *never* have to bring up, but

> must now, in the service of truth and mental health. Except that it is all

> a

> lie. In other words, in thier world, they will tell the truth, even if they

> have to lie to do it.

> They represent themselves as being privy to secret, personal information

> about others, and knows what everyone around her is really really thinks. "

>

> Well, this happened to me this week in the most hurtful way imaginable. I

> don't know if the woman who did it has BPD or not, but clearly she is a

> malignant, toxic woman who is no longer part of my life. Here's what

> happened:

>

> My daughter's ex-fiance was killed in another state, far from us, last

> week. We don't have any details other than he was hit on the head in some

> kind of attack related to a bar fight, and died on the way to the hospital.

> This has been devastating news to all of us. He was her ex not because she

> did not deeply love the man, but rather because he was possessed by inner

> demons that he quieted with alcohol, and after three years of happiness he

> spiraled into severe alcoholism, went to jail for DUI and probation

> violation for the second time, and she called it off.

> She felt, rightly so, that she couldn't tie her life to him, because he

> might sober up for years, only to start drinking again after a couple of

> kids and a mortgage. So although it broke her heart, she ended it.

> He was a man who once took his jacket off on a cold night and gave it to a

> homeless vet begging on a street corner. Who nursed their cat when she

> almost died from fever. Who taught hundreds of children music lessons for

> less than his talents were worth just to teach them the joy of playing. But

> he was sick.

>

> After we told a few people by telephone, we both posted that he had passed

> away on our Facebook walls, without any details of course, and asked that

> friends send up a prayer that he had found his peace and was happy now.

>

> But in a private FB message that I have with 17 women I met on a caregiving

> site and have made friends with over the past few years, I told them that he

> had been killed - I said murdered, because essentially when you're hit over

> the head you're murdered. I used the nickname we called him - two names with

> the second being his middle name. I told them we had no details yet, and

> that the family hadn't gotten any more information from the police, because

> they too live in this state.

>

> One of these women is not someone I am close with. She is only on there

> because of some of the other women and I have never liked her. She has said

> mean, nasty things to the others time and time again. She's criticized them

> in many ways, started arguments and even told them what they should and

> shouldn't post on their own walls. After one had surgery recently she saw a

> picture of her in the hospital and told her she needed to change her

> hairstyle and " a little makeup wouldn't hurt. " Mean to that degree.

>

> So I get a private FB message from her saying this:

> Touchy subject here, but seems he was suicide by cop. Let's be honest.

> Everybody is holding tight now (this was referring to the other ladies

> commiserating and providing emotional support for me) but why not tell the

> truth?

>

> I replied: I have no idea what you are talking about.

> And then I told the others, because I was at that moment prepared to drop

> out of the group. I basically said, if this is the kind of friendship I'm

> going to get here, I don't need it and I'm going to withdraw for a while

> because it's made me hurt and angry and also disgusted that someone would do

> this.

>

> But then the woman went off on me - and then them - with this incredibly

> vicious attack about how she had googled him and he was a bad person and we

> could all see " the links " yada yada.

> Then she proceeded to blame me. It was my fault because it was ' " private. "

> Yes, it's okay to attack someone in private, so long as you don't get

> caught. Then she started insisting I should " put the truth on my wall. "

> Um, what truth? The one you made up? The one you fictionalized?

>

> This actually culminated in the other women starting a new private message

> without her. She unfriended all of us. But first she private messaged a

> number of the others trying to get them to " investigate and find out what

> really happened " to DD's ex. I kid you not.

> And her HUSBAND posted in the original group message that she had googled

> the wrong name - she was apparently so desperate for dirt that she used the

> nickname, although we still couldn't find anything that she saw except some

> 17 year old kid in another place that had that name that was in some trouble

> (DD's ex was 44) - and he blamed the entire thing on ME too!

>

> I'm still stunned that someone would do this. One, that she would be so

> desperate for dirt she'd immediately start googling looking for something.

> Two, that she would think she found something and then be so nasty. Three,

> that she would feel it okay to accuse me of lying when I had already said we

> had no more information at this time - and she knows what my career is, so

> surely she knows if I could find anything out I would have already done it.

>

> It's been a truly upsetting week. Upsetting for the death, and coming to

> terms with that. Plus feeling violated and attacked by someone I don't even

> really know. Heck, she's not MY friend and never was. But when I read

> Deborah's words, I thought, AHA! I wonder if the woman is BPD? She may well

> have some other personality disorder, but I don't know - she has certainly

> been at the center of some other arguments, both on the FB group and the

> caregiving group.

>

> Sorry this got to be so long, but I had to get it out somewhere, and this

> is a very safe place. I figure maybe writing it out will help get it out of

> the loop in my head.

>

> Em

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Lol! Really well put, Deb! I love the idea of a bpd-warning system, in any

form! It works well with my fantasy product that I wish was real: the

(patented! trademarked!) " NoMoBPD Training Collar and System " (And its

companion item: the NoMoNPD Training Necktie and System " ) Based on the " no more

barking " collars for dogs, that give the dog a little electric Zap! when they

bark, the amazing NoMoBPD sparkly, bejeweled necklace/collar will give nada a

little Zap! when hateful, toxic, manipulative, whiny bilge comes out of her

mouth. It can be set on automatic, or you can use the handy remote control for

more targeted responses!

The particular behaviors you're describing (the subtle and not-so-subtle

put-downs) are, in my opinion, really more due to a narcissistic pd component to

their personality. Aka, the " Queen " sub-type of bpd, (bpd + npd) or even the

" Witch " sub-type (bpd + aspd) as described in the book " Understanding the

Borderline Mother. "

Its not uncommon for a person to have more than one personality disorder at the

same time, or even have a pd and an Axis I disorder at the same time, such as a

depressive disorder, an anxiety disorder, or a psychotic disorder.

Here is the link to an article called " The Characteristics of Narcissistic

Mothers " , which is an amazing description of about 20 behaviors that those with

npd engage in, particularly in respect to the npd mom toward her (adult) child.

My nada does most of these behaviors:

http://sites.google.com/site/harpyschild/

-Annie

>

> > **

> >

> >

> > In another message, Deborah said this:

> >

> > " A favorite tactic is the " truth bomb,' in which BPD attempts to devastate

> > and

> > control the other person with some previously unknown (and sometimes

> > absurd)

> > " truth " about them-self; In example, telling their child that the child is

> > the product of " coerced sex, " was conceived in an " alien encounter, " or was

> > involved in some horrendous childhood incident, which they,(the listener)

> > has suppressed, and the BPD hoped they would *never* have to bring up, but

> > must now, in the service of truth and mental health. Except that it is all

> > a

> > lie. In other words, in thier world, they will tell the truth, even if they

> > have to lie to do it.

> > They represent themselves as being privy to secret, personal information

> > about others, and knows what everyone around her is really really thinks. "

> >

> > Well, this happened to me this week in the most hurtful way imaginable. I

> > don't know if the woman who did it has BPD or not, but clearly she is a

> > malignant, toxic woman who is no longer part of my life. Here's what

> > happened:

> >

> > My daughter's ex-fiance was killed in another state, far from us, last

> > week. We don't have any details other than he was hit on the head in some

> > kind of attack related to a bar fight, and died on the way to the hospital.

> > This has been devastating news to all of us. He was her ex not because she

> > did not deeply love the man, but rather because he was possessed by inner

> > demons that he quieted with alcohol, and after three years of happiness he

> > spiraled into severe alcoholism, went to jail for DUI and probation

> > violation for the second time, and she called it off.

> > She felt, rightly so, that she couldn't tie her life to him, because he

> > might sober up for years, only to start drinking again after a couple of

> > kids and a mortgage. So although it broke her heart, she ended it.

> > He was a man who once took his jacket off on a cold night and gave it to a

> > homeless vet begging on a street corner. Who nursed their cat when she

> > almost died from fever. Who taught hundreds of children music lessons for

> > less than his talents were worth just to teach them the joy of playing. But

> > he was sick.

> >

> > After we told a few people by telephone, we both posted that he had passed

> > away on our Facebook walls, without any details of course, and asked that

> > friends send up a prayer that he had found his peace and was happy now.

> >

> > But in a private FB message that I have with 17 women I met on a caregiving

> > site and have made friends with over the past few years, I told them that he

> > had been killed - I said murdered, because essentially when you're hit over

> > the head you're murdered. I used the nickname we called him - two names with

> > the second being his middle name. I told them we had no details yet, and

> > that the family hadn't gotten any more information from the police, because

> > they too live in this state.

> >

> > One of these women is not someone I am close with. She is only on there

> > because of some of the other women and I have never liked her. She has said

> > mean, nasty things to the others time and time again. She's criticized them

> > in many ways, started arguments and even told them what they should and

> > shouldn't post on their own walls. After one had surgery recently she saw a

> > picture of her in the hospital and told her she needed to change her

> > hairstyle and " a little makeup wouldn't hurt. " Mean to that degree.

> >

> > So I get a private FB message from her saying this:

> > Touchy subject here, but seems he was suicide by cop. Let's be honest.

> > Everybody is holding tight now (this was referring to the other ladies

> > commiserating and providing emotional support for me) but why not tell the

> > truth?

> >

> > I replied: I have no idea what you are talking about.

> > And then I told the others, because I was at that moment prepared to drop

> > out of the group. I basically said, if this is the kind of friendship I'm

> > going to get here, I don't need it and I'm going to withdraw for a while

> > because it's made me hurt and angry and also disgusted that someone would do

> > this.

> >

> > But then the woman went off on me - and then them - with this incredibly

> > vicious attack about how she had googled him and he was a bad person and we

> > could all see " the links " yada yada.

> > Then she proceeded to blame me. It was my fault because it was ' " private. "

> > Yes, it's okay to attack someone in private, so long as you don't get

> > caught. Then she started insisting I should " put the truth on my wall. "

> > Um, what truth? The one you made up? The one you fictionalized?

> >

> > This actually culminated in the other women starting a new private message

> > without her. She unfriended all of us. But first she private messaged a

> > number of the others trying to get them to " investigate and find out what

> > really happened " to DD's ex. I kid you not.

> > And her HUSBAND posted in the original group message that she had googled

> > the wrong name - she was apparently so desperate for dirt that she used the

> > nickname, although we still couldn't find anything that she saw except some

> > 17 year old kid in another place that had that name that was in some trouble

> > (DD's ex was 44) - and he blamed the entire thing on ME too!

> >

> > I'm still stunned that someone would do this. One, that she would be so

> > desperate for dirt she'd immediately start googling looking for something.

> > Two, that she would think she found something and then be so nasty. Three,

> > that she would feel it okay to accuse me of lying when I had already said we

> > had no more information at this time - and she knows what my career is, so

> > surely she knows if I could find anything out I would have already done it.

> >

> > It's been a truly upsetting week. Upsetting for the death, and coming to

> > terms with that. Plus feeling violated and attacked by someone I don't even

> > really know. Heck, she's not MY friend and never was. But when I read

> > Deborah's words, I thought, AHA! I wonder if the woman is BPD? She may well

> > have some other personality disorder, but I don't know - she has certainly

> > been at the center of some other arguments, both on the FB group and the

> > caregiving group.

> >

> > Sorry this got to be so long, but I had to get it out somewhere, and this

> > is a very safe place. I figure maybe writing it out will help get it out of

> > the loop in my head.

> >

> > Em

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Echo,

What makes it more horrifying is that these ladies all became friends in the FB

group as in friends that go and visit one another and send cards and letters and

telephone one another. So it's not as if we are strangers to her. Shudder.

> <<HUGS>>

>

> What a VIPER! God only knows how many vulnerable, hurting people she has tried

her toxic tactics on. So sorry you had to bump into her--that kind probably

trolls self-care groups looking to isolate and hurt people.

[Guest guest]

Music from Jaws.....that gave me a good laugh. It suits her. I think this was

just the final straw for everybody. I wish now that earlier on I had stood up to

her when she did some other things, just as we all do. We were trying to keep

the peace. It isn't an anonymous group, as we are now all friends that exchange

phone calls and cards, and those who live close go to visit, and a couple who

don't have even visited while traveling. So her behavior was even more hurtful

because of that - and shocking.

Hard enough to lose someone under terrible circumstances without a nasty woman

making it all about her.

I love the validation I get in this group. I

Em

> Dear , I wish these people had some kind of " mark of Cain " or warning

> sign to alert the rest of us of their proximity.

> My husband likes the idea of an air-raid type of siren, that goes off

> prior to their attacks. My son says he thinks that the shrieking violin

> sound from the shower scene in Hitchcock's film, " Psycho, " would be his

> preferred warning sound, one of my friends, who is attracted to the

> borderlines' flamboyance and intensity wants the loudspeaker, neutral voiced

> airport information alert system that says pleasently, " borderline in the

> vicinty, please step away from the borderline. " I think that BPDs

> them-selves hear the music from " Jaws " in their heads just before they

> strike.

> BPDs are masters at lulling people around them into a false sense of

> security, and then verbally eviscerating them. " What a lovely dress! It

> really brings out the color of your beautiful eyes, isn't it amazing what

> you can find in the sale bins at thrifty mart ! " They are attracted to

> venues where they can " snack " on other peoples emotions. The BPD is vicious

> simply because they can be, not because they have to be... they look for a

> vulnerable persons most tender wound, and then poke a stick in it. They are

> emotional cannibals.

> I felt like standing up and cheering when you wrote that the rest of your

> group supported you. It felt *so good *to know that* *you were sup*ported

> and v*alidated in that way !

> This womans behavior is brutal and inconcievably cruel. The dynamic

> wherein non BPDs are so often and so deeply wounded, involves the

> perversity of the BPDs attack. We, non BPDs, believe that if we or someone

> else are being attacked, yelled at, or chastised, it's probably because we

> have, wittingly or unwittingly, done something to offend our attacker. The

> BPDs bank on the perveived impression of others, that the person being

> " outed " deserves it! Self-rightous assassination attacks on another

> persons character, judgement, lifestyle and personal beliefs are their

> weapon of choice. They fantasize about how to best maim and wound those

> around them, simply because they can. They hope not only to cause us to

> loose face with those whom we value, but to loose faith in our own

> judgement.

> I think I want an automatic electric fence to go along with that alarm

> siren...and a bazooka...

> All the Best, Sunspot

[Guest guest]

Annie,

Interestingly, the other ladies have all dubbed her a narcissist and before they

gave her the proverbial boot they called her out on narcissistic behavior. One

told her husband that she really didn't belong amongst us, because she needed a

crowd of golden admirers who would adore her and never cross her. So you're

probably on to something there.

Whatever she has, I'm well rid of her.

I do so wish there was a warning system for crazies. It would make life much

more pleasurable. Although truthfully, I did know she was not to be trusted -

however it was not possible to be a part of my friend's group without her there,

so I was kind of stuck between a rock and hard place. I used to just ignore her

- until this, when I couldn't because she went after me directly. Her first time

- and last. Maybe I'm getting like Lynette - don't take no.....well, you know.

Em

> Lol! Really well put, Deb! I love the idea of a bpd-warning system, in any

form! It works well with my fantasy product that I wish was real: the (patented!

trademarked!) " NoMoBPD Training Collar and System " (And its companion item: the

NoMoNPD Training Necktie and System " ) Based on the " no more barking " collars for

dogs, that give the dog a little electric Zap! when they bark, the amazing

NoMoBPD sparkly, bejeweled necklace/collar will give nada a little Zap! when

hateful, toxic, manipulative, whiny bilge comes out of her mouth. It can be set

on automatic, or you can use the handy remote control for more targeted

responses!

>

> The particular behaviors you're describing (the subtle and not-so-subtle

put-downs) are, in my opinion, really more due to a narcissistic pd component to

their personality. Aka, the " Queen " sub-type of bpd, (bpd + npd) or even the

" Witch " sub-type (bpd + aspd) as described in the book " Understanding the

Borderline Mother. "

>

> Its not uncommon for a person to have more than one personality disorder at

the same time, or even have a pd and an Axis I disorder at the same time, such

as a depressive disorder, an anxiety disorder, or a psychotic disorder.

>

> Here is the link to an article called " The Characteristics of Narcissistic

Mothers " , which is an amazing description of about 20 behaviors that those with

npd engage in, particularly in respect to the npd mom toward her (adult) child.

[Guest guest]

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your head spinning and your psyche reeling ?

Are major moving companies competing for your repeat business, are your

neighbors beginning to avoid you, do

your coworkers stop talking when you

come into the room?

Are you afraid to pick up the phone, read your

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!

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[Guest guest]

ROFL!

>

> * ! ! ! THE

> NOMOBPD COLLAR ! ! !

>

> * ! ! !

> You've seen them on TV ! ! !

>

> ! ! ! You've read

> about them in magazines ! ! !

>

> ! ! ! Now you too can

> have one of your very own ! ! !

>

> Are you sick and tired of being sabotaged at family and work related

> gatherings, impersonated, impugned, mistreated,

> stalked, harassed, screamed at and made to feel guilty for breathing?

>

> Are you fed up with unproductive, circuitous conversations that leave

> your head spinning and your psyche reeling ?

>

> Are major moving companies competing for your repeat business, are your

> neighbors beginning to avoid you, do

> your coworkers stop talking when you

> come into the room?

>

> Are you afraid to pick up the phone, read your

> e-mail or answer the door?

>

> Are you jumpy, irritable

> and sleep deprived?

>

> Do you automatically apologize to innantimate

> objects for bumping into it?

>

> Then

> you need

>

>

> Annie's' patented

>

> *! ! ! NOMOBPD

> COLLAR ! ! ! *

>

> Guaranteed to provide hours of safe, fun,

> conditioning for the BPD in your life!

>

> These lovely collars come in rainbow of colors and

> styles, something for every taste!

>

> Velvet and rhinestone

> for that fashionista Queen

> Lizard and silver

> studs for the mercurial Witch

> Frayed khaki canvas

> for that winsome Waif

>

> !

> ! !*But wait, there's more

> * ! ! !

>

> * Order right now, and we'll

> send you, free of charge

>

> ! ! ! A rechargeable battery pack* *and

> discreet matching carrying case* ! ! !

>

> * ! ! ! Never be

> caught off guard again ! ! ! *

>

> * ! ! !

> Fun for the Whole Family ! ! !*

>

> * !

> ! ! Get Yours Today ! ! !*

>

>

>

> You rock, Annie ! Sunspot

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Fantastic! YOU get to direct the TV commercial, if I ever I have my fantasy

products made, Lol! If I can dredge up the right link, I put the " TV Guide

page-sized " ads for them on Photobucket a few years back. Oh, if I were only as

uber-obsessively-organized as my nada, I could put my finger on the link

immediately.

Lol!

-Annie

>

> * ! ! ! THE

> NOMOBPD COLLAR ! ! !

>

> * ! ! !

> You've seen them on TV ! ! !

>

> ! ! ! You've read

> about them in magazines ! ! !

>

> ! ! ! Now you too can

> have one of your very own ! ! !

>

> Are you sick and tired of being sabotaged at family and work related

> gatherings, impersonated, impugned, mistreated,

> stalked, harassed, screamed at and made to feel guilty for breathing?

>

> Are you fed up with unproductive, circuitous conversations that leave

> your head spinning and your psyche reeling ?

>

> Are major moving companies competing for your repeat business, are your

> neighbors beginning to avoid you, do

> your coworkers stop talking when you

> come into the room?

>

> Are you afraid to pick up the phone, read your

> e-mail or answer the door?

>

> Are you jumpy, irritable

> and sleep deprived?

>

> Do you automatically apologize to innantimate

> objects for bumping into it?

>

> Then

> you need

>

>

> Annie's' patented

>

> *! ! ! NOMOBPD

> COLLAR ! ! ! *

>

> Guaranteed to provide hours of safe, fun,

> conditioning for the BPD in your life!

>

> These lovely collars come in rainbow of colors and

> styles, something for every taste!

>

> Velvet and rhinestone

> for that fashionista Queen

> Lizard and silver

> studs for the mercurial Witch

> Frayed khaki canvas

> for that winsome Waif

>

> !

> ! !*But wait, there's more

> * ! ! !

>

> * Order right now, and we'll

> send you, free of charge

>

> ! ! ! A rechargeable battery pack* *and

> discreet matching carrying case* ! ! !

>

> * ! ! ! Never be

> caught off guard again ! ! ! *

>

> * ! ! !

> Fun for the Whole Family ! ! !*

>

> * !

> ! ! Get Yours Today ! ! !*

>

>

>

> You rock, Annie ! Sunspot

>

>

>