fathers and nadas

[Guest guest]

So today I'm really depressed, really feeling the anger again at being abandoned

to be raised in isolation by my nada and then I still had reestablish NC with

him because he seemed to think I still owed him something for being an absentee

father. I know that if they hadn't divorced my life still would have been

hell. They guy has at least NPD and very possibly is a sociopath. It makes me

so angry that on top of all the damage of having a nada, I still have to devote

healing time to the damage done by him and that even now I have to worry about

him or his flying monkeys trying to force a relationship. I'm thinking the

real big last hurrah will be once he gets old age sicknesses and wants to make

up and get forgiven before he dies. Tough luck buddy.

And yet...it's my nada who raised me. She was the one who was there who did so

much damage over the years. It kind of puzzles me why I hate him to the degree

I do. In the end who is worse, the one who does the damage or the bystanders

that let it happen?

Eliza

[Guest guest]

I'm thinking that they're equally guilty, myself: the perps, obviously are

guilty but the cowardly, enabling bystanders are equally guilty when a child

gets abused. In my opinion.

-Annie

>

> So today I'm really depressed, really feeling the anger again at being

abandoned to be raised in isolation by my nada and then I still had reestablish

NC with him because he seemed to think I still owed him something for being an

absentee father. I know that if they hadn't divorced my life still would have

been hell. They guy has at least NPD and very possibly is a sociopath. It

makes me so angry that on top of all the damage of having a nada, I still have

to devote healing time to the damage done by him and that even now I have to

worry about him or his flying monkeys trying to force a relationship. I'm

thinking the real big last hurrah will be once he gets old age sicknesses and

wants to make up and get forgiven before he dies. Tough luck buddy.

>

> And yet...it's my nada who raised me. She was the one who was there who did

so much damage over the years. It kind of puzzles me why I hate him to the

degree I do. In the end who is worse, the one who does the damage or the

bystanders that let it happen?

>

> Eliza

>

[Guest guest]

(((((espresso beany)))))

It really does hurt to realize that you never really had even one good parent

who would emotionally support and validate you. I'm so sorry you are grieving.

Be gentle with yourself. Grief is something we have to go through when there is

a loss, but eventually we pass through it and gain some peace and happiness

again.

-Annie

> > >

> > > So today I'm really depressed, really feeling the anger again at being

> > abandoned to be raised in isolation by my nada and then I still had

> > reestablish NC with him because he seemed to think I still owed him

> > something for being an absentee father. I know that if they hadn't divorced

> > my life still would have been hell. They guy has at least NPD and very

> > possibly is a sociopath. It makes me so angry that on top of all the damage

> > of having a nada, I still have to devote healing time to the damage done by

> > him and that even now I have to worry about him or his flying monkeys trying

> > to force a relationship. I'm thinking the real big last hurrah will be once

> > he gets old age sicknesses and wants to make up and get forgiven before he

> > dies. Tough luck buddy.

> > >

> > > And yet...it's my nada who raised me. She was the one who was there who

> > did so much damage over the years. It kind of puzzles me why I hate him to

> > the degree I do. In the end who is worse, the one who does the damage or the

> > bystanders that let it happen?

> > >

> > > Eliza

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

>

> So today I'm really depressed, really feeling the anger again at being

abandoned to be raised in isolation by my nada and then I still had reestablish

NC with him because he seemed to think I still owed him something for being an

absentee father. I know that if they hadn't divorced my life still would have

been hell. They guy has at least NPD and very possibly is a sociopath. It

makes me so angry that on top of all the damage of having a nada, I still have

to devote healing time to the damage done by him and that even now I have to

worry about him or his flying monkeys trying to force a relationship. I'm

thinking the real big last hurrah will be once he gets old age sicknesses and

wants to make up and get forgiven before he dies. Tough luck buddy.

>

> And yet...it's my nada who raised me. She was the one who was there who did

so much damage over the years. It kind of puzzles me why I hate him to the

degree I do. In the end who is worse, the one who does the damage or the

bystanders that let it happen?

>

> Eliza

>

Hey Eliza,

I had a very similar situation growing up: BPD mother and NPD father. They

divorced when I was three, and then Fada became a deadbeat Dad. What I've found,

is that when a personality disorder is so deeply entrenched, it does very little

good to confront the abusive parent. They simply cannot accept the accusations.

You will be the guilty party.

Posting to this board and getting the wonderful understanding and emotional

support of the members has been a tonic to my soul. There have been times

(usually when I am depressed) when I tend to dwell on what my parents did to me

and who I hate more. I think however, it is healthier to refuse to think about

them, and let them consume my mental energy. Because, at the end of the day,

they're really not monsters. They're just warped, stunted, sad little people who

aren't important enough to affect me.