Guest guest Posted November 29, 2011 Report Share Posted November 29, 2011 Hi everyone-- before I reveal my " great " idea, I just want to thank you all. I've only been with this group for a couple of weeks and I can't believe the shift in my brain. many thanks to you all. here's the situation... My Mom planned an extravagant trip to the Galapapos Islands for 8 days with my entire family--brothers, wives, nieces and nephews. It starts the day after Christmas. It involves living in a villa (yes, 1 villa for all of us), on an island, taking day boat trips each day to another islands, exploring, snorkeling...islands, boats, villa-- 1 week, trapped! Plus the added ingredient that she payed for it all. I know this is a huge expensive set up...the super, deluxe family, guilt, shame, look at me, deal with me and fight amongst yourselves, fun family vacation. YAY! I've been dreading it and weighing the options of going and not going, until I came up with an idea... I'm a photographer and had planned to shoot a lot, hoping that hiding behind my camera would provide the necessary protection. but I was still freaking out about it. Yesterday I came up with a great idea-- I'm going to do a photo documentary of my family!!!! I'll have my camera in hand the whole time-- wait for the craziness and capture it. This way I won't be afraid about when and how the craziness will come at me and my kids, I'll be waiting for it!! and instead of being anxious and panicked, I'll be excited to have it to capture! The plan will be to shoot her (pardon the pun!!) and also the whole dynamic withing my family. The reactions everyone has in response to her. My older brother withdrawing, my younger brother competing, my daughter performing, the shock and awe in response to some of her comments....Seeing the vacation as a photography assignment has taken the angst out of it. And maybe I'll come out with something useful for others struggling with BP in their families. I'd love to know what people think. what am I overlooking in my excitement? ~Debbie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 29, 2011 Report Share Posted November 29, 2011 I think that is a freaking AWESOME idea, a very creative solution to your dilemma, and it could not only benefit you but possibly it could be very educational for others in revealing the dynamics of a family that has a borderline pd/narcissistic pd matriarch. I think that particular kind of " reality show " is overdue on TV. The show about " Hoarders " was highly educational and eye-opening for the public, revealing the ways that those with obsessive-compulsive personality disorder that manifests as hoarding think and act and how dysfunctional that is. (Note: obsessive-compulsive personality disorder is not exactly the same thing as obsessive-compulsive disorder; its confusing that the names are so similar.) Reality shows about those with various personality disorders and how these disordered behaviors and dynamics negatively impact the family of the pd individual are very urgently needed, seems to me. The closest thing to what you have in mind is a documentary called " Gray Gardens " , about an elderly mother and her middle-aged daughter, and I think both of them had personality disorder; probably npd. So I say Go For It! Big Thumb's Up from me! -Annie > > Hi everyone-- before I reveal my " great " idea, I just want to thank you all. I've only been with this group for a couple of weeks and I can't believe the shift in my brain. many thanks to you all. > > here's the situation... My Mom planned an extravagant trip to the Galapapos Islands for 8 days with my entire family--brothers, wives, nieces and nephews. It starts the day after Christmas. It involves living in a villa (yes, 1 villa for all of us), on an island, taking day boat trips each day to another islands, exploring, snorkeling...islands, boats, villa-- 1 week, trapped! Plus the added ingredient that she payed for it all. I know this is a huge expensive set up...the super, deluxe family, guilt, shame, look at me, deal with me and fight amongst yourselves, fun family vacation. YAY! I've been dreading it and weighing the options of going and not going, until I came up with an idea... > > I'm a photographer and had planned to shoot a lot, hoping that hiding behind my camera would provide the necessary protection. but I was still freaking out about it. Yesterday I came up with a great idea-- I'm going to do a photo documentary of my family!!!! I'll have my camera in hand the whole time-- wait for the craziness and capture it. This way I won't be afraid about when and how the craziness will come at me and my kids, I'll be waiting for it!! and instead of being anxious and panicked, I'll be excited to have it to capture! The plan will be to shoot her (pardon the pun!!) and also the whole dynamic withing my family. The reactions everyone has in response to her. My older brother withdrawing, my younger brother competing, my daughter performing, the shock and awe in response to some of her comments....Seeing the vacation as a photography assignment has taken the angst out of it. And maybe I'll come out with something useful for others struggling with BP in their families. > > I'd love to know what people think. what am I overlooking in my excitement? > > ~Debbie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 29, 2011 Report Share Posted November 29, 2011 I think its great if you want to continue contact/LC. If not, I would just say no thanks. Will your kids be ok? On Tue, Nov 29, 2011 at 10:09 AM, anuria67854 wrote: > ** > > > I think that is a freaking AWESOME idea, a very creative solution to your > dilemma, and it could not only benefit you but possibly it could be very > educational for others in revealing the dynamics of a family that has a > borderline pd/narcissistic pd matriarch. > > I think that particular kind of " reality show " is overdue on TV. The show > about " Hoarders " was highly educational and eye-opening for the public, > revealing the ways that those with obsessive-compulsive personality > disorder that manifests as hoarding think and act and how dysfunctional > that is. > > (Note: obsessive-compulsive personality disorder is not exactly the same > thing as obsessive-compulsive disorder; its confusing that the names are so > similar.) > > Reality shows about those with various personality disorders and how these > disordered behaviors and dynamics negatively impact the family of the pd > individual are very urgently needed, seems to me. The closest thing to what > you have in mind is a documentary called " Gray Gardens " , about an elderly > mother and her middle-aged daughter, and I think both of them had > personality disorder; probably npd. > > So I say Go For It! Big Thumb's Up from me! > > -Annie > > > > > > > Hi everyone-- before I reveal my " great " idea, I just want to thank you > all. I've only been with this group for a couple of weeks and I can't > believe the shift in my brain. many thanks to you all. > > > > here's the situation... My Mom planned an extravagant trip to the > Galapapos Islands for 8 days with my entire family--brothers, wives, nieces > and nephews. It starts the day after Christmas. It involves living in a > villa (yes, 1 villa for all of us), on an island, taking day boat trips > each day to another islands, exploring, snorkeling...islands, boats, > villa-- 1 week, trapped! Plus the added ingredient that she payed for it > all. I know this is a huge expensive set up...the super, deluxe family, > guilt, shame, look at me, deal with me and fight amongst yourselves, fun > family vacation. YAY! I've been dreading it and weighing the options of > going and not going, until I came up with an idea... > > > > I'm a photographer and had planned to shoot a lot, hoping that hiding > behind my camera would provide the necessary protection. but I was still > freaking out about it. Yesterday I came up with a great idea-- I'm going to > do a photo documentary of my family!!!! I'll have my camera in hand the > whole time-- wait for the craziness and capture it. This way I won't be > afraid about when and how the craziness will come at me and my kids, I'll > be waiting for it!! and instead of being anxious and panicked, I'll be > excited to have it to capture! The plan will be to shoot her (pardon the > pun!!) and also the whole dynamic withing my family. The reactions everyone > has in response to her. My older brother withdrawing, my younger brother > competing, my daughter performing, the shock and awe in response to some of > her comments....Seeing the vacation as a photography assignment has taken > the angst out of it. And maybe I'll come out with something useful for > others struggling with BP in their families. > > > > I'd love to know what people think. what am I overlooking in my > excitement? > > > > ~Debbie > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 29, 2011 Report Share Posted November 29, 2011 It would be cool if you could edit it all up and put it online as a documentary someday, lol. On Tue, Nov 29, 2011 at 1:54 PM, Girlscout Cowboy < girlscout.cowboy@...> wrote: > I think its great if you want to continue contact/LC. If not, I would just > say no thanks. > > Will your kids be ok? > > On Tue, Nov 29, 2011 at 10:09 AM, anuria67854 <anuria-67854@... > >wrote: > > > ** > > > > > > I think that is a freaking AWESOME idea, a very creative solution to your > > dilemma, and it could not only benefit you but possibly it could be very > > educational for others in revealing the dynamics of a family that has a > > borderline pd/narcissistic pd matriarch. > > > > I think that particular kind of " reality show " is overdue on TV. The show > > about " Hoarders " was highly educational and eye-opening for the public, > > revealing the ways that those with obsessive-compulsive personality > > disorder that manifests as hoarding think and act and how dysfunctional > > that is. > > > > (Note: obsessive-compulsive personality disorder is not exactly the same > > thing as obsessive-compulsive disorder; its confusing that the names are > so > > similar.) > > > > Reality shows about those with various personality disorders and how > these > > disordered behaviors and dynamics negatively impact the family of the pd > > individual are very urgently needed, seems to me. The closest thing to > what > > you have in mind is a documentary called " Gray Gardens " , about an elderly > > mother and her middle-aged daughter, and I think both of them had > > personality disorder; probably npd. > > > > So I say Go For It! Big Thumb's Up from me! > > > > -Annie > > > > > > > > > > > > Hi everyone-- before I reveal my " great " idea, I just want to thank you > > all. I've only been with this group for a couple of weeks and I can't > > believe the shift in my brain. many thanks to you all. > > > > > > here's the situation... My Mom planned an extravagant trip to the > > Galapapos Islands for 8 days with my entire family--brothers, wives, > nieces > > and nephews. It starts the day after Christmas. It involves living in a > > villa (yes, 1 villa for all of us), on an island, taking day boat trips > > each day to another islands, exploring, snorkeling...islands, boats, > > villa-- 1 week, trapped! Plus the added ingredient that she payed for it > > all. I know this is a huge expensive set up...the super, deluxe family, > > guilt, shame, look at me, deal with me and fight amongst yourselves, fun > > family vacation. YAY! I've been dreading it and weighing the options of > > going and not going, until I came up with an idea... > > > > > > I'm a photographer and had planned to shoot a lot, hoping that hiding > > behind my camera would provide the necessary protection. but I was still > > freaking out about it. Yesterday I came up with a great idea-- I'm going > to > > do a photo documentary of my family!!!! I'll have my camera in hand the > > whole time-- wait for the craziness and capture it. This way I won't be > > afraid about when and how the craziness will come at me and my kids, I'll > > be waiting for it!! and instead of being anxious and panicked, I'll be > > excited to have it to capture! The plan will be to shoot her (pardon the > > pun!!) and also the whole dynamic withing my family. The reactions > everyone > > has in response to her. My older brother withdrawing, my younger brother > > competing, my daughter performing, the shock and awe in response to some > of > > her comments....Seeing the vacation as a photography assignment has taken > > the angst out of it. And maybe I'll come out with something useful for > > others struggling with BP in their families. > > > > > > I'd love to know what people think. what am I overlooking in my > > excitement? > > > > > > ~Debbie > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 29, 2011 Report Share Posted November 29, 2011 I think it is very clever. Now if you are supposed to do some group thing that you really don't want to be included in, perhaps you can have an out by mentioning you were planning on taking pics of it or another activity another part of your group was doing at the same time? Options, choice, nice. I am happy for you. > > > > Hi everyone-- before I reveal my " great " idea, I just want to thank you all. I've only been with this group for a couple of weeks and I can't believe the shift in my brain. many thanks to you all. > > > > here's the situation... My Mom planned an extravagant trip to the Galapapos Islands for 8 days with my entire family--brothers, wives, nieces and nephews. It starts the day after Christmas. It involves living in a villa (yes, 1 villa for all of us), on an island, taking day boat trips each day to another islands, exploring, snorkeling...islands, boats, villa-- 1 week, trapped! Plus the added ingredient that she payed for it all. I know this is a huge expensive set up...the super, deluxe family, guilt, shame, look at me, deal with me and fight amongst yourselves, fun family vacation. YAY! I've been dreading it and weighing the options of going and not going, until I came up with an idea... > > > > I'm a photographer and had planned to shoot a lot, hoping that hiding behind my camera would provide the necessary protection. but I was still freaking out about it. Yesterday I came up with a great idea-- I'm going to do a photo documentary of my family!!!! I'll have my camera in hand the whole time-- wait for the craziness and capture it. This way I won't be afraid about when and how the craziness will come at me and my kids, I'll be waiting for it!! and instead of being anxious and panicked, I'll be excited to have it to capture! The plan will be to shoot her (pardon the pun!!) and also the whole dynamic withing my family. The reactions everyone has in response to her. My older brother withdrawing, my younger brother competing, my daughter performing, the shock and awe in response to some of her comments....Seeing the vacation as a photography assignment has taken the angst out of it. And maybe I'll come out with something useful for others struggling with BP in their families. > > > > I'd love to know what people think. what am I overlooking in my excitement? > > > > ~Debbie > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2011 Report Share Posted November 30, 2011 Oh. My. Gosh. That is a FANTASTIC idea!! It provides you with a kind of buffer and at the same time you can capture the craziness. I wonder, too, if your family ever sees it, if any of them (your brothers, others) might finally have an " aha " moment and realize there's some dysfunction. Good for you on finding a clever way to disengage. > > Hi everyone-- before I reveal my " great " idea, I just want to thank you all. I've only been with this group for a couple of weeks and I can't believe the shift in my brain. many thanks to you all. > > here's the situation... My Mom planned an extravagant trip to the Galapapos Islands for 8 days with my entire family--brothers, wives, nieces and nephews. It starts the day after Christmas. It involves living in a villa (yes, 1 villa for all of us), on an island, taking day boat trips each day to another islands, exploring, snorkeling...islands, boats, villa-- 1 week, trapped! Plus the added ingredient that she payed for it all. I know this is a huge expensive set up...the super, deluxe family, guilt, shame, look at me, deal with me and fight amongst yourselves, fun family vacation. YAY! I've been dreading it and weighing the options of going and not going, until I came up with an idea... > > I'm a photographer and had planned to shoot a lot, hoping that hiding behind my camera would provide the necessary protection. but I was still freaking out about it. Yesterday I came up with a great idea-- I'm going to do a photo documentary of my family!!!! I'll have my camera in hand the whole time-- wait for the craziness and capture it. This way I won't be afraid about when and how the craziness will come at me and my kids, I'll be waiting for it!! and instead of being anxious and panicked, I'll be excited to have it to capture! The plan will be to shoot her (pardon the pun!!) and also the whole dynamic withing my family. The reactions everyone has in response to her. My older brother withdrawing, my younger brother competing, my daughter performing, the shock and awe in response to some of her comments....Seeing the vacation as a photography assignment has taken the angst out of it. And maybe I'll come out with something useful for others struggling with BP in their families. > > I'd love to know what people think. what am I overlooking in my excitement? > > ~Debbie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2011 Report Share Posted November 30, 2011 Nothing-its a great idea. Wish I could tape her conversatoins, she now forgets things she said to me that I will never forget. ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Wednesday, November 30, 2011 8:28 AM Subject: Re: Great Idea!!! Â Oh. My. Gosh. That is a FANTASTIC idea!! It provides you with a kind of buffer and at the same time you can capture the craziness. I wonder, too, if your family ever sees it, if any of them (your brothers, others) might finally have an " aha " moment and realize there's some dysfunction. Good for you on finding a clever way to disengage. > > Hi everyone-- before I reveal my " great " idea, I just want to thank you all. I've only been with this group for a couple of weeks and I can't believe the shift in my brain. many thanks to you all. > > here's the situation... My Mom planned an extravagant trip to the Galapapos Islands for 8 days with my entire family--brothers, wives, nieces and nephews. It starts the day after Christmas. It involves living in a villa (yes, 1 villa for all of us), on an island, taking day boat trips each day to another islands, exploring, snorkeling...islands, boats, villa-- 1 week, trapped! Plus the added ingredient that she payed for it all. I know this is a huge expensive set up...the super, deluxe family, guilt, shame, look at me, deal with me and fight amongst yourselves, fun family vacation. YAY! I've been dreading it and weighing the options of going and not going, until I came up with an idea... > > I'm a photographer and had planned to shoot a lot, hoping that hiding behind my camera would provide the necessary protection. but I was still freaking out about it. Yesterday I came up with a great idea-- I'm going to do a photo documentary of my family!!!! I'll have my camera in hand the whole time-- wait for the craziness and capture it. This way I won't be afraid about when and how the craziness will come at me and my kids, I'll be waiting for it!! and instead of being anxious and panicked, I'll be excited to have it to capture! The plan will be to shoot her (pardon the pun!!) and also the whole dynamic withing my family. The reactions everyone has in response to her. My older brother withdrawing, my younger brother competing, my daughter performing, the shock and awe in response to some of her comments....Seeing the vacation as a photography assignment has taken the angst out of it. And maybe I'll come out with something useful for others struggling with BP in their families. > > I'd love to know what people think. what am I overlooking in my excitement? > > ~Debbie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2011 Report Share Posted December 10, 2011 Thanks to you all for your encouraging words! Although it's been extremely rocky with my Mom and now brother since I had the idea, I still plan to go through with it. Christmas will be a HUGE challenge as I don't plan to spend it with her and I can only imagine the backlash, especially with the trip starting the following day. But I really need every moment before the trip to be as clear headed as possible. I'll really need your support for this! The other thing I realized when planning this, is that I'm going to keep the project a secret from my family. This will allow the situations to unfold in a natural way and allow me to capture them uncensored. But what I didn't realize when I made this decision, was that keeping it private gave me power! I've always felt as though I wasn't deserving of privacy. What is mine is meant for my Mom, even my thoughts and desires. So, having this secret and deciding who I tell about it gives me this (very foreign) warm feeling of strength inside of me! Does anyone else relate to this? It really hits home just how invasive she has been and also explains how vulnerable I make myself in all my relationships. Overexposing my inner thoughts and struggles before they can be taken from me. thanks again for all the positive support! ~Debbie > > > > Hi everyone-- before I reveal my " great " idea, I just want to thank you all. I've only been with this group for a couple of weeks and I can't believe the shift in my brain. many thanks to you all. > > > > here's the situation... My Mom planned an extravagant trip to the Galapapos Islands for 8 days with my entire family--brothers, wives, nieces and nephews. It starts the day after Christmas. It involves living in a villa (yes, 1 villa for all of us), on an island, taking day boat trips each day to another islands, exploring, snorkeling...islands, boats, villa-- 1 week, trapped! Plus the added ingredient that she payed for it all. I know this is a huge expensive set up...the super, deluxe family, guilt, shame, look at me, deal with me and fight amongst yourselves, fun family vacation. YAY! I've been dreading it and weighing the options of going and not going, until I came up with an idea... > > > > I'm a photographer and had planned to shoot a lot, hoping that hiding behind my camera would provide the necessary protection. but I was still freaking out about it. Yesterday I came up with a great idea-- I'm going to do a photo documentary of my family!!!! I'll have my camera in hand the whole time-- wait for the craziness and capture it. This way I won't be afraid about when and how the craziness will come at me and my kids, I'll be waiting for it!! and instead of being anxious and panicked, I'll be excited to have it to capture! The plan will be to shoot her (pardon the pun!!) and also the whole dynamic withing my family. The reactions everyone has in response to her. My older brother withdrawing, my younger brother competing, my daughter performing, the shock and awe in response to some of her comments....Seeing the vacation as a photography assignment has taken the angst out of it. And maybe I'll come out with something useful for others > struggling with BP in their families. > > > > I'd love to know what people think. what am I overlooking in my excitement? > > > > ~Debbie > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 11, 2011 Report Share Posted December 11, 2011 I'll be thinking of you. Keep us posted. the support here is great! Steph Re: Great Idea!!! Thanks to you all for your encouraging words! Although it's been extremely rocky with my Mom and now brother since I had the idea, I still plan to go through with it. Christmas will be a HUGE challenge as I don't plan to spend it with her and I can only imagine the backlash, especially with the trip starting the following day. But I really need every moment before the trip to be as clear headed as possible. I'll really need your support for this! The other thing I realized when planning this, is that I'm going to keep the project a secret from my family. This will allow the situations to unfold in a natural way and allow me to capture them uncensored. But what I didn't realize when I made this decision, was that keeping it private gave me power! I've always felt as though I wasn't deserving of privacy. What is mine is meant for my Mom, even my thoughts and desires. So, having this secret and deciding who I tell about it gives me this (very foreign) warm feeling of strength inside of me! Does anyone else relate to this? It really hits home just how invasive she has been and also explains how vulnerable I make myself in all my relationships. Overexposing my inner thoughts and struggles before they can be taken from me. thanks again for all the positive support! ~Debbie Hi everyone-- before I reveal my " great " idea, I just want to thank you all. I've only been with this group for a couple of weeks and I can't believe the shift in my brain. many thanks to you all. here's the situation... My Mom planned an extravagant trip to the Galapapos Islands for 8 days with my entire family--brothers, wives, nieces and nephews. It starts the day after Christmas. It involves living in a villa (yes, 1 villa for all of us), on an island, taking day boat trips each day to another islands, exploring, snorkeling...islands, boats, villa-- 1 week, trapped! Plus the added ingredient that she payed for it all. I know this is a huge expensive set up...the super, deluxe family, guilt, shame, look at me, deal with me and fight amongst yourselves, fun family vacation. YAY! I've been dreading it and weighing the options of going and not going, until I came up with an idea... I'm a photographer and had planned to shoot a lot, hoping that hiding behind my camera would provide the necessary protection. but I was still freaking out about it. Yesterday I came up with a great idea-- I'm going to do a photo documentary of my family!!!! I'll have my camera in hand the whole time-- wait for the craziness and capture it. This way I won't be afraid about when and how the craziness will come at me and my kids, I'll be waiting for it!! and instead of being anxious and panicked, I'll be excited to have it to capture! The plan will be to shoot her (pardon the pun!!) and also the whole dynamic withing my family. The reactions everyone has in response to her. My older brother withdrawing, my younger brother competing, my daughter performing, the shock and awe in response to some of her comments....Seeing the vacation as a photography assignment has taken the angst out of it. And maybe I'll come out with something useful for others struggling with BP in their families. I'd love to know what people think. what am I overlooking in my excitement? ~Debbie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 20, 2011 Report Share Posted December 20, 2011 I'm FREAKING out!!! The trip is rapidly approaching (6 days) and I'm sliding backward into the FOG!! I found out that there are only 5 bedrooms for 12 of us, when my Mom had said that the villa slept 24!! I was really counting on having some private space to escape to, now thats not an option. I keep telling myself that I'm in control, I'll have my 3 kids to focus on, to detatch if theres a threat of any craziness... I'll have my camera to hide behind, ipad with books, journal....but I'm really panicked anyway. I felt so strong a few weeks ago, dealt so calmly with her on the phone and really felt for the 1st time that it really was her and not me! Now that I haven't had contact with her for the past few weeks, I'm really slipping. I'm SO afraid -- all I can picture is me being trapped -- on a boat, on an island, in a plane, in an airport, in this villa!!! I'm so afraid of not being able to hold it together and falling apart in front of her-- her knowing I'm upset, and that she's gotten to me would be REALLY bad!! Please, any help would be great! ~D > > Hi everyone-- before I reveal my " great " idea, I just want to > thank you all. I've only been with this group for a couple of > weeks and I can't believe the shift in my brain. many thanks to > you all. > > here's the situation... My Mom planned an extravagant trip to > the Galapapos Islands for 8 days with my entire family--brothers, > wives, nieces and nephews. It starts the day after Christmas. > It involves living in a villa (yes, 1 villa for all of us), on an > island, taking day boat trips each day to another islands, > exploring, snorkeling...islands, boats, villa-- 1 week, trapped! > Plus the added ingredient that she payed for it all. I know this > is a huge expensive set up...the super, deluxe family, guilt, > shame, look at me, deal with me and fight amongst yourselves, fun > family vacation. YAY! I've been dreading it and weighing the > options of going and not going, until I came up with an idea... > > I'm a photographer and had planned to shoot a lot, hoping that > hiding behind my camera would provide the necessary protection. > but I was still freaking out about it. Yesterday I came up with > a great idea-- I'm going to do a photo documentary of my > family!!!! I'll have my camera in hand the whole time-- wait for > the craziness and capture it. This way I won't be afraid about > when and how the craziness will come at me and my kids, I'll be > waiting for it!! and instead of being anxious and panicked, I'll > be excited to have it to capture! The plan will be to shoot her > (pardon the pun!!) and also the whole dynamic withing my family. > The reactions everyone has in response to her. My older brother > withdrawing, my younger brother competing, my daughter > performing, the shock and awe in response to some of her > comments....Seeing the vacation as a photography assignment has > taken the angst out of it. And maybe I'll come out with > something useful for others > struggling with BP in their families. > > I'd love to know what people think. what am I overlooking in my > excitement? > > ~Debbie > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 20, 2011 Report Share Posted December 20, 2011 I understand the trapped feeling, entirely. Yes, 12 people and 5 bedrooms does not work out to each couple having their own bedroom, does it. Perhaps one couple is expected to take the living room/den/rec-room that has a sofa-bed? Maybe it will help if you do some research and find out if there is a hotel or motel near this villa, so that if the shared living conditions turn out to be really abominable or intolerable to you, you can have a nice private room & bath reserved at the nearby hotel/motel and stay there, instead. (Jane Goodall never slept with the chimps she was observing, she had her own home and went to an observation post to watch and record their activities.) In my opinion, its NOT a *vacation* AT ALL if you have to share your room with another couple, or even with your kids, as that automatically precludes having any privacy and any sex at all. Me personally, I don't mind sharing a bathroom, but I really, really need my own bedroom and privacy in order to sleep well and really relax... and ESCAPE. You can always bow out after a day or two if you discover that this " vacation in paradise " is more like being slowly roasted to death over hot coals, perhaps by claiming that you are coming down with something nasty and contagious. Gosh darn, don't want you guys to get this too, I'd better go home now and take some antibiotics... That's all I can think of for now, if I think of some other ideas, I'll post them. Best of luck to you! -Annie > > > > Hi everyone-- before I reveal my " great " idea, I just want to > > thank you all. I've only been with this group for a couple of > > weeks and I can't believe the shift in my brain. many thanks to > > you all. > > > > here's the situation... My Mom planned an extravagant trip to > > the Galapapos Islands for 8 days with my entire family--brothers, > > wives, nieces and nephews. It starts the day after Christmas. > > It involves living in a villa (yes, 1 villa for all of us), on an > > island, taking day boat trips each day to another islands, > > exploring, snorkeling...islands, boats, villa-- 1 week, trapped! > > Plus the added ingredient that she payed for it all. I know this > > is a huge expensive set up...the super, deluxe family, guilt, > > shame, look at me, deal with me and fight amongst yourselves, fun > > family vacation. YAY! I've been dreading it and weighing the > > options of going and not going, until I came up with an idea... > > > > I'm a photographer and had planned to shoot a lot, hoping that > > hiding behind my camera would provide the necessary protection. > > but I was still freaking out about it. Yesterday I came up with > > a great idea-- I'm going to do a photo documentary of my > > family!!!! I'll have my camera in hand the whole time-- wait for > > the craziness and capture it. This way I won't be afraid about > > when and how the craziness will come at me and my kids, I'll be > > waiting for it!! and instead of being anxious and panicked, I'll > > be excited to have it to capture! The plan will be to shoot her > > (pardon the pun!!) and also the whole dynamic withing my family. > > The reactions everyone has in response to her. My older brother > > withdrawing, my younger brother competing, my daughter > > performing, the shock and awe in response to some of her > > comments....Seeing the vacation as a photography assignment has > > taken the angst out of it. And maybe I'll come out with > > something useful for others > > struggling with BP in their families. > > > > I'd love to know what people think. what am I overlooking in my > > excitement? > > > > ~Debbie > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 20, 2011 Report Share Posted December 20, 2011 I can't believe I agreed to do this. My Mom handed the idea of the Galapagos Family vacation to her travel agent and never lifted a finger. so I don't think anyone knew how few bedrooms there were. the group is: me, I divorced, fairy recentl, my 2 brothers and their wives, my 3 adult kids, and 3 younger nieces and nephews, and my Mom. She and I are the only single adults--she was probably hoping to room with me! I like your idea of looking into area hotels-- the only glitch, and she of course knows this, is since my divorce I'm very limited financially, and this is a very extravagant vacation, and a costly place to come home early from. she has payed for the whole thing. of course, so we can all be indebted to her forever! the travel agent is looking into a guest house on the property--why it wasn't booked initially I don't know. it's all made even more complicated because one of my brothers isn't really speaking to me and my Mom and I are barely speaking, so getting information has been hard. I know you're all wondering why the hell I would agree to be involved in this extravagant mess! It's been a very hard couple of years...in the past year and a half I got divorced, found out my ex-husband had spent all our savings, had to sell our house, and my youngest went to college. My kids all live in different cities now, and we rarely are all together. After much thought, I decided that being able to share this experience with all my kids would be such a healing time for us and that all the craziness with my Mom and brother, would just have to take a back seat. The divorce and selling the house has been very hard on them. and all that plus being an empty-nester has been really challenging for me. My Mom had been especially conniving and toxic with me during this time. She led me to believe that she was actually being supportive only to find out that it was all being used against me. That's where all the recent conflict has come from. It's also been a huge turning point for me to see so clearly what her motives really are and have always been. I really thought that with this new realization I could deal with her for the sake of my kids. Thanks Annie for your suggestions-- leaving early, although expensive, maybe should be an option I keep in the back of my mind. I can't believe I got myself into this mess!! I should have known better. She really got me this time :-( > > > > > > Hi everyone-- before I reveal my " great " idea, I just want to > > > thank you all. I've only been with this group for a couple of > > > weeks and I can't believe the shift in my brain. many thanks to > > > you all. > > > > > > here's the situation... My Mom planned an extravagant trip to > > > the Galapapos Islands for 8 days with my entire family--brothers, > > > wives, nieces and nephews. It starts the day after Christmas. > > > It involves living in a villa (yes, 1 villa for all of us), on an > > > island, taking day boat trips each day to another islands, > > > exploring, snorkeling...islands, boats, villa-- 1 week, trapped! > > > Plus the added ingredient that she payed for it all. I know this > > > is a huge expensive set up...the super, deluxe family, guilt, > > > shame, look at me, deal with me and fight amongst yourselves, fun > > > family vacation. YAY! I've been dreading it and weighing the > > > options of going and not going, until I came up with an idea... > > > > > > I'm a photographer and had planned to shoot a lot, hoping that > > > hiding behind my camera would provide the necessary protection. > > > but I was still freaking out about it. Yesterday I came up with > > > a great idea-- I'm going to do a photo documentary of my > > > family!!!! I'll have my camera in hand the whole time-- wait for > > > the craziness and capture it. This way I won't be afraid about > > > when and how the craziness will come at me and my kids, I'll be > > > waiting for it!! and instead of being anxious and panicked, I'll > > > be excited to have it to capture! The plan will be to shoot her > > > (pardon the pun!!) and also the whole dynamic withing my family. > > > The reactions everyone has in response to her. My older brother > > > withdrawing, my younger brother competing, my daughter > > > performing, the shock and awe in response to some of her > > > comments....Seeing the vacation as a photography assignment has > > > taken the angst out of it. And maybe I'll come out with > > > something useful for others > > > struggling with BP in their families. > > > > > > I'd love to know what people think. what am I overlooking in my > > > excitement? > > > > > > ~Debbie > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 20, 2011 Report Share Posted December 20, 2011 Wow, that really is a conundrum. Only you can figure out whether having all your kids together with you for this time period is worth the down-side of possibly also having your nada in your face 24/7. You know your own limits and tolerances. Me personally: I went on an overseas trip with my nada to visit Sister when Sister was stationed in a foreign country, and part of the trip meant actually sleeping in the same bed with my nada. Nada snored and talked in her sleep, loudly. So there was a span of about 4 days when even using earplugs I got virtually no sleep at all, and began to feel that I was going to have a nervous breakdown and/or go on a murder spree. I'm serious. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture and it starts to affect your mind. (On another more recent occasion when I went for only one and one-half nights without sleeping AT ALL (again, due to cramming too many activities and travel into too short a time) I began to actively hallucinate.) The only thing I could think of to help during that overseas trip with nada to see Sister, was to beg nada and Sister (and Sister's little boy) to spend the day together shopping or sight-seeing or whatever, and just please let me stay behind at Sister's and just SLEEP. Getting to sleep alone and really DEEPLY for practically that whole day, really helped. So, I wish you luck on getting separate accommodations for yourself, and arranging time to be alone, or just with your kids, and that you do not find yourself in proximity to your nada 24/7. -Annie > > > > > > > > Hi everyone-- before I reveal my " great " idea, I just want to > > > > thank you all. I've only been with this group for a couple of > > > > weeks and I can't believe the shift in my brain. many thanks to > > > > you all. > > > > > > > > here's the situation... My Mom planned an extravagant trip to > > > > the Galapapos Islands for 8 days with my entire family--brothers, > > > > wives, nieces and nephews. It starts the day after Christmas. > > > > It involves living in a villa (yes, 1 villa for all of us), on an > > > > island, taking day boat trips each day to another islands, > > > > exploring, snorkeling...islands, boats, villa-- 1 week, trapped! > > > > Plus the added ingredient that she payed for it all. I know this > > > > is a huge expensive set up...the super, deluxe family, guilt, > > > > shame, look at me, deal with me and fight amongst yourselves, fun > > > > family vacation. YAY! I've been dreading it and weighing the > > > > options of going and not going, until I came up with an idea... > > > > > > > > I'm a photographer and had planned to shoot a lot, hoping that > > > > hiding behind my camera would provide the necessary protection. > > > > but I was still freaking out about it. Yesterday I came up with > > > > a great idea-- I'm going to do a photo documentary of my > > > > family!!!! I'll have my camera in hand the whole time-- wait for > > > > the craziness and capture it. This way I won't be afraid about > > > > when and how the craziness will come at me and my kids, I'll be > > > > waiting for it!! and instead of being anxious and panicked, I'll > > > > be excited to have it to capture! The plan will be to shoot her > > > > (pardon the pun!!) and also the whole dynamic withing my family. > > > > The reactions everyone has in response to her. My older brother > > > > withdrawing, my younger brother competing, my daughter > > > > performing, the shock and awe in response to some of her > > > > comments....Seeing the vacation as a photography assignment has > > > > taken the angst out of it. And maybe I'll come out with > > > > something useful for others > > > > struggling with BP in their families. > > > > > > > > I'd love to know what people think. what am I overlooking in my > > > > excitement? > > > > > > > > ~Debbie > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 21, 2011 Report Share Posted December 21, 2011 Hi Debbie, I see the gotcha tentacles have extended and you're feeling like the prey of a giant squid. Been there myself: my sympathies. I have a great big red flag waving over here and it looks like this: If Nada lied about the bedrooms, what else is she lying about? It seems to me that your instincts have been screaming warnings about this vacation experience since it was first offered. Sadly, you trusted Nada to give you all the facts, and now find that careful plans of protection were built on sand. A suggestion: Now that the bedrooms have vanished, you might insist on seeing all the details for yourself, where it's booked, contact the management and GET THE FACTS before exposing yourself and precious family to a BPD who will have you all in her clutches for a week. Like you, my instincts would be screaming that this is unsafe. It's not too late to get the real skinny on where the heck she is taking you, where you are staying and BACK OUT if necessary. It really sounds like this trip is violating your personal boundaries of safety with Nada, and in my bitter-won past experience, safe rather than sorry is always the best choice around a BPD. AFB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 21, 2011 Report Share Posted December 21, 2011 AFB, you are so right. tentacles of a giant squid is such the perfect image of how I feel right now. trapped is my least favorite feeling. I just emailed the travel agent, who is getting annoyed at having to deal with my mother AND me about the same trip, but whatever. She's probably wondering why we aren't just talking to each other. I have inquired about the guest house and how many bedrooms it has and for them to let ME know if it's available. I also suggested finding a local hotel that could accommodate the overflow. I know this will piss of my Mom and her travel agent, but at this point I don't care. You and Annie have validated my absolute need for my own private space during this week. thank you! I guess I'll know when I've really got a handle on my Mom when I stop saying " I can't believe she did....!! " that said, I can't believe she and especially her travel agent would book a 5 bedroom place for 12 people!! and NOW, 5 day before leaving, have to scramble to find beds somewhere. it's so outrageous... but I need to tell myself, typical, right? I'm obviously not there yet. thanks so much for your validating words and not writing me and my dilemma off as " what was she thinking " ! she got herself into this... the old mantra that I created this drama in my own head and how generous she is to have planned this incredible trip for us all. that I'm being unnecessarily hysterical and overly dramatic--how shameful and selfish for me to be thinking only about myself...that is what my brothers would say if I could talk to them about how I feel. and that is what I keep saying to myself... uugh-- so frustrating to be back in this head space again! ~D > > Hi Debbie, I see the gotcha tentacles have extended and you're feeling like the prey of a giant squid. Been there myself: my sympathies. I have a great big red flag waving over here and it looks like this: If Nada lied about the bedrooms, what else is she lying about? > > It seems to me that your instincts have been screaming warnings about this vacation experience since it was first offered. Sadly, you trusted Nada to give you all the facts, and now find that careful plans of protection were built on sand. > > A suggestion: Now that the bedrooms have vanished, you might insist on seeing all the details for yourself, where it's booked, contact the management and GET THE FACTS before exposing yourself and precious family to a BPD who will have you all in her clutches for a week. Like you, my instincts would be screaming that this is unsafe. It's not too late to get the real skinny on where the heck she is taking you, where you are staying and BACK OUT if necessary. It really sounds like this trip is violating your personal boundaries of safety with Nada, and in my bitter-won past experience, safe rather than sorry is always the best choice around a BPD. > AFB > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 22, 2011 Report Share Posted December 22, 2011 Hey Debbie you are so welcome, and it's so appropriate that you ended off your response with your " usual old " response of guilt and thinking of Nada's " kindness " because there lies the problem for us all. Nada and fada trained us from birth to think of their needs and their " kindnesses " and salted it with a strong overdose of guilt to make sure it stayed fixed. My freedom from FOO began the day I stopped thinking about Nada first and got in a headspace of " investigative detective " protecting me and mine. What that meant was, like a good investigator, I walked around any and every " offer " from nada and fada--inquiring, asking questions, demanding PROOF of stated claims and checking the facts. I didn't come on strong until i had to, but when I had to I didn't let up until I had the facts in the bright light of day. In your case, rental properties usually come with online photographs, even visual tours of the place, and they show the accommodations. Asking for that immediately from nada under the ruse of being eager to see the vacation, could have revealed the facts much sooner--even before agreeing to this trip. Being interested to see details of her " gift " isn't an insult, nada could take it as your interest in her. If you had received a slick response of why there were no pictures, that's immediately a red flag indicating stronger investigation is necessary. Asking questions and investigating up front means the truth is revealed much quicker, mitigating longterm damage OR that a bigger lie response is necessary from nada. A bigger lie or some ultra-breezy blow-off is easier to spot, and is your signal to initiate in-depth investigation right away. PDs depend upon our not asking questions, swallowing untruths and half-truths and allowing a smokescreen of obscurity to remain. When I no longer allowed this, nada and fada's power was severely compromised. Oh they hated it. They tried to sidestep at every turn, but you have the added insurance of children and a husband which means that they are probably asking questions of you. They " just want to know " and there can be a million reasons why they " just want to know. " Throw them at Nada and exhaust her with her own tapdancing. She'll crack with a clue somewhere, and your investigation is off and running. Remember the old saying, " The truth shall set you free? " It's still around because it works. Go get 'em, Sherlock. Or as Joe Friday on Dragnet said, " Just the facts, Ma'am. " (Even though Snopes says the quote was a little different.) See? I checked. AFB > > > > Hi Debbie, I see the gotcha tentacles have extended and you're feeling like the prey of a giant squid. Been there myself: my sympathies. I have a great big red flag waving over here and it looks like this: If Nada lied about the bedrooms, what else is she lying about? > > > > It seems to me that your instincts have been screaming warnings about this vacation experience since it was first offered. Sadly, you trusted Nada to give you all the facts, and now find that careful plans of protection were built on sand. > > > > A suggestion: Now that the bedrooms have vanished, you might insist on seeing all the details for yourself, where it's booked, contact the management and GET THE FACTS before exposing yourself and precious family to a BPD who will have you all in her clutches for a week. Like you, my instincts would be screaming that this is unsafe. It's not too late to get the real skinny on where the heck she is taking you, where you are staying and BACK OUT if necessary. It really sounds like this trip is violating your personal boundaries of safety with Nada, and in my bitter-won past experience, safe rather than sorry is always the best choice around a BPD. > > AFB > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.