a text between my father and I - update

[Guest guest]

Thanks for your replies and support. I don't know for sure if my father also

has BPD, but at this point, nothing would surprise me. Seriously.

Yesterday I sent him a text for father's day. It was pretty much generic and I

really wanted to avoid any confrontation, which is why I didn't call. A few

hours later he text'd back, " And remember I will always love you. "

Givemeafreakingbreak.

Talk about passive-agressive. He wrote the book!

I hate that it has come to this, but right now I am going through a divorce and

I totally stressed to the max and I feel like my only option is to cut off

contact with him. I had to find a new therapist because my therapist is too

expensive so my 'losses' for the month are piling up.

I guess I'm just really sad. Sad mostly for my kids because they won't ever

know normal grandparents (my husband's parents are no better), but for me too

because I will never know the unconditional love and support of a family outside

of my own children, and also for my parents. My mother died in the throws of a

BPD 'low.' My dad has had a truly traumatic life from the time he was a child.

Some of me feels like I should have compassion for my parents because obviously

neither of them had a clue how to raise a family and part of me feels really

angry because I don't understand why my parents ever had kids since it's obvious

they didn't want to be bothered.

Anyway, thanks for reading my never ending drama of childhood and for supporting

me so much.

[Guest guest]

((()))

You definitely do not need additional drama from your father. I agree with you;

unless he can somehow be supportive of you right now, you might need to limit

contact with him. You need supportive people around you, not another burden.

How is it going? I've been thinking about you.

Fiona

>

>

> Thanks for your replies and support. I don't know for sure if my father also

has BPD, but at this point, nothing would surprise me. Seriously.

>

> Yesterday I sent him a text for father's day. It was pretty much generic and

I really wanted to avoid any confrontation, which is why I didn't call. A few

hours later he text'd back, " And remember I will always love you. "

>

> Givemeafreakingbreak.

>

> Talk about passive-agressive. He wrote the book!

> I hate that it has come to this, but right now I am going through a divorce

and I totally stressed to the max and I feel like my only option is to cut off

contact with him. I had to find a new therapist because my therapist is too

expensive so my 'losses' for the month are piling up.

>

> I guess I'm just really sad. Sad mostly for my kids because they won't ever

know normal grandparents (my husband's parents are no better), but for me too

because I will never know the unconditional love and support of a family outside

of my own children, and also for my parents. My mother died in the throws of a

BPD 'low.' My dad has had a truly traumatic life from the time he was a child.

>

> Some of me feels like I should have compassion for my parents because

obviously neither of them had a clue how to raise a family and part of me feels

really angry because I don't understand why my parents ever had kids since it's

obvious they didn't want to be bothered.

>

> Anyway, thanks for reading my never ending drama of childhood and for

supporting me so much.

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks, Fiona. I'm doing okay. I saw my therapist today and she helped me sort

through some of the mess. She believes my dad is very emotionally abusive and

that I need to understand none of his issues are my fault. I guess I kept

asking what in the world I have done wrong.

Re: a text between my father and I - update

((()))

You definitely do not need additional drama from your father. I agree with you;

unless he can somehow be supportive of you right now, you might need to limit

contact with him. You need supportive people around you, not another burden.

How is it going? I've been thinking about you.

Fiona

>

>

> Thanks for your replies and support. I don't know for sure if my father also

has BPD, but at this point, nothing would surprise me. Seriously.

>

> Yesterday I sent him a text for father's day. It was pretty much generic and I

really wanted to avoid any confrontation, which is why I didn't call. A few

hours later he text'd back, " And remember I will always love you. "

>

> Givemeafreakingbreak.

>

> Talk about passive-agressive. He wrote the book!

> I hate that it has come to this, but right now I am going through a divorce

and I totally stressed to the max and I feel like my only option is to cut off

contact with him. I had to find a new therapist because my therapist is too

expensive so my 'losses' for the month are piling up.

>

> I guess I'm just really sad. Sad mostly for my kids because they won't ever

know normal grandparents (my husband's parents are no better), but for me too

because I will never know the unconditional love and support of a family outside

of my own children, and also for my parents. My mother died in the throws of a

BPD 'low.' My dad has had a truly traumatic life from the time he was a child.

>

> Some of me feels like I should have compassion for my parents because

obviously neither of them had a clue how to raise a family and part of me feels

really angry because I don't understand why my parents ever had kids since it's

obvious they didn't want to be bothered.

>

> Anyway, thanks for reading my never ending drama of childhood and for

supporting me so much.

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I think you do have compassion for your dad. And it sounds like you also have

compassion for yourself. The way I (try desperately to) explain my bpd sister in

law to my parents (who are also pd themselves which is probably why they don't

get it) is that if you jump into a swamp with a crocodile they are not going to

shake your hand, they are going to eat you. And you know this about your dad,

despite having the compassion you do have, you also are taking care of your

needs. The needs he has, you can't meet, the problems he has, you can't fix. I

have learned a pretty bitter lesson trying to intervene on behalf of my

" non-cleaning " sister in law and do all this cleaning 'for my mother' (during

this whole time I have also cleaned a building two or three times the size of

their house 7 nights a week, for a year and a half) so that my mother would not

be burdened with it. Trying to meet that 'need' for her and acting on my

compassion just allowed she and SIL to get to be good buddies so nada could sit

there and stab me right through the gut by assassinating my character...they got

closer because my intervention took the tension out of their relationship. Never

again. I have compassion for the child my mother was, but I have been in twelve

step recovery since almost 2 decades ago and I have seen people walk in

literally off the street and get their lives sorted out and continue to

recover...people with horrific trauma and addiction...if those people can do it,

so can my mother and father. They just WON'T, and I won't be used as yet

another reason why they don't have to. Hugs.

>

>

> Thanks for your replies and support. I don't know for sure if my father also

has BPD, but at this point, nothing would surprise me. Seriously.

>

> Yesterday I sent him a text for father's day. It was pretty much generic and

I really wanted to avoid any confrontation, which is why I didn't call. A few

hours later he text'd back, " And remember I will always love you. "

>

> Givemeafreakingbreak.

>

> Talk about passive-agressive. He wrote the book!

> I hate that it has come to this, but right now I am going through a divorce

and I totally stressed to the max and I feel like my only option is to cut off

contact with him. I had to find a new therapist because my therapist is too

expensive so my 'losses' for the month are piling up.

>

> I guess I'm just really sad. Sad mostly for my kids because they won't ever

know normal grandparents (my husband's parents are no better), but for me too

because I will never know the unconditional love and support of a family outside

of my own children, and also for my parents. My mother died in the throws of a

BPD 'low.' My dad has had a truly traumatic life from the time he was a child.

>

> Some of me feels like I should have compassion for my parents because

obviously neither of them had a clue how to raise a family and part of me feels

really angry because I don't understand why my parents ever had kids since it's

obvious they didn't want to be bothered.

>

> Anyway, thanks for reading my never ending drama of childhood and for

supporting me so much.

>

>

>

>

>

>