she's got me in tears again

[Guest guest]

Does every nada have selective memory??? After telling mine I had a horrible day

she starts in on  me that she saw a therapist who says I'm ungrateful (I told

her to have hers call mine)and of course I'm ungrateful etc... she's spent the

whole day in tears because I chose to go out with my SO the night my divorice

was final (not true I had my son and stayed home)..  and I reminder her of what

she said that day which was " good, now y ou can screw Joe legitimately " which

she denies.  You get the idea, the conversation just went on down from there. 

I had a horrible day at work, the tears were just below the surface all day and

now this.  I can't even remember the rest of the conversation but it ended

badly. 

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[Guest guest]

Yes, my nada did; very selective to the point of rewriting history from scratch.

Maybe its time to consider the idea that its better to not share your heartfelt,

deep, personal feelings and wishes and dreams so freely with your nada. If she

treads on your heart with spiked heels, maybe only share less important, more

superficial or trivial things with her. In other words, move toward more

emotional detachment with your nada.

The truth is that in a lot of cases written about here, our nada is not our

friend. Friends don't deliberately hurt our feelings, make ugly jokes at our

expense, dredge up past disagreements to rehash, or target us with revenge

behaviors out of spite, jealousy or envy. That's not love. Those behaviors are

not coming from a loving heart.

So, my suggestion is to keep your nada in your life but at arm's length. If she

changes and becomes more empathetic and caring about your feelings, then maybe

try opening up to her a little more, but until she can demonstrate that she

actually understands that you have feelings that can be hurt, perhaps try a

strategic emotional withdrawal to a more " medium chill " level.

-Annie

>

> Does every nada have selective memory??? After telling mine I had a horrible

day she starts in on me that she saw a therapist who says I'm ungrateful (I

told her to have hers call mine)and of course I'm ungrateful etc... she's spent

the whole day in tears because I chose to go out with my SO the night my

divorice was final (not true I had my son and stayed home).. and I reminder

her of what she said that day which was " good, now y ou can screw Joe

legitimately " which she denies. You get the idea, the conversation just went

on down from there. I had a horrible day at work, the tears were just below

the surface all day and now this. I can't even remember the rest of the

conversation but it ended badly.Â

>

> To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

> WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe

>

> Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, "

> and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find)Yahoo!

> Groups Links

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

If by " selective memory " you mean " remembers things that

happened in an alternate reality " , then yes, I think most of

them have it. I'm sorry your nada was so upsetting to you. They

are so good at knowing exactly how to make us hurt the most.

At 05:42 PM 11/29/2011 Batty wrote:

>Does every nada have selective memory??? After telling mine I

>had a horrible day she starts in on me that she saw a

>therapist who says I'm ungrateful (I told her to have hers call

>mine)and of course I'm ungrateful etc... she's spent the whole

>day in tears because I chose to go out with my SO the night my

>divorice was final (not true I had my son and stayed

>home).. and I reminder her of what she said that day which

>was " good, now y ou can screw Joe legitimately " which she

>denies. You get the idea, the conversation just went on down

>from there. I had a horrible day at work, the tears were just

>below the surface all day and now this. I can't even remember

>the rest of the conversation but it ended badly.Â

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

Oh yes. Selective memory right down to pinning her own foibles on me and

everyone else.

And yes, Katrina, they hurt us without seemingly even trying. It's that lack of

empathy.

> >Does every nada have selective memory??? After telling mine I

> >had a horrible day she starts in on me that she saw a

>