My nada is probably going into hospice shortly

[Guest guest]

Over the last few months my nada has been ... winding down. About 6 months ago

(more or less) she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and has been hallucinating on

and off ever since.

Sister has had nada moved into an assisted living residence, a nice one in her

area. Nada ended up spending most of her waking hours in the Alzheimer's unit

so she could be carefully watched. When left in the regular assisted care

building she would try to follow the people she saw in her hallucinations and

had fallen twice, breaking a bone or two each time. She also has severe

osteoporosis. So she needed more watchful supervision to keep her from

wandering and hurting herself.

But within the last three weeks, nada developed pneumonia and has been in and

out of the hospital for that. Nada is in her 80's and has had emphysema for a

long time, so she doesn't have much lung capacity to begin with. Sister calls me

pretty much every day; some days nada is more lucid and is happy to see visitors

and have Sister there with her. Some days nada is doing better with the

pneumonia, and then the next day nada will be worse. Back and forth, back and

forth.

I'm glad that my nada is having some good days and is able to tell my Sister

that she loves her. My Sister has been put through some pretty bad stuff,

pretty horrific stuff by our nada, not only as a child but as an adult, so the

fact that Sister chose to handle supervising our nada's end-of-life care is

pretty, well, remarkable. I think my Sister is a living Saint, personally.

I am feeling the effects of the stress. I've been able to have a couple of

short phone conversations with nada, in which we were able to say " I love you "

to each other. I'm glad we were able to do that. As I've mentioned in earlier

posts, my nada was not all bad all the time. Sometimes she was " good mom. " It

wasn't easy for me to choose to go No Contact 4 years ago, but I needed it. I

couldn't take the stress; it felt like it was killing me. I had to choose my

own physical and mental health. Now, the stress is back, but in a different

way. I feel that I want to go see my nada before she passes away, but, at the

same time I don't want to. Its hard to be so torn.

If my Sister tells me that nada's doctors believe she is terminal, and nada goes

into hospice care, I will probably fly back for a visit even though its the

holiday season and I truly dislike travel at this time. I always get really,

really sick when I travel by plane, particularly in the winter; I get some

horrible bronchitis or other crap. Oh well. How very selfish that sounds.

But, going back to see her is something I feel I need to do in order to be able

to live with myself: show respect to my mother and see her before she passes

away; or at least make the effort, and be there for her funeral service.

Its just a part of life, part of being a human being, these major passages of

our existence: being there for our friends and family's births, marriages,

graduations, and deaths.

So, this is just an update. If I should disappear from posting for a while,

you'll know why.

-Annie

[Guest guest]

Your sister does sound like a living saint, and frankly, so do you For

being willing to go NC, for talking to your nada a few times on the phone,

and for being willing to fly out in the holiday season to visit her one

last time if she goes to hospice.

I wish you both all the strength for this new journey. ((hugs))

(and drink plenty of vitamin C!)

On Tue, Nov 29, 2011 at 6:37 PM, anuria67854 wrote:

> **

>

>

> Over the last few months my nada has been ... winding down. About 6 months

> ago (more or less) she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and has been

> hallucinating on and off ever since.

>

> Sister has had nada moved into an assisted living residence, a nice one in

> her area. Nada ended up spending most of her waking hours in the

> Alzheimer's unit so she could be carefully watched. When left in the

> regular assisted care building she would try to follow the people she saw

> in her hallucinations and had fallen twice, breaking a bone or two each

> time. She also has severe osteoporosis. So she needed more watchful

> supervision to keep her from wandering and hurting herself.

>

> But within the last three weeks, nada developed pneumonia and has been in

> and out of the hospital for that. Nada is in her 80's and has had emphysema

> for a long time, so she doesn't have much lung capacity to begin with.

> Sister calls me pretty much every day; some days nada is more lucid and is

> happy to see visitors and have Sister there with her. Some days nada is

> doing better with the pneumonia, and then the next day nada will be worse.

> Back and forth, back and forth.

>

> I'm glad that my nada is having some good days and is able to tell my

> Sister that she loves her. My Sister has been put through some pretty bad

> stuff, pretty horrific stuff by our nada, not only as a child but as an

> adult, so the fact that Sister chose to handle supervising our nada's

> end-of-life care is pretty, well, remarkable. I think my Sister is a living

> Saint, personally.

>

> I am feeling the effects of the stress. I've been able to have a couple of

> short phone conversations with nada, in which we were able to say " I love

> you " to each other. I'm glad we were able to do that. As I've mentioned in

> earlier posts, my nada was not all bad all the time. Sometimes she was

> " good mom. " It wasn't easy for me to choose to go No Contact 4 years ago,

> but I needed it. I couldn't take the stress; it felt like it was killing

> me. I had to choose my own physical and mental health. Now, the stress is

> back, but in a different way. I feel that I want to go see my nada before

> she passes away, but, at the same time I don't want to. Its hard to be so

> torn.

>

> If my Sister tells me that nada's doctors believe she is terminal, and

> nada goes into hospice care, I will probably fly back for a visit even

> though its the holiday season and I truly dislike travel at this time. I

> always get really, really sick when I travel by plane, particularly in the

> winter; I get some horrible bronchitis or other crap. Oh well. How very

> selfish that sounds.

>

> But, going back to see her is something I feel I need to do in order to be

> able to live with myself: show respect to my mother and see her before she

> passes away; or at least make the effort, and be there for her funeral

> service.

>

> Its just a part of life, part of being a human being, these major passages

> of our existence: being there for our friends and family's births,

> marriages, graduations, and deaths.

>

> So, this is just an update. If I should disappear from posting for a

> while, you'll know why.

>

> -Annie

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

(((Annie)))

Please know that I have you in my thoughts and prayers. This is a time of

traveling the unknown, you know. May this be a time of deepening healing for

you, and may there be a quiet miracle in your nada's final days.

I am so glad you have your Sister to travel this with.

[Guest guest]

Annie~

Thinking of you. I hope this can be a time of healing and closure as you

prepare your heart to say good-bye to your Nada. How wonderful you and your

sister can be a support to one another. She sounds amazing. Take it one day at

time.

God Bless--

Louise (TTH)

>

> Over the last few months my nada has been ... winding down. About 6 months

ago (more or less) she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and has been

hallucinating on and off ever since.

>

> Sister has had nada moved into an assisted living residence, a nice one in her

area. Nada ended up spending most of her waking hours in the Alzheimer's unit

so she could be carefully watched. When left in the regular assisted care

building she would try to follow the people she saw in her hallucinations and

had fallen twice, breaking a bone or two each time. She also has severe

osteoporosis. So she needed more watchful supervision to keep her from

wandering and hurting herself.

>

> But within the last three weeks, nada developed pneumonia and has been in and

out of the hospital for that. Nada is in her 80's and has had emphysema for a

long time, so she doesn't have much lung capacity to begin with. Sister calls me

pretty much every day; some days nada is more lucid and is happy to see visitors

and have Sister there with her. Some days nada is doing better with the

pneumonia, and then the next day nada will be worse. Back and forth, back and

forth.

>

> I'm glad that my nada is having some good days and is able to tell my Sister

that she loves her. My Sister has been put through some pretty bad stuff,

pretty horrific stuff by our nada, not only as a child but as an adult, so the

fact that Sister chose to handle supervising our nada's end-of-life care is

pretty, well, remarkable. I think my Sister is a living Saint, personally.

>

> I am feeling the effects of the stress. I've been able to have a couple of

short phone conversations with nada, in which we were able to say " I love you "

to each other. I'm glad we were able to do that. As I've mentioned in earlier

posts, my nada was not all bad all the time. Sometimes she was " good mom. " It

wasn't easy for me to choose to go No Contact 4 years ago, but I needed it. I

couldn't take the stress; it felt like it was killing me. I had to choose my

own physical and mental health. Now, the stress is back, but in a different

way. I feel that I want to go see my nada before she passes away, but, at the

same time I don't want to. Its hard to be so torn.

>

> If my Sister tells me that nada's doctors believe she is terminal, and nada

goes into hospice care, I will probably fly back for a visit even though its the

holiday season and I truly dislike travel at this time. I always get really,

really sick when I travel by plane, particularly in the winter; I get some

horrible bronchitis or other crap. Oh well. How very selfish that sounds.

>

> But, going back to see her is something I feel I need to do in order to be

able to live with myself: show respect to my mother and see her before she

passes away; or at least make the effort, and be there for her funeral service.

>

> Its just a part of life, part of being a human being, these major passages of

our existence: being there for our friends and family's births, marriages,

graduations, and deaths.

>

> So, this is just an update. If I should disappear from posting for a while,

you'll know why.

>

> -Annie

>

[Guest guest]

Hugs, Annie. I know, there are so many conflicting feelings.

Your sister sounds like a wonderful person.

And you are, too. I think you're very courageous and thoughtful.

Please know I'll be thinking of you.

>

> Over the last few months my nada has been ... winding down. About 6 months

ago (more or less) she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and has been

hallucinating on and off ever since.

>

> Sister has had nada moved into an assisted living residence, a nice one in her

area. Nada ended up spending most of her waking hours in the Alzheimer's unit

so she could be carefully watched. When left in the regular assisted care

building she would try to follow the people she saw in her hallucinations and

had fallen twice, breaking a bone or two each time. She also has severe

osteoporosis. So she needed more watchful supervision to keep her from

wandering and hurting herself.

>

> But within the last three weeks, nada developed pneumonia and has been in and

out of the hospital for that. Nada is in her 80's and has had emphysema for a

long time, so she doesn't have much lung capacity to begin with. Sister calls me

pretty much every day; some days nada is more lucid and is happy to see visitors

and have Sister there with her. Some days nada is doing better with the

pneumonia, and then the next day nada will be worse. Back and forth, back and

forth.

>

> I'm glad that my nada is having some good days and is able to tell my Sister

that she loves her. My Sister has been put through some pretty bad stuff,

pretty horrific stuff by our nada, not only as a child but as an adult, so the

fact that Sister chose to handle supervising our nada's end-of-life care is

pretty, well, remarkable. I think my Sister is a living Saint, personally.

>

> I am feeling the effects of the stress. I've been able to have a couple of

short phone conversations with nada, in which we were able to say " I love you "

to each other. I'm glad we were able to do that. As I've mentioned in earlier

posts, my nada was not all bad all the time. Sometimes she was " good mom. " It

wasn't easy for me to choose to go No Contact 4 years ago, but I needed it. I

couldn't take the stress; it felt like it was killing me. I had to choose my

own physical and mental health. Now, the stress is back, but in a different

way. I feel that I want to go see my nada before she passes away, but, at the

same time I don't want to. Its hard to be so torn.

>

> If my Sister tells me that nada's doctors believe she is terminal, and nada

goes into hospice care, I will probably fly back for a visit even though its the

holiday season and I truly dislike travel at this time. I always get really,

really sick when I travel by plane, particularly in the winter; I get some

horrible bronchitis or other crap. Oh well. How very selfish that sounds.

>

> But, going back to see her is something I feel I need to do in order to be

able to live with myself: show respect to my mother and see her before she

passes away; or at least make the effort, and be there for her funeral service.

>

> Its just a part of life, part of being a human being, these major passages of

our existence: being there for our friends and family's births, marriages,

graduations, and deaths.

>

> So, this is just an update. If I should disappear from posting for a while,

you'll know why.

>

> -Annie

>

[Guest guest]

Hugs Annie, its so hard. Its never pretty coming into this world, and

almost never pretty leaving it. Add a personality disorder into the mix . .

.. and. . . well, everything inbetween those two bookends is also not pretty.

XOXOXOXO

On Wed, Nov 30, 2011 at 6:32 AM, hermitsdaughter

wrote:

> **

>

>

> Hugs, Annie. I know, there are so many conflicting feelings.

> Your sister sounds like a wonderful person.

> And you are, too. I think you're very courageous and thoughtful.

> Please know I'll be thinking of you.

>

>

>

> >

> > Over the last few months my nada has been ... winding down. About 6

> months ago (more or less) she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and has been

> hallucinating on and off ever since.

> >

> > Sister has had nada moved into an assisted living residence, a nice one

> in her area. Nada ended up spending most of her waking hours in the

> Alzheimer's unit so she could be carefully watched. When left in the

> regular assisted care building she would try to follow the people she saw

> in her hallucinations and had fallen twice, breaking a bone or two each

> time. She also has severe osteoporosis. So she needed more watchful

> supervision to keep her from wandering and hurting herself.

> >

> > But within the last three weeks, nada developed pneumonia and has been

> in and out of the hospital for that. Nada is in her 80's and has had

> emphysema for a long time, so she doesn't have much lung capacity to begin

> with. Sister calls me pretty much every day; some days nada is more lucid

> and is happy to see visitors and have Sister there with her. Some days nada

> is doing better with the pneumonia, and then the next day nada will be

> worse. Back and forth, back and forth.

> >

> > I'm glad that my nada is having some good days and is able to tell my

> Sister that she loves her. My Sister has been put through some pretty bad

> stuff, pretty horrific stuff by our nada, not only as a child but as an

> adult, so the fact that Sister chose to handle supervising our nada's

> end-of-life care is pretty, well, remarkable. I think my Sister is a living

> Saint, personally.

> >

> > I am feeling the effects of the stress. I've been able to have a couple

> of short phone conversations with nada, in which we were able to say " I

> love you " to each other. I'm glad we were able to do that. As I've

> mentioned in earlier posts, my nada was not all bad all the time. Sometimes

> she was " good mom. " It wasn't easy for me to choose to go No Contact 4

> years ago, but I needed it. I couldn't take the stress; it felt like it was

> killing me. I had to choose my own physical and mental health. Now, the

> stress is back, but in a different way. I feel that I want to go see my

> nada before she passes away, but, at the same time I don't want to. Its

> hard to be so torn.

> >

> > If my Sister tells me that nada's doctors believe she is terminal, and

> nada goes into hospice care, I will probably fly back for a visit even

> though its the holiday season and I truly dislike travel at this time. I

> always get really, really sick when I travel by plane, particularly in the

> winter; I get some horrible bronchitis or other crap. Oh well. How very

> selfish that sounds.

> >

> > But, going back to see her is something I feel I need to do in order to

> be able to live with myself: show respect to my mother and see her before

> she passes away; or at least make the effort, and be there for her funeral

> service.

> >

> > Its just a part of life, part of being a human being, these major

> passages of our existence: being there for our friends and family's births,

> marriages, graduations, and deaths.

> >

> > So, this is just an update. If I should disappear from posting for a

> while, you'll know why.

> >

> > -Annie

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Good luck Annie. I'm sure you'll do what's right for you. I wouldn't go

personally but I wish you the very best.

On Wed, Nov 30, 2011 at 8:32 AM, hermitsdaughter

wrote:

> **

>

>

> Hugs, Annie. I know, there are so many conflicting feelings.

> Your sister sounds like a wonderful person.

> And you are, too. I think you're very courageous and thoughtful.

> Please know I'll be thinking of you.

>

>

>

> >

> > Over the last few months my nada has been ... winding down. About 6

> months ago (more or less) she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and has been

> hallucinating on and off ever since.

> >

> > Sister has had nada moved into an assisted living residence, a nice one

> in her area. Nada ended up spending most of her waking hours in the

> Alzheimer's unit so she could be carefully watched. When left in the

> regular assisted care building she would try to follow the people she saw

> in her hallucinations and had fallen twice, breaking a bone or two each

> time. She also has severe osteoporosis. So she needed more watchful

> supervision to keep her from wandering and hurting herself.

> >

> > But within the last three weeks, nada developed pneumonia and has been

> in and out of the hospital for that. Nada is in her 80's and has had

> emphysema for a long time, so she doesn't have much lung capacity to begin

> with. Sister calls me pretty much every day; some days nada is more lucid

> and is happy to see visitors and have Sister there with her. Some days nada

> is doing better with the pneumonia, and then the next day nada will be

> worse. Back and forth, back and forth.

> >

> > I'm glad that my nada is having some good days and is able to tell my

> Sister that she loves her. My Sister has been put through some pretty bad

> stuff, pretty horrific stuff by our nada, not only as a child but as an

> adult, so the fact that Sister chose to handle supervising our nada's

> end-of-life care is pretty, well, remarkable. I think my Sister is a living

> Saint, personally.

> >

> > I am feeling the effects of the stress. I've been able to have a couple

> of short phone conversations with nada, in which we were able to say " I

> love you " to each other. I'm glad we were able to do that. As I've

> mentioned in earlier posts, my nada was not all bad all the time. Sometimes

> she was " good mom. " It wasn't easy for me to choose to go No Contact 4

> years ago, but I needed it. I couldn't take the stress; it felt like it was

> killing me. I had to choose my own physical and mental health. Now, the

> stress is back, but in a different way. I feel that I want to go see my

> nada before she passes away, but, at the same time I don't want to. Its

> hard to be so torn.

> >

> > If my Sister tells me that nada's doctors believe she is terminal, and

> nada goes into hospice care, I will probably fly back for a visit even

> though its the holiday season and I truly dislike travel at this time. I

> always get really, really sick when I travel by plane, particularly in the

> winter; I get some horrible bronchitis or other crap. Oh well. How very

> selfish that sounds.

> >

> > But, going back to see her is something I feel I need to do in order to

> be able to live with myself: show respect to my mother and see her before

> she passes away; or at least make the effort, and be there for her funeral

> service.

> >

> > Its just a part of life, part of being a human being, these major

> passages of our existence: being there for our friends and family's births,

> marriages, graduations, and deaths.

> >

> > So, this is just an update. If I should disappear from posting for a

> while, you'll know why.

> >

> > -Annie

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Annie, Also do remember vitamin D. I can get it via my skin during winter where

I live (I'm in a latitude south of Sacramento), but it also helps to take

vitamin D (not too much) for our immune systems. In winter, we are all

vulnerable to sickness because of the more limited sun access.

[Guest guest]

After all you and your sister have gone through, it would be a blessing if all

her toxic nada-isms would stay buried and not resurface in these last few

months. I hope you do go Annie, and get the closure you need. No matter what our

relationships have been with our parents, it would be nice to send them off to

the great beyond feeling peace instead of anger.

>

> Over the last few months my nada has been ... winding down. About 6 months

ago (more or less) she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and has been

hallucinating on and off ever since.

>

> Sister has had nada moved into an assisted living residence, a nice one in her

area. Nada ended up spending most of her waking hours in the Alzheimer's unit

so she could be carefully watched. When left in the regular assisted care

building she would try to follow the people she saw in her hallucinations and

had fallen twice, breaking a bone or two each time. She also has severe

osteoporosis. So she needed more watchful supervision to keep her from

wandering and hurting herself.

>

> But within the last three weeks, nada developed pneumonia and has been in and

out of the hospital for that. Nada is in her 80's and has had emphysema for a

long time, so she doesn't have much lung capacity to begin with. Sister calls me

pretty much every day; some days nada is more lucid and is happy to see visitors

and have Sister there with her. Some days nada is doing better with the

pneumonia, and then the next day nada will be worse. Back and forth, back and

forth.

>

> I'm glad that my nada is having some good days and is able to tell my Sister

that she loves her. My Sister has been put through some pretty bad stuff,

pretty horrific stuff by our nada, not only as a child but as an adult, so the

fact that Sister chose to handle supervising our nada's end-of-life care is

pretty, well, remarkable. I think my Sister is a living Saint, personally.

>

> I am feeling the effects of the stress. I've been able to have a couple of

short phone conversations with nada, in which we were able to say " I love you "

to each other. I'm glad we were able to do that. As I've mentioned in earlier

posts, my nada was not all bad all the time. Sometimes she was " good mom. " It

wasn't easy for me to choose to go No Contact 4 years ago, but I needed it. I

couldn't take the stress; it felt like it was killing me. I had to choose my

own physical and mental health. Now, the stress is back, but in a different

way. I feel that I want to go see my nada before she passes away, but, at the

same time I don't want to. Its hard to be so torn.

>

> If my Sister tells me that nada's doctors believe she is terminal, and nada

goes into hospice care, I will probably fly back for a visit even though its the

holiday season and I truly dislike travel at this time. I always get really,

really sick when I travel by plane, particularly in the winter; I get some

horrible bronchitis or other crap. Oh well. How very selfish that sounds.

>

> But, going back to see her is something I feel I need to do in order to be

able to live with myself: show respect to my mother and see her before she

passes away; or at least make the effort, and be there for her funeral service.

>

> Its just a part of life, part of being a human being, these major passages of

our existence: being there for our friends and family's births, marriages,

graduations, and deaths.

>

> So, this is just an update. If I should disappear from posting for a while,

you'll know why.

>

> -Annie

>

[Guest guest]

Annie,

I'm still new to this group, but have been so touched by your kindness and

supportive nature to the rest of us. I wish you peace and closure. It will

mean a lot to your sister to have you near if you are able to make that trip.

Hugs,

> >

> > Over the last few months my nada has been ... winding down. About 6 months

ago (more or less) she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and has been

hallucinating on and off ever since.

> >

> > Sister has had nada moved into an assisted living residence, a nice one in

her area. Nada ended up spending most of her waking hours in the Alzheimer's

unit so she could be carefully watched. When left in the regular assisted care

building she would try to follow the people she saw in her hallucinations and

had fallen twice, breaking a bone or two each time. She also has severe

osteoporosis. So she needed more watchful supervision to keep her from

wandering and hurting herself.

> >

> > But within the last three weeks, nada developed pneumonia and has been in

and out of the hospital for that. Nada is in her 80's and has had emphysema

for a long time, so she doesn't have much lung capacity to begin with. Sister

calls me pretty much every day; some days nada is more lucid and is happy to see

visitors and have Sister there with her. Some days nada is doing better with

the pneumonia, and then the next day nada will be worse. Back and forth, back

and forth.

> >

> > I'm glad that my nada is having some good days and is able to tell my Sister

that she loves her. My Sister has been put through some pretty bad stuff,

pretty horrific stuff by our nada, not only as a child but as an adult, so the

fact that Sister chose to handle supervising our nada's end-of-life care is

pretty, well, remarkable. I think my Sister is a living Saint, personally.

> >

> > I am feeling the effects of the stress. I've been able to have a couple of

short phone conversations with nada, in which we were able to say " I love you "

to each other. I'm glad we were able to do that. As I've mentioned in earlier

posts, my nada was not all bad all the time. Sometimes she was " good mom. " It

wasn't easy for me to choose to go No Contact 4 years ago, but I needed it. I

couldn't take the stress; it felt like it was killing me. I had to choose my

own physical and mental health. Now, the stress is back, but in a different

way. I feel that I want to go see my nada before she passes away, but, at the

same time I don't want to. Its hard to be so torn.

> >

> > If my Sister tells me that nada's doctors believe she is terminal, and nada

goes into hospice care, I will probably fly back for a visit even though its the

holiday season and I truly dislike travel at this time. I always get really,

really sick when I travel by plane, particularly in the winter; I get some

horrible bronchitis or other crap. Oh well. How very selfish that sounds.

> >

> > But, going back to see her is something I feel I need to do in order to be

able to live with myself: show respect to my mother and see her before she

passes away; or at least make the effort, and be there for her funeral service.

> >

> > Its just a part of life, part of being a human being, these major passages

of our existence: being there for our friends and family's births, marriages,

graduations, and deaths.

> >

> > So, this is just an update. If I should disappear from posting for a while,

you'll know why.

> >

> > -Annie

> >

>

[Guest guest]

(((((Annia))))))

You and your sister have been through so much with your Nada. The

issues are so complex and confusing, and hurt like hell. I'm so sorry you

and Sister are going through this. With my own Nada, the slipping back and

forth between loving Nada and vicious Nada, made things so confusing, and

painful. Even though we may feel compassion for *thei*r pain, grief and

suffering, and want to honor the loving part of them, the very real and

valid fear of getting " bitten, " again, is always in the back of our minds.

I'll be praying for the best possible outcome, that, that which would bring

you and Sister the greatest peace, and succor, and will bring your Nada a

swift and peaceful transition, will come to pass..

Something a seasoned flier once recommended to me, was to carry a

washcloth dampened with a light solution of lemon and water in a baggie,

with which to occasionally wipe my face, during flight. It works for me. My

husband says its because the ph of the lemon juice is inhospitable germ

and bacterial growth. I also carry the germicidal hand cleaner. I, too am

really susceptible to bronchial grunge, and finally gave in to wearing a

mask when I fly. The Japanese do it, routinely. I felt really awkward at

first, but then someone asked me if I'd been to Japan, and put their own

mask on, and I felt like a seasoned traveler. Add a big pair of

sunglasses, big earrings and a scarf, and folks will just think your a

celebrity traversing incognito.

May The Great All That Is, bless you and Sister, and your Nada in this

difficult time. You will all be in my thoughts and prayers.

Best Regards, Sunspot

On Wed, Nov 30, 2011 at 6:23 PM, stillsmirky2004 wrote:

> **

>

>

> Annie, which to

> I'm still new to this group, but have been so touched by your kindness and

> supportive nature to the rest of us. I wish you peace and closure. It will

> mean a lot to your sister to have you near if you are able to make that

> trip.

> Hugs,

>

>

>

>

> > >

> > > Over the last few months my nada has been ... winding down. About 6

> months ago (more or less) she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and has been

> hallucinating on and off ever since.

> > >

> > > Sister has had nada moved into an assisted living residence, a nice

> one in her area. Nada ended up spending most of her waking hours in the

> Alzheimer's unit so she could be carefully watched. When left in the

> regular assisted care building she would try to follow the people she saw

> in her hallucinations and had fallen twice, breaking a bone or two each

> time. She also has severe osteoporosis. So she needed more watchful

> supervision to keep her from wandering and hurting herself.

> > >

> > > But within the last three weeks, nada developed pneumonia and has been

> in and out of the hospital for that. Nada is in her 80's and has had

> emphysema for a long time, so she doesn't have much lung capacity to begin

> with. Sister calls me pretty much every day; some days nada is more lucid

> and is happy to see visitors and have Sister there with her. Some days nada

> is doing better with the pneumonia, and then the next day nada will be

> worse. Back and forth, back and forth.

> > >

> > > I'm glad that my nada is having some good days and is able to tell my

> Sister that she loves her. My Sister has been put through some pretty bad

> stuff, pretty horrific stuff by our nada, not only as a child but as an

> adult, so the fact that Sister chose to handle supervising our nada's

> end-of-life care is pretty, well, remarkable. I think my Sister is a living

> Saint, personally.

> > >

> > > I am feeling the effects of the stress. I've been able to have a

> couple of short phone conversations with nada, in which we were able to say

> " I love you " to each other. I'm glad we were able to do that. As I've

> mentioned in earlier posts, my nada was not all bad all the time. Sometimes

> she was " good mom. " It wasn't easy for me to choose to go No Contact 4

> years ago, but I needed it. I couldn't take the stress; it felt like it was

> killing me. I had to choose my own physical and mental health. Now, the

> stress is back, but in a different way. I feel that I want to go see my

> nada before she passes away, but, at the same time I don't want to. Its

> hard to be so torn.

> > >

> > > If my Sister tells me that nada's doctors believe she is terminal, and

> nada goes into hospice care, I will probably fly back for a visit even

> though its the holiday season and I truly dislike travel at this time. I

> always get really, really sick when I travel by plane, particularly in the

> winter; I get some horrible bronchitis or other crap. Oh well. How very

> selfish that sounds.

> > >

> > > But, going back to see her is something I feel I need to do in order

> to be able to live with myself: show respect to my mother and see her

> before she passes away; or at least make the effort, and be there for her

> funeral service.

> > >

> > > Its just a part of life, part of being a human being, these major

> passages of our existence: being there for our friends and family's births,

> marriages, graduations, and deaths.

> > >

> > > So, this is just an update. If I should disappear from posting for a

> while, you'll know why.

> > >

> > > -Annie

> > >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Great idea!!! People will think our Annie is Jackie O!!!

> (((((Annia))))))

>

> You and your sister have been through so much with your Nada. The

> issues are so complex and confusing, and hurt like hell. I'm so sorry you

> and Sister are going through this. With my own Nada, the slipping back and

> forth between loving Nada and vicious Nada, made things so confusing, and

> painful. Even though we may feel compassion for *thei*r pain, grief and

> suffering, and want to honor the loving part of them, the very real and

> valid fear of getting " bitten, " again, is always in the back of our minds.

> I'll be praying for the best possible outcome, that, that which would bring

> you and Sister the greatest peace, and succor, and will bring your Nada a

> swift and peaceful transition, will come to pass..

>

> Something a seasoned flier once recommended to me, was to carry a

> washcloth dampened with a light solution of lemon and water in a baggie,

> with which to occasionally wipe my face, during flight. It works for me. My

> husband says its because the ph of the lemon juice is inhospitable germ

> and bacterial growth. I also carry the germicidal hand cleaner. I, too am

> really susceptible to bronchial grunge, and finally gave in to wearing a

> mask when I fly. The Japanese do it, routinely. I felt really awkward at

> first, but then someone asked me if I'd been to Japan, and put their own

> mask on, and I felt like a seasoned traveler. Add a big pair of

> sunglasses, big earrings and a scarf, and folks will just think your a

> celebrity traversing incognito.

>

> May The Great All That Is, bless you and Sister, and your Nada in this

> difficult time. You will all be in my thoughts and prayers.

> Best Regards, Sunspot

>

> On Wed, Nov 30, 2011 at 6:23 PM, stillsmirky2004 <moustafa.lisa@...

> >wrote:

>

> > **

> >

> >

> > Annie, which to

> > I'm still new to this group, but have been so touched by your kindness

> and

> > supportive nature to the rest of us. I wish you peace and closure. It

> will

> > mean a lot to your sister to have you near if you are able to make that

> > trip.

> > Hugs,

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > > >

> > > > Over the last few months my nada has been ... winding down. About 6

> > months ago (more or less) she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and has been

> > hallucinating on and off ever since.

> > > >

> > > > Sister has had nada moved into an assisted living residence, a nice

> > one in her area. Nada ended up spending most of her waking hours in the

> > Alzheimer's unit so she could be carefully watched. When left in the

> > regular assisted care building she would try to follow the people she saw

> > in her hallucinations and had fallen twice, breaking a bone or two each

> > time. She also has severe osteoporosis. So she needed more watchful

> > supervision to keep her from wandering and hurting herself.

> > > >

> > > > But within the last three weeks, nada developed pneumonia and has

> been

> > in and out of the hospital for that. Nada is in her 80's and has had

> > emphysema for a long time, so she doesn't have much lung capacity to

> begin

> > with. Sister calls me pretty much every day; some days nada is more lucid

> > and is happy to see visitors and have Sister there with her. Some days

> nada

> > is doing better with the pneumonia, and then the next day nada will be

> > worse. Back and forth, back and forth.

> > > >

> > > > I'm glad that my nada is having some good days and is able to tell my

> > Sister that she loves her. My Sister has been put through some pretty bad

> > stuff, pretty horrific stuff by our nada, not only as a child but as an

> > adult, so the fact that Sister chose to handle supervising our nada's

> > end-of-life care is pretty, well, remarkable. I think my Sister is a

> living

> > Saint, personally.

> > > >

> > > > I am feeling the effects of the stress. I've been able to have a

> > couple of short phone conversations with nada, in which we were able to

> say

> > " I love you " to each other. I'm glad we were able to do that. As I've

> > mentioned in earlier posts, my nada was not all bad all the time.

> Sometimes

> > she was " good mom. " It wasn't easy for me to choose to go No Contact 4

> > years ago, but I needed it. I couldn't take the stress; it felt like it

> was

> > killing me. I had to choose my own physical and mental health. Now, the

> > stress is back, but in a different way. I feel that I want to go see my

> > nada before she passes away, but, at the same time I don't want to. Its

> > hard to be so torn.

> > > >

> > > > If my Sister tells me that nada's doctors believe she is terminal,

> and

> > nada goes into hospice care, I will probably fly back for a visit even

> > though its the holiday season and I truly dislike travel at this time. I

> > always get really, really sick when I travel by plane, particularly in

> the

> > winter; I get some horrible bronchitis or other crap. Oh well. How very

> > selfish that sounds.

> > > >

> > > > But, going back to see her is something I feel I need to do in order

> > to be able to live with myself: show respect to my mother and see her

> > before she passes away; or at least make the effort, and be there for her

> > funeral service.

> > > >

> > > > Its just a part of life, part of being a human being, these major

> > passages of our existence: being there for our friends and family's

> births,

> > marriages, graduations, and deaths.

> > > >

> > > > So, this is just an update. If I should disappear from posting for a

> > while, you'll know why.

> > > >

> > > > -Annie

> > > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Annie:

I understand completely where you are right now. As I have mentioned before, my

nada has cancer (2 different types) and she recently met with another oncologist

who is recommending chemo every 2 weeks with no fixed end date - this is not

good.

While my nada is not going into hospice care like yours, it is a similar

situation that they are very sick and we will lose them soon. Part of me is

still torn because she has been more of a witch nada to me than anything and

continues to play her games with my brothers and I. I also recognize that she

was an " OK Mum " at times. I am finding to keep a balance of low contact with

her as I feel I will get sucked in again soon as the chemo starts.

My feelings are all mixed up these days with regards to her because I am aware

of how small and sick she looks and I know she is scared of what lies ahead.

There is a part of me that loves her and I am not sure what to do with all these

feelings that I have.

I will be thinking of you Annie and I hope that you get out of this visit what

you need.

Koko

> > > > >

> > > > > Over the last few months my nada has been ... winding down. About 6

> > > months ago (more or less) she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and has been

> > > hallucinating on and off ever since.

> > > > >

> > > > > Sister has had nada moved into an assisted living residence, a nice

> > > one in her area. Nada ended up spending most of her waking hours in the

> > > Alzheimer's unit so she could be carefully watched. When left in the

> > > regular assisted care building she would try to follow the people she saw

> > > in her hallucinations and had fallen twice, breaking a bone or two each

> > > time. She also has severe osteoporosis. So she needed more watchful

> > > supervision to keep her from wandering and hurting herself.

> > > > >

> > > > > But within the last three weeks, nada developed pneumonia and has

> > been

> > > in and out of the hospital for that. Nada is in her 80's and has had

> > > emphysema for a long time, so she doesn't have much lung capacity to

> > begin

> > > with. Sister calls me pretty much every day; some days nada is more lucid

> > > and is happy to see visitors and have Sister there with her. Some days

> > nada

> > > is doing better with the pneumonia, and then the next day nada will be

> > > worse. Back and forth, back and forth.

> > > > >

> > > > > I'm glad that my nada is having some good days and is able to tell my

> > > Sister that she loves her. My Sister has been put through some pretty bad

> > > stuff, pretty horrific stuff by our nada, not only as a child but as an

> > > adult, so the fact that Sister chose to handle supervising our nada's

> > > end-of-life care is pretty, well, remarkable. I think my Sister is a

> > living

> > > Saint, personally.

> > > > >

> > > > > I am feeling the effects of the stress. I've been able to have a

> > > couple of short phone conversations with nada, in which we were able to

> > say

> > > " I love you " to each other. I'm glad we were able to do that. As I've

> > > mentioned in earlier posts, my nada was not all bad all the time.

> > Sometimes

> > > she was " good mom. " It wasn't easy for me to choose to go No Contact 4

> > > years ago, but I needed it. I couldn't take the stress; it felt like it

> > was

> > > killing me. I had to choose my own physical and mental health. Now, the

> > > stress is back, but in a different way. I feel that I want to go see my

> > > nada before she passes away, but, at the same time I don't want to. Its

> > > hard to be so torn.

> > > > >

> > > > > If my Sister tells me that nada's doctors believe she is terminal,

> > and

> > > nada goes into hospice care, I will probably fly back for a visit even

> > > though its the holiday season and I truly dislike travel at this time. I

> > > always get really, really sick when I travel by plane, particularly in

> > the

> > > winter; I get some horrible bronchitis or other crap. Oh well. How very

> > > selfish that sounds.

> > > > >

> > > > > But, going back to see her is something I feel I need to do in order

> > > to be able to live with myself: show respect to my mother and see her

> > > before she passes away; or at least make the effort, and be there for her

> > > funeral service.

> > > > >

> > > > > Its just a part of life, part of being a human being, these major

> > > passages of our existence: being there for our friends and family's

> > births,

> > > marriages, graduations, and deaths.

> > > > >

> > > > > So, this is just an update. If I should disappear from posting for a

> > > while, you'll know why.

> > > > >

> > > > > -Annie

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Thanks koko and all of you who have responded with such kind and supportive

messages. End-of-life for one's mother is a hard time, a hard thing to go

through under any circumstances, but particularly for us KOs who have a " Jekyll

and Hyde " for a mother; sometimes a caring, nurturing parent who treats you with

love, and other times a seemingly demonic entity who actively hates you and

wants to hurt you, badly. How can there not be very torn, conflicted feelings

under those circumstances?

I'm heading out tomorrow to see my Sister and our nada, who has now been

relocated from the hospital and into hospice care.

My best to all of you, and thanks for your support.

-Annie

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Over the last few months my nada has been ... winding down. About 6

> > > > months ago (more or less) she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and has

been

> > > > hallucinating on and off ever since.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Sister has had nada moved into an assisted living residence, a nice

> > > > one in her area. Nada ended up spending most of her waking hours in the

> > > > Alzheimer's unit so she could be carefully watched. When left in the

> > > > regular assisted care building she would try to follow the people she

saw

> > > > in her hallucinations and had fallen twice, breaking a bone or two each

> > > > time. She also has severe osteoporosis. So she needed more watchful

> > > > supervision to keep her from wandering and hurting herself.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > But within the last three weeks, nada developed pneumonia and has

> > > been

> > > > in and out of the hospital for that. Nada is in her 80's and has had

> > > > emphysema for a long time, so she doesn't have much lung capacity to

> > > begin

> > > > with. Sister calls me pretty much every day; some days nada is more

lucid

> > > > and is happy to see visitors and have Sister there with her. Some days

> > > nada

> > > > is doing better with the pneumonia, and then the next day nada will be

> > > > worse. Back and forth, back and forth.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I'm glad that my nada is having some good days and is able to tell

my

> > > > Sister that she loves her. My Sister has been put through some pretty

bad

> > > > stuff, pretty horrific stuff by our nada, not only as a child but as an

> > > > adult, so the fact that Sister chose to handle supervising our nada's

> > > > end-of-life care is pretty, well, remarkable. I think my Sister is a

> > > living

> > > > Saint, personally.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I am feeling the effects of the stress. I've been able to have a

> > > > couple of short phone conversations with nada, in which we were able to

> > > say

> > > > " I love you " to each other. I'm glad we were able to do that. As I've

> > > > mentioned in earlier posts, my nada was not all bad all the time.

> > > Sometimes

> > > > she was " good mom. " It wasn't easy for me to choose to go No Contact 4

> > > > years ago, but I needed it. I couldn't take the stress; it felt like it

> > > was

> > > > killing me. I had to choose my own physical and mental health. Now, the

> > > > stress is back, but in a different way. I feel that I want to go see my

> > > > nada before she passes away, but, at the same time I don't want to. Its

> > > > hard to be so torn.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > If my Sister tells me that nada's doctors believe she is terminal,

> > > and

> > > > nada goes into hospice care, I will probably fly back for a visit even

> > > > though its the holiday season and I truly dislike travel at this time. I

> > > > always get really, really sick when I travel by plane, particularly in

> > > the

> > > > winter; I get some horrible bronchitis or other crap. Oh well. How very

> > > > selfish that sounds.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > But, going back to see her is something I feel I need to do in order

> > > > to be able to live with myself: show respect to my mother and see her

> > > > before she passes away; or at least make the effort, and be there for

her

> > > > funeral service.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Its just a part of life, part of being a human being, these major

> > > > passages of our existence: being there for our friends and family's

> > > births,

> > > > marriages, graduations, and deaths.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > So, this is just an update. If I should disappear from posting for a

> > > > while, you'll know why.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > -Annie

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Good luck, Annie! I will be praying for you and your family.

Sveta

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Over the last few months my nada has been ... winding down. About

6

> > > > > months ago (more or less) she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and has

been

> > > > > hallucinating on and off ever since.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Sister has had nada moved into an assisted living residence, a

nice

> > > > > one in her area. Nada ended up spending most of her waking hours in

the

> > > > > Alzheimer's unit so she could be carefully watched. When left in the

> > > > > regular assisted care building she would try to follow the people she

saw

> > > > > in her hallucinations and had fallen twice, breaking a bone or two

each

> > > > > time. She also has severe osteoporosis. So she needed more watchful

> > > > > supervision to keep her from wandering and hurting herself.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > But within the last three weeks, nada developed pneumonia and has

> > > > been

> > > > > in and out of the hospital for that. Nada is in her 80's and has had

> > > > > emphysema for a long time, so she doesn't have much lung capacity to

> > > > begin

> > > > > with. Sister calls me pretty much every day; some days nada is more

lucid

> > > > > and is happy to see visitors and have Sister there with her. Some days

> > > > nada

> > > > > is doing better with the pneumonia, and then the next day nada will be

> > > > > worse. Back and forth, back and forth.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > I'm glad that my nada is having some good days and is able to tell

my

> > > > > Sister that she loves her. My Sister has been put through some pretty

bad

> > > > > stuff, pretty horrific stuff by our nada, not only as a child but as

an

> > > > > adult, so the fact that Sister chose to handle supervising our nada's

> > > > > end-of-life care is pretty, well, remarkable. I think my Sister is a

> > > > living

> > > > > Saint, personally.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > I am feeling the effects of the stress. I've been able to have a

> > > > > couple of short phone conversations with nada, in which we were able

to

> > > > say

> > > > > " I love you " to each other. I'm glad we were able to do that. As I've

> > > > > mentioned in earlier posts, my nada was not all bad all the time.

> > > > Sometimes

> > > > > she was " good mom. " It wasn't easy for me to choose to go No Contact 4

> > > > > years ago, but I needed it. I couldn't take the stress; it felt like

it

> > > > was

> > > > > killing me. I had to choose my own physical and mental health. Now,

the

> > > > > stress is back, but in a different way. I feel that I want to go see

my

> > > > > nada before she passes away, but, at the same time I don't want to.

Its

> > > > > hard to be so torn.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > If my Sister tells me that nada's doctors believe she is terminal,

> > > > and

> > > > > nada goes into hospice care, I will probably fly back for a visit even

> > > > > though its the holiday season and I truly dislike travel at this time.

I

> > > > > always get really, really sick when I travel by plane, particularly in

> > > > the

> > > > > winter; I get some horrible bronchitis or other crap. Oh well. How

very

> > > > > selfish that sounds.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > But, going back to see her is something I feel I need to do in

order

> > > > > to be able to live with myself: show respect to my mother and see her

> > > > > before she passes away; or at least make the effort, and be there for

her

> > > > > funeral service.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Its just a part of life, part of being a human being, these major

> > > > > passages of our existence: being there for our friends and family's

> > > > births,

> > > > > marriages, graduations, and deaths.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > So, this is just an update. If I should disappear from posting for

a

> > > > > while, you'll know why.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > -Annie

> > > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

[Guest guest]

Good luck!

Sent from my mobile device.

> Thanks koko and all of you who have responded with such kind and supportive

messages. End-of-life for one's mother is a hard time, a hard thing to go

through under any circumstances, but particularly for us KOs who have a " Jekyll

and Hyde " for a mother; sometimes a caring, nurturing parent who treats you with

love, and other times a seemingly demonic entity who actively hates you and

wants to hurt you, badly. How can there not be very torn, conflicted feelings

under those circumstances?

> I'm heading out tomorrow to see my Sister and our nada, who has now been

relocated from the hospital and into hospice care.

> My best to all of you, and thanks for your support.

> -Annie

>

>

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Over the last few months my nada has been ... winding down. About

6

> > > > > months ago (more or less) she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and has

been

> > > > > hallucinating on and off ever since.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Sister has had nada moved into an assisted living residence, a

nice

> > > > > one in her area. Nada ended up spending most of her waking hours in

the

> > > > > Alzheimer's unit so she could be carefully watched. When left in the

> > > > > regular assisted care building she would try to follow the people she

saw

> > > > > in her hallucinations and had fallen twice, breaking a bone or two

each

> > > > > time. She also has severe osteoporosis. So she needed more watchful

> > > > > supervision to keep her from wandering and hurting herself.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > But within the last three weeks, nada developed pneumonia and has

> > > > been

> > > > > in and out of the hospital for that. Nada is in her 80's and has had

> > > > > emphysema for a long time, so she doesn't have much lung capacity to

> > > > begin

> > > > > with. Sister calls me pretty much every day; some days nada is more

lucid

> > > > > and is happy to see visitors and have Sister there with her. Some days

> > > > nada

> > > > > is doing better with the pneumonia, and then the next day nada will be

> > > > > worse. Back and forth, back and forth.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > I'm glad that my nada is having some good days and is able to tell

my

> > > > > Sister that she loves her. My Sister has been put through some pretty

bad

> > > > > stuff, pretty horrific stuff by our nada, not only as a child but as

an

> > > > > adult, so the fact that Sister chose to handle supervising our nada's

> > > > > end-of-life care is pretty, well, remarkable. I think my Sister is a

> > > > living

> > > > > Saint, personally.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > I am feeling the effects of the stress. I've been able to have a

> > > > > couple of short phone conversations with nada, in which we were able

to

> > > > say

> > > > > " I love you " to each other. I'm glad we were able to do that. As I've

> > > > > mentioned in earlier posts, my nada was not all bad all the time.

> > > > Sometimes

> > > > > she was " good mom. " It wasn't easy for me to choose to go No Contact 4

> > > > > years ago, but I needed it. I couldn't take the stress; it felt like

it

> > > > was

> > > > > killing me. I had to choose my own physical and mental health. Now,

the

> > > > > stress is back, but in a different way. I feel that I want to go see

my

> > > > > nada before she passes away, but, at the same time I don't want to.

Its

> > > > > hard to be so torn.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > If my Sister tells me that nada's doctors believe she is terminal,

> > > > and

> > > > > nada goes into hospice care, I will probably fly back for a visit even

> > > > > though its the holiday season and I truly dislike travel at this time.

I

> > > > > always get really, really sick when I travel by plane, particularly in

> > > > the

> > > > > winter; I get some horrible bronchitis or other crap. Oh well. How

very

> > > > > selfish that sounds.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > But, going back to see her is something I feel I need to do in

order

> > > > > to be able to live with myself: show respect to my mother and see her

> > > > > before she passes away; or at least make the effort, and be there for

her

> > > > > funeral service.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Its just a part of life, part of being a human being, these major

> > > > > passages of our existence: being there for our friends and family's

> > > > births,

> > > > > marriages, graduations, and deaths.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > So, this is just an update. If I should disappear from posting for

a

> > > > > while, you'll know why.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > -Annie

> > > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

[Guest guest]

Annie,

I will hold you and your sister in the light during this difficult time.

Peace to you,

Darcy

>

> Over the last few months my nada has been ... winding down. About 6 months

ago (more or less) she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and has been

hallucinating on and off ever since.

>

> Sister has had nada moved into an assisted living residence, a nice one in her

area. Nada ended up spending most of her waking hours in the Alzheimer's unit

so she could be carefully watched. When left in the regular assisted care

building she would try to follow the people she saw in her hallucinations and

had fallen twice, breaking a bone or two each time. She also has severe

osteoporosis. So she needed more watchful supervision to keep her from

wandering and hurting herself.

>

> But within the last three weeks, nada developed pneumonia and has been in and

out of the hospital for that. Nada is in her 80's and has had emphysema for a

long time, so she doesn't have much lung capacity to begin with. Sister calls me

pretty much every day; some days nada is more lucid and is happy to see visitors

and have Sister there with her. Some days nada is doing better with the

pneumonia, and then the next day nada will be worse. Back and forth, back and

forth.

>

> I'm glad that my nada is having some good days and is able to tell my Sister

that she loves her. My Sister has been put through some pretty bad stuff,

pretty horrific stuff by our nada, not only as a child but as an adult, so the

fact that Sister chose to handle supervising our nada's end-of-life care is

pretty, well, remarkable. I think my Sister is a living Saint, personally.

>

> I am feeling the effects of the stress. I've been able to have a couple of

short phone conversations with nada, in which we were able to say " I love you "

to each other. I'm glad we were able to do that. As I've mentioned in earlier

posts, my nada was not all bad all the time. Sometimes she was " good mom. " It

wasn't easy for me to choose to go No Contact 4 years ago, but I needed it. I

couldn't take the stress; it felt like it was killing me. I had to choose my

own physical and mental health. Now, the stress is back, but in a different

way. I feel that I want to go see my nada before she passes away, but, at the

same time I don't want to. Its hard to be so torn.

>

> If my Sister tells me that nada's doctors believe she is terminal, and nada

goes into hospice care, I will probably fly back for a visit even though its the

holiday season and I truly dislike travel at this time. I always get really,

really sick when I travel by plane, particularly in the winter; I get some

horrible bronchitis or other crap. Oh well. How very selfish that sounds.

>

> But, going back to see her is something I feel I need to do in order to be

able to live with myself: show respect to my mother and see her before she

passes away; or at least make the effort, and be there for her funeral service.

>

> Its just a part of life, part of being a human being, these major passages of

our existence: being there for our friends and family's births, marriages,

graduations, and deaths.

>

> So, this is just an update. If I should disappear from posting for a while,

you'll know why.

>

> -Annie

>

[Guest guest]

My prayers are with you Annie and your sister during this difficult time. May

peace be with you both.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Over the last few months my nada has been ... winding down. About

6

> > > > > months ago (more or less) she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and has

been

> > > > > hallucinating on and off ever since.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Sister has had nada moved into an assisted living residence, a

nice

> > > > > one in her area. Nada ended up spending most of her waking hours in

the

> > > > > Alzheimer's unit so she could be carefully watched. When left in the

> > > > > regular assisted care building she would try to follow the people she

saw

> > > > > in her hallucinations and had fallen twice, breaking a bone or two

each

> > > > > time. She also has severe osteoporosis. So she needed more watchful

> > > > > supervision to keep her from wandering and hurting herself.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > But within the last three weeks, nada developed pneumonia and has

> > > > been

> > > > > in and out of the hospital for that. Nada is in her 80's and has had

> > > > > emphysema for a long time, so she doesn't have much lung capacity to

> > > > begin

> > > > > with. Sister calls me pretty much every day; some days nada is more

lucid

> > > > > and is happy to see visitors and have Sister there with her. Some days

> > > > nada

> > > > > is doing better with the pneumonia, and then the next day nada will be

> > > > > worse. Back and forth, back and forth.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > I'm glad that my nada is having some good days and is able to tell

my

> > > > > Sister that she loves her. My Sister has been put through some pretty

bad

> > > > > stuff, pretty horrific stuff by our nada, not only as a child but as

an

> > > > > adult, so the fact that Sister chose to handle supervising our nada's

> > > > > end-of-life care is pretty, well, remarkable. I think my Sister is a

> > > > living

> > > > > Saint, personally.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > I am feeling the effects of the stress. I've been able to have a

> > > > > couple of short phone conversations with nada, in which we were able

to

> > > > say

> > > > > " I love you " to each other. I'm glad we were able to do that. As I've

> > > > > mentioned in earlier posts, my nada was not all bad all the time.

> > > > Sometimes

> > > > > she was " good mom. " It wasn't easy for me to choose to go No Contact 4

> > > > > years ago, but I needed it. I couldn't take the stress; it felt like

it

> > > > was

> > > > > killing me. I had to choose my own physical and mental health. Now,

the

> > > > > stress is back, but in a different way. I feel that I want to go see

my

> > > > > nada before she passes away, but, at the same time I don't want to.

Its

> > > > > hard to be so torn.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > If my Sister tells me that nada's doctors believe she is terminal,

> > > > and

> > > > > nada goes into hospice care, I will probably fly back for a visit even

> > > > > though its the holiday season and I truly dislike travel at this time.

I

> > > > > always get really, really sick when I travel by plane, particularly in

> > > > the

> > > > > winter; I get some horrible bronchitis or other crap. Oh well. How

very

> > > > > selfish that sounds.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > But, going back to see her is something I feel I need to do in

order

> > > > > to be able to live with myself: show respect to my mother and see her

> > > > > before she passes away; or at least make the effort, and be there for

her

> > > > > funeral service.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Its just a part of life, part of being a human being, these major

> > > > > passages of our existence: being there for our friends and family's

> > > > births,

> > > > > marriages, graduations, and deaths.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > So, this is just an update. If I should disappear from posting for

a

> > > > > while, you'll know why.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > -Annie

> > > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >