Guest guest Posted November 30, 2011 Report Share Posted November 30, 2011 Hello all and boy do I appreciate this group! I was wondering if you all have any experience dealing with a sibling with drug/alcohol dependencies. Sometimes I feel that our Nada has greatly pushed my sibling to use, but at the same time, feel that my sibling uses the relationship with Nada as a crutch/excuse for using. I'm pretty much NC with Nada and LC with sibling. I, of course, want to help my sibling, but am not sure of how to do so when that relationship is becoming toxic, too. My sibling also has a child affected by all of this because custody is shared by him/her and Nada (the dad is not in the picture). Do any of you find that NonBP offspring have drug/alcohol abuse problems? How do you deal with them? Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 1, 2011 Report Share Posted December 1, 2011 Welcome to the Group. Probably some of the members here have similar situations in their family of origin and can give you some feedback based on their own experiences. I haven't had to deal with that particular issue, myself, but I wanted to offer the idea that even though you really can't affect an adult's choices and decisions: your mother and sibling are adults and therefor responsible for their own behaviors, you could have a very positive long-term impact on your little niece or nephew. Just being able to spend some time now and then with the child and give him or her some attention and validation and self-esteem, be someone he or she can talk freely to, and encourage the child to pursue his or her interests and talents. Having one rational, sane, compassionate, empathetic and encouraging adult can make a big difference in a child's life, and help the child hold up under the toxic miasma of living with personality-disordered parents. Just my two cents' worth. -Annie > > Hello all and boy do I appreciate this group! I was wondering if you all have any experience dealing with a sibling with drug/alcohol dependencies. Sometimes I feel that our Nada has greatly pushed my sibling to use, but at the same time, feel that my sibling uses the relationship with Nada as a crutch/excuse for using. I'm pretty much NC with Nada and LC with sibling. I, of course, want to help my sibling, but am not sure of how to do so when that relationship is becoming toxic, too. My sibling also has a child affected by all of this because custody is shared by him/her and Nada (the dad is not in the picture). Do any of you find that NonBP offspring have drug/alcohol abuse problems? How do you deal with them? Any advice would be greatly appreciated! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 1, 2011 Report Share Posted December 1, 2011 Encourage them to get help through either rehab or AA. Tell them you will support them in whatever way you can in order for them to get help. Let them know you love them and want to see them well. What I wouldn't do is give them money to help them with their bills or whatever but if you are able, be willing to offer financial support for them getting help- nothing else. Let your niece or nephew know that you are there for them in whatever way you can. Like Annie said, one caring adult can change the life of a child. Don't trust them to be telling you the truth about their situation. Alcoholics lie. Even the most wonderful, fantastic alcohol and drug users lie to allow themselves access to their drug of choice. I offer this information based on personal experience and reading I have done on the subject in order to try and help my brother. Unfortunately, in my case, things didn't turn out well and my brother died at age 44 from cirrhosis of the liver. I feel like my brother drank in order to remove himself from the pain of being a member of my family with a Narcissistic father and BPD mother and all the drama surrounding that. I my opinion, I think the most important thing is to let your sibling know they are loved. Be there for them. Understand that they are probably using because life feels hard. Love is what I hold onto when I think of my brother. He was the only member of my FOO that loved me unconditionally and he knew I loved him in return. He knew I was there for him and while that knowledge didn't save him, I feel it saved me. Darcy > > Hello all and boy do I appreciate this group! I was wondering if you all have any experience dealing with a sibling with drug/alcohol dependencies. Sometimes I feel that our Nada has greatly pushed my sibling to use, but at the same time, feel that my sibling uses the relationship with Nada as a crutch/excuse for using. I'm pretty much NC with Nada and LC with sibling. I, of course, want to help my sibling, but am not sure of how to do so when that relationship is becoming toxic, too. My sibling also has a child affected by all of this because custody is shared by him/her and Nada (the dad is not in the picture). Do any of you find that NonBP offspring have drug/alcohol abuse problems? How do you deal with them? Any advice would be greatly appreciated! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 2, 2011 Report Share Posted December 2, 2011 Annie, I appreciate your advice...I definitely try to be there for the child and at the same time, try to find a balance where I don't get " sucked " back into the drama between the two adults. All the best, Verona > > > > Hello all and boy do I appreciate this group! I was wondering if you all have any experience dealing with a sibling with drug/alcohol dependencies. Sometimes I feel that our Nada has greatly pushed my sibling to use, but at the same time, feel that my sibling uses the relationship with Nada as a crutch/excuse for using. I'm pretty much NC with Nada and LC with sibling. I, of course, want to help my sibling, but am not sure of how to do so when that relationship is becoming toxic, too. My sibling also has a child affected by all of this because custody is shared by him/her and Nada (the dad is not in the picture). Do any of you find that NonBP offspring have drug/alcohol abuse problems? How do you deal with them? Any advice would be greatly appreciated! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 2, 2011 Report Share Posted December 2, 2011 Darcy, thanks so much for the advice and I am so sorry about your brother. I know that must have been extraordinarily painful and it scares me that my sibling may meet the same fate. This group helps so much in addressing issues and once again, I am grateful that you were able to share your experience with me and will follow both yours and Annie's advice. Verona > > > > Hello all and boy do I appreciate this group! I was wondering if you all have any experience dealing with a sibling with drug/alcohol dependencies. Sometimes I feel that our Nada has greatly pushed my sibling to use, but at the same time, feel that my sibling uses the relationship with Nada as a crutch/excuse for using. I'm pretty much NC with Nada and LC with sibling. I, of course, want to help my sibling, but am not sure of how to do so when that relationship is becoming toxic, too. My sibling also has a child affected by all of this because custody is shared by him/her and Nada (the dad is not in the picture). Do any of you find that NonBP offspring have drug/alcohol abuse problems? How do you deal with them? Any advice would be greatly appreciated! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 2, 2011 Report Share Posted December 2, 2011 Best of luck to you and your sibling! Darcy > > > > > > Hello all and boy do I appreciate this group! I was wondering if you all have any experience dealing with a sibling with drug/alcohol dependencies. Sometimes I feel that our Nada has greatly pushed my sibling to use, but at the same time, feel that my sibling uses the relationship with Nada as a crutch/excuse for using. I'm pretty much NC with Nada and LC with sibling. I, of course, want to help my sibling, but am not sure of how to do so when that relationship is becoming toxic, too. My sibling also has a child affected by all of this because custody is shared by him/her and Nada (the dad is not in the picture). Do any of you find that NonBP offspring have drug/alcohol abuse problems? How do you deal with them? Any advice would be greatly appreciated! > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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