Guest guest Posted December 2, 2011 Report Share Posted December 2, 2011 Somewhere about midway through the book " Understanding the Borderline Mother " , everything clicked. It felt almost like a huge weight coming off my shoulders. Suddenly all the chaos of my childhood and life with my nada made sense. Like several disjointed puzzle pieces coming together. Later as I re-read several of my journal entries from some of our more turbulent times, I realized that I had almost put the puzzle together and made sense of it all long before this, but missed somehow. But no longer. Now I see it as it is. It all fits. The waif/hermit stories fit my mother to a T. This realization of mine cries out to show my nada what is broken within her so that she can get the help she needs. But I know for years and years I have been trying to help her, trying to get at the heart of her brokenness but she has been unwilling to go deep and try to repair, preferring instead to keep her secrets in a box on a shelf. My nada has never understood my desire to dig deep and try and figure out problems, telling me that I should just live with things as they are. But I have wanted an authenticity, a truth to my living. Quality, meaningful relationships based on unconditional love. My work has finally paid off as I understand fully my nada's problem. While I would love for my nada to do the work she needs to, I know I can't make her do it. And I also understand that she needs to be responsible for helping herself, not me. She had a choice long ago when she knew something was amiss in her life to do the work, and she chose not to, spewing damage to all of her children by making that choice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 4, 2011 Report Share Posted December 4, 2011 Darcy, I'm so happy for you. It really is a beautiful thing when all the pieces come together. I wish you continued healing insights and growth. Fiona > > Somewhere about midway through the book " Understanding the Borderline Mother " , everything clicked. It felt almost like a huge weight coming off my shoulders. Suddenly all the chaos of my childhood and life with my nada made sense. Like several disjointed puzzle pieces coming together. Later as I re-read several of my journal entries from some of our more turbulent times, I realized that I had almost put the puzzle together and made sense of it all long before this, but missed somehow. > > But no longer. Now I see it as it is. It all fits. The waif/hermit stories fit my mother to a T. This realization of mine cries out to show my nada what is broken within her so that she can get the help she needs. But I know for years and years I have been trying to help her, trying to get at the heart of her brokenness but she has been unwilling to go deep and try to repair, preferring instead to keep her secrets in a box on a shelf. > > My nada has never understood my desire to dig deep and try and figure out problems, telling me that I should just live with things as they are. But I have wanted an authenticity, a truth to my living. Quality, meaningful relationships based on unconditional love. My work has finally paid off as I understand fully my nada's problem. While I would love for my nada to do the work she needs to, I know I can't make her do it. And I also understand that she needs to be responsible for helping herself, not me. She had a choice long ago when she knew something was amiss in her life to do the work, and she chose not to, spewing damage to all of her children by making that choice. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2011 Report Share Posted December 5, 2011 Thank you for sharing your success in reading this book. I will read it because I am suffering greatly right now. I feel like I am in prison & I am 44 years old, have been married 26 years, have a great husband & 2 kids, yet I have no joy. I have allowed my BPD mom to basically ruin & control my life & I cannot break this cycle. Just when I think there is some light at the end of the tunnel, BAM! It happens again. Right now she is in the process of getting back my grandmother's wedding rings that were given to me as an inheritance, a special momento from a lady I love & admire dearly. I will give her the rings....there is no joy in wearing them. Yet I am deeply hurt. > > Somewhere about midway through the book " Understanding the Borderline Mother " , everything clicked. It felt almost like a huge weight coming off my shoulders. Suddenly all the chaos of my childhood and life with my nada made sense. Like several disjointed puzzle pieces coming together. Later as I re-read several of my journal entries from some of our more turbulent times, I realized that I had almost put the puzzle together and made sense of it all long before this, but missed somehow. > > But no longer. Now I see it as it is. It all fits. The waif/hermit stories fit my mother to a T. This realization of mine cries out to show my nada what is broken within her so that she can get the help she needs. But I know for years and years I have been trying to help her, trying to get at the heart of her brokenness but she has been unwilling to go deep and try to repair, preferring instead to keep her secrets in a box on a shelf. > > My nada has never understood my desire to dig deep and try and figure out problems, telling me that I should just live with things as they are. But I have wanted an authenticity, a truth to my living. Quality, meaningful relationships based on unconditional love. My work has finally paid off as I understand fully my nada's problem. While I would love for my nada to do the work she needs to, I know I can't make her do it. And I also understand that she needs to be responsible for helping herself, not me. She had a choice long ago when she knew something was amiss in her life to do the work, and she chose not to, spewing damage to all of her children by making that choice. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 6, 2011 Report Share Posted December 6, 2011 I am in the same boat! I have let my nada run my life for all of my 26 years of marriage until just recently when I decided to go no contact for a year. I basically figured I would need that long to find my voice and get strong so that I could stand up to her down the road. Like you, for so long I have tried to stand up to my nada without much success. She has always been able to turn things around and drag me into her chaos, primarily through guilt or her needing to be saved. I walked away just before Thanksgiving and it was tough at first, feeling like I had deeply hurt my nada and feeling awful for it. But I did tell her I loved her and that I thought we needed this time for both of us to heal which helped. Since then, I have slowly felt better and better each day, as joy enters my life and chaos departs. Darcy > > > > Somewhere about midway through the book " Understanding the Borderline Mother " , everything clicked. It felt almost like a huge weight coming off my shoulders. Suddenly all the chaos of my childhood and life with my nada made sense. Like several disjointed puzzle pieces coming together. Later as I re-read several of my journal entries from some of our more turbulent times, I realized that I had almost put the puzzle together and made sense of it all long before this, but missed somehow. > > > > But no longer. Now I see it as it is. It all fits. The waif/hermit stories fit my mother to a T. This realization of mine cries out to show my nada what is broken within her so that she can get the help she needs. But I know for years and years I have been trying to help her, trying to get at the heart of her brokenness but she has been unwilling to go deep and try to repair, preferring instead to keep her secrets in a box on a shelf. > > > > My nada has never understood my desire to dig deep and try and figure out problems, telling me that I should just live with things as they are. But I have wanted an authenticity, a truth to my living. Quality, meaningful relationships based on unconditional love. My work has finally paid off as I understand fully my nada's problem. While I would love for my nada to do the work she needs to, I know I can't make her do it. And I also understand that she needs to be responsible for helping herself, not me. She had a choice long ago when she knew something was amiss in her life to do the work, and she chose not to, spewing damage to all of her children by making that choice. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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