my parents just moved to the opposite corner of the country

[Guest guest]

My nada and father's house is foreclosing... my nada has always hated the

weather here (WA) and my dad has not had any luck finding a job. He's 65 now, so

they decided to just take his SS and move to a smaller house in Florida, paid

for with money my mom got recently from her parent's deaths. (the bank can't

take inheritance).

I'm very conflicted about how I feel about this. They just moved 2 weeks ago and

I've been wanting to write about it but I couldn't even figure out how I felt

about it. I'm glad I don't have to deal with seeing my nada anymore (she used to

live 20 mins away from me). At the same time, I feel kind of abandoned by her.

It's nice that my partner and I have our house to ourselves now (my dad used to

live with me about 50% of the time to get away from my nada.) But I'm very

worried about my dad (where is he going to stay when he needs to get away from

her now??) I miss my dad and chatting with him when he was at my house.

I'm not sure how I should feel. I understand why I'm sad about my dad leaving, I

love him very much, and worry about him being so far away with my nada.

Sometimes she gets violent, and she threatens to do crazy shit (like kill him,

or kill herself and make it look like he did it, or " bash his teeth in in his

sleep " ). But I don't really LIKE my nada, why would I care if she left? I've

been WISHING she would in fact. Hell, I've considered moving across the country

to get away from her! I just have too many other roots set down here, it didn't

make sense to make such a drastic change cuz of her. I'm not even sure if I'm

sad she left, or what.... I just feel kind of abandoned... but I'm 28 and have

been taking care of myself technically for 11 years and in reality most of my

life.

On top of this my brother is moving to CA in September. I'm not really that

close to him... but now I will have no family anywhere near me. I've never had

that before, my parents and brother have always been near me, and I guess it

felt " secure " even if I wasn't really that close to them. I did go to my nada's

house for dinner most every Sunday, and my brother often came too, so I saw them

a lot. Now I don't know when I'll see them again... I have no money, my parents

are broke, my brother will probably never even invite me to visit. And could I

even survive visiting my nada? I can handle her a few hours at a time... but

days???

Casey

[Guest guest]

That's a big and rather unexpected change, and sometimes even good changes are

stressful. So, go easy on yourself, let yourself feel the feelings of grief. I

can see how you are going to miss seeing your dad and brother every week, that's

very understandable.

Maybe if you do some fun things for yourself that you haven't done in a while,

or have been putting off, it will help you fill that time and make you feel

better. Invite a friend to go along with you, maybe explore around places in

your area you haven't seen yet.

Or whatever strikes your fancy.

-Annie

>

> My nada and father's house is foreclosing... my nada has always hated the

weather here (WA) and my dad has not had any luck finding a job. He's 65 now, so

they decided to just take his SS and move to a smaller house in Florida, paid

for with money my mom got recently from her parent's deaths. (the bank can't

take inheritance).

>

> I'm very conflicted about how I feel about this. They just moved 2 weeks ago

and I've been wanting to write about it but I couldn't even figure out how I

felt about it. I'm glad I don't have to deal with seeing my nada anymore (she

used to live 20 mins away from me). At the same time, I feel kind of abandoned

by her. It's nice that my partner and I have our house to ourselves now (my dad

used to live with me about 50% of the time to get away from my nada.) But I'm

very worried about my dad (where is he going to stay when he needs to get away

from her now??) I miss my dad and chatting with him when he was at my house.

>

> I'm not sure how I should feel. I understand why I'm sad about my dad leaving,

I love him very much, and worry about him being so far away with my nada.

Sometimes she gets violent, and she threatens to do crazy shit (like kill him,

or kill herself and make it look like he did it, or " bash his teeth in in his

sleep " ). But I don't really LIKE my nada, why would I care if she left? I've

been WISHING she would in fact. Hell, I've considered moving across the country

to get away from her! I just have too many other roots set down here, it didn't

make sense to make such a drastic change cuz of her. I'm not even sure if I'm

sad she left, or what.... I just feel kind of abandoned... but I'm 28 and have

been taking care of myself technically for 11 years and in reality most of my

life.

>

> On top of this my brother is moving to CA in September. I'm not really that

close to him... but now I will have no family anywhere near me. I've never had

that before, my parents and brother have always been near me, and I guess it

felt " secure " even if I wasn't really that close to them. I did go to my nada's

house for dinner most every Sunday, and my brother often came too, so I saw them

a lot. Now I don't know when I'll see them again... I have no money, my parents

are broke, my brother will probably never even invite me to visit. And could I

even survive visiting my nada? I can handle her a few hours at a time... but

days???

>

> Casey

>

[Guest guest]

Well, it makes sense to me. Healthy or not, those people are what you're used to

and of course you will miss them on some level, even your mom. And as much as

you know in your head that she's not really a good mom to you, your heart misses

that feeling of " momness " being near. All your feelings are okay, even the ones

that don't " match " either each other or the reality of who your mom is. So sorry

you are feeling so alone. Not having family near, even if they are all

nuckinfuts, is hard. Happy thoughs your way.

> >

> > My nada and father's house is foreclosing... my nada has always hated the

weather here (WA) and my dad has not had any luck finding a job. He's 65 now, so

they decided to just take his SS and move to a smaller house in Florida, paid

for with money my mom got recently from her parent's deaths. (the bank can't

take inheritance).

> >

> > I'm very conflicted about how I feel about this. They just moved 2 weeks ago

and I've been wanting to write about it but I couldn't even figure out how I

felt about it. I'm glad I don't have to deal with seeing my nada anymore (she

used to live 20 mins away from me). At the same time, I feel kind of abandoned

by her. It's nice that my partner and I have our house to ourselves now (my dad

used to live with me about 50% of the time to get away from my nada.) But I'm

very worried about my dad (where is he going to stay when he needs to get away

from her now??) I miss my dad and chatting with him when he was at my house.

> >

> > I'm not sure how I should feel. I understand why I'm sad about my dad

leaving, I love him very much, and worry about him being so far away with my

nada. Sometimes she gets violent, and she threatens to do crazy shit (like kill

him, or kill herself and make it look like he did it, or " bash his teeth in in

his sleep " ). But I don't really LIKE my nada, why would I care if she left? I've

been WISHING she would in fact. Hell, I've considered moving across the country

to get away from her! I just have too many other roots set down here, it didn't

make sense to make such a drastic change cuz of her. I'm not even sure if I'm

sad she left, or what.... I just feel kind of abandoned... but I'm 28 and have

been taking care of myself technically for 11 years and in reality most of my

life.

> >

> > On top of this my brother is moving to CA in September. I'm not really that

close to him... but now I will have no family anywhere near me. I've never had

that before, my parents and brother have always been near me, and I guess it

felt " secure " even if I wasn't really that close to them. I did go to my nada's

house for dinner most every Sunday, and my brother often came too, so I saw them

a lot. Now I don't know when I'll see them again... I have no money, my parents

are broke, my brother will probably never even invite me to visit. And could I

even survive visiting my nada? I can handle her a few hours at a time... but

days???

> >

> > Casey

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Casey,

All change is upsetting--especially to us KOs who endured so much instability as

children. Of course you will miss them, esp your dad, who you shared a more

normal give and take relationship with.

On the other hand, what a godsend! But this is like going LC without the choice

being your own.

Perhaps you can visit them on occasion, for a short stay or stay someplace close

inexpensively.

Re: your brother. I did not become close to my only sibling until we both went

NC with nada. We both got lonely for family and seeked each other out, setting

the ground (finally) for a caring friendship. We would not have been able to do

that with nada between us. I hope you and your brother can find the same.

> > >

> > > My nada and father's house is foreclosing... my nada has always hated the

weather here (WA) and my dad has not had any luck finding a job. He's 65 now, so

they decided to just take his SS and move to a smaller house in Florida, paid

for with money my mom got recently from her parent's deaths. (the bank can't

take inheritance).

> > >

> > > I'm very conflicted about how I feel about this. They just moved 2 weeks

ago and I've been wanting to write about it but I couldn't even figure out how I

felt about it. I'm glad I don't have to deal with seeing my nada anymore (she

used to live 20 mins away from me). At the same time, I feel kind of abandoned

by her. It's nice that my partner and I have our house to ourselves now (my dad

used to live with me about 50% of the time to get away from my nada.) But I'm

very worried about my dad (where is he going to stay when he needs to get away

from her now??) I miss my dad and chatting with him when he was at my house.

> > >

> > > I'm not sure how I should feel. I understand why I'm sad about my dad

leaving, I love him very much, and worry about him being so far away with my

nada. Sometimes she gets violent, and she threatens to do crazy shit (like kill

him, or kill herself and make it look like he did it, or " bash his teeth in in

his sleep " ). But I don't really LIKE my nada, why would I care if she left? I've

been WISHING she would in fact. Hell, I've considered moving across the country

to get away from her! I just have too many other roots set down here, it didn't

make sense to make such a drastic change cuz of her. I'm not even sure if I'm

sad she left, or what.... I just feel kind of abandoned... but I'm 28 and have

been taking care of myself technically for 11 years and in reality most of my

life.

> > >

> > > On top of this my brother is moving to CA in September. I'm not really

that close to him... but now I will have no family anywhere near me. I've never

had that before, my parents and brother have always been near me, and I guess it

felt " secure " even if I wasn't really that close to them. I did go to my nada's

house for dinner most every Sunday, and my brother often came too, so I saw them

a lot. Now I don't know when I'll see them again... I have no money, my parents

are broke, my brother will probably never even invite me to visit. And could I

even survive visiting my nada? I can handle her a few hours at a time... but

days???

> > >

> > > Casey

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you for the kind words everyone. Change is hard on me, I've noticed. I

like to get in a routine that makes me feel comfortable and stick with it. My

brother says I act like an old lady and am unadventurous and boring. lol

I AM looking forward the fact that I will be LC with my nada. I've tried to do

LC and NC with her before and it's very difficult when she was so close by. Her

being so far away is a great excuse! I MUCH prefer talking on the phone with her

than being with her.

But I am used to having my family around. My dad has always been there for me.

He wasn't exactly the best parent because he didn't divorce my nada and take me

away from her, which I think would have been best. But he did take me and my

brother away from her temporarily to a hotel when she was at her worst. And he

always LOVED me, which I could tell, and I never felt that same love from my

nada. He HUGGED me, which my nada didn't. He was always rational and calm and

taught me to love logic as much as I do, compared to my nada's complete

irrationality. I really think the only reason I'm as sane as I am is because of

him.

It was already very hard these last few years knowing I couldn't depend on him

if a financial crises happened to me, because he had no money anymore. (usually

when I've lost my job or had an emergency he always had money to help me out.)

And I tried to be there for him when he needed to get away from the craziness

that is my nada. (although I couldn't convince him to leave her).

In a way I think I will miss my nada too. I'll at least miss her cooking, lol.

Maybe one day me and my brother will be close. We were close as kids I think. My

nada really messed it up for us in my opinion. She told him a bunch of lies

about me and that I didn't like him when I moved out of the house. He was so

young, and I know I believed her lies when I was little, who could blame him?

And he is not drama-free enough for me to enjoy hanging out with him. He likes

to push buttons to get a reaction, like my nada, and I hate that. Maybe he will

grow up and get a little more mature and I will be able to get closer to him. I

can't imagine he will ever go NC with my nada. He doesn't agree at all with me

even setting boundaries with her. he was the all good child when we were young

and even though she has not strictly kept those roles for us as adults, I think

he still feels more obligated to appease to her crap than I do. It could also be

that he has never gone to therapy like I have.

Anyway, thanks for validating my feelings everyone. I hate it when I feel

conflicted with myself - I want my feelings to make sense!

Casey

> > > >

> > > > My nada and father's house is foreclosing... my nada has always hated

the weather here (WA) and my dad has not had any luck finding a job. He's 65

now, so they decided to just take his SS and move to a smaller house in Florida,

paid for with money my mom got recently from her parent's deaths. (the bank

can't take inheritance).

> > > >

> > > > I'm very conflicted about how I feel about this. They just moved 2 weeks

ago and I've been wanting to write about it but I couldn't even figure out how I

felt about it. I'm glad I don't have to deal with seeing my nada anymore (she

used to live 20 mins away from me). At the same time, I feel kind of abandoned

by her. It's nice that my partner and I have our house to ourselves now (my dad

used to live with me about 50% of the time to get away from my nada.) But I'm

very worried about my dad (where is he going to stay when he needs to get away

from her now??) I miss my dad and chatting with him when he was at my house.

> > > >

> > > > I'm not sure how I should feel. I understand why I'm sad about my dad

leaving, I love him very much, and worry about him being so far away with my

nada. Sometimes she gets violent, and she threatens to do crazy shit (like kill

him, or kill herself and make it look like he did it, or " bash his teeth in in

his sleep " ). But I don't really LIKE my nada, why would I care if she left? I've

been WISHING she would in fact. Hell, I've considered moving across the country

to get away from her! I just have too many other roots set down here, it didn't

make sense to make such a drastic change cuz of her. I'm not even sure if I'm

sad she left, or what.... I just feel kind of abandoned... but I'm 28 and have

been taking care of myself technically for 11 years and in reality most of my

life.

> > > >

> > > > On top of this my brother is moving to CA in September. I'm not really

that close to him... but now I will have no family anywhere near me. I've never

had that before, my parents and brother have always been near me, and I guess it

felt " secure " even if I wasn't really that close to them. I did go to my nada's

house for dinner most every Sunday, and my brother often came too, so I saw them

a lot. Now I don't know when I'll see them again... I have no money, my parents

are broke, my brother will probably never even invite me to visit. And could I

even survive visiting my nada? I can handle her a few hours at a time... but

days???

> > > >

> > > > Casey

> > > >

> > >

> >

>