Re: need support, vadidating and advice perhaps

[Guest guest]

Mom , of course, taught you that everyone elses measuring sticks were

the ones that count. But you get to decide whose opinions matter. Not

her.

Take a deep breath. Look at your priorities, What is important to you.

And act accordingly.

Be gentle with yourself Kiddo.

Doug

>

> I know I'm seem to be writing daily, but I need to do that. I

> hope you all don't mind me doing so, as this is my only out let,

> unless others know of other support groups I can join.

> Here goes:

> I am feeling presured, just like I did when growing up. I am

> blind and have hearing problems, and as a result have difficulty

> in social situations with the noise etc. Mum used to tell me I

> had to be 10 times better than every one else, that I had to

> prove myself and FIT IN REGARDLESS!!!!!

> But there's only one problem with that. I couldn't and I can't.

> I can't be something I'm not. I spent YEARS trying to fit the

> norm! Fucking years!!!!!!!!!

> It was 2 years ago when I realized it wasn't just me. Mum gave

> hubby my old reports from school. ALL of them said I had

> difficulty in social situations, difficulties with dictation and

> that my hearing issues made things harder. So I decided I would

> just be ME! I would attend some functions because of the kids...

> not for me, but for the kids to have fun. That was and is fine.

> Which brings me to today.

> There is a christmas lunch at the school. Dh is working and said

> it was up to me but I could go. I don't want too. Sunday, we

> have a christmas party at church, we have a few things on next

> week including a art show at the school. My sister will be down

> the whole week. I don't want her to go to this thing with me and

> help me with the kids, one of which usually naps at the time the

> christmas lunch is on.

> I don't want the stress. Although dh says it's my choice I just

> feel REALLY REALLY PRESURRED! Like I HAVE to go. Like I HAVE to

> measure up, do the right thing and suck it up!

> I find it EXTREMELY hard to set limits for myself. I fear what

> others might think or do, even though I know they won't care that

> much.

> Just when I think I'd dealt with that side of things, something

> happens like my sister coming, and bang! I'm back where I

> started!

> Any support, advice, anything would be great! I feel so alone

> right now.

> Steph

>

[Guest guest]

Do what you want. Your mother was telling you how to be a narcissist. Be

Better than everyone else! Fit in! Those are contradictory commands by the

way.

> **

>

>

>

> Mom , of course, taught you that everyone elses measuring sticks were

> the ones that count. But you get to decide whose opinions matter. Not

> her.

>

> Take a deep breath. Look at your priorities, What is important to you.

> And act accordingly.

>

> Be gentle with yourself Kiddo.

>

> Doug

>

>

> >

> > I know I'm seem to be writing daily, but I need to do that. I

> > hope you all don't mind me doing so, as this is my only out let,

> > unless others know of other support groups I can join.

> > Here goes:

> > I am feeling presured, just like I did when growing up. I am

> > blind and have hearing problems, and as a result have difficulty

> > in social situations with the noise etc. Mum used to tell me I

> > had to be 10 times better than every one else, that I had to

> > prove myself and FIT IN REGARDLESS!!!!!

> > But there's only one problem with that. I couldn't and I can't.

> > I can't be something I'm not. I spent YEARS trying to fit the

> > norm! Fucking years!!!!!!!!!

> > It was 2 years ago when I realized it wasn't just me. Mum gave

> > hubby my old reports from school. ALL of them said I had

> > difficulty in social situations, difficulties with dictation and

> > that my hearing issues made things harder. So I decided I would

> > just be ME! I would attend some functions because of the kids...

> > not for me, but for the kids to have fun. That was and is fine.

> > Which brings me to today.

> > There is a christmas lunch at the school. Dh is working and said

> > it was up to me but I could go. I don't want too. Sunday, we

> > have a christmas party at church, we have a few things on next

> > week including a art show at the school. My sister will be down

> > the whole week. I don't want her to go to this thing with me and

> > help me with the kids, one of which usually naps at the time the

> > christmas lunch is on.

> > I don't want the stress. Although dh says it's my choice I just

> > feel REALLY REALLY PRESURRED! Like I HAVE to go. Like I HAVE to

> > measure up, do the right thing and suck it up!

> > I find it EXTREMELY hard to set limits for myself. I fear what

> > others might think or do, even though I know they won't care that

> > much.

> > Just when I think I'd dealt with that side of things, something

> > happens like my sister coming, and bang! I'm back where I

> > started!

> > Any support, advice, anything would be great! I feel so alone

> > right now.

> > Steph

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

How so?

Steph

Re: Re: need support, vadidating and

advice perhaps

Do what you want. Your mother was telling you how to be a

narcissist. Be

Better than everyone else! Fit in! Those are contradictory

commands by the

way.

**

Mom , of course, taught you that everyone elses measuring sticks

were

the ones that count. But you get to decide whose opinions

matter. Not

her.

Take a deep breath. Look at your priorities, What is important

to you.

And act accordingly.

Be gentle with yourself Kiddo.

Doug

I know I'm seem to be writing daily, but I need to do that. I

hope you all don't mind me doing so, as this is my only out let,

unless others know of other support groups I can join.

Here goes:

I am feeling presured, just like I did when growing up. I am

blind and have hearing problems, and as a result have difficulty

in social situations with the noise etc. Mum used to tell me I

had to be 10 times better than every one else, that I had to

prove myself and FIT IN REGARDLESS!!!!!

But there's only one problem with that. I couldn't and I can't.

I can't be something I'm not. I spent YEARS trying to fit the

norm! Fucking years!!!!!!!!!

It was 2 years ago when I realized it wasn't just me. Mum gave

hubby my old reports from school. ALL of them said I had

difficulty in social situations, difficulties with dictation and

that my hearing issues made things harder. So I decided I would

just be ME! I would attend some functions because of the kids...

not for me, but for the kids to have fun. That was and is fine.

Which brings me to today.

There is a christmas lunch at the school. Dh is working and

said

it was up to me but I could go. I don't want too. Sunday, we

have a christmas party at church, we have a few things on next

week including a art show at the school. My sister will be down

the whole week. I don't want her to go to this thing with me

and

help me with the kids, one of which usually naps at the time the

christmas lunch is on.

I don't want the stress. Although dh says it's my choice I just

feel REALLY REALLY PRESURRED! Like I HAVE to go. Like I HAVE to

measure up, do the right thing and suck it up!

I find it EXTREMELY hard to set limits for myself. I fear what

others might think or do, even though I know they won't care

that

much.

Just when I think I'd dealt with that side of things, something

happens like my sister coming, and bang! I'm back where I

started!

Any support, advice, anything would be great! I feel so alone

right now.

Steph

[Guest guest]

How is being better than others and fitting in contradictory? How was she

telling you to be a narcissist?

1. You can't be superior to the group and fit into it.

2. She was telling you to be a narcissist because narcissists are abnormal

freaks super preoccupied with their own superiority and trying to pass as

normal.

Hope this helps.

On Thu, Dec 8, 2011 at 3:50 AM,

wrote:

> **

>

>

> How so?

> Steph

>

> Re: Re: need support, vadidating and

> advice perhaps

>

> Do what you want. Your mother was telling you how to be a

> narcissist. Be

> Better than everyone else! Fit in! Those are contradictory

> commands by the

> way.

>

>

>

> **

>

> Mom , of course, taught you that everyone elses measuring sticks

> were

> the ones that count. But you get to decide whose opinions

> matter. Not

> her.

>

> Take a deep breath. Look at your priorities, What is important

> to you.

> And act accordingly.

>

> Be gentle with yourself Kiddo.

>

> Doug

>

>

>

> I know I'm seem to be writing daily, but I need to do that. I

> hope you all don't mind me doing so, as this is my only out let,

> unless others know of other support groups I can join.

> Here goes:

> I am feeling presured, just like I did when growing up. I am

> blind and have hearing problems, and as a result have difficulty

> in social situations with the noise etc. Mum used to tell me I

> had to be 10 times better than every one else, that I had to

> prove myself and FIT IN REGARDLESS!!!!!

> But there's only one problem with that. I couldn't and I can't.

> I can't be something I'm not. I spent YEARS trying to fit the

> norm! Fucking years!!!!!!!!!

> It was 2 years ago when I realized it wasn't just me. Mum gave

> hubby my old reports from school. ALL of them said I had

> difficulty in social situations, difficulties with dictation and

> that my hearing issues made things harder. So I decided I would

> just be ME! I would attend some functions because of the kids...

> not for me, but for the kids to have fun. That was and is fine.

> Which brings me to today.

> There is a christmas lunch at the school. Dh is working and

> said

> it was up to me but I could go. I don't want too. Sunday, we

> have a christmas party at church, we have a few things on next

> week including a art show at the school. My sister will be down

> the whole week. I don't want her to go to this thing with me

> and

> help me with the kids, one of which usually naps at the time the

> christmas lunch is on.

> I don't want the stress. Although dh says it's my choice I just

> feel REALLY REALLY PRESURRED! Like I HAVE to go. Like I HAVE to

> measure up, do the right thing and suck it up!

> I find it EXTREMELY hard to set limits for myself. I fear what

> others might think or do, even though I know they won't care

> that

> much.

> Just when I think I'd dealt with that side of things, something

> happens like my sister coming, and bang! I'm back where I

> started!

> Any support, advice, anything would be great! I feel so alone

> right now.

> Steph

>

>

[Guest guest]

I am awkward socially too. my mom taught me that all I had to do was be

everyone's friend.

that led to some nasty bullies who took full advantage of my gullibility.

you are worrying about all variables of these social events at once. I do it all

the time.

I think you should pick what event you are most interested in and go. and not

just for the kids. yourself too. the baby will live without a nap. People are

hard to trust sometimes, but they are also a huge key to healing I think.

that is horrible that she told you you needed to be more than normal because of

your challenges. I had the same thing. I was told that I needed to " work harder "

which was never enough of course. and fitting in often requires giving up a bit

of ourselves. no one should fit in. if you have a real friend the fit is

natural. real friends taught me that.

no one who thinks rationally expects you to be more than you are, and especially

not with 3 young children!

you are doing fine I am sure. I understand the struggle well.

I love Bach too. especially the cello suites.

> >

> > I know I'm seem to be writing daily, but I need to do that. I

> > hope you all don't mind me doing so, as this is my only out let,

> > unless others know of other support groups I can join.

> > Here goes:

> > I am feeling presured, just like I did when growing up. I am

> > blind and have hearing problems, and as a result have difficulty

> > in social situations with the noise etc. Mum used to tell me I

> > had to be 10 times better than every one else, that I had to

> > prove myself and FIT IN REGARDLESS!!!!!

> > But there's only one problem with that. I couldn't and I can't.

> > I can't be something I'm not. I spent YEARS trying to fit the

> > norm! Fucking years!!!!!!!!!

> > It was 2 years ago when I realized it wasn't just me. Mum gave

> > hubby my old reports from school. ALL of them said I had

> > difficulty in social situations, difficulties with dictation and

> > that my hearing issues made things harder. So I decided I would

> > just be ME! I would attend some functions because of the kids...

> > not for me, but for the kids to have fun. That was and is fine.

> > Which brings me to today.

> > There is a christmas lunch at the school. Dh is working and

> > said

> > it was up to me but I could go. I don't want too. Sunday, we

> > have a christmas party at church, we have a few things on next

> > week including a art show at the school. My sister will be down

> > the whole week. I don't want her to go to this thing with me

> > and

> > help me with the kids, one of which usually naps at the time the

> > christmas lunch is on.

> > I don't want the stress. Although dh says it's my choice I just

> > feel REALLY REALLY PRESURRED! Like I HAVE to go. Like I HAVE to

> > measure up, do the right thing and suck it up!

> > I find it EXTREMELY hard to set limits for myself. I fear what

> > others might think or do, even though I know they won't care

> > that

> > much.

> > Just when I think I'd dealt with that side of things, something

> > happens like my sister coming, and bang! I'm back where I

> > started!

> > Any support, advice, anything would be great! I feel so alone

> > right now.

> > Steph

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

(((Steph))) I'm so sorry for how lonely you're feeling. Why is your mother

showing your hubby old reports of yours?? Oh that's right, she's a nada!!

Unbelievable. Thanks, Mom!!

btw, you can post here as much as you want, all you want. That's what it's for.

I know I felt the same way at first, but this is where all of us come to say

things others wouldn't get, so feel free.

I have struggled with social anxiety as well, Steph. I have it less and less

lately, I think mostly because this is an area I have challenged myself in the

last few years to reach out more to people, connect more. The important part

for me is knowing my limits. I can't do 2 events two nights in a row. It's just

not happening. Some people think that's dumb or say, what's the big deal? My

body just can't take it. I know that, they don't. That's ok. They don't need to

understand.

Also, I have found with social anxiety, I have to do a lot of self talk. My

daughter is like me in this way and we actually TALK to her fear, tell it to get

lost, b/c we're going to have a great time. I do that as well for myself. If I

over think the fears and believe the " stories " I'm making up in my head. But

then they take on a life of their own.

I so, so know how you feel. I feel that same pressure when it comes to driving

long distances. Like I have to prove something to somebody. When you said that

you fear what others will think, yes, that's how I have felt, too. I've learned

and remind myself often that others don't understand my fear; they minimize it,

but I have had to accept that I have limits.

Listen to your body. Take baby steps with your fears. Maybe just tell yourself,

" I'll go to the party and will stay 45 minutes and then I'm leaving. " Maybe

having a time limit will make it more bearable for you?

Also, maybe you could try yogic breathing (this helps me quite a bit, deeeep

breathing, 10 at a time).

Hugs. I know how hard this is for you. Please be gentle with yourself. Take

small steps and celebrate each one.

Fiona

>

> I know I'm seem to be writing daily, but I need to do that. I

> hope you all don't mind me doing so, as this is my only out let,

> unless others know of other support groups I can join.

> Here goes:

> I am feeling presured, just like I did when growing up. I am

> blind and have hearing problems, and as a result have difficulty

> in social situations with the noise etc. Mum used to tell me I

> had to be 10 times better than every one else, that I had to

> prove myself and FIT IN REGARDLESS!!!!!

> But there's only one problem with that. I couldn't and I can't.

> I can't be something I'm not. I spent YEARS trying to fit the

> norm! Fucking years!!!!!!!!!

> It was 2 years ago when I realized it wasn't just me. Mum gave

> hubby my old reports from school. ALL of them said I had

> difficulty in social situations, difficulties with dictation and

> that my hearing issues made things harder. So I decided I would

> just be ME! I would attend some functions because of the kids...

> not for me, but for the kids to have fun. That was and is fine.

> Which brings me to today.

> There is a christmas lunch at the school. Dh is working and said

> it was up to me but I could go. I don't want too. Sunday, we

> have a christmas party at church, we have a few things on next

> week including a art show at the school. My sister will be down

> the whole week. I don't want her to go to this thing with me and

> help me with the kids, one of which usually naps at the time the

> christmas lunch is on.

> I don't want the stress. Although dh says it's my choice I just

> feel REALLY REALLY PRESURRED! Like I HAVE to go. Like I HAVE to

> measure up, do the right thing and suck it up!

> I find it EXTREMELY hard to set limits for myself. I fear what

> others might think or do, even though I know they won't care that

> much.

> Just when I think I'd dealt with that side of things, something

> happens like my sister coming, and bang! I'm back where I

> started!

> Any support, advice, anything would be great! I feel so alone

> right now.

> Steph

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the support. I am a home body. If I had my way I

would only go out once or twice a week. Anyway, I decided to

give that event a miss. It won't kill the kids.

Steph

Re: need support, vadidating and

advice perhaps

I am awkward socially too. my mom taught me that all I had to do

was be everyone's friend.

that led to some nasty bullies who took full advantage of my

gullibility.

you are worrying about all variables of these social events at

once. I do it all the time.

I think you should pick what event you are most interested in and

go. and not just for the kids. yourself too. the baby will

live without a nap. People are hard to trust sometimes, but they

are also a huge key to healing I think.

that is horrible that she told you you needed to be more than

normal because of your challenges. I had the same thing. I was

told that I needed to " work harder " which was never enough of

course. and fitting in often requires giving up a bit of

ourselves. no one should fit in. if you have a real friend the

fit is natural. real friends taught me that.

no one who thinks rationally expects you to be more than you are,

and especially not with 3 young children!

you are doing fine I am sure. I understand the struggle well.

I love Bach too. especially the cello suites.

I know I'm seem to be writing daily, but I need to do that. I

hope you all don't mind me doing so, as this is my only out let,

unless others know of other support groups I can join.

Here goes:

I am feeling presured, just like I did when growing up. I am

blind and have hearing problems, and as a result have difficulty

in social situations with the noise etc. Mum used to tell me I

had to be 10 times better than every one else, that I had to

prove myself and FIT IN REGARDLESS!!!!!

But there's only one problem with that. I couldn't and I can't.

I can't be something I'm not. I spent YEARS trying to fit the

norm! Fucking years!!!!!!!!!

It was 2 years ago when I realized it wasn't just me. Mum gave

hubby my old reports from school. ALL of them said I had

difficulty in social situations, difficulties with dictation and

that my hearing issues made things harder. So I decided I would

just be ME! I would attend some functions because of the kids...

not for me, but for the kids to have fun. That was and is fine.

Which brings me to today.

There is a christmas lunch at the school. Dh is working and

said

it was up to me but I could go. I don't want too. Sunday, we

have a christmas party at church, we have a few things on next

week including a art show at the school. My sister will be down

the whole week. I don't want her to go to this thing with me

and

help me with the kids, one of which usually naps at the time the

christmas lunch is on.

I don't want the stress. Although dh says it's my choice I just

feel REALLY REALLY PRESURRED! Like I HAVE to go. Like I HAVE to

measure up, do the right thing and suck it up!

I find it EXTREMELY hard to set limits for myself. I fear what

others might think or do, even though I know they won't care

that

much.

Just when I think I'd dealt with that side of things, something

happens like my sister coming, and bang! I'm back where I

started!

Any support, advice, anything would be great! I feel so alone

right now.

Steph

[Guest guest]

Hi Finna,

Thanks. I'd decided not to go this time. With my sis coming,

another art show, pluss the usual, it's just too much.

Steph

Re: need support, vadidating and

advice perhaps

(((Steph))) I'm so sorry for how lonely you're feeling. Why is

your mother showing your hubby old reports of yours?? Oh that's

right, she's a nada!! Unbelievable. Thanks, Mom!!

btw, you can post here as much as you want, all you want. That's

what it's for. I know I felt the same way at first, but this is

where all of us come to say things others wouldn't get, so feel

free.

I have struggled with social anxiety as well, Steph. I have it

less and less lately, I think mostly because this is an area I

have challenged myself in the last few years to reach out more to

people, connect more. The important part for me is knowing my

limits. I can't do 2 events two nights in a row. It's just not

happening. Some people think that's dumb or say, what's the big

deal? My body just can't take it. I know that, they don't.

That's ok. They don't need to understand.

Also, I have found with social anxiety, I have to do a lot of

self talk. My daughter is like me in this way and we actually

TALK to her fear, tell it to get lost, b/c we're going to have a

great time. I do that as well for myself. If I over think the

fears and believe the " stories " I'm making up in my head. But

then they take on a life of their own.

I so, so know how you feel. I feel that same pressure when it

comes to driving long distances. Like I have to prove something

to somebody. When you said that you fear what others will think,

yes, that's how I have felt, too. I've learned and remind myself

often that others don't understand my fear; they minimize it, but

I have had to accept that I have limits.

Listen to your body. Take baby steps with your fears. Maybe

just tell yourself, " I'll go to the party and will stay 45

minutes and then I'm leaving. " Maybe having a time limit will

make it more bearable for you?

Also, maybe you could try yogic breathing (this helps me quite a

bit, deeeep breathing, 10 at a time).

Hugs. I know how hard this is for you. Please be gentle with

yourself. Take small steps and celebrate each one.

Fiona

I know I'm seem to be writing daily, but I need to do that. I

hope you all don't mind me doing so, as this is my only out let,

unless others know of other support groups I can join.

Here goes:

I am feeling presured, just like I did when growing up. I am

blind and have hearing problems, and as a result have difficulty

in social situations with the noise etc. Mum used to tell me I

had to be 10 times better than every one else, that I had to

prove myself and FIT IN REGARDLESS!!!!!

But there's only one problem with that. I couldn't and I can't.

I can't be something I'm not. I spent YEARS trying to fit the

norm! Fucking years!!!!!!!!!

It was 2 years ago when I realized it wasn't just me. Mum gave

hubby my old reports from school. ALL of them said I had

difficulty in social situations, difficulties with dictation and

that my hearing issues made things harder. So I decided I would

just be ME! I would attend some functions because of the kids...

not for me, but for the kids to have fun. That was and is fine.

Which brings me to today.

There is a christmas lunch at the school. Dh is working and

said

it was up to me but I could go. I don't want too. Sunday, we

have a christmas party at church, we have a few things on next

week including a art show at the school. My sister will be down

the whole week. I don't want her to go to this thing with me

and

help me with the kids, one of which usually naps at the time the

christmas lunch is on.

I don't want the stress. Although dh says it's my choice I just

feel REALLY REALLY PRESURRED! Like I HAVE to go. Like I HAVE to

measure up, do the right thing and suck it up!

I find it EXTREMELY hard to set limits for myself. I fear what

others might think or do, even though I know they won't care

that

much.

Just when I think I'd dealt with that side of things, something

happens like my sister coming, and bang! I'm back where I

started!

Any support, advice, anything would be great! I feel so alone

right now.

Steph

------------------------------------

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Groups Links

[Guest guest]

Good for you!

>

> Thanks for the support. I am a home body. If I had my way I

> would only go out once or twice a week. Anyway, I decided to

> give that event a miss. It won't kill the kids.

> Steph

>

>

[Guest guest]

This may not even pertain to your situation--

Although I do not have any physical disabilities, social situations are very

uncomfortable for me. All of them. I get out of whatever I can. However, with

situations involving my kids, I pushed myself to attend (I didn't want them to

be the social cripple that I am). Often that meant suffering full out, bowel

intolerant fear. TG they are adults now.

>

> I know I'm seem to be writing daily, but I need to do that. I

> hope you all don't mind me doing so, as this is my only out let,

> unless others know of other support groups I can join.

> Here goes:

> I am feeling presured, just like I did when growing up. I am

> blind and have hearing problems, and as a result have difficulty

> in social situations with the noise etc. Mum used to tell me I

> had to be 10 times better than every one else, that I had to

> prove myself and FIT IN REGARDLESS!!!!!

> But there's only one problem with that. I couldn't and I can't.

> I can't be something I'm not. I spent YEARS trying to fit the

> norm! Fucking years!!!!!!!!!

> It was 2 years ago when I realized it wasn't just me. Mum gave

> hubby my old reports from school. ALL of them said I had

> difficulty in social situations, difficulties with dictation and

> that my hearing issues made things harder. So I decided I would

> just be ME! I would attend some functions because of the kids...

> not for me, but for the kids to have fun. That was and is fine.

> Which brings me to today.

> There is a christmas lunch at the school. Dh is working and said

> it was up to me but I could go. I don't want too. Sunday, we

> have a christmas party at church, we have a few things on next

> week including a art show at the school. My sister will be down

> the whole week. I don't want her to go to this thing with me and

> help me with the kids, one of which usually naps at the time the

> christmas lunch is on.

> I don't want the stress. Although dh says it's my choice I just

> feel REALLY REALLY PRESURRED! Like I HAVE to go. Like I HAVE to

> measure up, do the right thing and suck it up!

> I find it EXTREMELY hard to set limits for myself. I fear what

> others might think or do, even though I know they won't care that

> much.

> Just when I think I'd dealt with that side of things, something

> happens like my sister coming, and bang! I'm back where I

> started!

> Any support, advice, anything would be great! I feel so alone

> right now.

> Steph

>

[Guest guest]

I don't mind doing it for the kids. I just find it draining and

needed to vent.

Steph

Re: need support, vadidating and

advice perhaps

This may not even pertain to your situation--

Although I do not have any physical disabilities, social

situations are very uncomfortable for me. All of them. I get

out of whatever I can. However, with situations involving my

kids, I pushed myself to attend (I didn't want them to be the

social cripple that I am). Often that meant suffering full out,

bowel intolerant fear. TG they are adults now.

I know I'm seem to be writing daily, but I need to do that. I

hope you all don't mind me doing so, as this is my only out let,

unless others know of other support groups I can join.

Here goes:

I am feeling presured, just like I did when growing up. I am

blind and have hearing problems, and as a result have difficulty

in social situations with the noise etc. Mum used to tell me I

had to be 10 times better than every one else, that I had to

prove myself and FIT IN REGARDLESS!!!!!

But there's only one problem with that. I couldn't and I can't.

I can't be something I'm not. I spent YEARS trying to fit the

norm! Fucking years!!!!!!!!!

It was 2 years ago when I realized it wasn't just me. Mum gave

hubby my old reports from school. ALL of them said I had

difficulty in social situations, difficulties with dictation and

that my hearing issues made things harder. So I decided I would

just be ME! I would attend some functions because of the kids...

not for me, but for the kids to have fun. That was and is fine.

Which brings me to today.

There is a christmas lunch at the school. Dh is working and

said

it was up to me but I could go. I don't want too. Sunday, we

have a christmas party at church, we have a few things on next

week including a art show at the school. My sister will be down

the whole week. I don't want her to go to this thing with me

and

help me with the kids, one of which usually naps at the time the

christmas lunch is on.

I don't want the stress. Although dh says it's my choice I just

feel REALLY REALLY PRESURRED! Like I HAVE to go. Like I HAVE to

measure up, do the right thing and suck it up!

I find it EXTREMELY hard to set limits for myself. I fear what

others might think or do, even though I know they won't care

that

much.

Just when I think I'd dealt with that side of things, something

happens like my sister coming, and bang! I'm back where I

started!

Any support, advice, anything would be great! I feel so alone

right now.

Steph

------------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

Hi Steph,

It took me -it still is taking me- time to realise that it was OK to put myself

first sometimes. And by that I mean, to do what I really wanted.

Do you I really want to pick up the phone right now?...

Do I really have to listen to these stories right now?...

Do I have to fix this situation right now?...

There is a contradiction between the message you received from your BP Mom and

the message that you yourself, at a soul level, you are sending to yourself.

Listen to yourself, put yourself first. You'll be suprised how the world wont

fall appart without you.

It is OK to do yourself a favor and give yourself a break. You don't have to be

on top of everything all the time. If you need some time off right now and don't

want to attend these events, take the time off and don't go.

It takes a lot of time to get rid of the guilt. My advice is: practice.

When I sta