need support, vadidating and advice perhaps

December 7, 2011

I know I'm seem to be writing daily, but I need to do that. I

hope you all don't mind me doing so, as this is my only out let,

unless others know of other support groups I can join.

Here goes:

I am feeling presured, just like I did when growing up. I am

blind and have hearing problems, and as a result have difficulty

in social situations with the noise etc. Mum used to tell me I

had to be 10 times better than every one else, that I had to

prove myself and FIT IN REGARDLESS!!!!!

But there's only one problem with that. I couldn't and I can't.

I can't be something I'm not. I spent YEARS trying to fit the

norm! Fucking years!!!!!!!!!

It was 2 years ago when I realized it wasn't just me. Mum gave

hubby my old reports from school. ALL of them said I had

difficulty in social situations, difficulties with dictation and

that my hearing issues made things harder. So I decided I would

just be ME! I would attend some functions because of the kids...

not for me, but for the kids to have fun. That was and is fine.

Which brings me to today.

There is a christmas lunch at the school. Dh is working and said

it was up to me but I could go. I don't want too. Sunday, we

have a christmas party at church, we have a few things on next

week including a art show at the school. My sister will be down

the whole week. I don't want her to go to this thing with me and

help me with the kids, one of which usually naps at the time the

christmas lunch is on.

I don't want the stress. Although dh says it's my choice I just

feel REALLY REALLY PRESURRED! Like I HAVE to go. Like I HAVE to

measure up, do the right thing and suck it up!

I find it EXTREMELY hard to set limits for myself. I fear what

others might think or do, even though I know they won't care that

much.

Just when I think I'd dealt with that side of things, something

happens like my sister coming, and bang! I'm back where I

started!

Any support, advice, anything would be great! I feel so alone

right now.

Steph

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