Re: Re: Nada is triangulating with my therapist and I don't know what do to...help? (Update)

[Guest guest]

Okay, I was sufficiently bothered by the phone call with my therapist (B.)

and confused about the various opinions I've heard about possible ethics

breaches and conflicts-of-interest that I called another local mental

health agency and asked if I could get a one-time consultation session with

one of their therapists, preferably someone with a background dealing with

adult children of abusive parents. To my surprise they were able to get me

in this evening, and I got to talk to a very sweet lady I'll call S. I

described the situation to her and she said there was no ethical violation,

but she urged me to see B. alone, by myself, and talk about my reaction to

my mother's triangulation with B. and discuss expectations and ground rules

for the joint session BEFORE getting into a joint session with my Mom. She

confirmed (strongly) that B. was MY therapist and should be putting me

first no matter how desperate my Mom seemed on the voice mail -- that Mom

had access to other therapists if she felt desperate and had no need (or

right) to go co-opting mine. Accordingly, I'm going to call B. tomorrow and

tell her I want to reschedule my joint session with Momster for AFTER my

next individual session with B. In addition to the work setting boundaries

and expectations for the joint session, it'll also give me an opportunity

to express my feelings to B. about my mom's borderline traits (with the

accompanying neediness and manipulation that go hand-in-hand with being

borderline) and reconfirm that I would like B.'s attention to remain

primarily on me in the joint session and for her not to get swept up in my

Mom's acting-out no matter how much she seems to be suffering.

S.was very good to talk to, and she also told me about a 9-week Adult

Survivors workshop her group runs twice yearly. The next one won't be until

spring, but I told her I definitely wanted more info on it when plans got

finalized. No telling if I'll even be in the state still come spring, but

if I am, the workshop could be very beneficial.

It still bugs me that Mom dragged B. into this (although I certainly wasn't

surprised.) I mean, it seems that if she was really suffering THAT much,

she would find a therapist of her own and get some help that she could be

sure was directed at her, not at me. Her attempting to co-opt my therapist

basically shows that she's just trying to use B. to get her " no good "

daughter to fall in line, not that she's making any real attempt to seek

help for her own sake. I would guess she just wants B. to " fix " me, which

she thinks will take care of the issues. (*SIGH*)

-- Jen