Fallout from Nada's meddling

[Guest guest]

Dear WTO,

I have not posted here in a very long time...I've been trying to maintain a

relationship with my BPD mother and it of courses involves lots of boundaries

and just not bothering to say what I really think. Talk about stressful. I am

dragging my feet on going to visit my FOO because I don't think I can keep my

mouth shut any longer. I really just need to vent.

My nada has been divorced from my dad for almost 20 years. She left him for

another man, but could not possibly let him go or keep her nose outta his life.

My dad remarried about a two years after the divorce. This wife has a history of

mental health issues (yeah, he really knows how to pick em) She was misdiagnosed

with early onset dementia about three years ago and improperly medicated. It

caused her many problems and after two years of in and out of psych facilities

she was finally diagnosed with type two Bipolar disorder last summer.

Now THIS is where meddlesome Nada comes in. Nada and dads wife were both in the

same line of work, home health aide/caregiver. This is a small community and

Nada conveniently arranged to help dad's wife get a job that she was too busy to

take herself. Nada laments that she would like to have a cordial relationship

with her ex, but he just can't let go of his resentments. So nada inserted

herself into the wife's life via work and proceeded to become her " friend " . I

found this very tacky and even told nada this. I even told her that she could

lie to herself all she wanted, but I knew why she was really nice to dad's wife

and that she needed to knock it off. (When does this EVER do any good?) This

only resulted in her getting sneakier in her contacts.

Now we need to go to the way back, past. Nada was hospitalized in the late

sixties for about seven months, after I was born. Partly for post partem

depression, but also for whatever they called BPD back then. She is like so many

BPD's in that she thinks that " if only everyone else had done things

differently, she would have been fine " Somewhere in that twisted pipeworks that

passes for her logic, she really believes that she was never sick, and that it

is everyone else's fault.

Now back to the more recent past. When dad's wife was (incorrectly) diagnosed

with dementia she did not tell dad or any other family, but she did tell Nada.

Nada at this time convinced her that it was dad and my brother (nada's son) who

were at fault and that they were trying to make her think she was crazy. And of

course, Nada assures her, she knows this for a fact, because my dad tried to do

the same thing to her!

The end result, is that three years of agonizing drama and in and out of

treatment facilities and we finally have a proper diagnosis of BiPolar and dad's

wife still believes Nada and that there is nothing wrong with her and that my

dad and brother are out to get her and she absolutely detests my dad now, but

she has no where else to go and of course my dad still loves her. She is only

compliant on her meds when she is hospitalized after severe manic episodes. She

has developed severe tremors. Not sure if that is BiPolar related or due to them

screwing her up with meds for the misdiagnosis of dementia.

My heart is breaking for my father, for Nada having turned his mentally fragile

wife against him and I am boiling mad at Nada for the part she played in the

whole thing. My brother is NC with Nada and has been for over two years now,

mostly due to Nada meddling in dad's life. If all that wasn't bad enough, dad's

wife is literally wasting away and won't get the help she needs so bad.

I want to rant and scream at Nada, but I know it is futile. She already knows my

brother won't talk to her because of it. He told her point blank why. As good

as she is at lying, she does the best job lying to herself.

No wonder I don't want to go visit!

Okay, end of rant. Thanks for reading/listening

[Guest guest]

Hi Carla,

Sorry to hear you have been having such a hard time, this is an awful situation

to have to watch unravel. Just remember the paranoia/delusion that your stepmom

has demonstrated is seen sometimes in people with mental illness and may have

manifested anyway without your nada's help.

I guess I relate because I am also watching a quad of four very sick adults

attempt to deal with my screamingly bpd SIL and all the sickness resulting from

that, it is OVERWHELMING at times....no one is dying, but I do believe the

children, especially the older one, are being profoundly impacted emotionally at

an incredibly vulnerable part of their development and it is terrifying to me

what may result. " Could have beens " haunt me constantly because i remember the

perfect angels they were when they were born, and I know their potential will be

severly thwarted by this bpd they had the misfortune to be born to. It's really

devastating. And then there are the 'why god?s' why if there is a just god is

this being allowed to happen.

In short I really related to the heaviness of your burden in this post and the

helplessness at watching innocent people be hurt severely, vulnerable people be

misled etc, etc, it's a perfect storm of grief and dismay. I am right there,

with no end in sight, so I really relate and send you many hugs. I was thinking

if your father has power of attorney over the stepmom because of her

institutionalizations is it possible for him to get a no contact on nada on

behalf of his wife? It seems like one is in order.

>

> Dear WTO,

>

> I have not posted here in a very long time...I've been trying to maintain a

relationship with my BPD mother and it of courses involves lots of boundaries

and just not bothering to say what I really think. Talk about stressful. I am

dragging my feet on going to visit my FOO because I don't think I can keep my

mouth shut any longer. I really just need to vent.

>

> My nada has been divorced from my dad for almost 20 years. She left him for

another man, but could not possibly let him go or keep her nose outta his life.

>

> My dad remarried about a two years after the divorce. This wife has a history

of mental health issues (yeah, he really knows how to pick em) She was

misdiagnosed with early onset dementia about three years ago and improperly

medicated. It caused her many problems and after two years of in and out of

psych facilities she was finally diagnosed with type two Bipolar disorder last

summer.

>

> Now THIS is where meddlesome Nada comes in. Nada and dads wife were both in

the same line of work, home health aide/caregiver. This is a small community and

Nada conveniently arranged to help dad's wife get a job that she was too busy to

take herself. Nada laments that she would like to have a cordial relationship

with her ex, but he just can't let go of his resentments. So nada inserted

herself into the wife's life via work and proceeded to become her " friend " . I

found this very tacky and even told nada this. I even told her that she could

lie to herself all she wanted, but I knew why she was really nice to dad's wife

and that she needed to knock it off. (When does this EVER do any good?) This

only resulted in her getting sneakier in her contacts.

>

> Now we need to go to the way back, past. Nada was hospitalized in the late

sixties for about seven months, after I was born. Partly for post partem

depression, but also for whatever they called BPD back then. She is like so many

BPD's in that she thinks that " if only everyone else had done things

differently, she would have been fine " Somewhere in that twisted pipeworks that

passes for her logic, she really believes that she was never sick, and that it

is everyone else's fault.

>

> Now back to the more recent past. When dad's wife was (incorrectly) diagnosed

with dementia she did not tell dad or any other family, but she did tell Nada.

Nada at this time convinced her that it was dad and my brother (nada's son) who

were at fault and that they were trying to make her think she was crazy. And of

course, Nada assures her, she knows this for a fact, because my dad tried to do

the same thing to her!

>

> The end result, is that three years of agonizing drama and in and out of

treatment facilities and we finally have a proper diagnosis of BiPolar and dad's

wife still believes Nada and that there is nothing wrong with her and that my

dad and brother are out to get her and she absolutely detests my dad now, but

she has no where else to go and of course my dad still loves her. She is only

compliant on her meds when she is hospitalized after severe manic episodes. She

has developed severe tremors. Not sure if that is BiPolar related or due to them

screwing her up with meds for the misdiagnosis of dementia.

>

> My heart is breaking for my father, for Nada having turned his mentally

fragile wife against him and I am boiling mad at Nada for the part she played in

the whole thing. My brother is NC with Nada and has been for over two years now,

mostly due to Nada meddling in dad's life. If all that wasn't bad enough, dad's

wife is literally wasting away and won't get the help she needs so bad.

>

> I want to rant and scream at Nada, but I know it is futile. She already knows

my brother won't talk to her because of it. He told her point blank why. As

good as she is at lying, she does the best job lying to herself.

>

> No wonder I don't want to go visit!

>

> Okay, end of rant. Thanks for reading/listening

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Carla,

The situation you describe sounds just horrible. I am truely sorry for you that

you have to go through such crap.

When I was a teen, I was very protective of my Dad, because my BP Mom was

constantly yelling at him (and at my brother & I) and he seemed like he was ok

being treated the way he was.

Now my feelings and perceptions have changed. I realize his part of

responsability in the story. He married my Mom. He let her treat him like crap,

and most of all, he almost never protected me from my BP Mom's wrath.

I realised the role that he played as an enabler in the story, and it is an

important role. I realised the anger I felt toward him for not standing up for

himself, and not standing up for his kids.

I love him very much though, and despite that I know he is a very good man.

I realised I cannot help my codependent parent. And most of all, it is not my

responsability.

I think getting free of the guilt about what we feel we are responsible for is a

huge task, it is an ongoing task for me. But I believe it frees you.

What that means for me, is detachment. More and more. Keeping boundaries,

keeping my distance.

I used to make this dream as child, over and over again of me being almost a

super hero. I could usually fly. I would save everyone. Grab everyone under my

arms, and we'd fly away, escaping a fire or a an earthquake.

The desire as a child to " fix " everything in my family was very much there. Fix

my BP Mom, help my codependent/enabler Dad, protect my older brother.

More and more now, I walk away. I spend less time and energy trying to fix

things, and I feel better and better about it too.

Maybe you should think about the distance you want to put between yourself and

your family. It sounds like you need to protect yourself from them, and maybe

think about what you think you're responsible for, and what you're not.

Your needs are important.

Coco

Coco

[Guest guest]

Thanks for sharing! The extent to which these momsters meddle. manipulate

and interfere in other peoples lives is truly incredible!

They leave a trail of devestation in their wake comparable only to

hurricanes,earthquakes, or tsunamis. Or maybe the black plague.

I am amazed at the time they spend plotting and planning , spinning webs

and laying traps. No wonder you don " t want to see your BPD mom. These people

are truly evil..

When I was about 9, I dreamed that my mom had been bitten by a vampire, and

was outside my window, crying because she was lonely, afraid and hungry. I

put my hand through the window to touch her hair, and , as she caressed my

hand, just before she latched onto my wrist to feed, she gave me that

triumphant sideways smirk I knew so well.

.. My mom, a beloved vampire, Hungry. Needy. Destructive. Ready to feed.

Your situation is heartbreaking. You have been a good daughter to your

Foo., and to your Nada too, you have given her the most precous gift any of

us have to offer, the gift of our presence and compassion. She is

unfortunately not capable of accepting this most precous gift in an

honorable way. She is a Momster.

I think one of the most difficult aspects of dealing with BPDs is their

flagrant disregard for moral and ethical behavior. Although they *know* the

difference between right and wrong, and certainly expect others to adhere to

the rules, they perceive themselves as exempt from the same rules.

Her treatment of your Fathers fragile wife is totally reprehensible, and

unconscionable..

You explained your situation so clearly and well. It can be so hard to sort

all of this stuff out. You have been working hard on all of this for a long

time..Her behavior is appalling.

Please, please take good care of yourself in all of this. There are people

here in your corner!

Best of Luck, Sunspot

> **

>

>

> Dear WTO,

>

> I have not posted here in a very long time...I've been trying to maintain a

> relationship with my BPD mother and it of courses involves lots of

> boundaries and just not bothering to say what I really think. Talk about

> stressful. I am dragging my feet on going to visit my FOO because I don't

> think I can keep my mouth shut any longer. I really just need to vent.

>

> My nada has been divorced from my dad for almost 20 years. She left him for

> another man, but could not possibly let him go or keep her nose outta his

> life.

>

> My dad remarried about a two years after the divorce. This wife has a

> history of mental health issues (yeah, he really knows how to pick em) She

> was misdiagnosed with early onset dementia about three years ago and

> improperly medicated. It caused her many problems and after two years of in

> and out of psych facilities she was finally diagnosed with type two Bipolar

> disorder last summer.

>

> Now THIS is where meddlesome Nada comes in. Nada and dads wife were both in

> the same line of work, home health aide/caregiver. This is a small community

> and Nada conveniently arranged to help dad's wife get a job that she was too

> busy to take herself. Nada laments that she would like to have a cordial

> relationship with her ex, but he just can't let go of his resentments. So

> nada inserted herself into the wife's life via work and proceeded to become

> her " friend " . I found this very tacky and even told nada this. I even told

> her that she could lie to herself all she wanted, but I knew why she was

> really nice to dad's wife and that she needed to knock it off. (When does

> this EVER do any good?) This only resulted in her getting sneakier in her

> contacts.

>

> Now we need to go to the way back, past. Nada was hospitalized in the late

> sixties for about seven months, after I was born. Partly for post partem

> depression, but also for whatever they called BPD back then. She is like so

> many BPD's in that she thinks that " if only everyone else had done things

> differently, she would have been fine " Somewhere in that twisted pipeworks

> that passes for her logic, she really believes that she was never sick, and

> that it is everyone else's fault.

>

> Now back to the more recent past. When dad's wife was (incorrectly)

> diagnosed with dementia she did not tell dad or any other family, but she

> did tell Nada. Nada at this time convinced her that it was dad and my

> brother (nada's son) who were at fault and that they were trying to make her

> think she was crazy. And of course, Nada assures her, she knows this for a

> fact, because my dad tried to do the same thing to her!

>

> The end result, is that three years of agonizing drama and in and out of

> treatment facilities and we finally have a proper diagnosis of BiPolar and

> dad's wife still believes Nada and that there is nothing wrong with her and

> that my dad and brother are out to get her and she absolutely detests my dad

> now, but she has no where else to go and of course my dad still loves her.

> She is only compliant on her meds when she is hospitalized after severe

> manic episodes. She has developed severe tremors. Not sure if that is

> BiPolar related or due to them screwing her up with meds for the

> misdiagnosis of dementia.

>

> My heart is breaking for my father, for Nada having turned his mentally

> fragile wife against him and I am boiling mad at Nada for the part she

> played in the whole thing. My brother is NC with Nada and has been for over

> two years now, mostly due to Nada meddling in dad's life. If all that wasn't

> bad enough, dad's wife is literally wasting away and won't get the help she

> needs so bad.

>

> I want to rant and scream at Nada, but I know it is futile. She already

> knows my brother won't talk to her because of it. He told her point blank

> why. As good as she is at lying, she does the best job lying to herself.

>

> No wonder I don't want to go visit!

>

> Okay, end of rant. Thanks for reading/listening

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Ilel11,

I have considered the possibility of her being paranoid w/o any input from Nada,

but reject it being THIS bad. Dad's wife has a history of issues LONG before she

met my father that she acknowledges. She was hospitalized for a breakdown at

least once. She was seriously abused by her first husband and left broken and

financially devastated when he died.

She took all her meds and tried to comply with the (mis)diagnosis of dementia.

It was only after she was re-evaluated with a catscan and declared to NOT have

dementia that nada convinced her that it was my dad's fault. Even the doctor

that re-evaluated her was stunned at the meds that she was on as not being

appropriate for dementia.

I guess that my biggest frustration in all of this is that I am having one of

those moments that many KO's have that we desire our BPD parent to see reason

and accept responsibility for their devastation. Something that a healthy person

could do, but not them. But then a mentally healthy person would never have

caused this type of devastation in the first place. I am angry with her and

would love to scream and yell at her and shake some sense into her, but I know

it will do absolutely no good. It won't make me feel better because she will

never see where she is responsible in large part for her actions, much less feel

remorse and try to make things right like a normal person might do.

I know she is not " normal " and never will be. That does not prevent me from

having my desires of otherwise. I will get over this, I always do. Such is my

life and the life of so many KO's. Most the time I do pretty good at accepting

how she is and maintaining boundaries and the healthiest relationship that I am

capable of. When she hurts other people and lashes out to my dad or others is

when I get angry and upset.

I've known she is not right since I was a kid. I've had a name for it for five

years now. I'm just tired and at a low point right now and eternally grateful

for a place to speak the truth and be heard. Thank you for the hugs and

understanding.

My dad is not well enough himself to have the energy to pursue the legal stuff.

He is the best parent I have, and he is an alcoholic. I have mostly put nada in

check on this, because I am the only child she has that still speaks to her and

I have threatened to cut off all contact if she talks to my dad's wife anymore

and she knows it. She does keep up on what is going on thru another relative

that I have no leverage with, unfortunately.

Again thanks for the understanding.

Carla

>

> Hi Carla,

>

> Sorry to hear you have been having such a hard time, this is an awful

situation to have to watch unravel. Just remember the paranoia/delusion that

your stepmom has demonstrated is seen sometimes in people with mental illness

and may have manifested anyway without your nada's help.

>

> I guess I relate because I am also watching a quad of four very sick adults

attempt to deal with my screamingly bpd SIL and all the sickness resulting from

that, it is OVERWHELMING at times....no one is dying, but I do believe the

children, especially the older one, are being profoundly impacted emotionally at

an incredibly vulnerable part of their development and it is terrifying to me

what may result. " Could have beens " haunt me constantly because i remember the

perfect angels they were when they were born, and I know their potential will be

severly thwarted by this bpd they had the misfortune to be born to. It's really

devastating. And then there are the 'why god?s' why if there is a just god is

this being allowed to happen.

>

> In short I really related to the heaviness of your burden in this post and the

helplessness at watching innocent people be hurt severely, vulnerable people be

misled etc, etc, it's a perfect storm of grief and dismay. I am right there,

with no end in sight, so I really relate and send you many hugs. I was thinking

if your father has power of attorney over the stepmom because of her

institutionalizations is it possible for him to get a no contact on nada on

behalf of his wife? It seems like one is in order.

[Guest guest]

So sorry, Carla! This sounds like a nightmare. All your instincts are on high

alert to protect those who can't help themselves. How sad for your dad.

>

> Dear WTO,

>

> I have not posted here in a very long time...I've been trying to maintain a

relationship with my BPD mother and it of courses involves lots of boundaries

and just not bothering to say what I really think. Talk about stressful. I am

dragging my feet on going to visit my FOO because I don't think I can keep my

mouth shut any longer. I really just need to vent.

>

> My nada has been divorced from my dad for almost 20 years. She left him for

another man, but could not possibly let him go or keep her nose outta his life.

>

> My dad remarried about a two years after the divorce. This wife has a history

of mental health issues (yeah, he really knows how to pick em) She was

misdiagnosed with early onset dementia about three years ago and improperly

medicated. It caused her many problems and after two years of in and out of

psych facilities she was finally diagnosed with type two Bipolar disorder last

summer.

>

> Now THIS is where meddlesome Nada comes in. Nada and dads wife were both in

the same line of work, home health aide/caregiver. This is a small community and

Nada conveniently arranged to help dad's wife get a job that she was too busy to

take herself. Nada laments that she would like to have a cordial relationship

with her ex, but he just can't let go of his resentments. So nada inserted

herself into the wife's life via work and proceeded to become her " friend " . I

found this very tacky and even told nada this. I even told her that she could

lie to herself all she wanted, but I knew why she was really nice to dad's wife

and that she needed to knock it off. (When does this EVER do any good?) This

only resulted in her getting sneakier in her contacts.

>

> Now we need to go to the way back, past. Nada was hospitalized in the late

sixties for about seven months, after I was born. Partly for post partem

depression, but also for whatever they called BPD back then. She is like so many

BPD's in that she thinks that " if only everyone else had done things

differently, she would have been fine " Somewhere in that twisted pipeworks that

passes for her logic, she really believes that she was never sick, and that it

is everyone else's fault.

>

> Now back to the more recent past. When dad's wife was (incorrectly) diagnosed

with dementia she did not tell dad or any other family, but she did tell Nada.

Nada at this time convinced her that it was dad and my brother (nada's son) who

were at fault and that they were trying to make her think she was crazy. And of

course, Nada assures her, she knows this for a fact, because my dad tried to do

the same thing to her!

>

> The end result, is that three years of agonizing drama and in and out of

treatment facilities and we finally have a proper diagnosis of BiPolar and dad's

wife still believes Nada and that there is nothing wrong with her and that my

dad and brother are out to get her and she absolutely detests my dad now, but

she has no where else to go and of course my dad still loves her. She is only

compliant on her meds when she is hospitalized after severe manic episodes. She

has developed severe tremors. Not sure if that is BiPolar related or due to them

screwing her up with meds for the misdiagnosis of dementia.

>

> My heart is breaking for my father, for Nada having turned his mentally

fragile wife against him and I am boiling mad at Nada for the part she played in

the whole thing. My brother is NC with Nada and has been for over two years now,

mostly due to Nada meddling in dad's life. If all that wasn't bad enough, dad's

wife is literally wasting away and won't get the help she needs so bad.

>

> I want to rant and scream at Nada, but I know it is futile. She already knows

my brother won't talk to her because of it. He told her point blank why. As

good as she is at lying, she does the best job lying to herself.

>

> No wonder I don't want to go visit!

>

> Okay, end of rant. Thanks for reading/listening

>

[Guest guest]

I think it's amazing that you were able to put the kibbosh on her, that is

really heroic of you. It sounds like you carry a heavy burden, I think it

resonated with me probably more than any post I have read here since I returned

because the situation you are dealing with is soooooooo complex...I am dealing

with a queen/witch bpd, my severy codependent brother who is uber

fundamentalist, my npd dad and my mother who is I am firmly convinced now a waif

bpd although it has taken a while to get to fully accept that this is what she

is, it's easier for me to just call her in general 'looney tunes' because

sometimes I feel like I am 'stealing' the title from people here who have been

severely tormented by these witch/queens and my mother was far more subtle.

In think we have in common that I am seeing the vulnerable hurt by the pd

people...it's a horrible feeling. I think there was a resonance in your post

that I related to...my anger and helplessness is actually making me sick in that

I am overeating and continue to gain weight, I think I projected into your post

and was trying to to some problem solving as a means of feeling not so

helpless. Thank God at least you were able to keep your nada from doing more

damage, it really is a very sad situation. That is heartbreaking about your dad

being an alcoholic too. I know that typing the things out here helps me release

it, do you know any other methods for releasing the anger? because I know

underneath this sadness I am stuffing anger...because, i mean, where does anyone

put it...

> >

> > Hi Carla,

> >

> > Sorry to hear you have been having such a hard time, this is an awful

situation to have to watch unravel. Just remember the paranoia/delusion that

your stepmom has demonstrated is seen sometimes in people with mental illness

and may have manifested anyway without your nada's help.

> >

> > I guess I relate because I am also watching a quad of four very sick adults

attempt to deal with my screamingly bpd SIL and all the sickness resulting from

that, it is OVERWHELMING at times....no one is dying, but I do believe the

children, especially the older one, are being profoundly impacted emotionally at

an incredibly vulnerable part of their development and it is terrifying to me

what may result. " Could have beens " haunt me constantly because i remember the

perfect angels they were when they were born, and I know their potential will be

severly thwarted by this bpd they had the misfortune to be born to. It's really

devastating. And then there are the 'why god?s' why if there is a just god is

this being allowed to happen.

> >

> > In short I really related to the heaviness of your burden in this post and

the helplessness at watching innocent people be hurt severely, vulnerable people

be misled etc, etc, it's a perfect storm of grief and dismay. I am right there,

with no end in sight, so I really relate and send you many hugs. I was thinking

if your father has power of attorney over the stepmom because of her

institutionalizations is it possible for him to get a no contact on nada on

behalf of his wife? It seems like one is in order.

>

[Guest guest]

Ilel11,

I understand having a complex life very well and empathize with you. A good

friend of my from my youth has a " waif " nada. She was all most mothers would

dream of in a daughter. Honor society, didn't get into trouble and being the

daughter of a waif, she completely took over running her nada's household. She

came home from nursing school on weekends and did ALL the cleaning, laundry and

cooking. When she decided to get married and move over two hours drive away from

her nada, you would have thought that she had committed murder, her nada was

that upset. I mean, how dare she put her own life and happiness above that of

her nada? I finally convinced this friend to check out the website here or at

least google BPD and she was overcome with finally having a name for what she

had been going thru all these years. (unfortunately her nada decided to move to

where she now lives a few years back to get her main enabler back on the roster)

I always used to get so mad at her nada for the way that she used and

manipulated my poor friend. My nada may have been more of a Queen sometimes

witch but, I understand how the waifs work as well.

I'm not sure I'm the best person to answer your question about where to put all

the anger. I struggle with that too. I know the gym helps. I love using weights.

I injured myself last year and kinda fell out of the habit of working out and am

now struggling to get it together again. I know that writing in a journal helps,

but I struggle with that too. My nada was one of those that took some of my

personal writings and destroyed them. They were mostly jokes that I had written

down that I liked but she took offense to some of them. She would also take

books that she did not approve of and throw them in the trash. Even as an adult

I swear she took a pair of my jeans because she didn't like the way they fit me!

Never feel that you are stealing the BPD term from anyone just because yours is

a waif. I feel like my friends nada stole a large portion of her childhood

making her be responsible for so much at such a young age. She is in her mid

forties and still isn't free of her nada. I think it's pretty insidious the way

her nada gets away with so much just because she didn't hit her and use fear to

control her, but used her health and guilt to manipulate and control her. it's

easier to stand up and say " this is wrong " when you've been hit, lied to and

otherwise abused. I think so anyway.

I know that journaling about your feelings when you eat things that make you

feel miserable helps. there is a book called " The Writing Diet " and also " Women,

Food and God " which I admit I have but have not read yet. Apparently I think I

will absorb the information by osmosis of it being on the floor in my bedroom. I

personally love to go on long walks and listen to books on my ipod that I find

inspirational. I find that much more therapeutic than journaling,, tho I know

both are good.

Carla

>

> I think it's amazing that you were able to put the kibbosh on her, that is

really heroic of you. It sounds like you carry a heavy burden, I think it

resonated with me probably more than any post I have read here since I returned

because the situation you are dealing with is soooooooo complex...I am dealing

with a queen/witch bpd, my severy codependent brother who is uber

fundamentalist, my npd dad and my mother who is I am firmly convinced now a waif

bpd although it has taken a while to get to fully accept that this is what she

is, it's easier for me to just call her in general 'looney tunes' because

sometimes I feel like I am 'stealing' the title from people here who have been

severely tormented by these witch/queens and my mother was far more subtle.

>

> In think we have in common that I am seeing the vulnerable hurt by the pd

people...it's a horrible feeling. I think there was a resonance in your post

that I related to...my anger and helplessness is actually making me sick in that

I am overeating and continue to gain weight, I think I projected into your post

and was trying to to some problem solving as a means of feeling not so

helpless. Thank God at least you were able to keep your nada from doing more

damage, it really is a very sad situation. That is heartbreaking about your dad

being an alcoholic too. I know that typing the things out here helps me release

it, do you know any other methods for releasing the anger? because I know

underneath this sadness I am stuffing anger...because, i mean, where does anyone

put it...