Re: Re: Nada is triangulating with my therapistand I don't know what do to...help?

[Guest guest]

O wow. This reminds me what my nada used to do when I got

couseling. It's why i won't see ament.

Good luck with handling it.

Steph

Re: Re: Nada is triangulating with

my therapistand I don't know what do to...help?

I would happily go to S. at this point but am stopped by two

considerations. One is practical: S. is in a private agency and

I have no

insurance that covers mental health care, while B. is in a

sponsored agency

so I get a reduced fee, so switching to S. would be expensive.

The second

reason is psychological: One of the issues I have is a problem

with trust

(thanks Nada) and this may be THAT kicking up. There may be no

need to

worry about Nada " corrupting " my therapist....I may be

overreacting.

But I still feel really....antsy about this whole situation.

Dammit!

I may contact the supervisor at B.'s agency on Monday and sound

her out

about the situation, express my concerns. Part of me wants to

trust my

therapist, but the other part is still jumpy over that " making

strides by

stomping on your mother " comment she made.

In effect Nada has already done the damage by screwing up my

trust

relationship with my therapist.

Damn her anyway.

-- Jen

On Fri, Dec 9, 2011 at 10:21 PM, Meikjn

wrote:

**

Nadas are sneaky. joint session becomes her taking over the

therapist. I

think you should go to the other therapist s. was it? yikes. I

think you

need to move too. you should not have to share. on the upside

the therapist

may tell her she needs to change something she is doing and she

will leave

the office in a huff and never want to return, and give your

therapist a

better sense of the situation. it all seems rather fuzzy on the

ethical

side to me.

**

I think that's a good idea, that you're checking into another

therapist.

I see now what you mean by the therapist situation not being as

simple as

it sounds; it is complex and you have a good relationship with

her. I

agree

with you, though, that her over-sympathizing with your mother is

a

cause

for concern. maybe she can't see the situation objectively

anymore....?

I sent this to the list yesterday night but it doesn't seem to

have

made

it through -- here's an update:

Okay, I was sufficiently bothered by the phone call with my

therapist

(B.)

and confused about the various opinions I've heard about

possible

ethics

breaches and conflicts-of-interest that I called another local

mental

health agency and asked if I could get a one-time consultation

session

with

one of their therapists, preferably someone with a background

dealing

with

adult children of abusive parents. To my surprise they were

able to

get me

in this evening, and I got to talk to a very sweet lady I'll

call S. I

described the situation to her and she said there was no ethical

violation,

but she urged me to see B. alone, by myself, and talk about my

reaction to

my mother's triangulation with B. and discuss expectations and

ground

rules

for the joint session BEFORE getting into a joint session with

my Mom..

She

confirmed (strongly) that B. was MY therapist and should be

putting me

first no matter how desperate my Mom seemed on the voice mail --

that

Mom

had access to other therapists if she felt desperate and had no

need

(or

right) to go co-opting mine. Accordingly, I'm going to call B.

tomorrow and

tell her I want to reschedule my joint session with Momster for

AFTER

my

next individual session with B. In addition to the work setting

boundaries

and expectations for the joint session, it'll also give me an

opportunity

to express my feelings to B. about my mom's borderline traits

(with the

accompanying neediness and manipulation that go hand-in-hand

with being

borderline) and reconfirm that I would like B.'s attention to

remain

primarily on me in the joint session and for her not to get

swept up

in my

Mom's acting-out no matter how much she seems to be suffering.

S.was very good to talk to, and she also told me about a 9-week

Adult

Survivors workshop her group runs twice yearly. The next one

won't be

until

spring, but I told her I definitely wanted more info on it when

plans

got

finalized. No telling if I'll even be in the state still come

spring,

but

if I am, the workshop could be very beneficial.

It still bugs me that Mom dragged B. into this (although I

certainly

wasn't surprised.) I mean, it seems that if she was really

suffering

THAT

much, she would find a therapist of her own and get some help

that she

could be sure was directed at her, not at me. Her attempting to

co-opt

my

therapist basically shows that she's just trying to use B. to

get her

" no

good " daughter to fall in line, not that she's making any real

attempt

to

seek help for her own sake. I would guess she just wants B. to

" fix "

me,

which she thinks will take care of the issues. (*SIGH*)

-- Jen