My NC Self-Care List for the Holidays

[Guest guest]

1. Even if I have to stretch, I squeeze out a few extra dollars to do something

fun. It could be a massage or a special show. I've gone to Disneyland for the

day, taken in a top-rated Christmas pageant. Just something that makes me feel

special and gets me out of thinking or feeling lonely.

2. I remember that there are others not so fortunate. NC is a luxury that comes

with a lot of work, therapy, boundaries and sacrifice. Not everybody can cut the

ties because many strings tie us to nadas and fadas. including grandchildren and

financial commitments. I'm one of the lucky ones. I try to remember that and be

grateful every day for NC.

3. I protect myself from substitutes that are as bad as nada and fada. For a

while, I spent holidays with anyone who happened to be around. Some of those

holidays were almost as bad as those with nada and fada because I had no idea

what i was getting into. Now, I set a boundary that I have to know a pal for a

minimum one year before spending holiday time. A day alone is better than a day

with a PD waiting to " let all their squirrels out " at holiday time.

4. I decorate my home, I buy favorite foods, I treat myself as though I am my

own special guest.

5. I give away what I want for myself. I want lots of holiday cards and little

gifts, so I make sure I give them. Card-writing is a tradition going by the

wayside, but I still love to get them. I light candles, put on music, get a

favorite pen, and write cards to pals near and far. I also buy little gifts and

give them out. I don't keep track of who returns the favor, but it does get

returned and I feel great when that happens.

6. I stay away from anything and anybody who might bring me down. I'm all for

giving, I'm all for helping others, but getting involved in soup kitchens and

charity drives that come with heartbreaking stories are NOT for me this time of

year. They trigger me into feeling sorry for my own loss and that's the wrong

direction. Charitable giving happens for me before the season gets underway and

I tune out the hardluck stories. I need to take care of myself.

7. I repeat #2, to be grateful for NC as often as possible.

[Guest guest]

Thank you - I will use this list this Christmas day.

>

> 1. Even if I have to stretch, I squeeze out a few extra dollars to do

something fun. It could be a massage or a special show. I've gone to Disneyland

for the day, taken in a top-rated Christmas pageant. Just something that makes

me feel special and gets me out of thinking or feeling lonely.

>

> 2. I remember that there are others not so fortunate. NC is a luxury that

comes with a lot of work, therapy, boundaries and sacrifice. Not everybody can

cut the ties because many strings tie us to nadas and fadas. including

grandchildren and financial commitments. I'm one of the lucky ones. I try to

remember that and be grateful every day for NC.

>

> 3. I protect myself from substitutes that are as bad as nada and fada. For a

while, I spent holidays with anyone who happened to be around. Some of those

holidays were almost as bad as those with nada and fada because I had no idea

what i was getting into. Now, I set a boundary that I have to know a pal for a

minimum one year before spending holiday time. A day alone is better than a day

with a PD waiting to " let all their squirrels out " at holiday time.

>

> 4. I decorate my home, I buy favorite foods, I treat myself as though I am my

own special guest.

>

> 5. I give away what I want for myself. I want lots of holiday cards and little

gifts, so I make sure I give them. Card-writing is a tradition going by the

wayside, but I still love to get them. I light candles, put on music, get a

favorite pen, and write cards to pals near and far. I also buy little gifts and

give them out. I don't keep track of who returns the favor, but it does get

returned and I feel great when that happens.

>

> 6. I stay away from anything and anybody who might bring me down. I'm all for

giving, I'm all for helping others, but getting involved in soup kitchens and

charity drives that come with heartbreaking stories are NOT for me this time of

year. They trigger me into feeling sorry for my own loss and that's the wrong

direction. Charitable giving happens for me before the season gets underway and

I tune out the hardluck stories. I need to take care of myself.

>

> 7. I repeat #2, to be grateful for NC as often as possible.

>

[Guest guest]

This seems like a very sensible and thought-out list.

At 09:42 AM 12/12/2011 awayfromborderland wrote:

>1. Even if I have to stretch, I squeeze out a few extra dollars

>to do something fun. It could be a massage or a special show.

>I've gone to Disneyland for the day, taken in a top-rated

>Christmas pageant. Just something that makes me feel special

>and gets me out of thinking or feeling lonely.

>

>2. I remember that there are others not so fortunate. NC is a

>luxury that comes with a lot of work, therapy, boundaries and

>sacrifice. Not everybody can cut the ties because many strings

>tie us to nadas and fadas. including grandchildren and

>financial commitments. I'm one of the lucky ones. I try to

>remember that and be grateful every day for NC.

>

>3. I protect myself from substitutes that are as bad as nada

>and fada. For a while, I spent holidays with anyone who

>happened to be around. Some of those holidays were almost as

>bad as those with nada and fada because I had no idea what i

>was getting into. Now, I set a boundary that I have to know a

>pal for a minimum one year before spending holiday time. A day

>alone is better than a day with a PD waiting to " let all their

>squirrels out " at holiday time.

>

>4. I decorate my home, I buy favorite foods, I treat myself as

>though I am my own special guest.

>

>5. I give away what I want for myself. I want lots of holiday

>cards and little gifts, so I make sure I give them.

>Card-writing is a tradition going by the wayside, but I still

>love to get them. I light candles, put on music, get a favorite

>pen, and write cards to pals near and far. I also buy little

>gifts and give them out. I don't keep track of who returns the

>favor, but it does get returned and I feel great when that

>happens.

>

>6. I stay away from anything and anybody who might bring me

>down. I'm all for giving, I'm all for helping others, but

>getting involved in soup kitchens and charity drives that come

>with heartbreaking stories are NOT for me this time of year.

>They trigger me into feeling sorry for my own loss and that's

>the wrong direction. Charitable giving happens for me before

>the season gets underway and I tune out the hardluck stories. I

>need to take care of myself.

>

>7. I repeat #2, to be grateful for NC as often as possible.

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

I love all the insight and wisdom you've gained over the years.

My favorite was waiting to know someone a good year before spending the holidays

with them (your line, " A day alone is better than a day with a PD waiting to

" let all their squirrels out " at holiday time " gave me a good belly laugh!!).

That's wisdom.

And I love splurging on yourself, too.

I have to adopt some of these for myself. My tank is nearing empty already...

>

> 1. Even if I have to stretch, I squeeze out a few extra dollars to do

something fun. It could be a massage or a special show. I've gone to Disneyland

for the day, taken in a top-rated Christmas pageant. Just something that makes

me feel special and gets me out of thinking or feeling lonely.

>

> 2. I remember that there are others not so fortunate. NC is a luxury that

comes with a lot of work, therapy, boundaries and sacrifice. Not everybody can

cut the ties because many strings tie us to nadas and fadas. including

grandchildren and financial commitments. I'm one of the lucky ones. I try to

remember that and be grateful every day for NC.

>

> 3. I protect myself from substitutes that are as bad as nada and fada. For a

while, I spent holidays with anyone who happened to be around. Some of those

holidays were almost as bad as those with nada and fada because I had no idea

what i was getting into. Now, I set a boundary that I have to know a pal for a

minimum one year before spending holiday time. A day alone is better than a day

with a PD waiting to " let all their squirrels out " at holiday time.

>

> 4. I decorate my home, I buy favorite foods, I treat myself as though I am my

own special guest.

>

> 5. I give away what I want for myself. I want lots of holiday cards and little

gifts, so I make sure I give them. Card-writing is a tradition going by the

wayside, but I still love to get them. I light candles, put on music, get a

favorite pen, and write cards to pals near and far. I also buy little gifts and

give them out. I don't keep track of who returns the favor, but it does get

returned and I feel great when that happens.

>

> 6. I stay away from anything and anybody who might bring me down. I'm all for

giving, I'm all for helping others, but getting involved in soup kitchens and

charity drives that come with heartbreaking stories are NOT for me this time of

year. They trigger me into feeling sorry for my own loss and that's the wrong

direction. Charitable giving happens for me before the season gets underway and

I tune out the hardluck stories. I need to take care of myself.

>

> 7. I repeat #2, to be grateful for NC as often as possible.

>

[Guest guest]

Katrina and koko, thanks so much for your comments and validation. It's the 13th

of December already and so far so good. There is an event coming this Saturday

that I'm taking precautions not to attend because of PD attendees who will

surely act out. I'll be a no-show and " bah humbug " their antics. On the 23rd

there is another big event with the same PDs but I have my own friends rounded

up who will surround me and, as Thanksgiving proved, will make every effort to

deflect and dampen any efforts to turn a festive time into drama time. It'll be

okay.

Anybody else have some self-preserving holiday boundaries they'd like to share?

AFB

>

> 1. Even if I have to stretch, I squeeze out a few extra dollars to do

something fun. It could be a massage or a special show. I've gone to Disneyland

for the day, taken in a top-rated Christmas pageant. Just something that makes

me feel special and gets me out of thinking or feeling lonely.

>

> 2. I remember that there are others not so fortunate. NC is a luxury that

comes with a lot of work, therapy, boundaries and sacrifice. Not everybody can

cut the ties because many strings tie us to nadas and fadas. including

grandchildren and financial commitments. I'm one of the lucky ones. I try to

remember that and be grateful every day for NC.

>

> 3. I protect myself from substitutes that are as bad as nada and fada. For a

while, I spent holidays with anyone who happened to be around. Some of those

holidays were almost as bad as those with nada and fada because I had no idea

what i was getting into. Now, I set a boundary that I have to know a pal for a

minimum one year before spending holiday time. A day alone is better than a day

with a PD waiting to " let all their squirrels out " at holiday time.

>

> 4. I decorate my home, I buy favorite foods, I treat myself as though I am my

own special guest.

>

> 5. I give away what I want for myself. I want lots of holiday cards and little

gifts, so I make sure I give them. Card-writing is a tradition going by the

wayside, but I still love to get them. I light candles, put on music, get a

favorite pen, and write cards to pals near and far. I also buy little gifts and

give them out. I don't keep track of who returns the favor, but it does get

returned and I feel great when that happens.

>

> 6. I stay away from anything and anybody who might bring me down. I'm all for

giving, I'm all for helping others, but getting involved in soup kitchens and

charity drives that come with heartbreaking stories are NOT for me this time of

year. They trigger me into feeling sorry for my own loss and that's the wrong

direction. Charitable giving happens for me before the season gets underway and

I tune out the hardluck stories. I need to take care of myself.

>

> 7. I repeat #2, to be grateful for NC as often as possible.

>

[Guest guest]

A day alone is better than a day with a PD waiting to " let all their squirrels

out " at holiday time.

OH, this made me laugh, I don't think I've heard this on before!

[Guest guest]

Hi Carla, hi Fiona, glad I made you smile. It honors me to read your comments

and makes me feel good about myself. May the good karma come back to you

tenfold, sooner or later.

The way I've been able to come to these realizations is through embracing my

aloneness when it is inevitable. In my twenties, i was willing to spend a

holiday with anyone, just to avoid being alone. One freezing New Year's Eve, I

fled from a drunk man's apartment into the streets of the city and walked in

bitter, below-zero weather for miles before I could get home. There were no cabs

at 3 am. Although this man was too drunk to rape me, my heart was so hurt from

his lies about what a nice holiday we'd have together, that I fled into the

cold.

That's when I realized that lots of people available to me as friends were just

as screwed up as nada and fada. I had to protect myself. I had to treat my own

company as special and cherish it. I figured that if I did that for myself,

eventually the quality people would come. Quality people are fewer and farther

between, but they are out there. You have to " qualify " anybody before they just

get to walk into an intimate setting with you--and I'm not talking about sex.

I'm talking about friendship and the intimacy of the heart. The only way I could

" hold out " and qualify people was to respect my own company first. I had to like

spending time with just me and make it special. In order to do that, I had to

put effort in. I like soft music and candles and writing cards and letters or in

a journal. So my special holiday time alone incorporated these things. If I were

a man and liked more active things such as a motorcycle ride or skiing, I would

honor myself with those things.

Right now I am home alone and I'm having a meaningful moment writing this post

and knowing that caring people will read it. It makes me very grateful for the

holidays and for this group.

Remember: Only you can protect yourself from a PD who wants to let all their

squirrels out at once!

If somebody could find a picture of a squirrel's squeaking face and draw a red

circle and line over it, that would be hilarious!!!

AFB

> >

> > 1. Even if I have to stretch, I squeeze out a few extra dollars to do

something fun. It could be a massage or a special show. I've gone to Disneyland

for the day, taken in a top-rated Christmas pageant. Just something that makes

me feel special and gets me out of thinking or feeling lonely.

> >

> > 2. I remember that there are others not so fortunate. NC is a luxury that

comes with a lot of work, therapy, boundaries and sacrifice. Not everybody can

cut the ties because many strings tie us to nadas and fadas. including

grandchildren and financial commitments. I'm one of the lucky ones. I try to

remember that and be grateful every day for NC.

> >

> > 3. I protect myself from substitutes that are as bad as nada and fada. For a

while, I spent holidays with anyone who happened to be around. Some of those

holidays were almost as bad as those with nada and fada because I had no idea

what i was getting into. Now, I set a boundary that I have to know a pal for a

minimum one year before spending holiday time. A day alone is better than a day

with a PD waiting to " let all their squirrels out " at holiday time.

> >

> > 4. I decorate my home, I buy favorite foods, I treat myself as though I am

my own special guest.

> >

> > 5. I give away what I want for myself. I want lots of holiday cards and

little gifts, so I make sure I give them. Card-writing is a tradition going by

the wayside, but I still love to get them. I light candles, put on music, get a

favorite pen, and write cards to pals near and far. I also buy little gifts and

give them out. I don't keep track of who returns the favor, but it does get

returned and I feel great when that happens.

> >

> > 6. I stay away from anything and anybody who might bring me down. I'm all

for giving, I'm all for helping others, but getting involved in soup kitchens

and charity drives that come with heartbreaking stories are NOT for me this time

of year. They trigger me into feeling sorry for my own loss and that's the wrong

direction. Charitable giving happens for me before the season gets underway and

I tune out the hardluck stories. I need to take care of myself.

> >

> > 7. I repeat #2, to be grateful for NC as often as possible.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

AFB, it's interesting that you mention learning to embrace being alone.

That is one of the areas of my life I would love to do.

When I'm alone, I do compulsive things: I overeat, I watch tv, I play loud

music...anything not to have to acknowledge that I'm alone.

I've noticed that with my mother, as well, especially after my father died. Her

tv is on at all hours, she refuses to take up a hobby (finds it a waste of

time), hates reading. She just cleans and watches tv and thinks about the past.

I think it's lovely that you nourish yourself and care for yourself the way you

do.

And yes!! I'd love a No Squirrel picture, too!!

> > >

> > > 1. Even if I have to stretch, I squeeze out a few extra dollars to do

something fun. It could be a massage or a special show. I've gone to Disneyland

for the day, taken in a top-rated Christmas pageant. Just something that makes

me feel special and gets me out of thinking or feeling lonely.

> > >

> > > 2. I remember that there are others not so fortunate. NC is a luxury that

comes with a lot of work, therapy, boundaries and sacrifice. Not everybody can

cut the ties because many strings tie us to nadas and fadas. including

grandchildren and financial commitments. I'm one of the lucky ones. I try to

remember that and be grateful every day for NC.

> > >

> > > 3. I protect myself from substitutes that are as bad as nada and fada. For

a while, I spent holidays with anyone who happened to be around. Some of those

holidays were almost as bad as those with nada and fada because I had no idea

what i was getting into. Now, I set a boundary that I have to know a pal for a

minimum one year before spending holiday time. A day alone is better than a day

with a PD waiting to " let all their squirrels out " at holiday time.

> > >

> > > 4. I decorate my home, I buy favorite foods, I treat myself as though I

am my own special guest.

> > >

> > > 5. I give away what I want for myself. I want lots of holiday cards and

little gifts, so I make sure I give them. Card-writing is a tradition going by

the wayside, but I still love to get them. I light candles, put on music, get a

favorite pen, and write cards to pals near and far. I also buy little gifts and

give them out. I don't keep track of who returns the favor, but it does get

returned and I feel great when that happens.

> > >

> > > 6. I stay away from anything and anybody who might bring me down. I'm all

for giving, I'm all for helping others, but getting involved in soup kitchens

and charity drives that come with heartbreaking stories are NOT for me this time

of year. They trigger me into feeling sorry for my own loss and that's the wrong

direction. Charitable giving happens for me before the season gets underway and

I tune out the hardluck stories. I need to take care of myself.

> > >

> > > 7. I repeat #2, to be grateful for NC as often as possible.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

sounds like another T shirt slogan!

>

> A day alone is better than a day with a PD waiting to " let all their squirrels

out " at holiday time.

>

> OH, this made me laugh, I don't think I've heard this on before!

>