Update Re: Workplace Bully Triggering Nada-Esque Feelings

[Guest guest]

that's really interesting how you depersonalized that. I think that will be

helpful to me in the future also, I always, always clash with these queen bee

types, because I now realize in order to be around my mother I could not

threaten her in any way which means I was not allowed to exist as a real human

being since we were so different my very existence threatened her. So I

literally feel like my existence or self-expression is under attack around these

types.

It sounds like she is triggering the inner child, big time, and you need to find

a way to soothe that innner child somehow so it won't be such torturous

experience being exposed to her. I would be interested in hearing about anything

you try that seems to help. Hugs!.

>

> Hi everyone,

>

> I've been working through this and I've come to a place of more understanding

with my bully-boss. Her motive is to be the Queen of the workplace--in charge

of things from an office management and also a social perspective. To put it

another way--if the office were a playground, she would be the head Mean Girl.

>

> And she uses very, very bullying and humiliating tactics to enforce this.

>

> But there is a silver lining here. That's ALL she needs. This is SO not nada

/N-Dad. She does NOT need for me to die, she does not compulsively need to hurt

me, harm me, make me ugly, or project anything onto me. I don't sense that she

gets any kindof psychopathic 'rise' out of the bullying. When she bullies, she

does not get any nada-esque 'gleam' in her eye that says, hee, I *got* to you.

>

> I'm now trying to sort out the best way to deal with this situation as I now

comprehend it. ly I don't care if she's Queen of the office; I'm not

political anyway. I just need to find a way to defend against the bullying.

Right now my whole body is in revolt against it; it has humiliated, frightened

me; it has flattened my younger Parts to a pulp. I am still smarting; I am

still down for the count. But at least this person has limited, discernible

motives that I can understand. Now--just to get my body on board with my mind's

understanding. I still feel like I'm walking into a torture chamber.

>

> --Charlie

>

[Guest guest]

I'm sorry sweetheart - I've had so many bullying, mean, nonmentor type

bosses. . . . It is one of the most soul killing situations a KO can

encounter

I often make it into a game (and this only works with the most narc, dumb,

or egocentric mean girl boss). So I will play jokes on them that they will

never catch onto are jokes- for example, pumping up their ego to insane

levels (they think you are serious) or just doing whatever you have to do

while speaking their launguage. for example, a waif type mean girl will

respond to whining and poor me, esp if she is the star of it. " Oh I really

think we should pass on fighting for X project, because I know with your

health and your daughters health you just can't handle the stress. Really,

YOUR team could do this better than anyone else, but I just don't think its

the right time with everything you have going on. " (This is the perfect way

to say to a waif " You take on more and more work and then drop the ball and

I end up doing it for you. I can't finish another stupid project you start,

esp one that is optional. "

I have the waif as my right now. . . she is def a narc and DUMB as a rock!

I'm trying to think of a game for the other styles of crazy bosses. If I get

super frustrated, I often find myself dressing like them and copying their

mannerisms ha ha ha, just as an outlet.

I have had one hitler type boss that was so bad that I just walked out and

didn't go back. She snuck up behind me when I was bent over setting up a

banner and assumed the prison rape position in front of a room full of

people. And some people don't think they are animals?????

> **

>

>

> that's really interesting how you depersonalized that. I think that will be

> helpful to me in the future also, I always, always clash with these queen

> bee types, because I now realize in order to be around my mother I could not

> threaten her in any way which means I was not allowed to exist as a real

> human being since we were so different my very existence threatened her. So

> I literally feel like my existence or self-expression is under attack around

> these types.

>

> It sounds like she is triggering the inner child, big time, and you need to

> find a way to soothe that innner child somehow so it won't be such torturous

> experience being exposed to her. I would be interested in hearing about

> anything you try that seems to help. Hugs!.

>

>

>

> >

> > Hi everyone,

> >

> > I've been working through this and I've come to a place of more

> understanding with my bully-boss. Her motive is to be the Queen of the

> workplace--in charge of things from an office management and also a social

> perspective. To put it another way--if the office were a playground, she

> would be the head Mean Girl.

> >

> > And she uses very, very bullying and humiliating tactics to enforce this.

>

> >

> > But there is a silver lining here. That's ALL she needs. This is SO not

> nada /N-Dad. She does NOT need for me to die, she does not compulsively need

> to hurt me, harm me, make me ugly, or project anything onto me. I don't

> sense that she gets any kindof psychopathic 'rise' out of the bullying. When

> she bullies, she does not get any nada-esque 'gleam' in her eye that says,

> hee, I *got* to you.

> >

> > I'm now trying to sort out the best way to deal with this situation as I

> now comprehend it. ly I don't care if she's Queen of the office; I'm

> not political anyway. I just need to find a way to defend against the

> bullying. Right now my whole body is in revolt against it; it has

> humiliated, frightened me; it has flattened my younger Parts to a pulp. I am

> still smarting; I am still down for the count. But at least this person has

> limited, discernible motives that I can understand. Now--just to get my body

> on board with my mind's understanding. I still feel like I'm walking into a

> torture chamber.

> >

> > --Charlie

> >

>

>

>