the situation with my nada is rapidly deteriorating

June 26, 2011

I'm being kept informed by my Sister as to what's going on with our mother, and

apparently nada's hallucinations are quickly getting worse. Its resulted in two

trips to the emergency room in four days, and its gotten her an eviction notice

from the apartment complex she lives in.

Over the last week or so, nada began calling her apartment complex's manager at

all hours of the day and night with frantic complaints that " strange people "

were entering her apartment and taking things. Nada has also started calling

911 for various hallucinated injuries and they now are threatening to start

charging her. And yet, because nada is not violent, not a danger to herself or

others (in their opinion) they won't take her for observation at the local

psychiatric hospital.

More recently, the apartment complex manager told my Sister that our mother has

started wandering around the complex during the day and even at night. The

most recent incident that resulted in the eviction notice was due to nada

wandering over to the children's play area, going over to a couple of small

children and trying to get them to come with her into her apartment. The

children's mother was understandably upset by this.

So, its clear that nada can't be left by herself any longer and needs to be

relocated into an assisted living residence. Sister is handling all this by

herself, with the help of some of our cousins and aunts, and I feel so guilty

that I'm on the other side of the country and unable to physically be there.

Sister assures me that my moral support is valuable to her, but, I may need to

make some crucial decisions soon regarding whether I need to physically be there

to help, or not. Its a very unstable, unpredictable time right now.

But Sister is a rock, she has a handle on the whole thing. She's got our nada

staying with her for the time being, and is taking nada to see one of the

assisted care residences she found that is near nada's current apartment: the

most affordable of the three closer facilities. The facilities Sister found are

geared for taking care of Alzheimer's patients who need to be prevented from

wandering, which is what is needed at this point.

Keep your fingers crossed for us, friends. We need for nada to like at least

one of the facilities and agree to move into it. All Sister can do, all I can

do at this point is take it one day at a time.

-Annie

June 26, 2011

hugs, you will be in my prayers. I hope you won't have to go and be subjected to

any insanity. If this keeps up your mother most likely will be a danger to

herself or others at some point soon. MY grandmother hallucinated periodically

at the end, she would see people out in the yard that weren't there, etc. She

was bedridden though, not ambulatory thank god.

>

> I'm being kept informed by my Sister as to what's going on with our mother,

and apparently nada's hallucinations are quickly getting worse. Its resulted in

two trips to the emergency room in four days, and its gotten her an eviction

notice from the apartment complex she lives in.

>

> Over the last week or so, nada began calling her apartment complex's manager

at all hours of the day and night with frantic complaints that " strange people "

were entering her apartment and taking things. Nada has also started calling

911 for various hallucinated injuries and they now are threatening to start

charging her. And yet, because nada is not violent, not a danger to herself or

others (in their opinion) they won't take her for observation at the local

psychiatric hospital.

>

> More recently, the apartment complex manager told my Sister that our mother

has started wandering around the complex during the day and even at night. The

most recent incident that resulted in the eviction notice was due to nada

wandering over to the children's play area, going over to a couple of small

children and trying to get them to come with her into her apartment. The

children's mother was understandably upset by this.

>

> So, its clear that nada can't be left by herself any longer and needs to be

relocated into an assisted living residence. Sister is handling all this by

herself, with the help of some of our cousins and aunts, and I feel so guilty

that I'm on the other side of the country and unable to physically be there.

Sister assures me that my moral support is valuable to her, but, I may need to

make some crucial decisions soon regarding whether I need to physically be there

to help, or not. Its a very unstable, unpredictable time right now.

>

> But Sister is a rock, she has a handle on the whole thing. She's got our nada

staying with her for the time being, and is taking nada to see one of the

assisted care residences she found that is near nada's current apartment: the

most affordable of the three closer facilities. The facilities Sister found are

geared for taking care of Alzheimer's patients who need to be prevented from

wandering, which is what is needed at this point.

>

> Keep your fingers crossed for us, friends. We need for nada to like at least

one of the facilities and agree to move into it. All Sister can do, all I can

do at this point is take it one day at a time.

>

> -Annie

>

June 26, 2011

Quick note for now - HUGS your way. I hope that this crisis can lead to your

nada finally being really cared for in a facility where she'll be less of a

burden for you and your sister both.

Eliza

>

> I'm being kept informed by my Sister as to what's going on with our mother,

and apparently nada's hallucinations are quickly getting worse. Its resulted in

two trips to the emergency room in four days, and its gotten her an eviction

notice from the apartment complex she lives in.

>

> Over the last week or so, nada began calling her apartment complex's manager

at all hours of the day and night with frantic complaints that " strange people "

were entering her apartment and taking things. Nada has also started calling

911 for various hallucinated injuries and they now are threatening to start

charging her. And yet, because nada is not violent, not a danger to herself or

others (in their opinion) they won't take her for observation at the local

psychiatric hospital.

>

> More recently, the apartment complex manager told my Sister that our mother

has started wandering around the complex during the day and even at night. The

most recent incident that resulted in the eviction notice was due to nada

wandering over to the children's play area, going over to a couple of small

children and trying to get them to come with her into her apartment. The

children's mother was understandably upset by this.

>

> So, its clear that nada can't be left by herself any longer and needs to be

relocated into an assisted living residence. Sister is handling all this by

herself, with the help of some of our cousins and aunts, and I feel so guilty

that I'm on the other side of the country and unable to physically be there.

Sister assures me that my moral support is valuable to her, but, I may need to

make some crucial decisions soon regarding whether I need to physically be there

to help, or not. Its a very unstable, unpredictable time right now.

>

> But Sister is a rock, she has a handle on the whole thing. She's got our nada

staying with her for the time being, and is taking nada to see one of the

assisted care residences she found that is near nada's current apartment: the

most affordable of the three closer facilities. The facilities Sister found are

geared for taking care of Alzheimer's patients who need to be prevented from

wandering, which is what is needed at this point.

>

> Keep your fingers crossed for us, friends. We need for nada to like at least

one of the facilities and agree to move into it. All Sister can do, all I can

do at this point is take it one day at a time.

>

> -Annie

>

June 27, 2011

Annie,

I'm so sorry this is happening. I doubt that your physical presence would ease

the situation any. Is there any way your sister can get your nada into the

doctor or even emergency room for an evaluation? Given her age, could she have

one of the dementias that includes hallucinations, or a long-term UTI, or did

she have them before?

I'm just stunned that the police wouldn't automatically have transported her to

the hospital for a psych evaluation when she was calling 911 like that - what on

earth is wrong with them? For all they knew she was strung out on some

medication, having a massive stroke (obviously not, as you know, because it's

gone on for too long) or something else. I am literally stunned.

Hoping it works out for the best.

Em

> Over the last week or so, nada began calling her apartment complex's manager

at all hours of the day and night with frantic complaints that " strange people "

were entering her apartment and taking things. Nada has also started calling 911

for various hallucinated injuries and they now are threatening to start charging

her. And yet, because nada is not violent, not a danger to herself or others (in

their opinion) they won't take her for observation at the local psychiatric

hospital.

>

> More recently, the apartment complex manager told my Sister that our mother

has started wandering around the complex during the day and even at night. The

most recent incident that resulted in the eviction notice was due to nada

wandering over to the children's play area, going over to a couple of small

children and trying to get them to come with her into her apartment. The

children's mother was understandably upset by this.

>

> So, its clear that nada can't be left by herself any longer and needs to be

relocated into an assisted living residence. Sister is handling all this by

herself, with the help of some of our cousins and aunts, and I feel so guilty

that I'm on the other side of the country and unable to physically be there.

Sister assures me that my moral support is valuable to her, but, I may need to

make some crucial decisions soon regarding whether I need to physically be there

to help, or not. Its a very unstable, unpredictable time right now.

>

> But Sister is a rock, she has a handle on the whole thing. She's got our nada

staying with her for the time being, and is taking nada to see one of the

assisted care residences she found that is near nada's current apartment: the

most affordable of the three closer facilities. The facilities Sister found are

geared for taking care of Alzheimer's patients who need to be prevented from

wandering, which is what is needed at this point.

>

> Keep your fingers crossed for us, friends. We need for nada to like at least

one of the facilities and agree to move into it. All Sister can do, all I can do

at this point is take it one day at a time.

June 27, 2011

Back again, I just reread my post here and hope you didn't take it the wrong

way. Having an elderly nada truly IS a burden - even if it's a saintly mother

it can still be so hard on the adult children. My own anxiety is that my nada

will never be fully safe or adequately take care of herself until she no longer

has any responsibility for her food safety or cleanliness of environment. I

don't know if you have those worries for your nada but with her hallucinating

like that she can't be safe to live alone or take care of her home. Still with

a sudden worsening it's like the FOG rolls in, please don't let the guilt push

you into going there in person if it'll mess you up.

Stay strong!

Eliza

> >

> > I'm being kept informed by my Sister as to what's going on with our mother,

and apparently nada's hallucinations are quickly getting worse. Its resulted in

two trips to the emergency room in four days, and its gotten her an eviction

notice from the apartment complex she lives in.

> >

> > Over the last week or so, nada began calling her apartment complex's manager

at all hours of the day and night with frantic complaints that " strange people "

were entering her apartment and taking things. Nada has also started calling

911 for various hallucinated injuries and they now are threatening to start

charging her. And yet, because nada is not violent, not a danger to herself or

others (in their opinion) they won't take her for observation at the local

psychiatric hospital.

> >

> > More recently, the apartment complex manager told my Sister that our mother

has started wandering around the complex during the day and even at night. The

most recent incident that resulted in the eviction notice was due to nada

wandering over to the children's play area, going over to a couple of small

children and trying to get them to come with her into her apartment. The

children's mother was understandably upset by this.

> >

> > So, its clear that nada can't be left by herself any longer and needs to be

relocated into an assisted living residence. Sister is handling all this by

herself, with the help of some of our cousins and aunts, and I feel so guilty

that I'm on the other side of the country and unable to physically be there.

Sister assures me that my moral support is valuable to her, but, I may need to

make some crucial decisions soon regarding whether I need to physically be there

to help, or not. Its a very unstable, unpredictable time right now.

> >

> > But Sister is a rock, she has a handle on the whole thing. She's got our

nada staying with her for the time being, and is taking nada to see one of the

assisted care residences she found that is near nada's current apartment: the

most affordable of the three closer facilities. The facilities Sister found are

geared for taking care of Alzheimer's patients who need to be prevented from

wandering, which is what is needed at this point.

> >

> > Keep your fingers crossed for us, friends. We need for nada to like at

least one of the facilities and agree to move into it. All Sister can do, all I

can do at this point is take it one day at a time.

> >

> > -Annie

> >

>

June 27, 2011

Hugs I'm sorry

On Mon, Jun 27, 2011 at 4:08 AM, eliza92@... <

eliza92@...> wrote:

> **

>

> Back again, I just reread my post here and hope you didn't take it the

> wrong way. Having an elderly nada truly IS a burden - even if it's a saintly

> mother it can still be so hard on the adult children. My own anxiety is that

> my nada will never be fully safe or adequately take care of herself until

> she no longer has any responsibility for her food safety or cleanliness of

> environment. I don't know if you have those worries for your nada but with

> her hallucinating like that she can't be safe to live alone or take care of

> her home. Still with a sudden worsening it's like the FOG rolls in, please

> don't let the guilt push you into going there in person if it'll mess you

> up.

>

> Stay strong!

> Eliza

>

> > >

> > > I'm being kept informed by my Sister as to what's going on with our

> mother, and apparently nada's hallucinations are quickly getting worse. Its

> resulted in two trips to the emergency room in four days, and its gotten her

> an eviction notice from the apartment complex she lives in.

> > >

> > > Over the last week or so, nada began calling her apartment complex's

> manager at all hours of the day and night with frantic complaints that

> " strange people " were entering her apartment and taking things. Nada has

> also started calling 911 for various hallucinated injuries and they now are

> threatening to start charging her. And yet, because nada is not violent, not

> a danger to herself or others (in their opinion) they won't take her for

> observation at the local psychiatric hospital.

> > >

> > > More recently, the apartment complex manager told my Sister that our

> mother has started wandering around the complex during the day and even at

> night. The most recent incident that resulted in the eviction notice was due

> to nada wandering over to the children's play area, going over to a couple

> of small children and trying to get them to come with her into her

> apartment. The children's mother was understandably upset by this.

> > >

> > > So, its clear that nada can't be left by herself any longer and needs

> to be relocated into an assisted living residence. Sister is handling all

> this by herself, with the help of some of our cousins and aunts, and I feel

> so guilty that I'm on the other side of the country and unable to physically

> be there. Sister assures me that my moral support is valuable to her, but, I

> may need to make some crucial decisions soon regarding whether I need to

> physically be there to help, or not. Its a very unstable, unpredictable time

> right now.

> > >

> > > But Sister is a rock, she has a handle on the whole thing. She's got

> our nada staying with her for the time being, and is taking nada to see one

> of the assisted care residences she found that is near nada's current

> apartment: the most affordable of the three closer facilities. The

> facilities Sister found are geared for taking care of Alzheimer's patients

> who need to be prevented from wandering, which is what is needed at this

> point.

> > >

> > > Keep your fingers crossed for us, friends. We need for nada to like at

> least one of the facilities and agree to move into it. All Sister can do,

> all I can do at this point is take it one day at a time.

> > >

> > > -Annie

> > >

> >

>

June 27, 2011

Annie,you are in my prayers. You have been such a tremendous help to many,we in

our turn, are hoping for the best for you un these trying times.

Sent from my iPhone

June 27, 2011

Thanks, I appreciate the support and validation I'm getting here.

Its stressful in a unique way for me. The good news is that nada has been seen

by a psychiatrist, at least. He put her on an antipsychotic med three weeks ago

but it doesn't seem to be working AT ALL, so, he's going to try a different,

stronger one. But that does not solve the current and most urgent problems:

nada can't be left alone now, and she's getting evicted from her apartment

complex (its just a regular apartment complex, not a senior complex or

anything.) Sister is handling all this beautifully even though she has a full

time job; I feel so very guilty and upset that I'm not there to help Sister

with this. Its not fair to her.

The most ironic part of this whole thing: when my nada is actively

hallucinating, she's nicer to be around, according to Sister. Nada is only a

fraction as mean, critical, and domineering while all these hallucinations and

delusions going on.

Its weird. From what I understand, dementia or Alzheimers in the elderly more

often results in the patient becoming angry, mean, punitive, controlling,

demanding, or forgetful, etc. So, perhaps it makes you the *opposite* of your

regular personality? It would seem so in my nada's case, at any rate.

Anyway, thanks and all of you here.

-Annie

>

> > Over the last week or so, nada began calling her apartment complex's manager

at all hours of the day and night with frantic complaints that " strange people "

were entering her apartment and taking things. Nada has also started calling 911

for various hallucinated injuries and they now are threatening to start charging

her. And yet, because nada is not violent, not a danger to herself or others (in

their opinion) they won't take her for observation at the local psychiatric

hospital.

> >

> > More recently, the apartment complex manager told my Sister that our mother

has started wandering around the complex during the day and even at night. The

most recent incident that resulted in the eviction notice was due to nada

wandering over to the children's play area, going over to a couple of small

children and trying to get them to come with her into her apartment. The

children's mother was understandably upset by this.

> >

> > So, its clear that nada can't be left by herself any longer and needs to be

relocated into an assisted living residence. Sister is handling all this by

herself, with the help of some of our cousins and aunts, and I feel so guilty

that I'm on the other side of the country and unable to physically be there.

Sister assures me that my moral support is valuable to her, but, I may need to

make some crucial decisions soon regarding whether I need to physically be there

to help, or not. Its a very unstable, unpredictable time right now.

> >

> > But Sister is a rock, she has a handle on the whole thing. She's got our

nada staying with her for the time being, and is taking nada to see one of the

assisted care residences she found that is near nada's current apartment: the

most affordable of the three closer facilities. The facilities Sister found are

geared for taking care of Alzheimer's patients who need to be prevented from

wandering, which is what is needed at this point.

> >

> > Keep your fingers crossed for us, friends. We need for nada to like at least

one of the facilities and agree to move into it. All Sister can do, all I can do

at this point is take it one day at a time.

>

June 27, 2011

No problem, that's OK, I thought your response was thoughtful and kind. Its

just really a difficult thing to go through in any permutation: the

deterioration of a parent's mind, even a mentally ill parent. Its just more

turmoil and chaos and anguish, all around, for everyone involved.

Thanks,

Annie

> > >

> > > I'm being kept informed by my Sister as to what's going on with our

mother, and apparently nada's hallucinations are quickly getting worse. Its

resulted in two trips to the emergency room in four days, and its gotten her an

eviction notice from the apartment complex she lives in.

> > >

> > > Over the last week or so, nada began calling her apartment complex's

manager at all hours of the day and night with frantic complaints that " strange

people " were entering her apartment and taking things. Nada has also started

calling 911 for various hallucinated injuries and they now are threatening to

start charging her. And yet, because nada is not violent, not a danger to

herself or others (in their opinion) they won't take her for observation at the

local psychiatric hospital.

> > >

> > > More recently, the apartment complex manager told my Sister that our

mother has started wandering around the complex during the day and even at

night. The most recent incident that resulted in the eviction notice was due

to nada wandering over to the children's play area, going over to a couple of

small children and trying to get them to come with her into her apartment. The

children's mother was understandably upset by this.

> > >

> > > So, its clear that nada can't be left by herself any longer and needs to

be relocated into an assisted living residence. Sister is handling all this by

herself, with the help of some of our cousins and aunts, and I feel so guilty

that I'm on the other side of the country and unable to physically be there.

Sister assures me that my moral support is valuable to her, but, I may need to

make some crucial decisions soon regarding whether I need to physically be there

to help, or not. Its a very unstable, unpredictable time right now.

> > >

> > > But Sister is a rock, she has a handle on the whole thing. She's got our

nada staying with her for the time being, and is taking nada to see one of the

assisted care residences she found that is near nada's current apartment: the

most affordable of the three closer facilities. The facilities Sister found are

geared for taking care of Alzheimer's patients who need to be prevented from

wandering, which is what is needed at this point.

> > >

> > > Keep your fingers crossed for us, friends. We need for nada to like at

least one of the facilities and agree to move into it. All Sister can do, all I

can do at this point is take it one day at a time.

> > >

> > > -Annie

> > >

> >

>

June 27, 2011

You're absolutely right that nada cannot be left alone any more. This has to be

so hard for you to hear all these stories about her behavior. On the plus side,

once she is moved to an assisted living facility, she will be safer and your

family will have the professionals there to watch over her. That will relieve

some of the daily drama and stress.And your sister may have to make the final

choice. I'm not sure nada will be happy with any change at this stage.

It's between you and your sister as to whether taking a trip out to help would

be necessary. When it comes time to sort through all the stuff and figure out

paperwork, it might be nice to spend a few days with your sister. And once you

see where nada will be living, that might give you some peace of mind as well.

It all depends on finances and timing. Take care of yourself and just be there

by phone or email for your sister for now. I'm sure she loves the chance to hear

your voice and vent a bit. Hugs to you all..

>

> I'm being kept informed by my Sister as to what's going on with our mother,

and apparently nada's hallucinations are quickly getting worse. Its resulted in

two trips to the emergency room in four days, and its gotten her an eviction

notice from the apartment complex she lives in.

..

>

> So, its clear that nada can't be left by herself any longer and needs to be

relocated into an assisted living residence. Sister is handling all this by

herself, with the help of some of our cousins and aunts, and I feel so guilty

that I'm on the other side of the country and unable to physically be there.

Sister assures me that my moral support is valuable to her, but, I may need to

make some crucial decisions soon regarding whether I need to physically be there

to help, or not. Its a very unstable, unpredictable time right now.

>

> But Sister is a rock, she has a handle on the whole thing. She's got our nada

staying with her for the time being, and is taking nada to see one of the

assisted care residences she found that is near nada's current apartment: the

most affordable of the three closer facilities. The facilities Sister found are

geared for taking care of Alzheimer's patients who need to be prevented from

wandering, which is what is needed at this point.

>

> Keep your fingers crossed for us, friends. We need for nada to like at least

one of the facilities and agree to move into it. All Sister can do, all I can

do at this point is take it one day at a time.

>

> -Annie

>

June 27, 2011

ANNIE - Welcome to " my world " - This is going to be real bad for a while, but

then it's going to get better. The process of getting your nada admitted to a

nursing home or assisted living will require " going through the steps " and there

will be a period of paying rent in both locations (the home and her apartment).

If Nada isn't wealthy, you can help with financial support as it is possible,

especially during this time of moving expenses and turnover of insurance

benefits. KEEP METICULOUS RECORDS!!

There will be some emotional fallout as Nada realizes she's losing control. You

are strong enough to maintain " medium chill " and stay committed to the ultimate

goal of having her housed, fed, and supervised,and you can keep providing

reality checks for your sister when she starts to falter - " maybe she COULD go

back home with more help " - that type of thing. Get photos of her apartment if

she's hoarding or living in filth. You can show them to doctors,and you can

also look at them yourself when you start thinking Nada might be able to get

better and go home, so maybe you shouldn't sell her piano...

Your sister can really use your help when it's time to pack up all of Nada's

crap, physically move stuff and decide what to sell, what to give to charity or

throw out, and what to keep as mementos or for Nada's use. That is just

physical labor, but there will be items that are triggering, so having some help

- from someone who understands - is wonderful. My advice - be ruthless. If it

isn't precious and you don't need to keep it to pay her bills, give it to

Goodwill or toss it. That can be hard to do, and it's easy to get bogged down

when you're finding your 4th grade book reports or your great-grandparent's

wedding garters. Having a partner in the exercise is very helpful and will

speed things up.

There is going to be a LOT of paperwork, and it's going to continue. If Nada

can't live alone, it follows that she can't handle her own affairs. You can

have some of the bills (or all of them) sent to you, get the Financial Power of

Attorney, and you can handle the budget and insurance papers. This is an

ongoing burden. Then your sister can focus on getting rid of Nada's possessions

and taking supplies to her. I'm stuck with BOTH of these tasks,and would love to

be able to pass some of it along to another relative.

There is a LOT you can do without getting sucked back into Nada's craziness.

Also - when Nada has a staff around her, she will either behave better OR her

insanity will be evident to lots of other people, and you and your sister will

get validation for your NC/LC decisions.

> >

> > I'm being kept informed by my Sister as to what's going on with our mother,

and apparently nada's hallucinations are quickly getting worse. Its resulted in

two trips to the emergency room in four days, and its gotten her an eviction

notice from the apartment complex she lives in.

> >

> > Over the last week or so, nada began calling her apartment complex's manager

at all hours of the day and night with frantic complaints that " strange people "

were entering her apartment and taking things. Nada has also started calling

911 for various hallucinated injuries and they now are threatening to start

charging her. And yet, because nada is not violent, not a danger to herself or

others (in their opinion) they won't take her for observation at the local

psychiatric hospital.

> >

> > More recently, the apartment complex manager told my Sister that our mother

has started wandering around the complex during the day and even at night. The

most recent incident that resulted in the eviction notice was due to nada

wandering over to the children's play area, going over to a couple of small

children and trying to get them to come with her into her apartment. The

children's mother was understandably upset by this.

> >

> > So, its clear that nada can't be left by herself any longer and needs to be

relocated into an assisted living residence. Sister is handling all this by

herself, with the help of some of our cousins and aunts, and I feel so guilty

that I'm on the other side of the country and unable to physically be there.

Sister assures me that my moral support is valuable to her, but, I may need to

make some crucial decisions soon regarding whether I need to physically be there

to help, or not. Its a very unstable, unpredictable time right now.

> >

> > But Sister is a rock, she has a handle on the whole thing. She's got our

nada staying with her for the time being, and is taking nada to see one of the

assisted care residences she found that is near nada's current apartment: the

most affordable of the three closer facilities. The facilities Sister found are

geared for taking care of Alzheimer's patients who need to be prevented from

wandering, which is what is needed at this point.

> >

> > Keep your fingers crossed for us, friends. We need for nada to like at

least one of the facilities and agree to move into it. All Sister can do, all I

can do at this point is take it one day at a time.

> >

> > -Annie

> >

>

June 27, 2011

Thanks, . That is valuable advice, and I'm going to share it with my

Sister. She's the " general " in this whole situation, I'm just one of the

enlisted. I'm totally going with her judgement in all of this because she's

been on the " front lines " with our nada for the last 10+ years. I live on the

other side of the country from them.

I'm Sister's emotional support system. But depending on how things evolve, it

may possibly be necessary for me to at least make a trip or two there to help in

some way. If my Sister needs me to help her in more than an emotional support

capacity, I'm there.

My dilemma and my stress is coming mainly because I am 2K miles away from all

this. I feel guilty about remaining in NC with nada, and I feel guilty about

not being there to physically help Sister deal with all this; not that she

can't. Sister can manage a division of military personnel, she is awesomely

experienced and equipped to deal with the planning and minutiae of this

situation. I feel guilty because I am not financially able to afford to abandon

my clients/my projects to help her deal with this. I feel like a wuss because

nada can upset me so; I should be able to be more detached and strong. I should

be able to handle her.

The only thing that gives me some peace is that its nada who chose to move away

from me. She wanted to move back to her and dad's home state, knowing that I

was neither able nor willing to follow her and dad back there. When Sister

retired, she chose to settle near our parents just so she could be available to

take care of them if she should be needed. My Sister is a living saint, I tell

you! If I had any say-so over cannonization, she'd be a for-sure saint.

Anyway, thank you and everyone else here for your good thoughts and wishes. Its

just never, ever easy when there is a personality disordered parent or relative

in the picture. No peace, until the final curtain.

-Annie

> > >

> > > I'm being kept informed by my Sister as to what's going on with our

mother, and apparently nada's hallucinations are quickly getting worse. Its

resulted in two trips to the emergency room in four days, and its gotten her an

eviction notice from the apartment complex she lives in.

> > >

> > > Over the last week or so, nada began calling her apartment complex's

manager at all hours of the day and night with frantic complaints that " strange

people " were entering her apartment and taking things. Nada has also started

calling 911 for various hallucinated injuries and they now are threatening to

start charging her. And yet, because nada is not violent, not a danger to

herself or others (in their opinion) they won't take her for observation at the

local psychiatric hospital.

> > >

> > > More recently, the apartment complex manager told my Sister that our

mother has started wandering around the complex during the day and even at

night. The most recent incident that resulted in the eviction notice was due

to nada wandering over to the children's play area, going over to a couple of

small children and trying to get them to come with her into her apartment. The

children's mother was understandably upset by this.

> > >

> > > So, its clear that nada can't be left by herself any longer and needs to

be relocated into an assisted living residence. Sister is handling all this by

herself, with the help of some of our cousins and aunts, and I feel so guilty

that I'm on the other side of the country and unable to physically be there.

Sister assures me that my moral support is valuable to her, but, I may need to

make some crucial decisions soon regarding whether I need to physically be there

to help, or not. Its a very unstable, unpredictable time right now.

> > >

> > > But Sister is a rock, she has a handle on the whole thing. She's got our

nada staying with her for the time being, and is taking nada to see one of the

assisted care residences she found that is near nada's current apartment: the

most affordable of the three closer facilities. The facilities Sister found are

geared for taking care of Alzheimer's patients who need to be prevented from

wandering, which is what is needed at this point.

> > >

> > > Keep your fingers crossed for us, friends. We need for nada to like at

least one of the facilities and agree to move into it. All Sister can do, all I

can do at this point is take it one day at a time.

> > >

> > > -Annie

> > >

> >

>

June 27, 2011

Annie -

You said, " I feel like a wuss because nada can upset me so; I should be able to

be more detached and strong. I should be able to handle her. "

Are you KIDDING? Hon, these Nadas are massively dysfunctional people,

certifiably mentally ill, and they've messed with us all our lives. Why on

earth should any of us feel bad because we can't " handle " them? They've screwed

up our heads to the point that we spend valuable time trying to figure out how

to deal with the fallout - we read, and we ponder, and we sit here corresponding

with fellow sufferers.

Do EXACTLY as much as you can stand to do, and recruit professionals to do what

they can, and support your sister as much as you can. And do NOT feel guilty

about any of it. Your nada may be a decrepit little old woman now, but her

mental illness was a huge, powerful monster in your life. That didn't change

when she got old.

This is going to be grueling, but it's going to be OK - eventually.

> > > >

> > > > I'm being kept informed by my Sister as to what's going on with our

mother, and apparently nada's hallucinations are quickly getting worse. Its

resulted in two trips to the emergency room in four days, and its gotten her an

eviction notice from the apartment complex she lives in.

> > > >

> > > > Over the last week or so, nada began calling her apartment complex's

manager at all hours of the day and night with frantic complaints that " strange

people " were entering her apartment and taking things. Nada has also started

calling 911 for various hallucinated injuries and they now are threatening to

start charging her. And yet, because nada is not violent, not a danger to

herself or others (in their opinion) they won't take her for observation at the

local psychiatric hospital.

> > > >

> > > > More recently, the apartment complex manager told my Sister that our

mother has started wandering around the complex during the day and even at

night. The most recent incident that resulted in the eviction notice was due

to nada wandering over to the children's play area, going over to a couple of

small children and trying to get them to come with her into her apartment. The

children's mother was understandably upset by this.

> > > >

> > > > So, its clear that nada can't be left by herself any longer and needs to

be relocated into an assisted living residence. Sister is handling all this by

herself, with the help of some of our cousins and aunts, and I feel so guilty

that I'm on the other side of the country and unable to physically be there.

Sister assures me that my moral support is valuable to her, but, I may need to

make some crucial decisions soon regarding whether I need to physically be there

to help, or not. Its a very unstable, unpredictable time right now.

> > > >

> > > > But Sister is a rock, she has a handle on the whole thing. She's got

our nada staying with her for the time being, and is taking nada to see one of

the assisted care residences she found that is near nada's current apartment:

the most affordable of the three closer facilities. The facilities Sister found

are geared for taking care of Alzheimer's patients who need to be prevented from

wandering, which is what is needed at this point.

> > > >

> > > > Keep your fingers crossed for us, friends. We need for nada to like at

least one of the facilities and agree to move into it. All Sister can do, all I

can do at this point is take it one day at a time.

> > > >

> > > > -Annie

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

June 27, 2011

>

> The most ironic part of this whole thing: when my nada is actively

hallucinating, she's nicer to be around, according to Sister. Nada is only a

fraction as mean, critical, and domineering while all these hallucinations and

delusions going on.

>

When my nada has felt her worst and was in the hospital and even on " off " days

now, she's much safer for me to talk to. So I'm not surprised that your

hallucinating nada might actually be more pleasant! It's when they are mentally

at their sharpest that they are able to be well...at their sharpest. I think

it takes a good bit of mental agility to hit all those buttons and manipulate.

I noticed the same with my grandmother once her dementia got worse that she also

became " safer " . Kind of a twisted bright side to all this.

Eliza

June 27, 2011

(((Annie))) I'm so sorry about your mother's condition. i can imagine how

stressed you must be. Your sister sounds like a saint, having your mother stay

with her. I cannot imagine what that must be like and would never invite it.

it's amazing that the pyschiatric hospital won't take her for observation even

though she's clearly having hallucinations, etc. In a way, she is a danger to

herself.

Please take care of yourself and let us know what happens.

Hugs,

Fiona

>

> I'm being kept informed by my Sister as to what's going on with our mother,

and apparently nada's hallucinations are quickly getting worse. Its resulted in

two trips to the emergency room in four days, and its gotten her an eviction

notice from the apartment complex she lives in.

>

> Over the last week or so, nada began calling her apartment complex's manager

at all hours of the day and night with frantic complaints that " strange people "

were entering her apartment and taking things. Nada has also started calling

911 for various hallucinated injuries and they now are threatening to start

charging her. And yet, because nada is not violent, not a danger to herself or

others (in their opinion) they won't take her for observation at the local

psychiatric hospital.

>

> More recently, the apartment complex manager told my Sister that our mother

has started wandering around the complex during the day and even at night. The

most recent incident that resulted in the eviction notice was due to nada

wandering over to the children's play area, going over to a couple of small

children and trying to get them to come with her into her apartment. The

children's mother was understandably upset by this.

>

> So, its clear that nada can't be left by herself any longer and needs to be

relocated into an assisted living residence. Sister is handling all this by

herself, with the help of some of our cousins and aunts, and I feel so guilty

that I'm on the other side of the country and unable to physically be there.

Sister assures me that my moral support is valuable to her, but, I may need to

make some crucial decisions soon regarding whether I need to physically be there

to help, or not. Its a very unstable, unpredictable time right now.

>

> But Sister is a rock, she has a handle on the whole thing. She's got our nada

staying with her for the time being, and is taking nada to see one of the

assisted care residences she found that is near nada's current apartment: the

most affordable of the three closer facilities. The facilities Sister found are

geared for taking care of Alzheimer's patients who need to be prevented from

wandering, which is what is needed at this point.

>

> Keep your fingers crossed for us, friends. We need for nada to like at least

one of the facilities and agree to move into it. All Sister can do, all I can

do at this point is take it one day at a time.

>

> -Annie

>

June 27, 2011

" I feel like a wuss because nada can upset me so; I should be able to be more

detached and strong "

sigh, I know how you feel. Don't you wish we could press a button and become

robots when we have to deal with nada? Your sister sounds like a remarkable

person, but Annie, so are you.

Hugs,

Fiona

June 27, 2011

, you said, " Your nada may be a decrepit little old woman now, but her

mental illness was a huge, powerful monster in your life. That didn't change

when she got old. "

You've nailed how I've been feeling. As much as nada puts on her pouty,

woe-is-me, I'm frail, how can you treat me like this face, I have to remember

that she has forced her guilt and fear and obligation into my life, like I owed

her every step of the way and like I was an awful person who didnt' deserve to

live if I didn't think/feel/go along with whatever she said.

June 27, 2011

Yes, it truly is ironic! Even in her younger years, my nada was more pleasant

to be around when she was very distracted by something she liked to do: playing

cards, shopping, having friends over/attending a party, going on a trip to

Vegas, etc. Lots of glitz, glamor, excitement, a chance of winning something...

those kinds of things made her truly happy. I don't know, maybe she needed a

great deal of distraction and excitement to make her feel " real " ? (I think my

nada lacks a core sense of self-hood.)

Anyway, that's interesting that you noticed a similar pattern with your bpd

people, too: they're nicer when they're distracted.

-Annie

> >

>

> > The most ironic part of this whole thing: when my nada is actively

hallucinating, she's nicer to be around, according to Sister. Nada is only a

fraction as mean, critical, and domineering while all these hallucinations and

delusions going on.

> >

>

> When my nada has felt her worst and was in the hospital and even on " off " days

now, she's much safer for me to talk to. So I'm not surprised that your

hallucinating nada might actually be more pleasant! It's when they are mentally

at their sharpest that they are able to be well...at their sharpest. I think

it takes a good bit of mental agility to hit all those buttons and manipulate.

I noticed the same with my grandmother once her dementia got worse that she also

became " safer " . Kind of a twisted bright side to all this.

>

> Eliza

>

June 27, 2011

Annie, no real advice, but you are so generous with your support to others I

just wanted to say (hugs) to you.

I agree with previous posters that you can only do so much. You must care for

yourself first and you are providing no doubt invaluable support for your

sister. Keep in mind too, that you are spreading support far and wide with your

contributions to this board. If you're contributing in ways that you feel you

safely can, then you're doing enough. Having said that, I understand the agony

of not feeling you're contributing enough - having not resolved that feeling

within myself, I can only offer the logic above!

I hope it's resolved as quickly as possible.

Mim.

> > > > >

> > > > > I'm being kept informed by my Sister as to what's going on with our

mother, and apparently nada's hallucinations are quickly getting worse. Its

resulted in two trips to the emergency room in four days, and its gotten her an

eviction notice from the apartment complex she lives in.

> > > > >

> > > > > Over the last week or so, nada began calling her apartment complex's

manager at all hours of the day and night with frantic complaints that " strange

people " were entering her apartment and taking things. Nada has also started

calling 911 for various hallucinated injuries and they now are threatening to

start charging her. And yet, because nada is not violent, not a danger to

herself or others (in their opinion) they won't take her for observation at the

local psychiatric hospital.

> > > > >

> > > > > More recently, the apartment complex manager told my Sister that our

mother has started wandering around the complex during the day and even at

night. The most recent incident that resulted in the eviction notice was due

to nada wandering over to the children's play area, going over to a couple of

small children and trying to get them to come with her into her apartment. The

children's mother was understandably upset by this.

> > > > >

> > > > > So, its clear that nada can't be left by herself any longer and needs

to be relocated into an assisted living residence. Sister is handling all this

by herself, with the help of some of our cousins and aunts, and I feel so guilty

that I'm on the other side of the country and unable to physically be there.

Sister assures me that my moral support is valuable to her, but, I may need to

make some crucial decisions soon regarding whether I need to physically be there

to help, or not. Its a very unstable, unpredictable time right now.

> > > > >

> > > > > But Sister is a rock, she has a handle on the whole thing. She's got

our nada staying with her for the time being, and is taking nada to see one of

the assisted care residences she found that is near nada's current apartment:

the most affordable of the three closer facilities. The facilities Sister found

are geared for taking care of Alzheimer's patients who need to be prevented from

wandering, which is what is needed at this point.

> > > > >

> > > > > Keep your fingers crossed for us, friends. We need for nada to like

at least one of the facilities and agree to move into it. All Sister can do,

all I can do at this point is take it one day at a time.

> > > > >

> > > > > -Annie

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

June 27, 2011

Oh, Annie, so very sorry it has come to this point.

You'll do what you can do, and support Sis where you can and avoid that FOG.

Take care and <hugs>

>

> I'm being kept informed by my Sister as to what's going on with our mother,

and apparently nada's hallucinations are quickly getting worse. Its resulted in

two trips to the emergency room in four days, and its gotten her an eviction

notice from the apartment complex she lives in.

>

> Over the last week or so, nada began calling her apartment complex's manager

at all hours of the day and night with frantic complaints that " strange people "

were entering her apartment and taking things. Nada has also started calling

911 for various hallucinated injuries and they now are threatening to start

charging her. And yet, because nada is not violent, not a danger to herself or

others (in their opinion) they won't take her for observation at the local

psychiatric hospital.

>

> More recently, the apartment complex manager told my Sister that our mother

has started wandering around the complex during the day and even at night. The

most recent incident that resulted in the eviction notice was due to nada

wandering over to the children's play area, going over to a couple of small

children and trying to get them to come with her into her apartment. The

children's mother was understandably upset by this.

>

> So, its clear that nada can't be left by herself any longer and needs to be

relocated into an assisted living residence. Sister is handling all this by

herself, with the help of some of our cousins and aunts, and I feel so guilty

that I'm on the other side of the country and unable to physically be there.

Sister assures me that my moral support is valuable to her, but, I may need to

make some crucial decisions soon regarding whether I need to physically be there

to help, or not. Its a very unstable, unpredictable time right now.

>

> But Sister is a rock, she has a handle on the whole thing. She's got our nada

staying with her for the time being, and is taking nada to see one of the

assisted care residences she found that is near nada's current apartment: the

most affordable of the three closer facilities. The facilities Sister found are

geared for taking care of Alzheimer's patients who need to be prevented from

wandering, which is what is needed at this point.

>

> Keep your fingers crossed for us, friends. We need for nada to like at least

one of the facilities and agree to move into it. All Sister can do, all I can

do at this point is take it one day at a time.

>

> -Annie

>

June 28, 2011

Hi Annie,

I'm sorry to hear that about your mother. I just went through something similar

with my friend's mother (and my housemate) and it was pure hell. There aren't

words to describe the horror of living with a person like that, and this woman

isn't even a borderline!

If you and your sister haven't already done so, take nada to the dr or ER and

have her checked for a urinary tract infection. UTIs are notorious for causing

severe hallucinations in the elderly, and causing all the symptoms you

described--the panic, the terror, seeing swarms of apparitions everywhere, the

complete mental meltdown. In the case of the woman I'm describing, once

antibiotics were started, she seemed to get a little better in about 5 days.

Then she went downhill again. It turned out that the antibiotics didn't work!

Back she went to the dr after 14 days, and her UTI was more massive than ever.

They gave her Cipro, which works on the vast number of UTIs. Not on her! After

culturing the urine for 48 hours, they found that Cipro didn't work, and gave

her another antibiotic.

So here we are, a month after the nightmare began, and she's back in her right

mind.

In regards to your sister taking care of nada, DO NOT DO IT!!! My friend's

mother should have been in a nursing home during this time. It was far too

taxing on the household to have such an intense level of craziness in it. I'm

still recovering, and it wasn't even my mother who went insane! My friend was

up all night with her mother during that time, and slept a few hours in the

daytime. Then she drove her mother all over town during the rest of the day and

evening, trying to stave off the apparitions. It was exhausting.

And yes, nursing homes do take these types of people. Assisted living may or may

not. But get her care somewhere away from you two. You can't do it.

Joy

>>the situation with my nada is rapidly deteriorating

Posted by: " anuria67854 " anuria-67854@... anuria67854

Date: Sun Jun 26, 2011 1:28 pm ((PDT))

>>I'm being kept informed by my Sister as to what's going on with our mother,