Not sure which would be the most difficult for nada? NC or strict boundaries

[Guest guest]

I'm a long way off making contact with nada, but I have a question that keeps

plaguing me. I am the only child AT ALL on nada's side of the family. Nada has a

brother and a sister - her brother maintains contact with her, while her sister

lives O/S. Nada is in her mid 60s and ultimately her brother is not going to be

able to be the person who is responsible for her care long term, as obviously he

will become elderly as well, at a similar rate. So at some point, as a number of

people seem to be experiencing at the moment, I will have to step back in to

make sure nada is looked after by someone in her old age, even if it is a

professional.

The thing that is confusing me is the timing. I had planned to take a year out

from nada, which I am half way through. She suffers from a chronic illness that

means she could have a few years left or many (women in my family on nada's side

have all lived in to their 100s - good lord - but they have not had this

illness). However when I do go back it will be very LC, with very strict

boundries - she will not be able to look after my daughter, I will not eat food

from her filthy house etc. She will, I have no doubt, find my boundries

incredibly hurtful. So hurtful, that if I am honest, I suspect that not only

would I find being NC as long as possible to be the best option - SHE too would

find it easier to be NC than strict LC, so desperate is she for a 'normal'

family. I personally could happily live without her in my life ever again, but

as I mention, that is unlikely to happen. (her rage at my much less stringent

boundries is what caused the NC in the first place)

I am wondering if anyone else has had this concern and come to any conclusions?

If not, any thoughts on this circumstance? I guess I'm not sure if one action is

kinder than the other?

[Guest guest]

In my opinion its not about what works for her that should be your concern

- but what works for YOU

On Mon, Jun 27, 2011 at 9:24 PM, mimblebim wrote:

> **

>

>

> I'm a long way off making contact with nada, but I have a question that

> keeps plaguing me. I am the only child AT ALL on nada's side of the family.

> Nada has a brother and a sister - her brother maintains contact with her,

> while her sister lives O/S. Nada is in her mid 60s and ultimately her

> brother is not going to be able to be the person who is responsible for her

> care long term, as obviously he will become elderly as well, at a similar

> rate. So at some point, as a number of people seem to be experiencing at the

> moment, I will have to step back in to make sure nada is looked after by

> someone in her old age, even if it is a professional.

>

> The thing that is confusing me is the timing. I had planned to take a year

> out from nada, which I am half way through. She suffers from a chronic

> illness that means she could have a few years left or many (women in my

> family on nada's side have all lived in to their 100s - good lord - but they

> have not had this illness). However when I do go back it will be very LC,

> with very strict boundries - she will not be able to look after my daughter,

> I will not eat food from her filthy house etc. She will, I have no doubt,

> find my boundries incredibly hurtful. So hurtful, that if I am honest, I

> suspect that not only would I find being NC as long as possible to be the

> best option - SHE too would find it easier to be NC than strict LC, so

> desperate is she for a 'normal' family. I personally could happily live

> without her in my life ever again, but as I mention, that is unlikely to

> happen. (her rage at my much less stringent boundries is what caused the NC

> in the first place)

>

> I am wondering if anyone else has had this concern and come to any

> conclusions? If not, any thoughts on this circumstance? I guess I'm not sure

> if one action is kinder than the other?

>

>

>