Anyone else have a nada who preferred boys to girls

[Guest guest]

Anyone else have a nada who preferred boys to girls? My mother never said a

negative word about my brother, yet I could do nothing right. Looking back (in

therapy now) I see that she also kept me in super short hair, etc. so that I

looked a lot like a boy. I heard negative comments about women... but rarely

about men (except my dad - she never had a nice word to say about him). Her

father (deceased long before I was born) also never did anything wrong and was a

mix of saint and angel. UGH!

[Guest guest]

ALL my life, I have heard from my mother that she wished I had been a boy. The

most recent time was at the dinner table this past Thanksgiving- ha! and they

can't figure out why I don't go there for holidays!!?! I've been LC for many,

many years.

" I so wanted you to be a boy. I was so disappointed! "

For some reason, I just let her have it: " Mom, I'm nearly 60 years old, and I'm

tired for hearing that. You have a right to your feelings and opinions, but

please keep that one to yourself from now on. "

There was silence in the room for about 10 seconds, then my brother asked to

have the peas passed, and dinner went on without anymore drama. Amazing. Simply

amazing.

And, yes, my brothers apparently can do no wrong.

>

> Anyone else have a nada who preferred boys to girls? My mother never said a

negative word about my brother, yet I could do nothing right. Looking back (in

therapy now) I see that she also kept me in super short hair, etc. so that I

looked a lot like a boy. I heard negative comments about women... but rarely

about men (except my dad - she never had a nice word to say about him). Her

father (deceased long before I was born) also never did anything wrong and was a

mix of saint and angel. UGH!

>

[Guest guest]

yes. yes. yes. her sons were basically holy children and my sister and I were

just potential whores whose natural instincts toward prostitution and whoredom

had to be monitored and kept under strict control at all times.

Still much the same, they are still worshipping both my brothers who can do no

wrong, and still insinuating my sister is a whore behind her back every time she

gets a new boyfriend. Me, I don't even want to KNOW what they say about me

behind my back, in terms of that, but I can imagine. It sucks.

>

> Anyone else have a nada who preferred boys to girls? My mother never said a

negative word about my brother, yet I could do nothing right. Looking back (in

therapy now) I see that she also kept me in super short hair, etc. so that I

looked a lot like a boy. I heard negative comments about women... but rarely

about men (except my dad - she never had a nice word to say about him). Her

father (deceased long before I was born) also never did anything wrong and was a

mix of saint and angel. UGH!

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, mine was/is like that. She would even SAY she preferred boys to girls, tell

me how much smarter my brother was than me ( " i'm not saying it to hurt your

feelings, it's just true " ).

When I was pregnant the first time, she constantly hoped it was a boy, because

" they're easier to deal with. "

>

> Anyone else have a nada who preferred boys to girls? My mother never said a

negative word about my brother, yet I could do nothing right. Looking back (in

therapy now) I see that she also kept me in super short hair, etc. so that I

looked a lot like a boy. I heard negative comments about women... but rarely

about men (except my dad - she never had a nice word to say about him). Her

father (deceased long before I was born) also never did anything wrong and was a

mix of saint and angel. UGH!

>

[Guest guest]

" her sons were basically holy children and my sister and I were just potential

whores "

oh, yes; that was the other component for me, as well, llel. I remember her

once telling me she thought I was pretty but didn't like to say it too often b/c

it would go to my head and chase boys.

So, really, withholding praise from me, in my mother's mind, was just a form of

birth control!

> >

> > Anyone else have a nada who preferred boys to girls? My mother never said a

negative word about my brother, yet I could do nothing right. Looking back (in

therapy now) I see that she also kept me in super short hair, etc. so that I

looked a lot like a boy. I heard negative comments about women... but rarely

about men (except my dad - she never had a nice word to say about him). Her

father (deceased long before I was born) also never did anything wrong and was a

mix of saint and angel. UGH!

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Yes me me me me me right down to the short hair, the boy clothes, the

worshipped brother and the dead grandfather who was a total complete and

utter saint after his death, though a bastard before it according to my dad.

I told my T about her slut whore talk and my T said its pretty obvious you

aren't a slut so she must have been trying to destroy you - because there is

nothing more destructive a mother can say to her daughter.

huh wow.

> **

>

>

> " her sons were basically holy children and my sister and I were just

> potential whores "

>

> oh, yes; that was the other component for me, as well, llel. I remember her

> once telling me she thought I was pretty but didn't like to say it too often

> b/c it would go to my head and chase boys.

>

> So, really, withholding praise from me, in my mother's mind, was just a

> form of birth control!

>

>

>

> > >

> > > Anyone else have a nada who preferred boys to girls? My mother never

> said a negative word about my brother, yet I could do nothing right. Looking

> back (in therapy now) I see that she also kept me in super short hair, etc.

> so that I looked a lot like a boy. I heard negative comments about women...

> but rarely about men (except my dad - she never had a nice word to say about

> him). Her father (deceased long before I was born) also never did anything

> wrong and was a mix of saint and angel. UGH!

> > >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

My nada never had a son, just us two girls, but she made it clear that she

considered us inferior, rather stupid, untrustworthy, unreliable, etc. One way

she would demonstrate this: nada would ask me a question, such as " how do we get

to that restaurant from here? "

I'd tell her. Then she would go up to any man nearby and ask him the same

question.

Its amazing how many traits and behaviors our various nadas have in common.

-Annie

> >

> > Anyone else have a nada who preferred boys to girls? My mother never said a

negative word about my brother, yet I could do nothing right. Looking back (in

therapy now) I see that she also kept me in super short hair, etc. so that I

looked a lot like a boy. I heard negative comments about women... but rarely

about men (except my dad - she never had a nice word to say about him). Her

father (deceased long before I was born) also never did anything wrong and was a

mix of saint and angel. UGH!

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Mine is reversed. She can't stand the males on the planet at all. Yet she's been

married 4 times, had various affairs and still flirts with men all over the

place (gross!). She wants the attention, she wants them to take care of her but

she also wants the right to tear them to shreds. She harped on my daughter many

times about " why didn't you have a girl? " Even while she was pregnant! Like my

daughter could change anything? Geez!

irene

>

> Anyone else have a nada who preferred boys to girls? My mother never said a

negative word about my brother, yet I could do nothing right. Looking back (in

therapy now) I see that she also kept me in super short hair, etc. so that I

looked a lot like a boy. I heard negative comments about women... but rarely

about men (except my dad - she never had a nice word to say about him). Her

father (deceased long before I was born) also never did anything wrong and was a

mix of saint and angel. UGH!

>

[Guest guest]

Re quote below--my nada once split my sister black and not only said she was a

slut, but also that she was possessed by the devil.

She said things that outrageous all the time--but only when we were alone. So

she must have been aware, on at least some level, that she sounded psychotic.

>

> Yes me me me me me right down to the short hair, the boy clothes, the

> worshipped brother and the dead grandfather who was a total complete and

> utter saint after his death, though a bastard before it according to my dad.

>

> I told my T about her slut whore talk and my T said its pretty obvious you

> aren't a slut so she must have been trying to destroy you - because there is

> nothing more destructive a mother can say to her daughter.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, and I agree with Girlscout's therapist. A mother who deliberately tries to

denigrate and slime her own daughter, make her own child out to be a slut or

potential slut when her innocent child hasn't even hit puberty yet, or has just

hit puberty (well, at any age, really) that kind of verbal/emotional attack is

malicious, hostile, and meant to destroy.

Its not coming from a loving mother's heart, its coming from someone who is

severely mentally ill and possibly resentful of her daughter, or jealous, or

envious.

Its not parenting, its an attack, as though the bpd mother sees her daughter as

The Enemy: as a rival or competitor, not her own child.

No child should be subjected to a parent who is this damaged and this damaging:

a parent who is actively, intentionally out to destroy her daughter's self

esteem and emotional security.

Its just wrong. Its emotional torture and its wrong.

-Annie

> >

> > Yes me me me me me right down to the short hair, the boy clothes, the

> > worshipped brother and the dead grandfather who was a total complete and

> > utter saint after his death, though a bastard before it according to my dad.

> >

> > I told my T about her slut whore talk and my T said its pretty obvious you

> > aren't a slut so she must have been trying to destroy you - because there is

> > nothing more destructive a mother can say to her daughter.

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

To this day, my nada (93) only values men.She would never go to a female doctor

,as they don't have the intelligence to be good doctors ! She still flirts with

men .Her whole life was determined by how men valued her.

Women never measured up in any way.

Sent from my iPhone

[Guest guest]

Yes, my nada has this issue. I think she believes that men should inherit money

ahead of their sisters. I will give her this: she tried to value me more than

she was valued by her own nada. But when it really came to believing that I

could succeed, she was not there. Always finding me falling short of HER dreams,

and pointing it out. At least with my brother she paid some college costs. Not

me. Could not even sign the proper papers to verify that I had not been

supported by her for the three years after I had left home. As far as she knows,

I had to take out loans to cover all my school costs.

My grandmother also liked boys better than girls. Common knowledge among my

aunts, even the most kind-spirited aunt who married into our family recognized

this. It was grandnada's youngest son that was encouraged to go to college. He

earned a sports scholarship. My grandmother had some money set aside but did

not support her smartest daughter using a cent of it for higher education.

There are many women I know who think boys are easier to raise than girls. I

don't know about that, as I am raising a son, only.

But I do know this, I am glad to have a son. I'm not sure I would have had the

ability to raise a daughter without significant psychological complications. I

think any daughter I would have had has been spared an tortured legacy.

Best,

[Guest guest]

Yes, yes, and yes. My brothers were definitely the golden children. They were

given cars when they were teenagers so they could take girls on dates. My sister

and I were given braces so we would be asked out on dates, but if we wanted to

be independently mobile it had to be on our own dime. My nada on more than one

occasion tried to convince me to do my brothers' laundry because they were boys,

which I flatly refused to do, and then of course I was just being " difficult " .

My brothers also got to stay out late, basically get away with murder, because

" boys will be boys " , but I was called a bitch, a slut, and a whore for things I

didn't even do. Oh, and I was also told I was going to burn in hell.

The irony of the situation is that I am arguable one of the most successful of

the four kids, at least externally speaking.

>

> Yes, my nada has this issue. I think she believes that men should inherit

money ahead of their sisters. I will give her this: she tried to value me more

than she was valued by her own nada. But when it really came to believing that I

could succeed, she was not there. Always finding me falling short of HER dreams,

and pointing it out. At least with my brother she paid some college costs. Not

me. Could not even sign the proper papers to verify that I had not been

supported by her for the three years after I had left home. As far as she knows,

I had to take out loans to cover all my school costs.

>

> My grandmother also liked boys better than girls. Common knowledge among my

aunts, even the most kind-spirited aunt who married into our family recognized

this. It was grandnada's youngest son that was encouraged to go to college. He

earned a sports scholarship. My grandmother had some money set aside but did

not support her smartest daughter using a cent of it for higher education.

>

> There are many women I know who think boys are easier to raise than girls. I

don't know about that, as I am raising a son, only.

> But I do know this, I am glad to have a son. I'm not sure I would have had the

ability to raise a daughter without significant psychological complications. I

think any daughter I would have had has been spared an tortured legacy.

>

> Best,

>

>

[Guest guest]

I know they aim to destroy like femininity seeking missiles. But I can't for

the life of me understand why my mother would want to destroy me by saying

the things she did. Destruction really is the only possible explanation and

it really helped me to hear that from my T. But why why why why why why

On Wed, Jun 29, 2011 at 9:46 AM, writermanque wrote:

> **

>

>

>

> Yes, yes, and yes. My brothers were definitely the golden children. They

> were given cars when they were teenagers so they could take girls on dates.

> My sister and I were given braces so we would be asked out on dates, but if

> we wanted to be independently mobile it had to be on our own dime. My nada

> on more than one occasion tried to convince me to do my brothers' laundry

> because they were boys, which I flatly refused to do, and then of course I

> was just being " difficult " . My brothers also got to stay out late, basically

> get away with murder, because " boys will be boys " , but I was called a bitch,

> a slut, and a whore for things I didn't even do. Oh, and I was also told I

> was going to burn in hell.

>

> The irony of the situation is that I am arguable one of the most successful

> of the four kids, at least externally speaking.

>

>

>

> >

> > Yes, my nada has this issue. I think she believes that men should inherit

> money ahead of their sisters. I will give her this: she tried to value me

> more than she was valued by her own nada. But when it really came to

> believing that I could succeed, she was not there. Always finding me falling

> short of HER dreams, and pointing it out. At least with my brother she paid

> some college costs. Not me. Could not even sign the proper papers to verify

> that I had not been supported by her for the three years after I had left

> home. As far as she knows, I had to take out loans to cover all my school

> costs.

> >

> > My grandmother also liked boys better than girls. Common knowledge among

> my aunts, even the most kind-spirited aunt who married into our family

> recognized this. It was grandnada's youngest son that was encouraged to go

> to college. He earned a sports scholarship. My grandmother had some money

> set aside but did not support her smartest daughter using a cent of it for

> higher education.

> >

> > There are many women I know who think boys are easier to raise than

> girls. I don't know about that, as I am raising a son, only.

> > But I do know this, I am glad to have a son. I'm not sure I would have

> had the ability to raise a daughter without significant psychological

> complications. I think any daughter I would have had has been spared an

> tortured legacy.

> >

> > Best,

> >

> >