Re: My Sister has just told me...

[Guest guest]

Annie,

Be gentle with yourself. You've reached an ending and a beginning all at once,

as you and your mother have each been freed. I can only believe she has found

the peace that so eluded her in her life.

> I just got the call from my Sister; she and one of our aunts are there with

our mother (as well as the hospice worker); mother just passed away a few

minutes ago, while in a coma. Sister said that there is a look of peace on her

face. I asked Sister to kiss mother's forehead for me and tell her goodbye, and

I hope she will find peace and happiness now.

>

> I'm glad I went to see mother when I did; I had a feeling that it was my last

opportunity to see her alive.

>

> Even knowing that her death was coming, and expecting it, its still something

that will take time for me to process. I am glad that I am able to cry; I was

beginning to wonder if I had slipped back into a kind of semi-dissociative state

and shut off all my feelings again. But when I spoke to my aunt on the phone,

the tears came.

>

> Sister is supervising the arrangements; everything was already planned and in

place RE nada's funeral, etc. The plan is to wait until Sister's son/my nephew

can get leave from the military this spring to have a memorial service for mom

and scatter her ashes where dad's were scattered. Mom had requested that; she

wanted her earthly remains to be mingled with dad's.

>

> So. I just wanted to share that part of my story, my experience. I'm having

mixed feelings of sadness and relief. My mother isn't scared or angry or

frustrated or disappointed or in pain any more, and that's a good thing.

>

> -Annie

>

>

[Guest guest]

Annie, so very sorry...thinking of you and hope that you're able to find some

peace.

>

> I just got the call from my Sister; she and one of our aunts are there with

our mother (as well as the hospice worker); mother just passed away a few

minutes ago, while in a coma. Sister said that there is a look of peace on her

face. I asked Sister to kiss mother's forehead for me and tell her goodbye, and

I hope she will find peace and happiness now.

>

> I'm glad I went to see mother when I did; I had a feeling that it was my last

opportunity to see her alive.

>

> Even knowing that her death was coming, and expecting it, its still something

that will take time for me to process. I am glad that I am able to cry; I was

beginning to wonder if I had slipped back into a kind of semi-dissociative state

and shut off all my feelings again. But when I spoke to my aunt on the phone,

the tears came.

>

> Sister is supervising the arrangements; everything was already planned and in

place RE nada's funeral, etc. The plan is to wait until Sister's son/my nephew

can get leave from the military this spring to have a memorial service for mom

and scatter her ashes where dad's were scattered. Mom had requested that; she

wanted her earthly remains to be mingled with dad's.

>

> So. I just wanted to share that part of my story, my experience. I'm having

mixed feelings of sadness and relief. My mother isn't scared or angry or

frustrated or disappointed or in pain any more, and that's a good thing.

>

> -Annie

>

[Guest guest]

Annie,

My condolences for your loss. You are such an inspiration and an encouragement

here, both to me and everyone else. I hope that everything you have given to

others is poured back to you 100 fold. I pray you find peace on this journey.

Much love,

Big Sister.

> >

> > I just got the call from my Sister; she and one of our aunts are there with

our mother (as well as the hospice worker); mother just passed away a few

minutes ago, while in a coma. Sister said that there is a look of peace on her

face. I asked Sister to kiss mother's forehead for me and tell her goodbye, and

I hope she will find peace and happiness now.

> >

> > I'm glad I went to see mother when I did; I had a feeling that it was my

last opportunity to see her alive.

> >

> > Even knowing that her death was coming, and expecting it, its still

something that will take time for me to process. I am glad that I am able to

cry; I was beginning to wonder if I had slipped back into a kind of

semi-dissociative state and shut off all my feelings again. But when I spoke to

my aunt on the phone, the tears came.

> >

> > Sister is supervising the arrangements; everything was already planned and

in place RE nada's funeral, etc. The plan is to wait until Sister's son/my

nephew can get leave from the military this spring to have a memorial service

for mom and scatter her ashes where dad's were scattered. Mom had requested

that; she wanted her earthly remains to be mingled with dad's.

> >

> > So. I just wanted to share that part of my story, my experience. I'm

having mixed feelings of sadness and relief. My mother isn't scared or angry or

frustrated or disappointed or in pain any more, and that's a good thing.

> >

> > -Annie

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Annie, how are you doing today? Just thinking about you are wishing you well.

Eliza

> > >

> > > I just got the call from my Sister; she and one of our aunts are there

with our mother (as well as the hospice worker); mother just passed away a few

minutes ago, while in a coma. Sister said that there is a look of peace on her

face. I asked Sister to kiss mother's forehead for me and tell her goodbye, and

I hope she will find peace and happiness now.

> > >

> > > I'm glad I went to see mother when I did; I had a feeling that it was my

last opportunity to see her alive.

> > >

> > > Even knowing that her death was coming, and expecting it, its still

something that will take time for me to process. I am glad that I am able to

cry; I was beginning to wonder if I had slipped back into a kind of

semi-dissociative state and shut off all my feelings again. But when I spoke to

my aunt on the phone, the tears came.

> > >

> > > Sister is supervising the arrangements; everything was already planned and

in place RE nada's funeral, etc. The plan is to wait until Sister's son/my

nephew can get leave from the military this spring to have a memorial service

for mom and scatter her ashes where dad's were scattered. Mom had requested

that; she wanted her earthly remains to be mingled with dad's.

> > >

> > > So. I just wanted to share that part of my story, my experience. I'm

having mixed feelings of sadness and relief. My mother isn't scared or angry or

frustrated or disappointed or in pain any more, and that's a good thing.

> > >

> > > -Annie

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you Eliza. I'm doing pretty well, thanks. Still trying to get over this

nasty flu thing, though. Emotionally, I fluctuate back and forth between being

sad that my mom/nada has passed away, then relieved. Sad. Relieved. Sad...

Relieved...

Its just so very... final. There are no do-vers, now; no reconciliations, no

more actual dialogues, no phone calls, no revelations. No more stressing over

what her mood might be or what she might say to me; no more carefully parsing my

words to prevent her from misinterpreting something as negative or critical. No

more chirpy enthusiasm when I share with her something she could brag about.

And it hit me today that I suppose, in a way, I am now an orphan. A big, rather

old adult orphan. Thing is, I always kind of did feel like an " emotional "

orphan, in a way.

The whole thing just takes time to process, I suppose.

When I'm well again and can get back to work, I think the busy-ness and

distraction of my projects will be better for me .

Thanks for asking.

-Annie

> > > >

> > > > I just got the call from my Sister; she and one of our aunts are there

with our mother (as well as the hospice worker); mother just passed away a few

minutes ago, while in a coma. Sister said that there is a look of peace on her

face. I asked Sister to kiss mother's forehead for me and tell her goodbye, and

I hope she will find peace and happiness now.

> > > >

> > > > I'm glad I went to see mother when I did; I had a feeling that it was my

last opportunity to see her alive.

> > > >

> > > > Even knowing that her death was coming, and expecting it, its still

something that will take time for me to process. I am glad that I am able to

cry; I was beginning to wonder if I had slipped back into a kind of

semi-dissociative state and shut off all my feelings again. But when I spoke to

my aunt on the phone, the tears came.

> > > >

> > > > Sister is supervising the arrangements; everything was already planned

and in place RE nada's funeral, etc. The plan is to wait until Sister's son/my

nephew can get leave from the military this spring to have a memorial service

for mom and scatter her ashes where dad's were scattered. Mom had requested

that; she wanted her earthly remains to be mingled with dad's.

> > > >

> > > > So. I just wanted to share that part of my story, my experience. I'm

having mixed feelings of sadness and relief. My mother isn't scared or angry or

frustrated or disappointed or in pain any more, and that's a good thing.

> > > >

> > > > -Annie

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I'm glad you are doing okay and I hope your flu goes away soon. I often get

sick after big emotional stresses somehow it's like the body is processing the

emotions physically. Maybe your flu can be a healing flu of sorts. I hear you

about the orphan thing and I can imagine absorbing that the mother that should

have been mother is no more is still hard no matter what issues she had.

Get well soon

Eliza

>

> Thank you Eliza. I'm doing pretty well, thanks. Still trying to get over

this nasty flu thing, though. Emotionally, I fluctuate back and forth between

being sad that my mom/nada has passed away, then relieved. Sad. Relieved.

Sad... Relieved...

>

> Its just so very... final. There are no do-vers, now; no reconciliations, no

more actual dialogues, no phone calls, no revelations. No more stressing over

what her mood might be or what she might say to me; no more carefully parsing my

words to prevent her from misinterpreting something as negative or critical. No

more chirpy enthusiasm when I share with her something she could brag about.

And it hit me today that I suppose, in a way, I am now an orphan. A big, rather

old adult orphan. Thing is, I always kind of did feel like an " emotional "

orphan, in a way.

>

> The whole thing just takes time to process, I suppose.

>

> When I'm well again and can get back to work, I think the busy-ness and

distraction of my projects will be better for me .

>

> Thanks for asking.

>

> -Annie

[Guest guest]

(((((Dear Annie,)))))

I, too, am glad you are home safe, and hope that your flu resolves well,

and soon You are so right about the complexity of. grieving our Nadas - in

many, many ways, we have been grieving them since our earliest childhoods,

when we first caught that not - quite - all - right look in their eye, and

hoped, if we were just good enough, long enough, we could outlast the crazy

part, and our real mother, who loves us, and wants to take care of us,

would someday come back to us. Your observation about having been an

emotional orphan, rings so true and insightful. And painful.

I'm really glad you're here Annie, I'm so glad you and your Sister and

small family are survivors of this emotional maelstrom.

Be gentle with yourself, Annie, and know that there are many, many

people who are holding you, and your family in light and love. Sunspot.

On Sun, Dec 18, 2011 at 11:47 PM, eliza92@... <

eliza92@...> wrote:

> **

>

>

> I'm glad you are doing okay and I hope your flu goes away soon. I often

> get sick after big emotional stresses somehow it's like the body is

> processing the emotions physically. Maybe your flu can be a healing flu of

> sorts. I hear you about the orphan thing and I can imagine absorbing that

> the mother that should have been mother is no more is still hard no matter

> what issues she had.

>

> Get well soon

> Eliza

>

>

>

> >

> > Thank you Eliza. I'm doing pretty well, thanks. Still trying to get over

> this nasty flu thing, though. Emotionally, I fluctuate back and forth

> between being sad that my mom/nada has passed away, then relieved. Sad.

> Relieved. Sad... Relieved...

> >

> > Its just so very... final. There are no do-vers, now; no

> reconciliations, no more actual dialogues, no phone calls, no revelations.

> No more stressing over what her mood might be or what she might say to me;

> no more carefully parsing my words to prevent her from misinterpreting

> something as negative or critical. No more chirpy enthusiasm when I share

> with her something she could brag about. And it hit me today that I

> suppose, in a way, I am now an orphan. A big, rather old adult orphan.

> Thing is, I always kind of did feel like an " emotional " orphan, in a way.

> >

> > The whole thing just takes time to process, I suppose.

> >

> > When I'm well again and can get back to work, I think the busy-ness and

> distraction of my projects will be better for me .

> >

> > Thanks for asking.

> >

> > -Annie

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Annie,

I have not been on here in a few weeks....I am sorry for your loss. Through

your experience you have shared your wisdom. I appreciate you. Again....I'm

sorry and I hope you are doing well.

Sincerely,

Louise

>

> I just got the call from my Sister; she and one of our aunts are there with

our mother (as well as the hospice worker); mother just passed away a few

minutes ago, while in a coma. Sister said that there is a look of peace on her

face. I asked Sister to kiss mother's forehead for me and tell her goodbye, and

I hope she will find peace and happiness now.

>

> I'm glad I went to see mother when I did; I had a feeling that it was my last

opportunity to see her alive.

>

> Even knowing that her death was coming, and expecting it, its still something

that will take time for me to process. I am glad that I am able to cry; I was

beginning to wonder if I had slipped back into a kind of semi-dissociative state

and shut off all my feelings again. But when I spoke to my aunt on the phone,

the tears came.

>

> Sister is supervising the arrangements; everything was already planned and in

place RE nada's funeral, etc. The plan is to wait until Sister's son/my nephew

can get leave from the military this spring to have a memorial service for mom

and scatter her ashes where dad's were scattered. Mom had requested that; she

wanted her earthly remains to be mingled with dad's.

>

> So. I just wanted to share that part of my story, my experience. I'm having

mixed feelings of sadness and relief. My mother isn't scared or angry or

frustrated or disappointed or in pain any more, and that's a good thing.

>

> -Annie

>