Guest guest Posted July 8, 2011 Report Share Posted July 8, 2011 Hi there, I haven't read all of the replies but I've done extensive work on my psyche in the last year and have learned the following. There is a site online for The Center. It's for adult survivors of child abuse. It's www.ascasupport.org. On that site somewhere it says that the 12 steps do not apply to abuse victims; not all of the steps, but some of them. You do not have to make amends to ill, abusive parents/relatives. All the best to you! > > I have been thinking about this tonight. > > I have resentment about 12 step work in terms of family with personality disorder. Does anyone else have this or have had it and worked through it? Because I realize, that going through step work has had a tendency to have me 'make amends' to family members and draw me in closer to get 'zapped' again. I may just be trying to lump wasted years onto 12 step, which always taught me to look at my own behavior. But it calmed the ripples on the surface, and that led me back into the flame, just like the moth that flies at the candle. And I got burned again, and again. Why didn't anyone ever tell me the truth? To stay the hell away from these people, that they were toxic to my spirit and wanted to destroy my self-esteem and any self-love that I had. And would do just that (and have, essentially) if given the chance. The party line is the addiction ruins family relationships and those heal with stepwork and spirituality. Well NOT if those people are lunatics. I guess I just need to grieve the time wasted throwing spirituality at something that was never going to be healed. EVER. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 8, 2011 Report Share Posted July 8, 2011 That is heartening that the site you mentioned has an enlightened, rational and compassionate point of view RE the adult victims of child abuse not having to " make amends " to their abusers. That is good to hear. -Annie > > > > I have been thinking about this tonight. > > > > I have resentment about 12 step work in terms of family with personality disorder. Does anyone else have this or have had it and worked through it? Because I realize, that going through step work has had a tendency to have me 'make amends' to family members and draw me in closer to get 'zapped' again. I may just be trying to lump wasted years onto 12 step, which always taught me to look at my own behavior. But it calmed the ripples on the surface, and that led me back into the flame, just like the moth that flies at the candle. And I got burned again, and again. Why didn't anyone ever tell me the truth? To stay the hell away from these people, that they were toxic to my spirit and wanted to destroy my self-esteem and any self-love that I had. And would do just that (and have, essentially) if given the chance. The party line is the addiction ruins family relationships and those heal with stepwork and spirituality. Well NOT if those people are lunatics. I guess I just need to grieve the time wasted throwing spirituality at something that was never going to be healed. EVER. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 8, 2011 Report Share Posted July 8, 2011 Dear Nada, I'm sorry I was born a girl and that this made you uncomfortable. I'm sorry that i forced you to love my brothers (including the dead one who never took a breath) more than you ever loved me and that I made you say so out loud and to my face. I'm sorry I made you break all your promises to me and verbally tear me apart with words like slut, cold bitch, ugly and stupid. I'm sorry that your cruelty didn't destroy me, you should have broken my will to live long ago. I'm sorry that when I was a socially-delayed 15 year old, and you said never to " dance with boys " that I did after I realized you would never ever know and it was none of your fucking business if I did and that the only reason you would say that was out of jealousy. I'm sorry I was prettier than you, smarter than you, more fun to be with, a better cook, homemaker, artist, dancer and friend and more successful than you will ever be.. I'm sorry I didn't meet your demands for a grandchild when and where you wanted it, even though I was so ill at the time that I had to be hospitalized. I'm sorry I didn't let you enjoy being a victim, smear my name to everyone I knew and turn every problem I had around and make it all about you. I'm sorry that I couldn't give you my master's degree even though you claimed you earned it. I'm sorry I didn't let you pick all my clothes, possess all my talents, kill my pets, destroy my home and continue to ruin my life. Even though every moment I spent with you left me sweat drenched and crying for weeks, I'm sorry I turned my back on you and built my own life. I'm sorry that I didn't let my golden brother abuse me or respond to his new wife's accusations and name calling with submission, even though I never met her. I'm sorry I called the cops when she stalked me, and that if you or she or anyone from my FOO stalked me again I would get a restraining order and persue it to the highest extent of the law. I'm sorry that the one time I saw you at an art gallery after 6 or so years NC, I turned around and walked away as quickly as I could without saying a word. I'm sorry that instead of screaming at you, accusing, pleading and begging you to change I stopped trying to change you and made my own life and made it freaking beautiful.I'm sorry that if I am able to have children you will never ever ever ever meet them unless it is over my dead and bloody body, though if that happens I vow to come back from the grave and squeeze the life out of you because you are not qualified to care for a hamster. I'm sorry that I didn't allow your abuse to drive me to suicide, even thought I have held the razor in my hands many many many many times. *NOT!!!!!!!!!! NOT SORRY!!! * ** Guess what, nada - i win! I'm still alive! And you are just a sad shell of an old woman that no one loves. May God have mercy on your withered, wicked and weak soul, your " daughter, " Girlscout On Fri, Jul 8, 2011 at 12:13 PM, anuria67854 wrote: > ** > > > That is heartening that the site you mentioned has an enlightened, rational > and compassionate point of view RE the adult victims of child abuse not > having to " make amends " to their abusers. That is good to hear. > > -Annie > > > > > > > > > I have been thinking about this tonight. > > > > > > I have resentment about 12 step work in terms of family with > personality disorder. Does anyone else have this or have had it and worked > through it? Because I realize, that going through step work has had a > tendency to have me 'make amends' to family members and draw me in closer to > get 'zapped' again. I may just be trying to lump wasted years onto 12 step, > which always taught me to look at my own behavior. But it calmed the ripples > on the surface, and that led me back into the flame, just like the moth that > flies at the candle. And I got burned again, and again. Why didn't anyone > ever tell me the truth? To stay the hell away from these people, that they > were toxic to my spirit and wanted to destroy my self-esteem and any > self-love that I had. And would do just that (and have, essentially) if > given the chance. The party line is the addiction ruins family relationships > and those heal with stepwork and spirituality. Well NOT if those people are > lunatics. I guess I just need to grieve the time wasted throwing > spirituality at something that was never going to be healed. EVER. > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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