RE: Someone who had it super easy

December 18, 2011

Hi Marie,

In a way, what you are describing is what I experience when I'm around people

who have always been a proper weight for their age/height and are healthy and

fit, but who sigh and complain, saying about themselves, " Oh, I'm getting SO

fat! Oh, I have to lose weight! " and they look perfectly lovely and fit. From

my point of view that's like showing off or bragging, or fishing for

compliments. I'm envious because I've always struggled with my weight, I'm

obese now and have been yo-yoing up and down, up and down my whole freaking

life. I don't want to hear that you are upset because you are 5 pounds

overweight, thank you very much. I have to bite my tongue hard and just stay

polite and non-reactive, and not show how sad and envious that makes me feel.

I have friends and acquaintances from many walks of life, we're different ages,

different economic states, some are young enough to be a kid of mine, some are

older than I am... but most of the people I know are kind and thoughtful and

they don't do that weird, narcissistic thing that pd people do, that kind of

" fake " complaining that to me really is fishing for compliments or sympathy, or

is a kind of covert/passive-aggressive way of bragging.

I too find that difficult to tolerate.

-Annie

>

> Guys,

> Any of you guys had the experience of having to deal with someone who has had

it super easy and seems to not realize how lucky they have thing and sometimes

just sets you off as wanting to say dammit you are so & (* & ( & (* lucky so shut

your trap and be grateful.=A0 I have a MIL who has had life so much easier than

I had it growing up that she complains about stupid little things instead of

appreciating what she has. I think a lot of what is triggering this is my son is

about 3, within the year of the time my nada cut ties with dad's famiily all

together, not just telling one member to

> get lost, but the entire clan and those who did attempt contact got swatted

back and told lies that by the time I found out about a great bulk of them it

was too late to really recover from them. Obviously I haven't chased her son and

her grandson away from her nor do I want to but does she appeciate this no she

bitches, about not getting her own way, if I have to work over a holiday and can

do it in such a way that's jsut an annoyance not a real intrusion, really I have

to do my share of the work, sorry. She even complains about all her other inlaw

kids so it's not just me she bitches about and the shit is so stinking petty.

She also got lucky that I went NC with my nada because I can guarantee you that

my nada would have sucked in DH if she had gotten the chance and chased her off

and I would have had

> more of a mess to sort through and say nope nada is lying again ignore her.

Half of the stuff she does that I tolerate my nada would not have tolerated at

all, does she appreciate this I don't think so. Some of the stuff I've told DH

that she needs to know she's lucky she's got me to deal with because nada would

have blown a fuse and chased them off, called them irresponsible and not allowed

our son with them again.(THe example I gave him was they returned him home late

by a few hours called but still an inconvience. I just said why don't we just

order some pizza writing it off, nada would have gone off the deep end and blown

a major fuse causing world war III) Sometimes I wish my aunt hadn't gotten rid

of those nasty letters my nada wrote my grandparents and aunt because that would

have really put things in prespective for her to realize that damn I have it

good, neither DIL is this nutty. I think part of the problem is MIL is going

through

> menopause too and somehow is having some anxiety problems that she and I have

gotten to the point where we can't really talk about much about some things

because of our differences in dealing with things. Her going for the more

anxiety reactions like bones on star trek and my having to take the spock

approach to keep from my anxiety goign overboard and causing me a major medical

headache. I dont' think she wants me to be sick Oh yes and did I mention that

if I'm sick I'm

> supposed to beable to do everything but if she's sick the world is supposed to

stop for her. Oh yeah, she also likes to run her mouth like she knows it but

knows nothing too. I think if she'd met nada once she would have gotten the

hint of how lucky she is. THere again I dont' htink things would have worked out

the way they did. For us NC was the only way because otherwise I would have

drowned too.

>

> Suggestions for explaining that gee for one you're rather lucky so stop

complaining and appreciate what you have.

>

> I'm borderline considering if she causes too many more major issues, other

than some mild irritating habits of suggesting we go to therapy together so she

understands my anxiety disorder better, the main part I think of our problem is

she does not udnerstand that if I react in a non anxious manner it's not that

I'm not worried it's that I have to handle it proactively, do something about

the worry instead of sitting there worrying my head off.

>

> More later

>

> Marie

>

December 19, 2011

Annie, you really hit a nerve with me regarding weight and personal

appearance...

Ever since I was 18 I've struggled with eating disorders--binge eating turned

into over exercising, eventually turned into anorexia, until I was finally

hospitalized about 15 yrs ago. My Mom systematically criticized every inch of

my body throughout my life, either attributing a single part of me, like my ear

lobes, to some relative, or if she couldn't pin point where some part of me came

from, she just stared at me confused...of course each od these body parts were

" bad " --the bump on the nose, the " huge " feet, the " Big " ear lobes, the " hideous "

feet--then in adolescence it turned to all the female parts of me-- mostly my

chest, which was " pathetic " in that they were too big. she started nagging me

to have breast reduction surgery in high school--it went on and on, the list

growing every day-- that with the sexual abuse by her and my grandfather, just

sealed the deal for an eating disorder, body image issues, sexual issues....

I'm happy to report that the eating disorder is in check, but when I'm stressed,

especially about having to be with her--like now with this family vacation

coming up, where there will be bathing suits involved, it really triggers me. I

start obsessing about exercise, and my body, feeling fat....as if the " perfect "

weight will make me safe from her--as if she will then accept me as ok.

anyway, what really struck me about what you said was the people who complain

about their weight, talk about diets, blah, blah, blah...I hate it! if they

have to lose weight, or whatever, just do it in private--why talk about it? I

know this just triggers all kinds of stuff in us, but it still really aggravates

me.

sorry to go on and on about my issues-- what you said just really hit a nerve

that I'm dealing with right now.

~Debbie

> >

> > Guys,

> > Any of you guys had the experience of having to deal with someone who has

had it super easy and seems to not realize how lucky they have thing and

sometimes just sets you off as wanting to say dammit you are so & (* & ( & (* lucky

so shut your trap and be grateful.=A0 I have a MIL who has had life so much

easier than I had it growing up that she complains about stupid little things

instead of appreciating what she has. I think a lot of what is triggering this

is my son is about 3, within the year of the time my nada cut ties with dad's

famiily all together, not just telling one member to

> > get lost, but the entire clan and those who did attempt contact got swatted