Guest guest Posted July 1, 2011 Report Share Posted July 1, 2011 So I'm thinking of going to my brother's for the weekend. I have the 3 days off, and he lives about 200 miles away. The bigger issue is that my nada lives on his property. he built a 1200 sq ft house for her 2 years ago, she and fada moved in. Fada died a month ago, prompting me to do a lot of learning about BPD and NPD, and getting into therapy again Now I find myself drawn to being there, for 2 reasons. FIrst, I want to observe how I see and interact with my brother at this point. And I want to see how nada is acting these days. Even as I write this, it sounds " bad " to me - like I may be putting myself in danger again... I did talk with my therapist about it, and she said to just remember that I'm a grownup and I can leave when I want to now, and that might be good for me to experience my own power. So- hold good thoughts, please? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 1, 2011 Report Share Posted July 1, 2011 The decision is of course up to you, and we'll support whatever decision you make. A couple of thoughts if you do choose to go: 1. Get a hotel room, preferably a reasonable distance from your brother's house. You might want to not let them know the name of this hotel, just in case. 2. Have your own means of escape immediately available, i.e. no " rides " that could potentially leave you stranded if the craziness comes out. 3. Have those boundaries up and well-fortified with emotional razor wire and snipers. Let nothing slide. Be a complete pain in the a$$ if you need to, to prevent any verbal acid from corroding your soul. 4. Bring fireworks. Lots and lots of fireworks. Light them when you sense the craziness coming on and if nothing else you'll have a good light show. > > So I'm thinking of going to my brother's for the weekend. I have the 3 days off, and he lives about 200 miles away. > > The bigger issue is that my nada lives on his property. he built a 1200 sq ft house for her 2 years ago, she and fada moved in. Fada died a month ago, prompting me to do a lot of learning about BPD and NPD, and getting into therapy again > > Now I find myself drawn to being there, for 2 reasons. FIrst, I want to observe how I see and interact with my brother at this point. And I want to see how nada is acting these days. > > Even as I write this, it sounds " bad " to me - like I may be putting myself in danger again... > I did talk with my therapist about it, and she said to just remember that I'm a grownup and I can leave when I want to now, and that might be good for me to experience my own power. > > So- hold good thoughts, please? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 1, 2011 Report Share Posted July 1, 2011 My suggestion is that you don't actually stay with either your brother or your nada, and take your own car or rent a car for the duration of your stay there so you have your own transportation. Choose a nearby hotel or motel to stay at, so that if you find that you are being subjected to abusive attacks by either or both of them, you can leave quickly and drive yourself back to your own, private hotel room. You won't be stuck with them, in their home(s), dependent on their good will to allow you leave if and when you want to. It is a kind of primitive power-play, but in the case of personality disordered parents and sibs with a history of behaving abusively toward you, it is just smarter to retain your power to come and go at your own discretion and have your own safe place to sleep in. It puts you on more of a level playing field with them. Just my two cents' worth, to consider if it resonates with you. -Annie > > So I'm thinking of going to my brother's for the weekend. I have the 3 days off, and he lives about 200 miles away. > > The bigger issue is that my nada lives on his property. he built a 1200 sq ft house for her 2 years ago, she and fada moved in. Fada died a month ago, prompting me to do a lot of learning about BPD and NPD, and getting into therapy again > > Now I find myself drawn to being there, for 2 reasons. FIrst, I want to observe how I see and interact with my brother at this point. And I want to see how nada is acting these days. > > Even as I write this, it sounds " bad " to me - like I may be putting myself in danger again... > I did talk with my therapist about it, and she said to just remember that I'm a grownup and I can leave when I want to now, and that might be good for me to experience my own power. > > So- hold good thoughts, please? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 1, 2011 Report Share Posted July 1, 2011 I agree with writermanque! I posted my response before reading this one, and I basically agreed totally: have your own hotel room, have your own transportation. The fireworks are a nice touch! -Annie > > > > So I'm thinking of going to my brother's for the weekend. I have the 3 days off, and he lives about 200 miles away. > > > > The bigger issue is that my nada lives on his property. he built a 1200 sq ft house for her 2 years ago, she and fada moved in. Fada died a month ago, prompting me to do a lot of learning about BPD and NPD, and getting into therapy again > > > > Now I find myself drawn to being there, for 2 reasons. FIrst, I want to observe how I see and interact with my brother at this point. And I want to see how nada is acting these days. > > > > Even as I write this, it sounds " bad " to me - like I may be putting myself in danger again... > > I did talk with my therapist about it, and she said to just remember that I'm a grownup and I can leave when I want to now, and that might be good for me to experience my own power. > > > > So- hold good thoughts, please? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 1, 2011 Report Share Posted July 1, 2011 Make sure your cell phone is fully charged at all times and you have the number of local taxi companies. Just in case circumstances combine to separate you from your car. Also arrange visiting times to be a few hours on and a few hours off to give you recovery time. > > > > > > So I'm thinking of going to my brother's for the weekend. I have the 3 days off, and he lives about 200 miles away. > > > > > > The bigger issue is that my nada lives on his property. he built a 1200 sq ft house for her 2 years ago, she and fada moved in. Fada died a month ago, prompting me to do a lot of learning about BPD and NPD, and getting into therapy again > > > > > > Now I find myself drawn to being there, for 2 reasons. FIrst, I want to observe how I see and interact with my brother at this point. And I want to see how nada is acting these days. > > > > > > Even as I write this, it sounds " bad " to me - like I may be putting myself in danger again... > > > I did talk with my therapist about it, and she said to just remember that I'm a grownup and I can leave when I want to now, and that might be good for me to experience my own power. > > > > > > So- hold good thoughts, please? > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 1, 2011 Report Share Posted July 1, 2011 Thanks for all of the suggestions. I did make a hotel reservation. If they are crazy when I get there, I will just spend the night in the hotel and come home leisurely. Actually, there are lots of things in the area that I've always wanted to do and see- I could happily keep myself amused for a couple of days, so I may spend the whole weekend, not just with them! I do have my own car, keys and cell phone ALWAYS in my pocket- good point about keeping the cell phone well charged. Thanks! I'll let you know how it goes. > > > > So I'm thinking of going to my brother's for the weekend. I have the 3 days off, and he lives about 200 miles away. > > > > The bigger issue is that my nada lives on his property. he built a 1200 sq ft house for her 2 years ago, she and fada moved in. Fada died a month ago, prompting me to do a lot of learning about BPD and NPD, and getting into therapy again > > > > Now I find myself drawn to being there, for 2 reasons. FIrst, I want to observe how I see and interact with my brother at this point. And I want to see how nada is acting these days. > > > > Even as I write this, it sounds " bad " to me - like I may be putting myself in danger again... > > I did talk with my therapist about it, and she said to just remember that I'm a grownup and I can leave when I want to now, and that might be good for me to experience my own power. > > > > So- hold good thoughts, please? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 5, 2011 Report Share Posted July 5, 2011 Hi All! Well, I did go to my brother's, stayed in the hotel Saturday night (and avoided the nada church drama Sunday am) but enjoyed being with my brother. I really wanted to go, now that I know more about BPD and NPD, to see if he's a PD or just reacts to them. If he were a PD, too, that would have been my last ever visit there, but he's not. Somehow, I feel calmer knowing that. Chris > > Thanks for all of the suggestions. I did make a hotel reservation. If they are crazy when I get there, I will just spend the night in the hotel and come home leisurely. Actually, there are lots of things in the area that I've always wanted to do and see- I could happily keep myself amused for a couple of days, so I may spend the whole weekend, not just with them! I do have my own car, keys and cell phone ALWAYS in my pocket- good point about keeping the cell phone well charged. Thanks! I'll let you know how it goes. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 6, 2011 Report Share Posted July 6, 2011 Great! I'm glad the visit with your brother turned out to be pleasant for you and that he isn't a pd person, and you avoided encountering hystrionics on nada's part. High five! -Annie > > > > Thanks for all of the suggestions. I did make a hotel reservation. If they are crazy when I get there, I will just spend the night in the hotel and come home leisurely. Actually, there are lots of things in the area that I've always wanted to do and see- I could happily keep myself amused for a couple of days, so I may spend the whole weekend, not just with them! I do have my own car, keys and cell phone ALWAYS in my pocket- good point about keeping the cell phone well charged. Thanks! I'll let you know how it goes. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.