christmas without narsty nada

December 22, 2011

This is the first Christmas that I can remember being peaceful. Not just because

I have the gift this year of good mental health---I think it is because I have

finally accepted the blessing of having (temporary) no contact with nada.

I've not heard from narsty nada since I decided I was going to call the pitches

as I saw them. I played ump, and as she threw her spitballs AT me, I told her

calmly that she had struck out. Now I am reflecting in the peace and quiet of a

darkened stadium at the end of my last season in Nada's Little League. I've aged

out at a game I really never liked. I am no longer going to play, and I am

enjoying that realization.

At this point, it does not even matter that she is the one who is blocking my

efforts to communicate.

I truly feel at peace. I've only mailed two packages so far, and the rest will

wait until after Christmas (I hid some presents away that I don't seem to be

able to find!) At this time of year, I would really rather go reflective, write

letters, bake cookies and enjoy candlelight in the windows. When we lived in the

northeast US, I loved the winter even more for its ingathering and time of deep

rest.

Last night was a solstice celebration at our spiritual fellowship. I'd never

been to a Solstice celebration before, or wanted to. I kind of thought Solstice

was a politically correct way for non-religious folks to band together. Now I

realize that this is the reason for the season, and long ago, the Christians

decided to add their bit to the mix. Yet the Lord was not born this time of

year!

I really only went last night because friends were performing last night. It was

a beautiful festival of light with no religious references. Just honoring our

human connection to this time of darkness, when the sun was perceived by the

ancients as " standing still. " We had beautiful music and harmony of voices. We

sang along. The night was so free of the extra baggage that I grew up with from

Lutheranism. That is when I really understood, that though I am a Christian, I

don't like that the church decided to celebrate Jesus birth at the wrong time of

year. I'd rather just have this be a reflective time, and honor nature,

frankly.

Lest religious issues be divisive, I'll stop there. I'll take it back to the

reason I posted. This time of year, growing up with grouchy, grinchy nada (with

high ideals to boot), this season was a true hell. I always preferred

Thanksgiving, because of its focus on simply eating a communal meal together.

Perhaps the confusion and high expectations for Christmas we partly because nada

grew up in a household that celebrated two Christmases, in a country where

religious celebrations were banned. When she came to the States in the 50's,

she was already confused about her identity. Trying to be Lutheran AND

Ukrainian, Russian and German, THEN coming to America where we had this kooky

Santa Claus business AND Thanksgiving, I am sure it was just too much for her.

I've come to realize nada also has ADD. At any rate, the holidays always had

the worst of fights in our family and dashed expectation and huge

disappointments.

With the Solstice celebration last night, I suddenly saw clear of all that, to

see essentials. This has always been a time in which I craved introspection and

quiet, uplifting music. And I suddenly got that it is possible for me to enjoy

it my way with my family. I am now glad I am not married to someone who was

raised in the Christian traditions. My husband is a lapsed Baha'i. The second

Christmas season with nada in the background, has given me time to really look

inside my own heart. I'm clearing away the guilt that nada conveyed to me, about

how to celebrate the holiday and forging my own meaning from the season.

To reduce the chance of ugliness and dismay, I may decide not to take any phone

calls from nada (I doubt she will call, actually) until after the New Year. By

that time, perhaps nada's own inner turmoil will have passed.

Grinchy, grouchy nada can wait until Orthodox Christmas, or receive her packages

on January 6th. I am still assembling thoughtful little things for her and my

dad that are light (weight) and homemade. She likes that anyways. I am not

people-pleasing this year, when she could be in a bad mood and throw my present

away. In fact, I may just wait until she calls me and WANTS their presents sent

before I go to the post office to mail it.

I've sent a card to her PO Box. I finally give up on trying to get her to be

normal about her mail. If she wants to drive a half hour for her letters, let

her!

Not having nada at all in this holiday is a blessing this year. I am realizing

I like my own company. This is the best gift nada could have given me. I pray

that she finds peace.

December 22, 2011

Hi V.

Ha !....narsty..!!

Tonight we found out that now my cousin's brother is at the lawyer saying he

was almost the Executor of Uncle Will. Will this ever stop?

I am also so glad.. no sociopath brother.and ma b is is where she wants to

be and IF she wants to call...and my family here and friends together.

Me, now half sane.

Dr. visit today says I must remain careful from some time.

One work day to go and 12 off...to rest.

You wrote very well tonight.

I also found out that cousin's husband has now verified they have letters

uncle gave them years back about nasty dealings re money with my parents

about my step gamma's house when she was ill...and they wanted her out...all

correspondence with uncle to his sister..my mother. More sense is coming

forth. I will ask for these letters as I heal more.

Today I narrowly escaped a near 3 second miss of a feeder spray of gravel at

a construction fix-site downtown across from my work..last week a train/bus

type stalking. My eclectic therapist/friend believes these r manifestations

from Spirit showing me I am protected..a few days ago in the elevator, a

woman that works on my floor was with me. We were casually talking about

this break coming. She then blurted into talk on Spirit and how Perspective

is the answer to our life.which is exactly my study and focus in therapy.

She then went to her desk and promptly gave me a copy of a book she has in

her drawer to keep her on track on how we must choose to live through Spirit

and positive energy..I did not even know her. Synchronicity abounds in my

life and now more than ever. I am blessed.

Take care...it will be a Nada Lite Christmas this year for the first time

and I am good for it. Even my Dr. today agreed.

Best to you,

Bonnie

From: WTOAdultChildren1

[mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of V.S.

Sent: Thursday, December 22, 2011 06:33 PM

To: wtoAdultChildren1

Subject: christmas without " narsty " nada

This is the first Christmas that I can remember being peaceful. Not just

because I have the gift this year of good mental health---I think it is

because I have finally accepted the blessing of having (temporary) no

contact with nada.

I've not heard from narsty nada since I decided I was going to call the

pitches as I saw them. I played ump, and as she threw her spitballs AT me, I

told her calmly that she had struck out. Now I am reflecting in the peace

and quiet of a darkened stadium at the end of my last season in Nada's

Little League. I've aged out at a game I really never liked. I am no longer

going to play, and I am enjoying that realization.

At this point, it does not even matter that she is the one who is blocking

my efforts to communicate.

I truly feel at peace. I've only mailed two packages so far, and the rest

will wait until after Christmas (I hid some presents away that I don't seem

to be able to find!) At this time of year, I would really rather go

reflective, write letters, bake cookies and enjoy candlelight in the

windows. When we lived in the northeast US, I loved the winter even more for

its ingathering and time of deep rest.

Last night was a solstice celebration at our spiritual fellowship. I'd never

been to a Solstice celebration before, or wanted to. I kind of thought

Solstice was a politically correct way for non-religious folks to band

together. Now I realize that this is the reason for the season, and long

ago, the Christians decided to add their bit to the mix. Yet the Lord was

not born this time of year!

I really only went last night because friends were performing last night. It

was a beautiful festival of light with no religious references. Just

honoring our human connection to this time of darkness, when the sun was

perceived by the ancients as " standing still. " We had beautiful music and

harmony of voices. We sang along. The night was so free of the extra baggage

that I grew up with from Lutheranism. That is when I really understood, that

though I am a Christian, I don't like that the church decided to celebrate

Jesus birth at the wrong time of year. I'd rather just have this be a

reflective time, and honor nature, frankly.

Lest religious issues be divisive, I'll stop there. I'll take it back to the

reason I posted. This time of year, growing up with grouchy, grinchy nada

(with high ideals to boot), this season was a true hell. I always preferred

Thanksgiving, because of its focus on simply eating a communal meal

together.

Perhaps the confusion and high expectations for Christmas we partly because

nada grew up in a household that celebrated two Christmases, in a country

where religious celebrations were banned. When she came to the States in the

50's, she was already confused about her identity. Trying to be Lutheran AND

Ukrainian, Russian and German, THEN coming to America where we had this

kooky Santa Claus business AND Thanksgiving, I am sure it was just too much

for her. I've come to realize nada also has ADD. At any rate, the holidays

always had the worst of fights in our family and dashed expectation and huge

disappointments.

With the Solstice celebration last night, I suddenly saw clear of all that,

to see essentials. This has always been a time in which I craved

introspection and quiet, uplifting music. And I suddenly got that it is

possible for me to enjoy it my way with my family. I am now glad I am not

married to someone who was raised in the Christian traditions. My husband is

a lapsed Baha'i. The second Christmas season with nada in the background,

has given me time to really look inside my own heart. I'm clearing away the

guilt that nada conveyed to me, about how to celebrate the holiday and

forging my own meaning from the season.

To reduce the chance of ugliness and dismay, I may decide not to take any

phone calls from nada (I doubt she will call, actually) until after the New

Year. By that time, perhaps nada's own inner turmoil will have passed.

Grinchy, grouchy nada can wait until Orthodox Christmas, or receive her

packages on January 6th. I am still assembling thoughtful little things for

her and my dad that are light (weight) and homemade. She likes that anyways.

I am not people-pleasing this year, when she could be in a bad mood and

throw my present away. In fact, I may just wait until she calls me and WANTS

their presents sent before I go to the post office to mail it.

I've sent a card to her PO Box. I finally give up on trying to get her to be

normal about her mail. If she wants to drive a half hour for her letters,

let her!

Not having nada at all in this holiday is a blessing this year. I am

realizing I like my own company. This is the best gift nada could have given

me. I pray that she finds peace.

December 22, 2011

Thanks for sharing that, . I can feel a sense of peace permeating your

post, which is lovely. I think its kind of cool (no pun intended) to reflect on

how much the great religions of the world have in common, at this time of year.

(Me personally, I am mostly an agnostic, but I think all the great religions of

the world are just different and equally valid Paths to the same ultimate goal,

which is Goodness: to leave the world a better place than it was when we

arrived, if at all possible, even if its just a tiny bit better.)

Here's wishing much peace and goodness to all of us in the coming year.

-Annie

>

> This is the first Christmas that I can remember being peaceful. Not just

because I have the gift this year of good mental health---I think it is because

I have finally accepted the blessing of having (temporary) no contact with

nada.

>

> I've not heard from narsty nada since I decided I was going to call the

pitches as I saw them. I played ump, and as she threw her spitballs AT me, I

told her calmly that she had struck out. Now I am reflecting in the peace and

quiet of a darkened stadium at the end of my last season in Nada's Little

League. I've aged out at a game I really never liked. I am no longer going to

play, and I am enjoying that realization.

>

> At this point, it does not even matter that she is the one who is blocking my

efforts to communicate.

>

> I truly feel at peace. I've only mailed two packages so far, and the rest will

wait until after Christmas (I hid some presents away that I don't seem to be

able to find!) At this time of year, I would really rather go reflective, write

letters, bake cookies and enjoy candlelight in the windows. When we lived in the

northeast US, I loved the winter even more for its ingathering and time of deep

rest.

>

> Last night was a solstice celebration at our spiritual fellowship. I'd never

been to a Solstice celebration before, or wanted to. I kind of thought Solstice

was a politically correct way for non-religious folks to band together. Now I

realize that this is the reason for the season, and long ago, the Christians

decided to add their bit to the mix. Yet the Lord was not born this time of

year!

>

> I really only went last night because friends were performing last night. It

was a beautiful festival of light with no religious references. Just honoring

our human connection to this time of darkness, when the sun was perceived by the

ancients as " standing still. " We had beautiful music and harmony of voices. We

sang along. The night was so free of the extra baggage that I grew up with from

Lutheranism. That is when I really understood, that though I am a Christian, I

don't like that the church decided to celebrate Jesus birth at the wrong time of

year. I'd rather just have this be a reflective time, and honor nature,

frankly.

>

> Lest religious issues be divisive, I'll stop there. I'll take it back to the

reason I posted. This time of year, growing up with grouchy, grinchy nada (with

high ideals to boot), this season was a true hell. I always preferred

Thanksgiving, because of its focus on simply eating a communal meal together.

>

> Perhaps the confusion and high expectations for Christmas we partly because

nada grew up in a household that celebrated two Christmases, in a country where

religious celebrations were banned. When she came to the States in the 50's,

she was already confused about her identity. Trying to be Lutheran AND

Ukrainian, Russian and German, THEN coming to America where we had this kooky

Santa Claus business AND Thanksgiving, I am sure it was just too much for her.

I've come to realize nada also has ADD. At any rate, the holidays always had

the worst of fights in our family and dashed expectation and huge

disappointments.

>

> With the Solstice celebration last night, I suddenly saw clear of all that, to

see essentials. This has always been a time in which I craved introspection and

quiet, uplifting music. And I suddenly got that it is possible for me to enjoy

it my way with my family. I am now glad I am not married to someone who was

raised in the Christian traditions. My husband is a lapsed Baha'i. The second

Christmas season with nada in the background, has given me time to really look

inside my own heart. I'm clearing away the guilt that nada conveyed to me, about

how to celebrate the holiday and forging my own meaning from the season.

>

> To reduce the chance of ugliness and dismay, I may decide not to take any

phone calls from nada (I doubt she will call, actually) until after the New

Year. By that time, perhaps nada's own inner turmoil will have passed.

>

> Grinchy, grouchy nada can wait until Orthodox Christmas, or receive her

packages on January 6th. I am still assembling thoughtful little things for her

and my dad that are light (weight) and homemade. She likes that anyways. I am

not people-pleasing this year, when she could be in a bad mood and throw my

present away. In fact, I may just wait until she calls me and WANTS their

presents sent before I go to the post office to mail it.

>

> I've sent a card to her PO Box. I finally give up on trying to get her to

be normal about her mail. If she wants to drive a half hour for her letters, let

her!

>

> Not having nada at all in this holiday is a blessing this year. I am

realizing I like my own company. This is the best gift nada could have given me.

I pray that she finds peace.

>

December 23, 2011

Hi ,

I'm so happy for you that you have peace this time of year. That you are

free...that you can spend time refelecting and doing the things that are

comforting to you.

I too am not seeing my Nada (and poor Dad because he has to be where she is)

this year and it is wonderful. In all of my years there have been very few

years where she has not been here the day. This IS the first year we will not

be seeing my parents at all at some point during the holiday. We mailed our

gifts to one another.

I talked to Nada yesterday (I have been calling once a month or this month...2

times.)and it was a downer. A real reminder of why I need to go back to once a

month. She was complaining about how she has not received many Christmas cards.

She feels that the ones she has received were only because the person she

received them from had received hers first and that they sent her one at the

last minute. What???? I think that is crazy. Every topic went on with

underlying negativity. My Mom is so good at that.

I like your term....Narsty Nada....that is my Mom.

Have a Blessed day,