Merry Christmas! By the way you might have a brother!

[Guest guest]

So I'm having an unusually pleasant conversation with my momster (which should

have been my first clue something would go wrong) we are speaking about my

father as it's his birthday (they have not been together for many years) and my

momster casually mentions that he may have fathered a child that he never

admitted to before I was born. So I start to try to decipher if this is one of

her bs things or not and I start to get frustrated as I can't get a straight

answer out her and she gets mad at me and exclaims " God, everything is not about

you! "

Nope certainly doesn't effect me that I might have a brother or that you are

just trying to screw with my head.

[Guest guest]

Isn't it ironic how one of the very hallmarks of BPD is that it all has to be

ALL ABOUT THEM, but it is one of their favorite accusations to hurl at us? Ugh.

>

> So I'm having an unusually pleasant conversation with my momster (which should

have been my first clue something would go wrong) we are speaking about my

father as it's his birthday (they have not been together for many years) and my

momster casually mentions that he may have fathered a child that he never

admitted to before I was born. So I start to try to decipher if this is one of

her bs things or not and I start to get frustrated as I can't get a straight

answer out her and she gets mad at me and exclaims " God, everything is not about

you! "

>

> Nope certainly doesn't effect me that I might have a brother or that you are

just trying to screw with my head.

>

[Guest guest]

One memory that surfaced lately is how my nada used to insist I was 'hysterical'

or 'throwing a fit'. Especially at times I attempted to defend against her

abuse. This stuff would be hurled at me even though I pretty much never even

raised my voice at her.

ChhC

> >

> > So I'm having an unusually pleasant conversation with my momster (which

should have been my first clue something would go wrong) we are speaking about

my father as it's his birthday (they have not been together for many years) and

my momster casually mentions that he may have fathered a child that he never

admitted to before I was born. So I start to try to decipher if this is one of

her bs things or not and I start to get frustrated as I can't get a straight

answer out her and she gets mad at me and exclaims " God, everything is not about

you! "

> >

> > Nope certainly doesn't effect me that I might have a brother or that you are

just trying to screw with my head.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Each of us has to figure out what works for us, individually, but I discovered a

long time ago that I needed to not discuss anything that was close to my heart

with my nada; she would invariably find some way to hurt me with any real,

personal, emotionally important information I shared with her.

It took me most of my lifetime to really acknowledge and accept that it was only

safe for me to have a rather superficial relationship with my own mother.

-Annie

>

> So I'm having an unusually pleasant conversation with my momster (which should

have been my first clue something would go wrong) we are speaking about my

father as it's his birthday (they have not been together for many years) and my

momster casually mentions that he may have fathered a child that he never

admitted to before I was born. So I start to try to decipher if this is one of

her bs things or not and I start to get frustrated as I can't get a straight

answer out her and she gets mad at me and exclaims " God, everything is not about

you! "

>

> Nope certainly doesn't effect me that I might have a brother or that you are

just trying to screw with my head.

>

[Guest guest]

It certainly was a hallmark trait/behavior of my nada, to project her own

unwanted, negative feelings and behaviors onto Sister and me. Sister and I can

joke now with each other, about our " middle names. " For example, I pretended to

be meeting my Sister for the first time, and said to her, " Hello, there, " Liar " .

Pleased to meet you; my name is " Ingrate. "

-Annie

> >

> > So I'm having an unusually pleasant conversation with my momster (which

should have been my first clue something would go wrong) we are speaking about

my father as it's his birthday (they have not been together for many years) and

my momster casually mentions that he may have fathered a child that he never

admitted to before I was born. So I start to try to decipher if this is one of

her bs things or not and I start to get frustrated as I can't get a straight

answer out her and she gets mad at me and exclaims " God, everything is not about

you! "

> >

> > Nope certainly doesn't effect me that I might have a brother or that you are

just trying to screw with my head.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Oh my, what a screwball thing for her to bring up. Of course it would have a

huge impact on you. Silly nada.

>

> So I'm having an unusually pleasant conversation with my momster (which should

have been my first clue something would go wrong) we are speaking about my

father as it's his birthday (they have not been together for many years) and my

momster casually mentions that he may have fathered a child that he never

admitted to before I was born. So I start to try to decipher if this is one of

her bs things or not and I start to get frustrated as I can't get a straight

answer out her and she gets mad at me and exclaims " God, everything is not about

you! "

>

> Nope certainly doesn't effect me that I might have a brother or that you are

just trying to screw with my head.

>

[Guest guest]

Annie

I could have written this reply, word for word. I even told my late husband one

time, that it was not a matter of IF anything told to nada in confidence would

ever be used against you, but WHEN.

Carla

> >

> > So I'm having an unusually pleasant conversation with my momster (which

should have been my first clue something would go wrong) we are speaking about

my father as it's his birthday (they have not been together for many years) and

my momster casually mentions that he may have fathered a child that he never

admitted to before I was born. So I start to try to decipher if this is one of

her bs things or not and I start to get frustrated as I can't get a straight

answer out her and she gets mad at me and exclaims " God, everything is not about

you! "

> >

> > Nope certainly doesn't effect me that I might have a brother or that you are

just trying to screw with my head.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

My snarky self would love to tell your nada, " So, you don't mean for this to be

about me, eh? Then why in God's name did you decide to pop it out at me then?

Go tell someone your own age about your adult problems! "

[Guest guest]

Thanks for your replies. I'm spending x-mas alone this year rather than be with

her just to be with someone. I wish anyone else that has to go through this much

strength.

>

> My snarky self would love to tell your nada, " So, you don't mean for this to

be about me, eh? Then why in God's name did you decide to pop it out at me

then? Go tell someone your own age about your adult problems! "

>

>

[Guest guest]

I more or less came to this conclusion in the latter years too. (now she had

dementia and remembers nothing I tell her half an hour after I say it.)

Interestingly, I am part of an online group of women friends, some of whom have

met, and recently I've realized that one of them also uses things in this way,

and I guess because of my history I am now uncomfortable sharing much of

anything that's really personal with them.

She will bring up things that are bad and best forgotten, almost as if she takes

glee in reminding the others of them (and not just me - she does this to the

entire group) and I was lectured for three days last week about something she

thought I was going to do that I wasn't. I hadn't even said it, it all stemmed

from a joking post on my FB wall saying I was getting a pit bull and one of the

others asking if we were really getting a dog. I had never even replied yet when

the woman who reminds me increasingly of Nada started in on me about my

stupidity.....Wow!

So superficial with these type people really works best. It's safe. (and before

you ask, I like many of the others, so leaving the group isn't an option)

Something else I learned with Nada was never tell her something I was going to

do for my career or as a project because she would always find a way to

undermine it. Always. Even if it was just a faked illness at the moment I needed

to be somewhere else doing something else.

Sad, really.

Hmm, I've hijacked your thread. Sorry 'bout that.

Em

> Each of us has to figure out what works for us, individually, but I discovered

a long time ago that I needed to not discuss anything that was close to my heart

with my nada; she would invariably find some way to hurt me with any real,

personal, emotionally important information I shared with her.

>

> It took me most of my lifetime to really acknowledge and accept that it was

only safe for me to have a rather superficial relationship with my own mother.

>

> -Annie