Guest guest Posted December 23, 2011 Report Share Posted December 23, 2011 For many years I have been in and out of therapy - mostly in conjunction with my nada. I read books, I practice LC, NC and boundaries, I read more books and love what all of you share. BUT, today I sit here and I am tired of being related to her, I am tired of therapy and tired of peeling the layers of the onion to realize how totally and irrevocably messed up most of my life within my family has been. I am sick of BPDs and the destruction they cause. I am completing my Masters in Counselling Psychology and I was speaking with one of my professors last summer about whether or not he had ever worked with BPDs. He said he refuses to based on past experience and he said to be quite honest, there are other areas where he chooses to practice and he has found BPDs to be " life's assholes. " LOL I liked his honesty. I know I have been in this space of " tiredness " before and I know that I stop and pause and soldier on. I think because it is Christmas and I am choosing to be alone I have time to meditate on whether I wil ever transcend my legacy of abuse. One of my therapiss once referred to it as transforming the past because it cannot be rewritten. I like that better but it doesn't change how I feel today. The dysfunction gets to me sometimes. I think I may put down my books for today and try and go for a walk in the woods. Koko Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2011 Report Share Posted December 23, 2011 I'm so tired too Koko. I hope your walk in the woods in healing for you - I find it often so. The trees and the animals know and care nothing for all this human drama. I like looking at trees that are very old and knowing they were here before me and likely may be after me and all of this drama becomes so small. Yesterday a member of my FOO pushed me too far and I snapped and lashed out at her which is rare thing for me. She deserved it richly, but it feels like failure because losing emotional control around them ultimately never leads to good for me or any real change on their part. I too wish to not be connected to all this craziness or to fear that any part of it is in me. Eliza > > For many years I have been in and out of therapy - mostly in conjunction with my nada. I read books, I practice LC, NC and boundaries, I read more books and love what all of you share. > > BUT, today I sit here and I am tired of being related to her, I am tired of therapy and tired of peeling the layers of the onion to realize how totally and irrevocably messed up most of my life within my family has been. > > I am sick of BPDs and the destruction they cause. I am completing my Masters in Counselling Psychology and I was speaking with one of my professors last summer about whether or not he had ever worked with BPDs. He said he refuses to based on past experience and he said to be quite honest, there are other areas where he chooses to practice and he has found BPDs to be " life's assholes. " LOL I liked his honesty. > > I know I have been in this space of " tiredness " before and I know that I stop and pause and soldier on. I think because it is Christmas and I am choosing to be alone I have time to meditate on whether I wil ever transcend my legacy of abuse. One of my therapiss once referred to it as transforming the past because it cannot be rewritten. I like that better but it doesn't change how I feel today. The dysfunction gets to me sometimes. > > I think I may put down my books for today and try and go for a walk in the woods. > > Koko > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2011 Report Share Posted December 23, 2011 Hi, Might I recommend another book? Legacy of the Heart, by Wayne Muller. I, too, have been in that " too tired of it all " space- then I saw a new therapist briefly this past summer. At the end of my first visit she told me to read about adult children of alcoholics, of BPD, of NPD- and come back in 2 weeks. Two weeks later I said, " yeah, that's them. All of it. How do I move on? " Then she handed me a copy of Legacy and had me read aloud a passage she'd marked. That's when my real healing began. Before that, it was mostly intellectual " understanding. " Around that same time I began LENS neurotherapy, and got my brain back. I've been much happier since then! Chris > > For many years I have been in and out of therapy - mostly in conjunction with my nada. I read books, I practice LC, NC and boundaries, I read more books and love what all of you share. > > BUT, today I sit here and I am tired of being related to her, I am tired of therapy and tired of peeling the layers of the onion to realize how totally and irrevocably messed up most of my life within my family has been. > > I am sick of BPDs and the destruction they cause. I am completing my Masters in Counselling Psychology and I was speaking with one of my professors last summer about whether or not he had ever worked with BPDs. He said he refuses to based on past experience and he said to be quite honest, there are other areas where he chooses to practice and he has found BPDs to be " life's assholes. " LOL I liked his honesty. > > I know I have been in this space of " tiredness " before and I know that I stop and pause and soldier on. I think because it is Christmas and I am choosing to be alone I have time to meditate on whether I wil ever transcend my legacy of abuse. One of my therapiss once referred to it as transforming the past because it cannot be rewritten. I like that better but it doesn't change how I feel today. The dysfunction gets to me sometimes. > > I think I may put down my books for today and try and go for a walk in the woods. > > Koko > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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