Guest guest Posted December 27, 2011 Report Share Posted December 27, 2011 i am surrounded by kids, my husband and nice friends. i dont get together with friends often because i have 5 kids and im exhausted. i beat myself up for feeling isolated. my extended family are nowhere around and unavailable. i know i am continuing the work of my mother's isolation of me when i needed people around. i hate that i feel this way. holidays are so hard...everyone seems to have family and friends surrounding them. i have so much, yet am intensely sad. amy barrycove@... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 27, 2011 Report Share Posted December 27, 2011 Amy - I am very sorry & feel your pain. I often use isolation to distance myself from pain, hurts & basically just feeling anything. I want you to know that even in your isolation you can reach out to God. He will be there if you let Him. The holidays are hard for me, too. I feel estranged from my entire family because of this dreadful disease. My mom & her twin brother both have it (not diagnosed officially because they think there is nothing wrong with them) so we are not able to get together as a family. I have 2 boys of my own, but still deep inside there is often loneliness & a sense of disconnect all spurned from this disease I have dealth with all these years from my mom. I had to really lean on the Lord to get me through the holidays. Nothing makes you doubt or sink into sadness like isolation can do. Just know you are not alone. Angie > > i am surrounded by kids, my husband and nice friends. i dont get together with friends often because i have 5 kids and im exhausted. i beat myself up for feeling isolated. my extended family are nowhere around and unavailable. > > > i know i am continuing the work of my mother's isolation of me when i needed people around. > > > i hate that i feel this way. holidays are so hard...everyone seems to have family and friends surrounding them. i have so much, yet am intensely sad. > > > amy > > > barrycove@... > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 27, 2011 Report Share Posted December 27, 2011 I'm sorry you are sad too - these holidays have been extremely hard on me too. I think there's nothing like the holidays shoving their idealized version of family happiness in your face to bring your wounds up to the surface. I know you have good things in your life and I have some too but that doesn't change the pain we still need to heal. Be gentle with yourself and know after new year's things will ease up. Eliza > > i am surrounded by kids, my husband and nice friends. i dont get together with friends often because i have 5 kids and im exhausted. i beat myself up for feeling isolated. my extended family are nowhere around and unavailable. > > > i know i am continuing the work of my mother's isolation of me when i needed people around. > > > i hate that i feel this way. holidays are so hard...everyone seems to have family and friends surrounding them. i have so much, yet am intensely sad. > > > amy > > > barrycove@... > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 27, 2011 Report Share Posted December 27, 2011 I understand. I have a lot of kids, too! One thing I have been doing this year is taking an active role in making my own social life. When you just wait around for a time when you're not too busy or tired, it will never happen ;-) I decided to start emailing ALL of the friends I like to hang out with to try to put together a ladies' night every 2 weeks. That way at least one other person will usually be able to come, sometimes 5 or 6, and I get some social interaction! My DH is very supportive of this and enjoys playing video games after he puts the kids to bed. What can you do to give yourself a regular time to socialize? Another option is having a regular playdate with friends who have kids. I used to get together with some ladies once a week, and we'd take turns hosting. You're still " on " as mom, but at least get to visit with other adults. I really am sorry to hear you are feeling isolated and depressed. Making time to take care of yourself really will help. Do you have a T to talk to? That was very helpful for me, too. Sveta > > i am surrounded by kids, my husband and nice friends. i dont get together with friends often because i have 5 kids and im exhausted. i beat myself up for feeling isolated. my extended family are nowhere around and unavailable. > > > i know i am continuing the work of my mother's isolation of me when i needed people around. > > > i hate that i feel this way. holidays are so hard...everyone seems to have family and friends surrounding them. i have so much, yet am intensely sad. > > > amy > > > barrycove@... > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 28, 2011 Report Share Posted December 28, 2011 Thank you everyone for your suggestions and hugs. This time of year always gets to me...I'm trying to undo the feelings attached to them. When I dated the man I loved in my twenties...my mother violently hated him for no reason and forbid me to come to my family's holiday tables. Thanksgiving, all the holidays associated with my religion were all spent alone for 7 years. I spent them with my boyfriend, but because of the extreme isolation from my family, even though I was with my man, I was miserable. So now, 30 years later, I am happily married, 5 kids, I still talk to my ex (he is married and we have a great, sincere friendship)...and I feel isolated. I haven't made holiday plans in years...I kind of freeze around the holidays. Go numb. I get through them instead of living them. Am I looking through holidays windows or does most of the world feel odd at these times when " family and friends " seem to be everything? My family gets together in small bunches, never all together...I feel the loss and the void...especially when I hear my friends having large groups of family over. I need to get over myself and this already and be happier!!!! Amy barrycove@... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 28, 2011 Report Share Posted December 28, 2011 Amy, I think the cultural promotion of the idea of everyone having lots of family and friends over for the holidays causes many people to end up feeling alone and odd when they don't live up to the media portrayals. There's nothing wrong or unusual about spending holidays with your spouse and children. I do know people who have large groups over for a holiday meal, but I know more people who have dinner with their immediate family or a few friends rather than sharing with a large group. I've gone to large family gatherings mostly featuring my various step-relatives. They're mostly nice people and I enjoy their company, but the big gatherings tend to be a hassle that involves lots of rushing around and having too many people in too little space. If there's a football game on, I can end up feeling alone in the midst of it all. Somehow I always end up feeling exhausted afterward and often end up with a headache by the time all is said and done. Having dinner with just my sister this Christmas was much calmer and quite enjoyable. If you want to do something that involves more people, one possibility is volunteering. In my experience, most areas have at least a couple organizations that serve holiday meals to the poor, elderly, homeless, veterans, etc. Getting involved in something like that can be very satisfying and can lead to long-term friendships. It can also stop you from thinking about feeling lonely. At 08:22 AM 12/28/2011 barrycove@... wrote: >Thank you everyone for your suggestions and hugs. This time of >year always gets to me...I'm trying to undo the feelings >attached to them. > > >When I dated the man I loved in my twenties...my mother >violently hated him for no reason and forbid me to come to my >family's holiday tables. Thanksgiving, all the holidays >associated with my religion were all spent alone for 7 years. I >spent them with my boyfriend, but because of the extreme >isolation from my family, even though I was with my man, I was >miserable. > > >So now, 30 years later, I am happily married, 5 kids, I still >talk to my ex (he is married and we have a great, sincere >friendship)...and I feel isolated. > > >I haven't made holiday plans in years...I kind of freeze around >the holidays. Go numb. I get through them instead of living >them. Am I looking through holidays windows or does most of the >world feel odd at these times when " family and friends " seem to >be everything? > > >My family gets together in small bunches, never all >together...I feel the loss and the void...especially when I >hear my friends having large groups of family over. I need to >get over myself and this already and be happier!!!! > > >Amy > -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 28, 2011 Report Share Posted December 28, 2011 I agree with Katrine that the media hype makes us all think we have to be with others. I am allowing myself to accept right now that I need to cocoon and allow myself to feel my feelings. I lead a crazy busy life with work and school and I have some time off right now where lots of stuff is " bubbling to the surface. I have spent too many years being told what to feel or that I was wrong or crazy for feeling them. So when the holidays come and I need to sit and bawl my eyes out over stuff I haven't had time to process, I allow it. I trust myself that when i am ready to, I will give a friend a call and maybe we will go skiing or a walk but pushing myself too hard makes me sick. I understand the feelings of isolation - I have kind of accepted that this is how I will always feel based on the psychotic upbringing I and others here have had. I have a very good friend who understands PD whom Italk to but for the most part most people I know are not really understanding of PDs. Nada phoned me the other day and asked what I had been doing - I told her that I was having some quiet time to myself and her response was " well you won't meet a man sitting at home! " I actually laughed at her and said that she will never change and did not buy into her barbed comment. I figured this was HUGE recovery for me. Sometimes the shit thayt comes out of her mouth is SOOO ridiculous or outrageous, I find it hilarious. A good sense of humour is what keeps me sane. > >Thank you everyone for your suggestions and hugs. This time of > >year always gets to me...I'm trying to undo the feelings > >attached to them. > > > > > >When I dated the man I loved in my twenties...my mother > >violently hated him for no reason and forbid me to come to my > >family's holiday tables. Thanksgiving, all the holidays > >associated with my religion were all spent alone for 7 years. I > >spent them with my boyfriend, but because of the extreme > >isolation from my family, even though I was with my man, I was > >miserable. > > > > > >So now, 30 years later, I am happily married, 5 kids, I still > >talk to my ex (he is married and we have a great, sincere > >friendship)...and I feel isolated. > > > > > >I haven't made holiday plans in years...I kind of freeze around > >the holidays. Go numb. I get through them instead of living > >them. Am I looking through holidays windows or does most of the > >world feel odd at these times when " family and friends " seem to > >be everything? > > > > > >My family gets together in small bunches, never all > >together...I feel the loss and the void...especially when I > >hear my friends having large groups of family over. I need to > >get over myself and this already and be happier!!!! > > > > > >Amy > > > > -- > Katrina > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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